Jump to content

smuggs

Certifiably Surly
  • Posts

    3762
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by smuggs

  1. Shortly after the birth of our first daughter, my wife's friend and her husband from Colorado flew in to visit us and "see the baby". My wife and I were in zombie-mode, getting zero sleep while taking shifts with an infant all night. That didn't stop our guests from spending the whole weekend on our back deck boozing, smoking weed and rolling out of bed at 11am. At one point during the visit, homeboy spots a daddy long legs on our porch and promptly lets us know that daddy long legs are the most venomous spider on the planet but alas - their fangs are too small to inject that ultra deadly venom. I told him that was the dumbest old wives' tale in existence, not to mention the particular creature we were observing was not even a true spider. He put up a half-assed stoner argument but obviously couldn't produce any specific details to prove his point. Anyway - the night before they were to fly home a breaking NBC News alert pops up on TV, and then President Obama tells us that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Before Obama even continued on with his next sentence, both Cheech and Chong immediately start in with "Lol, what a load of bullshit. He's a liar. No fucking way Bin Laden is dead." I couldn't believe the speed at which these two imbeciles heard that first statement, processed and then straight-faced determined it to be some kind of grand hoax. I asked them if they were serious, to be sure, and they said yes. So I said, "that's even dumber than the world's most venomous spider bullshit." They wound up getting divorced a few years later so that was the last time I ever saw the husband. I've only seen her friend a handful of times since and she doesn't really talk to me beyond pleasantries. And as far as I know Osama Bin Laden hasn't been spotted grabbing Starbucks anywhere.
  2. Ok I can work with this.
  3. "Emotional Runaway Brisket" probably needs to be fleshed-out with some lyrics.
  4. I thought they were a football team from Minneapolis.
  5. There are 304 uses of the word "like" in that transcript. Mind-numbing for even Jeff Spicoli to read...
  6. smuggs

    First 2 hours of MTV

    We didn’t get cable in hour house until 1989 so besides consuming hours of MTV while staying at friends houses, my main source of music videos throughout the 80’s was via Friday Night Videos.
  7. I smell an OnlyFans page in the oven. "My Fucking Pillow".
  8. smuggs

    First 2 hours of MTV

    Liquid Television FTW.
  9. Can Vinny Testaverde pass a physical?
  10. After more than 30 years in the workforce I can state this as fact, with confidence: People of all races treat the office shitter differently than the shitter in their own home.
  11. Folks that are hauling junked/scrapped vehicles down the interstate (to Mexico I guess?) in 100% laughably dangerous Beverly Hillbillies caravans. I live on I-10 and I see them daily. Toyota 4Runners pulling 3-4 junked Toyota Tacomas that are daisy chained ass-to-mouth rolling down I-10. Yesterday between Baton Rouge and Lake Charles there was a 20ft box truck that was in a serious bind, towing a rollback truck with an old Silverado strapped on the deck, with a fucking Sea-Doo strapped down and half hanging out of the bed of the Silverado. How is this legal? It was a Final Destination scene waiting to happen.
  12. Whatever setup you decide, include a set of TRX straps and an anchor. 50+ exercises using only leverage and your own body weight.
  13. Counterpoint: You'll get more frequent table visits from Wilhelmina, Queen of Beer Wenches.
  14. We’re putting sack on OU’s face, second year in a row. Fuck those taints.
  15. This same defensive scheme was employed by Meth Golfer.
  16. I often have this exchange with myself while looking in the mirror on game days.
  17. Take me down to the Carl’s Jr. quickly Where the titties are large and the burgers are aplenty!
×
×
  • Create New...