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RDCanecutter

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by RDCanecutter

  1. My Texas existence was mainly in cities up and down I-35, and I somehow avoided learning about the depths of Aggy weirdness. Until I worked there. The day after I finished that contract, I was in Mexico, trying to heal a shattered mind.
  2. The state of Texas is a beautiful woman that you fall in love with, then you wake up next to her, and she rolls over and the back of her head has this hideous attached fetal twin, and it's alive and spitting blood, pus, piss, the runny shits, and jism all at the same time while clacking its stunted limbs like a crab, and on one grotesquely misshapen finger you see a ring. An Aggy ring. "Don't mind him, hon," she purrs, "that's just Aggy."
  3. Geezer Radio is deeply concerned about protestors blocking bridges. Only mention of Trump's trial is that one end of the Brooklyn Bridge is not too far from the courthouse.
  4. Captain Kangaroo had chunks in his stool better than DJT.
  5. DROOLS LIKE A DOG. SAD.
  6. Those All-Caps All-Nighters don't come for free.
  7. ^^^Exhibit A in my case that Surly Talks, Surly Don't Grift. I am not a lawyer but when I put own this heah gumbo accent, Y'Honah, ain't nuddin a jury gonholaginmenohow. HYAH.
  8. That would add to the attraction for random drunk sailors on payday.
  9. My friend was part of a three-man operation. Dealer: has the never-ending patter, keeps the cards going. Muscle: stands off to the side, comes in if needed. Shill (my buddy): pretends to play, "wins" some money, whispers to drunk sailors that he noticed that one card has a bent corner. Works like a vacuum cleaner for money.
  10. So all those potential jurors can get paid pimp-rolls of jury duty money.
  11. That's some Art Bell/Alex Jones shit from way back.
  12. "People get greedy, they get stupid" --my buddy who used to help run a 3-card Monte game.
  13. Reminds me of one time I took an outer ring road around the Atlanta metro. It was the same pie-slice of suburbia on repeat every 5 miles, Bed Bath and Beyond and all the chains flashing past like the repeating background when the Flintstones drive somewhere. Art colony. But then you've got artists.
  14. If you throw in a Dairy Queen it actually sounds like a fulfilling life. Too bad these voices in my head hold me back from it.
  15. Seeing as how it's been 8 years of "we oughta do x y z to grift them," with no actual grift, I'd say nobody on here is that person.
  16. That smell is just fear leaving the body. And maybe cadaverine and putrescine.
  17. My theory is that in the past 20 years 49 other states have been sending their crueler inhabitants to Texas. So no matter what the locals do, there's always another dollop of assholes moving in, buying hats and lone star decor. Howdy you guyss.
  18. Instead of imitation boot camps, they could swing by a recruiter and find out about a real one. If they've got bone spurs or some other condition, they could still volunteer for Civil Air Patrol or similar, make themselves useful.
  19. We laugh, but that ol' boy is the one you want by your side when Santa Anna's lancers come galloping up on the flank. Y'all just load em and pass em up to the palisade, he'll do the rest. Not his fault the world changed.
  20. Well, you can stop them, but they'll start back up the minute you turn your back.
  21. Have a heart; they probably spent most of their lives being useful members of society instead of futzing around as psychotic narcissistic picture-drawers.
  22. She's not leaving her favorite stool at the Holiday Inn bar because it's always karaoke night. Hold up, time to get on stage and talk-sing "Delta Dawn."
  23. Cyrus isn't walking through that door.
  24. by contrast, I have a vague memory of being given a 50-cent piece by my Grandmother, who was very coin-savvy, and being told it was special and to hang onto it. Maybe a Franklin or something? So of course I pedaled down to Mr. Griffin's store and busted it up for comic books and candy. He asked me if I really wanted to spend it, sure I did, so he took it but kept it in the register until my Mom was in there later, and he swapped it back to her. I was judged Non Compos Mentis by Gramama and she waited almost ten years before she gave me another vintage coin, a silver dollar. I still have it.
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