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Posted
40 minutes ago, TexasHooch said:

You mean I'm not the only dude with a child who is a high functioning slug?  

I'm a firm believer in the idea of "let them fail".  I'm also, however, super shitty at actually doing it in reality.  My 14 year old son lobbied us and his school to let him skip straight from just completed Algebra 2 to Calculus next year- skipping PreCal.  The school agreed, contingent on his ability to score an 85 or better on the PreCal final before the start of the school year.  For our part, we enrolled him in a self paced online class.

Kid has been seriously dragging ass all summer.  Moving forward, but very slowly.  I'd say the ratio of video game/ TV time to coursework has been about 30:1. We're now about a week away from the test, and he's showing zero urgency to finish the class and start preparing for the test, for which he's been given study material. He says he's fine and doesn't need my help.

I know what I'm supposed to do- Let him fail, and make him pay me back.  Should be easy. After all,  I didn't want this for him.  He did.  So it's really skin off my back.  In reality though, I can't help myself and am constantly giving him shit about it.  

When it's all said and done, kid is probably going to cram for two days and ace the test.  But it pisses me off, because his approach has been shit.

maybe we all should start a "Helicopter Parenting Support Group: Fuck 'dem Kids" thread.

 

I know I could use the catharsis of typing out some of the angst created by watching them step in shit.

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

maybe we all should start a "Helicopter Parenting Support Group: Fuck 'dem Kids" thread.

 

I know I could use the catharsis of typing out some of the angst created by watching them step in shit.

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Posted
1 hour ago, TexasHooch said:

You mean I'm not the only dude with a child who is a high functioning slug?  

I'm a firm believer in the idea of "let them fail".  I'm also, however, super shitty at actually doing it in reality.  My 14 year old son lobbied us and his school to let him skip straight from just completed Algebra 2 to Calculus next year- skipping PreCal.  The school agreed, contingent on his ability to score an 85 or better on the PreCal final before the start of the school year.  For our part, we enrolled him in a self paced online class.

Kid has been seriously dragging ass all summer.  Moving forward, but very slowly.  I'd say the ratio of video game/ TV time to coursework has been about 30:1. We're now about a week away from the test, and he's showing zero urgency to finish the class and start preparing for the test, for which he's been given study material. He says he's fine and doesn't need my help.

I know what I'm supposed to do- Let him fail, and make him pay me back.  Should be easy. After all,  I didn't want this for him.  He did.  So it's really skin off my back.  In reality though, I can't help myself and am constantly giving him shit about it.  

When it's all said and done, kid is probably going to cram for two days and ace the test.  But it pisses me off, because his approach has been shit.

Has he expressed an interest in getting a job? Kids like that benefit a lot from working for money. 
 

Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Has he expressed an interest in getting a job? Kids like that benefit a lot from working for money. 
 

Yes, very much so- but at 14 there aren't a ton of options.  He already mows lawns, and just got hired to work the state fair at the end of the month.  He's also applied to Chick-fil-a but no luck yet.  He's also involved in a lot of sports, extracurriculars, volunteers as a coach in a Special Hockey League, and is an officer in Civil Air Patrol (think community based JROTC). Add to all of that, he's never gotten so much as an A-minus ever.  

Bottom line is that he, like many of us, thrives on structure and pressure but turns to mush when there's a lull.  

 

Edit: OK, I'm going to leave all of that, but I just re-read it and have achieved some self awareness. Kid's fucking amazing.  He stays his ass busy all year and is enjoying some very rare idle time.  What did you say again about the helicopter's anonymous support group?  Jesus, I need to slow my role.

Edited by TexasHooch
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Posted

don't forget- it's OK for a kid to get to be a kid.

I know the thread title, but that's a lot of stuff for a kid, whether we think it is or not.

 

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Posted
1 hour ago, TexasHooch said:

Yes, very much so- but at 14 there aren't a ton of options.  He already mows lawns, and just got hired to work the state fair at the end of the month.  He's also applied to Chick-fil-a but no luck yet.  He's also involved in a lot of sports, extracurriculars, volunteers as a coach in a Special Hockey League, and is an officer in Civil Air Patrol (think community based JROTC). Add to all of that, he's never gotten so much as an A-minus ever.  

Bottom line is that he, like many of us, thrives on structure and pressure but turns to mush when there's a lull.  

Edit: OK, I'm going to leave all of that, but I just re-read it and have achieved some self awareness. Kid's fucking amazing.  He stays his ass busy all year and is enjoying some very rare idle time.  What did you say again about the helicopter's anonymous support group?  Jesus, I need to slow my role.

Agreed. That's impressive at 16 or 17. It's amazing at 14. Up here, we need permission from schools and parents to have someone younger than 16 employed at a place like Chick-fil-a. My daughter did that and quickly found out she was one of only a couple of school-aged coworkers at a local restaurant who pulled their weight. Now she's an apprentice at a major company and finding the same thing relative to her fellow students. At least a few of her friends still haven't worked. 

Doesn't quite follow through the same way at home, but we're a little more accepting of that because she's built a decent little savings account for school. She's done great stuff, but your son is doing more. Worth being proud of, and probably deserving of a little mush time on his end, I'd venture.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Hayduke said:

Up here, we need permission from schools and parents to have someone younger than 16 employed at a place like Chick-fil-a

What? That’s crazy. My girls started work at 14, worked through high school and continued into college. 
In addition to being good for them, it also contributed to where they got into college, helped them get other jobs, etc. it’s a huge leg up.

Edited by Bozo_Casanova
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Posted

Yep. But y'all are in Texas. A little more laissez-faire.  Up here, they just want to be sure everyone is in agreement -- school knows what's going on, parents OK with it.

Of course, nobody on the dairy farms pays any attention.

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Posted (edited)

The fact that school hasn’t started and kids are still lazy shouldn’t be overlooked. This happened every year for 12 years and while senior year starts with college applications it’s still the summer. 

anyhoo, my boy goes to his other mom’s today but you know what, he called me to tell me his band directors pulled him aside to check on him. You know what else? They said the same shit I did.  He responded to them, called me, told me I was right and then we hopped on to a school apps discussion at his choice and we sent out some emails, did some social media follows.

We chose not to visit before acceptance bc he’s very prone to falling in love with a place and that seems like a bad idea with schools like Cal, UC Santa Barbara, and UCLA on his list. So emails, social follows and some info sessions seem like the right way to “show interest”.

we also worked on choice of major (he’s all over the map). we are probably going to be a little scattered down the stretch but I think he’s going to be fine. He even looked at some of the short answer questions and he feels good about his likely answers.

gotta get on the housing apps this week too fucking A. 

Edited by troph
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Posted
7 minutes ago, troph said:

he called me to tell me his band directors pulled him aside to check on him. You know what else? They said the same shit I did.

Randy Floyd! Before next fall, you’re in need of a serious attitude adjustment, young man. You better get your priorities straight. 

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Posted
10 minutes ago, Iceman said:

I never got a "Dad you were right!"  like a really legit one, until they were in their 20's LOL.

 

Bravo!!!

Thank you!
 

The hardest part about this summer has been the total change from his SOP. He tells me I’m right all the time, heck he put me down as the person that most inspired him when the question was who in the band inspired you to be a leader. He said no one in the band inspired me but my mom inspires me. To go from that to “stop talking” even if only for a few months has been startling to say the least. 

anyway, I know this has gotten off the beaten path from the core app process but we all need to chill the fuck out, school doesn’t even start for 9-10 more days for most of us. 

Stressed Season 1 GIF by Friends

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Posted
32 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Randy Floyd! Before next fall, you’re in need of a serious attitude adjustment, young man. You better get your priorities straight. 

I seen that crowd your runnin with, Don't THINK I haven't noticed!

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Posted

I wish I had some of the problems you all have with our youngest. She is the polar opposite of her sister. We sat down tonight to talk about a plan for the application process and I should have just kicked myself in the nuts for an hour. I might have felt better at the end. I think we have a tentative list of colleges to research, we’ll see if she follows through with it. We’re also going to meet with an admissions counselor because she doesn’t want to work with the school ones. Some progress is better than none I suppose.

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Posted

My kids' school has a week long camp for incoming seniors every year in which they walk them through EVERYTHING.  Daughter started it yesterday. All of the counselors are there, and they go through essays, letters of Rec requests, common app completion, interview coaching....everything.  It's the perfect deal for my daughter. She is a very good student who knows what she wants in a school and program (nursing), but benefits from a lot of guidance to get there.

Anyone else's school do that? 

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Posted
9 hours ago, troph said:

he hardest part about this summer has been the total change from his SOP. He tells me I’m right all the time, heck he put me down as the person that most inspired him when the question was who in the band inspired you to be a leader. He said no one in the band inspired me but my mom inspires me. To go from that to “stop talking” even if only for a few months has been startling to say the least. 

anyway, I know this has gotten off the beaten path from the core app process but we all need to chill the fuck out, school doesn’t even start for 9-10 more days for most of us. 

Senioritis is real. The entire year is a liminal space. Do you know anybody who really loved senior year? I do. It’s people who peaked at 18.

Encourage him to do early application if at all possible, lock down the destination and press “cruise control” in December.

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Posted
10 hours ago, troph said:

Thank you!
 

The hardest part about this summer has been the total change from his SOP. He tells me I’m right all the time, heck he put me down as the person that most inspired him when the question was who in the band inspired you to be a leader. He said no one in the band inspired me but my mom inspires me. To go from that to “stop talking” even if only for a few months has been startling to say the least. 

anyway, I know this has gotten off the beaten path from the core app process but we all need to chill the fuck out, school doesn’t even start for 9-10 more days for most of us. 

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Our boy told me when we were setting up his dorm....just the two of us walking to the car, that he's not going to have mom around to help with all the little details and logistics.  They appreciate you more than we sometimes know.  

Then when we picked him back up Sunday for breakfast before heading back, he was outside of the dorm puking in the bushes after tearing it up.....so there's that.

Me, I went full "Chet".  It was kind of hilarious

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Posted
1 hour ago, TexasHooch said:

My kids' school has a week long camp for incoming seniors every year in which they walk them through EVERYTHING.  Daughter started it yesterday. All of the counselors are there, and they go through essays, letters of Rec requests, common app completion, interview coaching....everything.  It's the perfect deal for my daughter. She is a very good student who knows what she wants in a school and program (nursing), but benefits from a lot of guidance to get there.

Anyone else's school do that? 

My daughter attended an AISD high school, so no, nothing like that.

Posted
18 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

My message to my daughters was - I am hiring these people to help you stay on top of things. Our budget for college is $_________ per year, all in. The better you manage the next three years the more great options you will have. 

One thought on this- if you have not had a no-bullshit conversation with your kids about the cost of college and what purpose they are going to college for, you really should. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Senioritis is real. The entire year is a liminal space. Do you know anybody who really loved senior year? I do. It’s people who peaked at 18.

Encourage him to do early application if at all possible, lock down the destination and press “cruise control” in December.

He told me, October 1 is early deadlines I can apply later. I laughed. We talked. His eyes got big, he got it. All apps will be in by October 1.

@BabaYaga and the rest of you too - y'all are awesome. Totally great to have a place to vent. 

im trying to be strategic, even being friendly with my ex, this year is going to be a bumpy ride and I definitely want him to be able to coast from December on. Cracking the whip now and helping him do what he truly wants while his frontal cortex says to slack off is the challenge. But 4 months … we’ll make it.

shit I almost flunked senior year of HS and I turned out ok. Hell I had the audacity to skip school to go to a high school baseball playoff game where all the principals were there and saw me skipping. I did not give a fuck when they called me into the principal’s office. And that wasn’t the half of it. He’ll be fine.

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Posted
1 hour ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

One thought on this- if you have not had a no-bullshit conversation with your kids about the cost of college and what purpose they are going to college for, you really should. 

100% this.  Your major matters.  If you want to "find yourself" do that shit on your own dime.  To his credit, that is why the oldest boy is doing ROTC and the Guard.  He found it, did the vetting, and joined up.  He's also in the biz school and knows what it's going to take.  He's money-motivated and the transformation from HS to now is amazing

Daughter going to a much more expensive, private school.  Her grades are phenomenal, so the aid package is strong but she's also going to have to juggle school, athletics, and will probably be an RA for at least two years to cut the housing cost down.  

We talk often and openly about finances with the kids.  Not to guilt them into anything, but explain the reality of every decision.  

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Posted
1 hour ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

One thought on this- if you have not had a no-bullshit conversation with your kids about the cost of college and what purpose they are going to college for, you really should. 

We have and he wants to go to an in state public school for that reason, unfortunately there’s only one worthwhile state school in Texas and he’s got a better chance to get into Cal and UCSB than UT. Crazy.

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Posted
11 hours ago, troph said:

anyway, I know this has gotten off the beaten path from the core app process but we all need to chill the fuck out, school doesn’t even start for 9-10 more days for most of us. 

12 minutes ago, troph said:

shit I almost flunked senior year of HS and I turned out ok. Hell I had the audacity to skip school to go to a high school baseball playoff game where all the principals were there and saw me skipping. I did not give a fuck when they called me into the principal’s office. And that wasn’t the half of it. He’ll be fine.

Or maybe parenting stuff is the core of the process. A lot of these replies support that idea.

And the last point is important. Things will turn out. One out of three won't finish where they start anyway, and nothing wrong with that, either. A college degree, especially from elite colleges, is clearly not the only route to success, happiness and contributions to the world.

But gaming all day when they need to write instead is generally not the way. Thus, parenting.

Also, @troph, I hope you said, "Good seeing you all at the game, too." 

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Posted
1 minute ago, troph said:

We have and he wants to go to an in state public school for that reason, unfortunately there’s only one worthwhile state school in Texas and he’s got a better chance to get into Cal and UCSB than UT. Crazy.

Zero point zero chance I could get into Texas now.  Full stop.  At some point, these big state schools are here to serve local kids, and are making it more and more difficult for them to actually get in.  But that's another thread...

Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, troph said:

We have and he wants to go to an in state public school for that reason, unfortunately there’s only one worthwhile state school in Texas and he’s got a better chance to get into Cal and UCSB than UT. Crazy.

So he wants to be an actual Slug?  Rack 'em.

Edited by Iceman
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Posted
1 minute ago, Hayduke said:

Or maybe parenting stuff is the core of the process. A lot of these replies support that idea.

And the last point is important. Things will turn out. One out of three won't finish where they start anyway, and nothing wrong with that, either. A college degree, especially from elite colleges, is clearly not the only route to success, happiness and contributions to the world.

But gaming all day when they need to write instead is generally not the way. Thus, parenting.

Also, @troph, I hope you said, "Good seeing you all at the game, too." 

"Back in my day time"....but my folks would shop my happy ass off to west Texas for a few weeks each summer to hang with the grandparents.  I was up early, riding shotgun in the truck, opening gates, opening feed sacks in the back of a truck.  A broom handle was all at once a sword, magical staff, and gun.  We had less than ten GD channels on the TV and no central air.  Pops had it even more.  Raising and showing livestock, helping with carpentry stuff, etc.  

Kids need shit to do.  They need to feel important and part of something.  We see that with young males across the world.  Without guidance and direction, they join gangs, cults, religious and terrorist organizations.  They need a purpose.  Not "go do this or that"....but, hey man, get off that damn game, I need your help with something.  A pointless trip to Home Depot can be a cathartic few hours if you make up some BS project that involves at least two people.  

I have also passed down the timeless "go get me the left handed hammer" trick or ask the HD guy where the "board stretcher" is.  Good times....

 

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Posted (edited)

I’ve got a 15 year old that’s a gamer and it’s a problem.
 

he totally handles his shit - he’s smarter than his 17 year old brother, his grades are impeccable, all pre-AP or AP classes, more musically and athletically talented, his music resume is already off the charts, but he lacks the extroversion and innate leadership desire and personality - although he’s the only soph in band leadership - and he’s a total nerd / gamer. It’s the only thing he does in his free time. All friend time is online. It’s kinda odd nowadays too because nerd and athletic, good looking and fit aren’t mutually exclusive but even with those traits he’s 100% gamer nerd.

And this year I have to figure it out. He’s going to hate me but I’m going to get him off his console this year. Not sure if it’s a job, more gym time, force another hobby, in person time with friends, do the lawn, fuck I dunno but it has to be something. 

and to me that’s his pre-college app prereqs if that makes any sense. 

Edited by troph
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Posted

I ran across a blast from the past in my home office recently -- a lengthy 9-year-old list of our punishments and stipulations for our son from the time when we disconnected the Playstation and I hauled it to work and stuck it in a filing cabinet for several weeks.

He's in the kitchen now on a short hiatus between internship and senior year. After breakfast and coffee while listening to a political podcast, he'll return to editing press releases for one employer and news stories for the other, as he did yesterday between workouts and errands.

We've tended to mostly leave our kids alone and occasionally conduct the miserable process of trying to teach. So far, both have turned out well despite the missteps -- both theirs and ours. It's a miracle, or maybe just completely natural, but most of our kids turn out great despite us.

 

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Posted
21 hours ago, Iceman said:

I didn't help with any of the essays, nor did the wife.  I would proofread them for grammar and whatnot; but they owned the content.

WP kids are definitely cut different than the regular high schooler.  I never saw a single word my son wrote for any of his essays.  I gave him some advice before he got started on some topics that could set him apart from other applicants but that was it.  The only thing he asked for was a subscription to some online SAT prep course where he could take multiple tests for practice.

Did your son have an Application Mentor assigned to him when he was applying - this is a WP grad that lives in your area that provides advice on how to manage the whole ordeal.  My son's mentor was awesome; gave him all sorts of tips and had a genuine desire to make sure my son had the best chance possible of gaining a commission.  I could not be more thankful for what he did.

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