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Brisketexan

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Everything posted by Brisketexan

  1. I'm a good tipper, but my wife will even give me the side-eye if I only tip 25%. She's pretty fucking free with my money. I also gave the boy the speech about "not today, I know you're a poor student with no money, but once you start working, and you go to a bar to actually sit at the bar with a date, friends, whatever....tip nicely right at the start of the night. Talk to the bartender, tell him/her 'I appreciate you taking good care of me tonight,' and slip them a 20 at the beginning of the night." Doesn't have to be visible to anyone else, it's about having a rapport with the bartender, and being treated well and engaging with them. The visibility is "huh, the bartender seems to think this guy is a great dude, I guess I should too." If you go someplace frequently, and can do it with a regular bartender, even better. At present, he's still bitching about spending 3 pounds on a pint of shitty Tennents, but he'll get there.
  2. Both of these. Blame the GQP for the violence they foment. Non-stop. They are a party of violent murderers. Call them that. Wait, what's that you say? That's as unfair as demonizing all 65 million hispanics in the US as criminals (this admin has done just that)? ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT. RUN THE PLAY AGAINST THEM.
  3. Correct. Political assassinations by the side that is building and cheering on a modern Gestapo is not a failure of the system. It is the system working exactly as they have designed it.
  4. "this one time, at band camp...."
  5. The boy had experiences with each of the two archetypes at university. One was one of his suitemates (they put 6 random people together in a shared suite, half male and half female). One of the guys, Nial, ended up being an Andrew Tate disciple. When they'd all go out, he'd hit on women way too aggressively and with little smoothness, and then get pissed that they wouldn't fall for his obvious charms (instead of thinking "huh...something I'm doing isn't working, maybe I should adjust my approach"). In short, the problem was everyone else, never him. Finally, he started being abusive and demeaning to two of the women in the flat. My son stepped in, that really pissed him off, and he went off on him. He moved out, they don't speak any more, but when they see him around, he still isn't ever with a date, and still seems to be an angry dude. The other was a roommate he interviewed and then let move into his next flat. He was an intern with Barclays, doing technical work for them (the UK has a sort of hybrid higher ed-intern thing people can do, instead of university). The job was 95% remote. So, he just stayed in his room. All the fucking time. Terrible hygiene, the room smelled. He'd leave food out in the kitchen, have food rot in the fridge, never take out the trash. The boy tried to include him in some group activities, including girls. Fella was just so painfully awkward. He even admitted at one point, when my son laid down some rules on how to live like a civilized human, "yeah, I guess my dad should have taught me some of this stuff." Eventually, he flamed out and moved back home. Those are the two closest examples, but I'm sure the boy could share a shitload more. He hangs out with a lot more 20 year old dudes than I do.
  6. This is definitely a key to relationship success, and something my wife and I realized we liked about each other early on. Even in college, we could go to a party, and end up going our separate ways, talking to different groups of people etc., then come back together at the end. Neither of us got hurt feelings because our date wasn't glued to our hip all night. She's always wanted me to indulge in going hunting, fishing, tailgating, etc. with my friends -- "go, have fun." Shit, sometimes, it's been "you need to call Pescado Rojo and put together a fishing trip." And likewise, she does girl's weekends, goes out to regular dinners with girlfriends, etc. It's healthy for both of us. All of that comes from mutual confidence, I think. Hell, maybe part of the bigger social issue is a crisis of confidence. Trying to build yourself up on social media is an exercise in faking it. Being confident and successful in the real world is much more intimidating, but the thing is....it's just not that hard.
  7. Within the past 5 years. The boy and I and one of our buddies had a great fucking afternoon hunting on a friend's place near Thrall. All three of us, hopping fences and chasing down squirrels in the pecan trees. It was a fucking blast, we were all laughing our asses off. And yeah, it doesn't have to be hunting and fishing, but it helps. Both of my kids appreciate growing up with that broad perspective of activities. It makes them cooler, gives them the ability to interact with a diverse group of people, etc. It's a life skill, being able to bullshit with a bunch of blue collar dudes telling lies around the campfire, or being able to talk fishing with a diverse group of people on the boat, etc. There are other things that match up with this, doesn't have to be those -- work on a car in the driveway, build computers, play a sport, all kinds of shit that's real-world. It's a trope to say that social media is poison, but it's a trope for a reason.
  8. Which raises the real question here: what are we going to do with our mediocre men? Because, by definition, "mediocre or below" is at least half of all men. Now, I see plenty of loser dipshits do just great with women....because there are plenty of loser dipshit women out there, too. Really, the issue seems to be in that middle third of men and women. As mid-range men fall behind and have less success, mid-range women don't see great partner prospects out there for them (see the dating app stat -- the top 20% of guys have their pick of the top 50% of women, and are pursuing them. Those numbers don't match up well).
  9. Fuck yeah, I feel seen.
  10. Really good post. To some of the other posts: Yes, young women have their own issues, challenges, and shortcomings too. Yes, the problem isn't with masculinity, but there are problems with lazy masculinity, toxic masculinity, and just plain lost masculinity. I know that my wife's antenna went up when our son was just 6, as she observed that the American "school model" was not a great fit for boys. And by "boys," we mean the typical behavior set: rough and tumble, attuned to movement (not sitting still in a chair all day), being interested in kinetic and kinesthetic activities and stories, etc. Because many of the things that are inherent to masculine traits can manifest in negative ways (e.g., violence), in many ways we have set up systems to quash and/or ignore those traits. When you have something that is your nature, but no safe or socially acceptable outlet for it, that's a recipe for problems down the road. Layer onto that the changing economic landscape -- now that we have decades of women having something closer to equal opportunity, including equal access to higher education, men are falling behind. See the gender imbalance in college enrollment. Shit, I've seen it firsthand: if we're looking for top notch candidates to hire, the bulk of the good resumes we get are from women. That's just the way it is these days. So, that tier of men below the very top -- the "mid-range" guys -- are finding things much more challenging, and success is harder to find. Many men are missing something, and they feel it, even if they don't know exactly what it is. And there are folks out there like Andrew Tate capitalizing on that yearning. I don't know this stuff firsthand, I don't listen to his shit. But I've watched my son and his broad peer group, and see the "successful" models and the ones that are doing poorly. The Andrew Tate crowd, the "completely absorbed by playing video games online to the exclusion of real socialization" crowd, are not doing well. They are either wallowing about in loserdom, or are angry and bitter. On the other side, the guys who are putting themselves out in the world, have some activity that is connectional, has them interacting with real live human beings. I look at some of my son's best friends from high school, all of whom have gone in different directions at school, and are doing pretty well. My son is tall, good looking, and really learned to socialize and be out in the world during his gap year in Berlin. He's comfortable in a variety of social situations. He plays college baseball (it's not American college, it's more like a club sport over there), so has friends from a variety of teams, travels to tourneys, etc. He's confident, he's decent and kind, and smart enough. He treats women well, and does well with them. He has several female friends who are real-deal friends. Another buddy is a college athlete, and has a hobby of buying and refurbishing go-karts for re-sale (he's an engineering student, loves working with his hands). Cool bit -- that's a hobby he got into working with my son on a project go-kart we bought years ago. Again, he's a good and kind guy, confident and outgoing, and he does great socially. Another buddy is a freakish super-genius. At the U of Toronto, doing PhD level work in the lab as a junior. He is networking with other geniuses, getting his name out there. Again, he's a good dude. He's odd.....but in his world of odd dudes and chicks, he's at home, and puts himself out there. There are plenty of models of male success, they're not hard to execute on, but I suspect that many men don't have access to them. Or, they are led astray. One interesting thing about the three guys I just listed above: none of them have a big presence on social media. Sure, they have an Instagram and Snapchat, they connect with people online, they all online game some....but their primary life and social focus is NOT via social media. Hell, I remember my social "turning point" in that 14-15 yr old timeframe. I was definitely a nerd type, happy to be absorbed in books, and with my tight little group of other nerd friends. But...I was also really interested in girls, and wanted to figure out how to expand my social world. So, I observed. I hung out with a broad group of folks at school, and watched how they interacted. I also started paying some attention to how I dressed (it was the 80s....so some of my efforts in that respect were....unfortunate at first). As I grasped a model on how to be more social, I started venturing out and doing more things. Which took some courage and confidence of the "fake it till you make it" variety. But putting myself out there, while it included some awkward missteps (again...I was 14-15), showed me how easy it was to succeed. I wasn't bad looking. I was outdoorsy and active. I was smart and funny (chicks dig funny). And, I was a decent person -- I had a moral compass, my parents raised me to be considerate and kind, all-in-all. I looked up one day, and I realized that it was actually easy to meet girls and date them. My son had a similar transition (although his was different in that his handicap was a personal illness and then COVID - he was always better looking and more charismatic than I was). He was a bit of an introvert, and realized he needed to get past that. So he moved to Berlin, and told himself that when he got there, he was going to say "yes" to every social opportunity, even if he'd rather retreat to his room and play Minecraft. So he did. And he learned a lot. And he grew, and built skills and confidence. You gotta be willing to put yourself out there and fail/stumble some. There are also some challenges in how we've redefined male and female interactions. Female agency and consent are emphasized now -- which is a good thing. But the messaging on that can be terrifying to a young man figuring out how to navigate relationships. Telling men over and over that they are all rapists or potential rapists is not helpful. Making young men even MORE scared to make the first move because they are worried about being accused of something is a real handicap. I remember my son actually voicing that fear to us, and we had to talk him through it. The flip side of that is that, if a girl is interested, she is much more likely to make the move than she might have been in decades past. But how do you approach women, with the sexual hunger and aggression that most of us recall and recognize, and do so in the "me too" era without going astray? It's not easy. Finally, how much of this is failed parenting, lack of mentoring? I don't know. I suspect it's no small part of it. It's something we paid attention to at home, starting because of those concerns my smart wife spotted when the boy was in first grade.
  11. Oh, it's not a purely misogynistic issue, I agree. There are LOTS of factors involved -- the changing social landscape has not been kind to anyone. It rarely is. Adjusting to new realities involves some discord. Young women (again, speaking in generalities here) have their own shit to deal with. yeah, but all those boomers are fucking. Cialis sales are rockin'.
  12. Yeah...he does fine. His friend group is fine. But he has peers at uni who are Andrew Tate dipshits, he online games with a diverse group that includes a pretty broad spectrum of guys. And yeah, he had to deal first-hand with fallout from some Andrew Tate disciples acting like they were entitled to fealty by women, then getting ripshit pissed when they didn't get it (the girls at issue were his suitemates). As for him? He's smart, athletic, confident, and a decent human being. And by his account, it puts him in the top tier of guys out there trying to meet girls. He has no trouble at all. I didn't either. I wasn't as athletic or good looking as he is, but I was smart, funny, confident, and treated women like actual people. Even in my day, that made a dude like me pretty successful. I think it's more acute now.
  13. Offering a model that only assumes two extremes -- either being a wuss with no confidence, or a toxic masculinity Rogan bro who expects women to be subservient -- ain't a winning recipe. Be confident. Treat women with a modicum of respect, like they're human beings with actual agency. It ain't hard....yet these days, that model is taking a back seat. And there's lots of reasons -- among them is the fact that young men have shit for confidence in romance because they aren't finding success as much in the rest of their lives. See college enrollment numbers, etc.
  14. When the models of "teach your sons how to pursue women" are "treat women like subhuman bitches, and if they don't bow to your will, call them bitches," that ain't good. When I talk to young women we hire, and they all relate the same story -- getting hit on at the gym, and politely turning a guy down, and he says "whatever, you're fat and ugly anyway." Seriously, when I was hearing that story for the 4th time, it was just fucking sad. Trust me, I got shot down plenty back in the day (gotta swing the bat if you want to hit the ball). When I got shot down, I just moved on. Said stuff like "alright, well enjoy your workout," or "well y'all enjoy your evening," and that's that. Toxic fucking loserdom from this new crowd, man.
  15. Yes and no. It is perhaps overstated in terms of absolute numbers, but it is a real problem, with real numbers. I see a shitload of my son's peers, and man....they ain't in a good place. I've got a lot more thoughts on this to share later. But we are indeed failing our young men in many ways.
  16. That’s at least a credible theory. Because Islamic fundamentalism bent on subjecting all who oppose it to their will, imposed by violence, is a real deal terrorist movement. Did I say Islamic? My bad. Christian is what I meant.
  17. You’re not wrong. But the foundation for action is energy. Most fires start with a match. The opposition has needed some broad-based spark for a long time. Now, to get that into leadership…that was the cautionary part for me. The speeches I heard? They were…fine. As I was listening, I kept thinking over and over “FFS, I could do this much better.” The movement needs passion, voices that shout real, broad calls to action, that ignite fires, that get people to want to run through fucking walls for this. The best moments that I heard yesterday were maybe a B+ in that regard. The opposition needs voices that can send people out into the world with passion, determination, and fervor. I don’t think we have those yet.
  18. So…my first Father’s Day without someone to call, give a card to, take out for Korean BBQ. Passages. Generations fall away. On one of our living room shelves is my favorite photo of my dad for as long as I can remember - a picture of him in a plaid shirt, carrying me on his shoulders. I was maybe a year old. But it’s my favorite. Probably for different reasons at different times in my life, yet always with the same underlying reason: a son on his father’s shoulders. Our fathers are men; they are not perfect. But we all are lifted upon their shoulders. We don’t “stand on the shoulders of giants.” Rather, we are borne on the shoulders of genuniely human men who loved, failed, tried, succeeded, and maybe failed some more. He is not here anymore. He never will be again. But I am in a space that he helped lift me into. And from there, I am to lift my daughter and son. As fathers, our shoulders are not just our own; they carry the weight of all the generations to come. What a privilege, and a gift. Happy Father’s Day, gents.
  19. Oh, I know the guy. It’s even worse than you’d think.
  20. He was a loser. And a fundagelical Trump supporter. But I repeat myself.
  21. I like that the armed forces got specific callouts from several speakers at the Capitol yesterday. Formed to fight against kings, and still on the job today. The mission has never changed.
  22. Bottom line: a sane approach to health is “both and,” not “either or.” Eat well. Breathe clean air. Sleep. All that. Because that puts you body/machine in the best condition…which helps it do many things, including - importantly - resisting and fighting off INFECTION. Avoid and kill germs. Among the ways to do that is making your body a healthier fortress. The dismissive discussion of things we’ve done in response to learning that germs are a catalyst for many illnesses (eg, vaccines and antibiotics) is fucking insanity. I mean, I stood in a hospital room over a week and watched antibiotics save my child’s life. Millions are alive today because of vaccines. And these fucking assholes would chuck all of that for eating organic granola and drinking water poured over crystals.
  23. For those of you who need old school body work, a hint: Mexico. Seriously. Take it across the border. You’ll get 3x the quality for 1/3 the price. When I was a kid and one of our cars would get damaged, dad would 1) take the insurance money, 2) we’d head down to Eagle Pass to spend a weekend seeing family while the car was being fixed in Piedras, and then 3) he’d pocket 2/3 of the insurance payout.
  24. The Regime wanted to put on a show for the country and world to demonstrate exactly how powerful and dominant it is. Mission accomplished. Just not the way they thought. When your bully shows his weakness, and you have demonstrated you are strong enough to stand up to him….that is when you go on the attack. We need to go on the attack now. Relentlessly. Against every member of the Regime, and against anyone who still supports them. Dox their businesses. Everywhere Trump goes, he should be greeted with jeers - “America hates you! Die already!” Shit like that. And our politicians need to get on board. They need to have one mode, and one mode only: attacking and fighting. Cooperate with nothing, give them no quarter, or an instant of peace or rest. If you aren’t willing to fight, then GTFO and make room for someone who will.
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