Avoid the Coming Catastrophe!!!

[QTAnonymous 14]

My fellow Americans, over the course of the next several months you will undoubtedly realize that there is a great feline cabal trying to take over this country. I will make attempts to summarize what has happened so far, but my life is in danger. I am not kitten around. 

On February 9, 2021, a cat made an appearance before the 394th Judicial District Court in West Texas. I am sure you have seen the video. This was a forfeiture proceeding, no less. What property was the cat trying to take away, and for what purpose?

The cat appeared under the name “rod ponton.” A review of the Texas Bar website shows the cat’s real name is Arvel Ponton, which is an obvious false moniker. This, of course, can be unscrambled to “Ann Overplot.”

This is just the latest in a long chain of indisputable evidence of a feline plot to take over this country. Many are saying the coronavirus is a vast cat conspiracy to take over the world. This explains why your cat does not want you working from home.

Perhaps some historical context is needed. Cats first appeared in Asia and then slowly spread across and dominated the continents, evolving into fierce predators. Cats were first domesticated in Mesopotamia, of which they took advantage by quickly rising to a God-like status.

Have cats since lost their ambition? They are not defenders of democracy. They believe in feudalism. This was the ultimate lesson in “The Lion King.”

How would cats try to take over the country? Since 1995 they have put in your head the idea of being ruled. As an example, the musician Chan Marshall goes by the name “Cat Power.” Her 11th song is called “We All Die.” This is foreshadowing. The 11th prime number is 31. Using simple numeric analysis, 31 is code for “MAPA,” which means “Make America Purr Again.”

Remember the Cats movie? Its only purpose was to rob human beings of our dignity.

I have a top-secret security clearance and I can assure you that President Joe Biden is working tirelessly to prevent the coming cat storm. I implore you, my fellow Americans and Patriots, to do your own research and to avoid giving attention to fake news and misinformation. Deep down inside you know your cat wants to kill you.

[MissingInAction 24746]

[Message Board User 12388]

chad briscoe sock

[TexasEd 8058]

I think it was @TwiceHorn just look at his avatar

[TwiceHorn 31084]

2 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

I think it was @TwiceHorn just look at his avatar

Not i.  Possibly the apocryphal Mickelous Naylor? 

[Anastasis 23328]

Cats are the worst. 

[workswithseed 2028]

Can pussy ever be truly defeated?

[washparkhorn 9931]

56 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Cats are the worst. 

Making a list; not giving a fuck about checking it twice. 

[Scheiss Meister 8390]

I don't buy into crazy conspiracy theories, but this one isn't crazy at all.  A stray cat that I met while I was drunk one night divulged the entire plan to me.  I wish that I had been sober so that I could have remembered the plot.  I just remember that it made a lot of sense to drunk Scheiss.  Well, except for how I could understand what the cat was saying.  That didn't make sense.  But the rest did.

[washparkhorn 9931]

1 minute ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I don't buy into crazy conspiracy theories, but this one isn't crazy at all.  A stray cat that I met while I was drunk one night divulged the entire plan to me.  I wish that I had been sober so that I could have remembered the plot.  I just remember that it made a lot of sense to drunk Scheiss.  Well, except for how I could understand what the cat was saying.  That didn't make sense.  But the rest did.

Snitches get stitches:

[Scheiss Meister 8390]

3 minutes ago, washparkhorn said:

Snitches get stitches:

Don't I know it!  Damn near every cat with which I have come into contact since then has bitten or scratched the shit out of me.  I gave up on researching it.

[Fondren & Main 6626]

I too enjoy Quiktrip.

[GringoSalado 1649]

[Bookman 4603]

 

[TwiceHorn 31084]

2 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Don't I know it!  Damn near every cat with which I have come into contact since then has bitten or scratched the shit out of me.  I gave up on researching it.

You gotta let a cat come to you.  If you go to it and start petting like a dog, you gon get fuct up.

And even if a cat comes to you  . . . 

They can get overstimulated by someone who doesn't know them and what they like.

The thing about cats is that they are still basically wild animals.  They can be affectionate and loyal with their people, but fear most strangers.  They still have very acute hunting instincts and also instinctively know that they are potential prey for larger animals.  Dogs aren't like that anymore for the most part.  That goes most of the way to explaining the difference.

Edited February 13, 2021 by TwiceHorn

[Scheiss Meister 8390]

18 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

You gotta let a cat come to you.  If you go to it and start petting like a dog, you gon get fuct up.

And even if a cat comes to you  . . . 

They can get overstimulated by someone who doesn't know them and what they like.

The thing about cats is that they are still basically wild animals.  They can be affectionate and loyal with their people, but fear most strangers.  They still have very acute hunting instincts and also instinctively know that they are potential prey for larger animals.  Dogs aren't like that anymore for the most part.  That goes most of the way to explaining the difference.

I know this, and pretty much leave them alone.  That must look to them like an invitation to begin their imposition of world cat domination with me.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

I hate house cats. I love cats at the ranch. We have about 10 at our place in South Texas. I think birds of prey and other predators get after them (or they run off).  Because we have to take about 5 or so a year down there to maintain a population.  It is like a death row gladiator academy for cats.

We never have rodents or snakes in our lodge, kitchen, cabins or the surrounding yard.

[futureman 22382]

2 hours ago, Fondren & Main said:

I too enjoy Quiktrip.

solid chain. 

[Guest Lobo]

Meh, it's no Kum 'n Go.  

[Fondren & Main 6626]

1 hour ago, futureman said:

solid chain. 

You bet.

[QTAnonymous 14]

My fellow Americans and Patriots, as many of you are aware, Texas has experienced significant power failures over the last few days. My prayers are with everyone. The Republicans have blamed the Democrats and the Democrats have blamed the Republicans, but those who know the truth are paying attention to the substantial evidence that this was a planned, coordinated cat attack on the Texas grid. This picture was taken from the grid's circuit board:

I have it on good authority that President Joe Biden has been thoroughly briefed on this matter and is planning a substantial counter response, including significant tariffs on catnip.

Deep down inside you know your cat is trying to kill you.

[Gatorubet 30023]

I hate house cats. I love cats at the ranch. We have about 10 at our place in South Texas. I think birds of prey and other predators get after them (or they run off).  Because we have to take about 5 or so a year down there to maintain a population.  It is like a death row gladiator academy for cats.
We never have rodents or snakes in our lodge, kitchen, cabins or the surrounding yard.

Arbeit Macht Feline?