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Posted (edited)

I fly all the time. I'm an aisle guy 90% of the time. On longer haul flights (3.5-4 hours+) I will go window and that is simply because I hate the getting up and down for people who can't control their bladders and/or prepare their bladders for a longer flight. 

That said here are the rules:

1) Reclining is your right. I will defualt to not recline if I don't have to. If the person in front of me reclines, I will recline to reclaim the lost space. It is usually needed because I am working on a laptop as well.

2) Window seat owns the window, aisle seat gets one arm rest and middle seat is a second class citizen and needs to act like a child in a German home; be quiet, well behaved and speak only when spoken to with the knowledge that you are being graciously tolerated for your inconveniencing everyone. The bigger you are (fat, tall or both) the more demure you should be.

3) The aisle guy needs to be quarterback on passing items down and up and managing row behavior (help bring down or put up bags for the old/women on your row, control the flow food/bev and trash so things are knocked over and arm pits aren't in each others faces, etc.)

4) One of the aisle guys (not both, you'll figure out which one) from the row (A-F) needs to stand up at the end of the flight. This discourages the inbred who try and sneak up and/or don't understand exit protocol. The further back you sit the more important this guy is. This guy is also the designated helper of both his row and the row directly in front of him to grab any carry-ons that are in his purview to help with the speed and flow of exit.

5) You can fairly ask for a swap of like for like (e.g. Window for Window or Aisle for Aisle) when it's obvious there is a child/parent/family situation. You can fairly ask for a swap for Window for Aisle or Aisle for Window in the same vein. Neither should be asked with entitlement and a polite decline should be accepted courteously. In a drastic scenario of asking for a swap from a middle to either window/aisle, you should do so with hat in hand, an understanding that you are at the charitable mercy of the asked, and with a measure of shame. If you can, you should always lead with an offer (e.g. cash, pay for drinks, etc.) with the understanding that if the swap were to proceed that decorum dictate those offers should be politely rejected but there are some neerdowells who might take you up on your offer.

6) 100% of the time you must ignore and pretend any child 0-3 is not being annoying when they are having a hard time. It's not their fault and the parents are likely doing their best. You should 100% of the time be overly understanding and overcommunicate with a smile. Any visible displays of annoyance or frustration for children and earnestly trying parents is a sign of bad breeding and mark of bad character. It is known.

Edited by Vegas64
  • Hook 'Em 7
  • Like 2
Posted
3 hours ago, Vegas64 said:

6) 100% of the time you must ignore and pretend any child 0-3 is not being annoying when they are having a hard time. It's

This is not an absolute. The parents must be trying to mitigate and diffuse the situation.    If the three year-old is kicking the back of my seat, I am not ignoring it if the parents aren’t doing anything to stop it.

  • Like 1
Posted
2 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Anytime one decides to fuck someone of the opposite sex they risk making a fuck trophy. Intended or not there is always a decision involved. /end thread derail

I prefer the term “crotch fruit.”

That being said, I would pay a premium for adults only flights, 18 and up only. 

  • Haha 1
Posted

On board with most of that except #3. I’m not touching your trash you don’t need to be touching my fresh drink.  If we’re on a wide body and I were in the middle then maybe. But if we’re talking about a section of three seats the flight attendant reaching in and the window seat reaching out is plenty. Nobody needs to be touching each other stuff right there.

  • Hook 'Em 2
Posted
1 hour ago, Your Mom said:

On board with most of that except #3. I’m not touching your trash you don’t need to be touching my fresh drink.  If we’re on a wide body and I were in the middle then maybe. But if we’re talking about a section of three seats the flight attendant reaching in and the window seat reaching out is plenty. Nobody needs to be touching each other stuff right there.

Fair enough, I don’t want window or middle seats arms in my persona space and pits in my face and the risk of you spilling on my laptop.

Posted
9 hours ago, Vegas64 said:

I fly all the time. I'm an aisle guy 90% of the time. On longer haul flights (3.5-4 hours+) I will go window and that is simply because I hate the getting up and down for people who can't control their bladders and/or prepare their bladders for a longer flight. 

That said here are the rules:

1) Reclining is your right. I will defualt to not recline if I don't have to. If the person in front of me reclines, I will recline to reclaim the lost space. It is usually needed because I am working on a laptop as well.

2) Window seat owns the window, aisle seat gets one arm rest and middle seat is a second class citizen and needs to act like a child in a German home; be quiet, well behaved and speak only when spoken to with the knowledge that you are being graciously tolerated for your inconveniencing everyone. The bigger you are (fat, tall or both) the more demure you should be.

3) The aisle guy needs to be quarterback on passing items down and up and managing row behavior (help bring down or put up bags for the old/women on your row, control the flow food/bev and trash so things are knocked over and arm pits aren't in each others faces, etc.)

4) One of the aisle guys (not both, you'll figure out which one) from the row (A-F) needs to stand up at the end of the flight. This discourages the inbred who try and sneak up and/or don't understand exit protocol. The further back you sit the more important this guy is. This guy is also the designated helper of both his row and the row directly in front of him to grab any carry-ons that are in his purview to help with the speed and flow of exit.

5) You can fairly ask for a swap of like for like (e.g. Window for Window or Aisle for Aisle) when it's obvious there is a child/parent/family situation. You can fairly ask for a swap for Window for Aisle or Aisle for Window in the same vein. Neither should be asked with entitlement and a polite decline should be accepted courteously. In a drastic scenario of asking for a swap from a middle to either window/aisle, you should do so with hat in hand, an understanding that you are at the charitable mercy of the asked, and with a measure of shame. If you can, you should always lead with an offer (e.g. cash, pay for drinks, etc.) with the understanding that if the swap were to proceed that decorum dictate those offers should be politely rejected but there are some neerdowells who might take you up on your offer.

6) 100% of the time you must ignore and pretend any child 0-3 is not being annoying when they are having a hard time. It's not their fault and the parents are likely doing their best. You should 100% of the time be overly understanding and overcommunicate with a smile. Any visible displays of annoyance or frustration for children and earnestly trying parents is a sign of bad breeding and mark of bad character. It is known.

A frequent flier here as well.  Agree on most of these.

I get the aisle seat 98% of the time.  The older you get the more important it is to have quick access to the toilet.  Old bladders just do not have the holding capacity as a youngster.

I also often act as the gate keeper to keep the mad rush of peasants trying to get off of the plane ahead of their allotted time.  It is particularly challenging acting in this role on flights in India and China.

  • Haha 1
Posted
9 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I also often act as the gate keeper to keep the mad rush of peasants trying to get off of the plane ahead of their allotted time.  It is particularly challenging acting in this role on flights in India and China.

Those 5 seconds gained are a matter of life and death.

Posted
4 hours ago, crash_davis said:

Those 5 seconds gained are a matter of life and death.

Pony up for MCE or business and you can get out faster. Otherwise wait your turn unless someone is farting around getting their crap together.

Are you the guy that takes five minutes putting himself back together right in front of the rollers after the bags go through the scanners?

Posted

I’m a window shade open guy because I like the view.  There’s interesting stuff out there. But I also purposely sit on whichever side of the airplane is not gonna have the sun.  I sleep on planes all the time.  Some blue sky and clouds outside the window doesn’t really make much difference unless the sun is shining straight in.

If the sun is shining in anybody’s face, the shade needs to be closed. If it’s summertime and the airplane is hot the shade needs to be closed.

Posted
2 hours ago, Vegas64 said:

We found the guy who doesn't understand exiting protocol!

 

2 hours ago, Newdoc said:

Pony up for MCE or business and you can get out faster. Otherwise wait your turn unless someone is farting around getting their crap together.

Are you the guy that takes five minutes putting himself back together right in front of the rollers after the bags go through the scanners?

200.webp

Posted

I believe I first read this comment on this site, and it was spot on. Flying hasn't been the same since they lowered prices enough to let bus people fly.  Airlines need to hike up prices, make the experience more comfortable, and get about 50% of the flying public back on the bus.   The legacy carriers, especially, could surely turn a better profit this way.  Even Disneyland/world figured this out during the pandemic.  The poors can keep JetBlue and the like, I guess, but they need separate terminals for this to work.

If you can't handle your drugs, take a shower, keep your hands to yourself, wait your turn, etc., or if you're so god damn high maintenance that you'll have a panic attack over a window being open or closed or a seat being reclined or not when custom and basic courtesy dictates otherwise, you might be a bus person.  It's okay. 

 

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