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Posted
16 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

No blockage, so it’s a lifestyle wake up call.

Bear here is what I will say. I find that this way of thinking about the world around me helps me out and perhaps it will help you as well. Think of all of the things that have importance in your life. Your family, your friends and other things in your personal life. Think of work related things as well and the importance they have in your life. Take this thought and apply it to the two previous things I mentioned. If you are still alive and kickin' in 20 years what will be the things of importance to you and what will be what matters in 20 years to you that also matters today. It won't be deadlines you had to meet at work or people you had to work with or work goals accomplished. The only thing that will matter 20 years from now that matters currently is your family and friends and how you treat people along the way. The rest of it just does not matter. Focus that big heart of yours on the things that intimately matter in your life and let the rest just be the rest. Keep doing good and keep being a positive light in the lives of folks that need it.

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Posted (edited)

I get the work versus relationships thing, but I love work, I love the people I work with, and in many cases I’m most known by others that I work with. My sense of accomplishment comes from work.  I find tremendous meaning from work and most of my “atta girl” ego strokes come from work. 

maybe it’s unique to lawyering I dunno, we are in the people business after all, but to me work is integral to the balance that at least I crave. 

I do agree that overworking is a problem. Ignoring family, hobbies, rest, contemplation, health and other priorities for work is no good.

Edited by troph
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Posted

Just starting to get through this thread... @cactusflinthead that's some incredible work quoting all the stuff from TOS, thank you sir, some great reading thus far.

I'd posted in the other forum before realizing this thread existed, but posting on the wrong forum still gave me an odd sort of relief, like I have finally realized that I do need to start taking getting some help seriously and despite thinking I'm a pretty smart guy, also trying to be smart enough to realize I can no longer manage this on my own.

I've been back in FL for work this week, and my wife and son flew in at the end of the week to be here as well, as when I'm in town I stay at her mother's house with her father-in-law. I felt a lot happier, and I think it's because it felt like we were back living here, and I knew how to handle that more than I do our current living situation in CO. Also, like some other's mentioned, I realized I do miss being in the office and that socialization. I do not enjoy getting ready to go to the office, commuting to the office, or anything about the office other than realizing I truly am lucky enough that I really enjoy the team I have to work with.

Wife and I have also discussed our finances and budget quite a bit this week. During COVID, I had a tough time being responsible with trying to be a day-trader, and since then, she's handled our finances pretty much exclusively. Discovered that at one point it looks like she missed a mortgage payment close to two years ago and we've somehow been carrying an additional $300 monthly late fee since then, and our credit card debt spiraled from the healthcare expenses. We've also suffered from some retail therapy, especially during COVID, and moving across the country and getting our house in FL ready to be a rental was some serious deficit spending. In the grand scheme of things, it's not insurmountable. Our total non-mortgage debt is about 40% of my annual salary, and while living with her FIL in CO, our living expenses are essentially close to zero and we can start making some headway to getting back to a better financial position. Just need everyone to stay healthy for awhile... and yet my wife had her first mammogram a few weeks ago and they have scheduled her for a follow up in a couple weeks to check on something. One of her closest friends had a double mastectomy last year. Statistically it's very likely to be nothing at all and just a false alarm.

On a bright note, I feel like I've been much more present and in the moment with my family this week while they've been here in FL. Swimming for hours with my son, building legos, playing Minecraft, we've had some great family time. I've also found a therapist that specializes in ADHD/Anxiety/CPTSD near our home in CO and am going to have my first visit with him shortly after returning.

I've seen it a lot in this thread, and the replies in the other, but just saying this stuff out loud, to someone other than just my wife, is liberating.

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Chult86 said:

Just starting to get through this thread... @cactusflinthead that's some incredible work quoting all the stuff from TOS, thank you sir, some great reading thus far.

I'd posted in the other forum before realizing this thread existed, but posting on the wrong forum still gave me an odd sort of relief, like I have finally realized that I do need to start taking getting some help seriously and despite thinking I'm a pretty smart guy, also trying to be smart enough to realize I can no longer manage this on my own.

I've been back in FL for work this week, and my wife and son flew in at the end of the week to be here as well, as when I'm in town I stay at her mother's house with her father-in-law. I felt a lot happier, and I think it's because it felt like we were back living here, and I knew how to handle that more than I do our current living situation in CO. Also, like some other's mentioned, I realized I do miss being in the office and that socialization. I do not enjoy getting ready to go to the office, commuting to the office, or anything about the office other than realizing I truly am lucky enough that I really enjoy the team I have to work with.

Wife and I have also discussed our finances and budget quite a bit this week. During COVID, I had a tough time being responsible with trying to be a day-trader, and since then, she's handled our finances pretty much exclusively. Discovered that at one point it looks like she missed a mortgage payment close to two years ago and we've somehow been carrying an additional $300 monthly late fee since then, and our credit card debt spiraled from the healthcare expenses. We've also suffered from some retail therapy, especially during COVID, and moving across the country and getting our house in FL ready to be a rental was some serious deficit spending. In the grand scheme of things, it's not insurmountable. Our total non-mortgage debt is about 40% of my annual salary, and while living with her FIL in CO, our living expenses are essentially close to zero and we can start making some headway to getting back to a better financial position. Just need everyone to stay healthy for awhile... and yet my wife had her first mammogram a few weeks ago and they have scheduled her for a follow up in a couple weeks to check on something. One of her closest friends had a double mastectomy last year. Statistically it's very likely to be nothing at all and just a false alarm.

On a bright note, I feel like I've been much more present and in the moment with my family this week while they've been here in FL. Swimming for hours with my son, building legos, playing Minecraft, we've had some great family time. I've also found a therapist that specializes in ADHD/Anxiety/CPTSD near our home in CO and am going to have my first visit with him shortly after returning.

I've seen it a lot in this thread, and the replies in the other, but just saying this stuff out loud, to someone other than just my wife, is liberating.

Knowing you're not alone is big.

You can get into a frame of mind, that I tend to associate also with gratitude, in which you remind yourself that other people are dealing with the same and worse on the daily and sort of bootstrap your way into that reminder that you're not alone.

Edited by TwiceHorn
Posted
48 minutes ago, Chult86 said:

Just starting to get through this thread... @cactusflinthead that's some incredible work quoting all the stuff from TOS, thank you sir, some great reading thus far.

I'd posted in the other forum before realizing this thread existed, but posting on the wrong forum still gave me an odd sort of relief, like I have finally realized that I do need to start taking getting some help seriously and despite thinking I'm a pretty smart guy, also trying to be smart enough to realize I can no longer manage this on my own.

I've been back in FL for work this week, and my wife and son flew in at the end of the week to be here as well, as when I'm in town I stay at her mother's house with her father-in-law. I felt a lot happier, and I think it's because it felt like we were back living here, and I knew how to handle that more than I do our current living situation in CO. Also, like some other's mentioned, I realized I do miss being in the office and that socialization. I do not enjoy getting ready to go to the office, commuting to the office, or anything about the office other than realizing I truly am lucky enough that I really enjoy the team I have to work with.

Wife and I have also discussed our finances and budget quite a bit this week. During COVID, I had a tough time being responsible with trying to be a day-trader, and since then, she's handled our finances pretty much exclusively. Discovered that at one point it looks like she missed a mortgage payment close to two years ago and we've somehow been carrying an additional $300 monthly late fee since then, and our credit card debt spiraled from the healthcare expenses. We've also suffered from some retail therapy, especially during COVID, and moving across the country and getting our house in FL ready to be a rental was some serious deficit spending. In the grand scheme of things, it's not insurmountable. Our total non-mortgage debt is about 40% of my annual salary, and while living with her FIL in CO, our living expenses are essentially close to zero and we can start making some headway to getting back to a better financial position. Just need everyone to stay healthy for awhile... and yet my wife had her first mammogram a few weeks ago and they have scheduled her for a follow up in a couple weeks to check on something. One of her closest friends had a double mastectomy last year. Statistically it's very likely to be nothing at all and just a false alarm.

On a bright note, I feel like I've been much more present and in the moment with my family this week while they've been here in FL. Swimming for hours with my son, building legos, playing Minecraft, we've had some great family time. I've also found a therapist that specializes in ADHD/Anxiety/CPTSD near our home in CO and am going to have my first visit with him shortly after returning.

I've seen it a lot in this thread, and the replies in the other, but just saying this stuff out loud, to someone other than just my wife, is liberating.

I wasn't going to leave it over there. There was way too much valuable stuff that needed preservation. It also irked my archivist gene that I would leave it behind. 

I've said it several times but I'm going to say it again. I just got the ball rolling. All y'all are the ones that make it work. Oh sure I'll find something interesting to me, maybe it's funny or not, try to be encouraging, and generally keep the lights on but it's all the rest of you that keep it going. I didn't make it for me. It's not about me. It's all y'all and me as part of the collective. I have to vent and rant too. I have found things to think about and gotten more out of it than I put in.

Keep going. You've doing great.

Posted

I got to sit down with my daughter and really talk about this move she's making. There was more to it than I realized (which I kinda knew) and I feel better about it. Her baby is due in January and she's been feeling the pressure of going back to work sooner than she'd like. She wants to be able to be home with him for more than just the 6 weeks of maternity leave. When her husband got laid off, it was like a window of opportunity had opened. They can stay with his folks for a while, maybe a year. By that time, she should be back working and they can get their own place. She's already got leads on some jobs and her husband's family has a large network to work with, or so I'm told.

I told her that, while I'm not "happy" about this, I'm also not "angry" about it. I don't want her to move but I get it. If she had left home for college at 18, I wouldn't feel like she was making a huge mistake and fucking up our lives. We're going to miss seeing her and our grandson regularly but flights to Denver are short and not expensive. So we plan to visit regularly. I think this was the best outcome I could've hoped for. all things considered.

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Posted
1 hour ago, Sandman said:

I got to sit down with my daughter and really talk about this move she's making. There was more to it than I realized (which I kinda knew) and I feel better about it. Her baby is due in January and she's been feeling the pressure of going back to work sooner than she'd like. She wants to be able to be home with him for more than just the 6 weeks of maternity leave. When her husband got laid off, it was like a window of opportunity had opened. They can stay with his folks for a while, maybe a year. By that time, she should be back working and they can get their own place. She's already got leads on some jobs and her husband's family has a large network to work with, or so I'm told.

I told her that, while I'm not "happy" about this, I'm also not "angry" about it. I don't want her to move but I get it. If she had left home for college at 18, I wouldn't feel like she was making a huge mistake and fucking up our lives. We're going to miss seeing her and our grandson regularly but flights to Denver are short and not expensive. So we plan to visit regularly. I think this was the best outcome I could've hoped for. all things considered.

truthfully, colorado is a better place to live right now than texas - especially for women - and whether it's a flight or a drive (get those playlists ready), it can be an adventure for you as well. I know it's hard, hang in there and when the urge hits, go see that young man, you'll never regret going up there.

Posted

We're in Oklahoma, not Texas. And I can tell you that my kids don't give a shit about anything having to do with politics, so any of those factors played zero part in this decision. 

 

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