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Countryisms

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In reference to a fat woman in too tight of pants:

"Looks like two hogs fightin' in a gunny sack. "

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9 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

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Just used “you don’t know shit from shinola” on a thread a minute ago.

When someone lectures me in my work I like to say, “I may have fallen off the turnip truck but it wasn’t yesterday” right before I give them a strong retort.

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Life is like a roll of toilet paper the closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

Not sure that’s a countryism but my country grandmother used to say it to me.

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Let me get back to my rat killin..aka back to work


"I ain't going to heaven on a belly full of lettuce"

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Shit, I use the rat killing one all the time.  I don't think of it as country, but damned if it isn't.  

Also: Here comes Blister.  (The guy who always shows up after the hard work is finished.  He didn't contribute, but you'll sure know that he's there now.)

Edited by Scheiss Meister

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I said god willing and the creek don’t rise this weekend at a business meeting. I laughed and thought of this thread.

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On 1/24/2020 at 1:21 PM, Elvis said:

So I'm in need of a good countryism. 

 

My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids.  I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?"  without thinking.  I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what."  Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power".  (Watt).

Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid.

If you asked my granddad "what?" he would ask you if you thought you were a GD light bulb.

CHIEF

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20 hours ago, CHIEF said:

If you asked my granddad "what?" he would ask you if you thought you were a GD light bulb.

CHIEF

That was the dad of one of my buddies. You a effin' lightbulb?

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When we would say "hey!", my mom would always say "Hay's cheaper than corn."  Never really understood what it meant, other than hay is really cheaper than corn.
 
Oh - and if we asked "Why" about something, she would say "Cat fur, want a pair of kitten britches?"  Doesn't make a lot of sense either.
It was when we asked "What for?" (said what fur?) that she would answer about the kitten britches, which makes more sense.

Tough titty said the kitty when the milk when dry. Said in response to when you couldn’t get more of something.

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If we screwed something up, my grandfather would say....."You boys could tear up an anvil."
 
 
I made that comment today referring to the ups hub in mesquite. They suck.

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17 hours ago, Stormandy said:

My piles are hanging so low, when I wiped my ass I thought I was shaking hands with myself.

 

My granddad, same as the one above, used to have a rock in his pocket and would ask you to kiss it for good luck, then tell you he used it to push in his "piles". Of course, none of us knew what piles were until we asked.

CHIEF

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