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El Diablo

I'm An Alcoholic

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11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Theres a guy that someone from here (I cant remember who, it's been about 5 years) introduced me to who was sober for over 6 months, going to meetings and everything, he decided AA wasnt for him and decided to go drink. His life doesnt seem to be falling apart, at least not based on his social media. Super nice guy and seems to be doing well.

But let's be real, most people fall off a cliff.

For me, that acceptance and belief is a tremendously important milestone in my recovery. If there were still any illusions that I could have fun drinking, or find some escape or relief from whatever's ailing me in the moment, I would probably have relapsed by now.

At the same time, the other thing I had to learn was that that knowledge is valuable but not sufficient. I need all the other shit too, the meetings and the fellowship and the reading and quiet time, the spiritual connection to my Higher Power. God give me all that stuff, and I have a pretty good chance to get through today sober. 

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7 months today. I’ll quit giving the monthly updates, but every time the 3rd hits and I’m still sober, it’s pretty amazing. Thanks to you all for being some inspirational. 

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Keep it going, it keeps getting better.  For me my long stretches of chewing on a resentment keep getting shorter.  I see things quicker, when I'm starting my prideful journey to foolishness, the standing resentments as mentioned, etc. It becomes, at least for me, truly a one day at a time thing. 

Honestly was hoping to have it all licked in 30 days, but now I just enjoy the journey, it can go on for as long as it wants. 

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does anyone in austin know when meetings are starting back up again?  not zoom.  on-site meetings. 

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Posted (edited)

@futureman I'm sure there are some groups that never shut down. There are considered mental health services, and even if not, most alcoholics tend to not listen very well.

I was blessed that my home group near Dallas voted to stay open. There were a few other options for me as well.

Each group is autonomous answering to one authority reflected in the group conscience and serving one primary purpose, the alcoholic still suffering.

Edited by JohnnyRage

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yes, very familiar.  pretty much all the listed meetings have a zoom link.  I’ve driven by a couple clubhouses in the last week at regular meeting times and they are still empty. 

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Posted (edited)

I'm not in Austin, but there is an app called Meeting Guide. It will geolocate all meetings close to your phone (address, time etc). The meetings up here have a line though them if they are closed right now and no line means they are open and meeting during COVID-19. I don't know if Austin is the same, but worth a try. As an aside, it's a great app for travel and finding a meeting close by. Tap the meeting and you can pull up directions to the room.

Edited by gasman

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0-BCC4-F58-9579-49-F9-9843-87-E66466-D4-
3-F6-E1-C53-0-C48-411-B-8-CBB-77-E4-A31-
 

these are the only meetings today that aren’t showing as suspended or online.  anyone in austin familiar with these meetings and know if they are open?  I’ll drive by cherrywood later and check it out.  I doubt they’d have a meeting open right now at a hospital, even if it is the looney bin. 

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lots of people are gathering in groups of 3-6 and having impromptu meetings on back porches at someone’s house.  

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I haven’t checked the 38.5 street address but I went to a meeting at the big... former loony bin? there once a long time ago and it was I think good. My recollection was youngish and a bit bedraggled but not super rough. I have no idea if that is a good impression overall or if it is even relevant to that meeting, and years have passed. I think it was a little hard to find.

 

*edit* didn’t even notice that you used the looney bin term there, haha

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I think it was during my second stint in a VA recovery setting that one of the counselors made it clear that we were in fact on the mental ward wing of the hospital. Just in case there was any doubt in any of us. 

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13 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

lots of people are gathering in groups of 3-6 and having impromptu meetings on back porches at someone’s house.  

We got kicked out of our regular meeting place, then we met in a church for a couple of weeks.  Got kicked out of there, too.  Now we meet in the back room of my office.  Might get covid- might not.  Might die of covid- might not.  Know with 100% certainty what happens if sobriety gets lost in the mess.

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PSA - the never ending zoom meeting.

Anytime of the day, somewhere in the world someone has taken the torch and is hosting/being the secretary of this meeting.  The ultimate marathon meeting, I've heard good stuff from every corner of the globe. . .heavy UK attendance in the afternoon, when I'm most often on there.

 

2108005063_24hourAAmeeting.JPG.9de91c50327e28ee4e97baeb6c85e78e.JPG

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Posted (edited)

Also our 12pm noon Tuesday/Thursday Beaumont Downtown meeting (St. Marks Episcopal Church) group is going strong, very good meeting with lots of sobriety.

As always, y'all is invited.  It's on Zoom.

 

Brandi's zoom meeting info.JPG

Edited by BearSchlong

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Two years sober today. If this program can work for me, it can work for anyone, and if the shit that's gone down the past 12 weeks (not even COVID related, directly, I mean I'm getting a bunch of the middle-aged-man curveballs all in one at bat) didn't make me drink, I like my chances going forward. 

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Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

Two years sober today. If this program can work for me, it can work for anyone, and if the shit that's gone down the past 12 weeks (not even COVID related, directly, I mean I'm getting a bunch of the middle-aged-man curveballs all in one at bat) didn't make me drink, I like my chances going forward. 

You got fat, bald and impotent all in the past 12 weeks?  That's a shitty quarter right there.

Also, congrats on your anniversary.

Edited by Not a cat

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On 5/12/2020 at 1:22 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

Two years sober today. If this program can work for me, it can work for anyone, and if the shit that's gone down the past 12 weeks (not even COVID related, directly, I mean I'm getting a bunch of the middle-aged-man curveballs all in one at bat) didn't make me drink, I like my chances going forward. 

Congratulations on your two years.  Stay with it-the miracles yet to come are well worth it, to say nothing of the feeling of peace and serenity you will experience as each day without alcohol passes.

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On 5/12/2020 at 2:22 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

Two years sober today. If this program can work for me, it can work for anyone, and if the shit that's gone down the past 12 weeks (not even COVID related, directly, I mean I'm getting a bunch of the middle-aged-man curveballs all in one at bat) didn't make me drink, I like my chances going forward. 

My one year was May 8.  Since you are fresh off yr two, what are some things that were harder in the second year?  

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3 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

My one year was May 8.  Since you are fresh off yr two, what are some things that were harder in the second year?  

I'll mention one thing that becomes more prominent with lengthier sobriety.  You tend to struggle less with the drinking urge, but you also begin to understand the program more deeply and why it works and kind of "what's wrong with you."  The notion that you were "at war with the world" makes more sense and you see how it was true and better how not to "contend with the world" as James Lee Burke puts it through Dave Robicheaux.

Why I drank like an absolute idiot remains kind of mysterious and due to the inexplicable allergy of the body.  But the insanity and obsession of the mind with things other than drink makes more sense with every passing year.

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17 hours ago, pch said:

Congratulations on your two years.  Stay with it-the miracles yet to come are well worth it, to say nothing of the feeling of peace and serenity you will experience as each day without alcohol passes.

This in a nutshell.

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Been sober since January 27. My posts may not seem like it. Haven’t felt like sharing. I think for me it’s more cathartic to just post about random shit . January 27.  I spent the last two years plus in the most mentally emotionally abusive relationship. Yep I drank. I can say after my miscarriage it was to cope. I can say I mentally gave up. That was easy. The real shit of it is I never felt like I was worth it. If I could take back anything it was that day. 

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Posted (edited)

Second year guy here

I've stopped fighting myself so much, used to tell myself to let things go, "just let go", "let it go", but I never could. Not my ex wife, not my job, not someone taking "my" parking spot, everything would piss me off, but what really pissed me off was being angry. Angry about being angry as they say. Somewhere along the line I stop a lot of it, definitely my spiritual side coming alive. It feels so much better to be able to let go of the big things, of the small things, everything.  And it's not with indifference, I dont think. Still love my ex, wish her well, I'm all good. Work is good, no matter how many hammers they throw at me, and I'll walk a bit further is some asshole takes my spot :)

things I've studied,  read over and over again and thought no way, Gandhi describing how a person can transmute their anger into a power that can change the world, bullshit, but I can sense where he was going with it. MLK Jr, that no matter what happened, happens, we must forgive, and his thoughts on fear... that's the stuff that moves a person.

tldr, glad I got sober, glad I found a healthy path and stuck with it. It was hell on earth to start, suicidal,  but not anymore.  I know I'll have my downs, but I also know they dont last, that an up is right around the corner. Keep picking yourself up, all of you. 

Edited by Dewey

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22 hours ago, hullabelew said:

My one year was May 8.  Since you are fresh off yr two, what are some things that were harder in the second year?  

I took four days off this week, so naturally I'm way more busy than usual and couldn't get to this until today. Going to be rigorously honest about this: the second year was harder than the first. The scar tissue is still fresh the first year, so you're more conscientious of working towards and preserving your serenity. There's no "I got this" when you're six months out of rehab and feel like you had lived your life down to a pencil point; at least, there wasn't for me. Once you get comfortable-- complacent, even-- it's easier for a few days of "I am not some newbie who needs meetings every day" to turn into "I haven't been to a meeting in six days and I'm snapping at my wife and taking things at work personally". 

I found it a lot easier to stay on the "one day at a time" track in year one. I do a lot more looking back in year two, and I do a lot more futurecasting, worrying about stuff I can't control. 

Everything can also be an exciting new challenge in that first year. It wasn't the first time I tried to get sober, but it was the first time I put my entire life on hold for thirty days and tried to do it totally right. In the second year, I'm not finding a lot of exciting stuff to tackle. I thought my energy and happiness would just keep going up (and maybe they'll start again at some point) but I feel like most stuff has plateaued and the days are just kind of bleeding together.

Some of this is the COVID world. But some of it is my age (45) and just being sort of tired of stuff that was integral to my life fifteen years ago without an equal amount of stuff to replace it. I know what the program answer is, more service work but that's the only real downside of AA where I am: we don't get many newcomers and even when there are in-person AA meetings, there is a backlog of people helping with service (e.g., you sign up for something and get there thirty minutes early and three people have already combined to do the thing). 

Ultimately, I still have faith in the program because the more I do of it, the better I feel. And I know, the same way I wouldn't touch a hot stove, that things might get better tomorrow if I stay sober but can/will only get worse if I drink, and that keeps me coming back. I also see people with six, eight, twenty years of sobriety and that helps remind me better days are possible. 

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Thanks Dewey, Twice and Talent:    I'm learning that there is a lot of stuff with my wife that being sober probably isn't going to fix.  I'm going to have a pretty big decision this year about that.  I'm still dealing with the stuff I have learned about myself this past year...how I am the way I am.  One thing mentioned above is taking things personally. Stuff at work and shit my wife says to me.   Not so much what she says, but how she says it.  It all has a long, historical basis, and I know that now.  

Anyway, I really appreciate your input.  

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Posted (edited)

Well, dont beat yourself up over what you have learned about yourself,  we're all fallible, every single person. Work on improving yourself, every person has the right to hit the reset button and change who they are. If you're a person who sticks to dogmas ("that's just who I am!") you're doing it wrong. I'd argue we all change from one day to the next, never the same as we were the day before. Tiny changes, sometimes big changes... So who's to say we cant make an effort to change for the best? That's what this is all about anyway, you dont stop drinking, drugging, whatever it was and stay the same, you'll go back to fucking up! So change.

All that to say steps 6 and 7 are huge, for.me and I think others. Drop the Rock is a tremendous book on the subject. 

Edited by Dewey

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6 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

 

I feel like most stuff has plateaued and the days are just kind of bleeding together.

 

This is not a bad place to be. Waking up sober, muddling thru a day. Get some exercise maybe, watch the sunset. Hug your kids if they're around, talk to them if they're not. Reach out to someone just because. Be a decent person. That's all I want these days and most days I am a decent person. After a lot of years of being a complete shithead, lol... this plateau and days bleeding together is a nice break.

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Sorry to hear that hulla - hope y’all work out whatever is right for y’all.

One thing I was thinking about earlier as I was avoiding going to sleep - a difference between myself now and between myself then is that I’m perfectly able to have emotions and not have them be at someone, or be someone’s fault.

I was writing up a thing on how that’s been going on lately, but just.. lots of covid and non covid related anxiety and instability at work. It’s a lot easier to work through emotions if understand them as how I feel and not as a thing that someone else did to me that needs to be made right.

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@SwanderedTalent  the old speaker Tom Brady Jr. talks about hitting “menopause” in recovery.  It’s a real thing.  The only thing I know that alleviates it is getting out of self, working with others, prayer and meditation.  Anything to get out of self....even volunteering time and talent outside of the program can help.  
 

This too shall pass and we can’t control the thoughts that pop in to our heads but we are responsible for what action we take with those thoughts. 
 

It’s cliche but those ring more true the longer I stay sober. 

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How are y'all doing? Staying sane?

I feel like I'm in a bit of a middle ground. On the one hand I'm fine, things are good, I have what I need. But it's a weird state where time is completely fuzzy and there is so much that is happening that is outside of my control. It doesn't create the spiral that it might have in the long ago, but it's a weird space to be in.

I picked up knitting at the beginning of the lockdown stuff. It's something that is engaging but not overly active, I can do it when watching movies, I can focus and control what's happening, I can improve iteratively, it is creative but not without rules/boundaries/a framework. I enjoy it but also this beginning of lockdown/current state of lockdown I think is a bit of a "I'm going slightly crazy but it is alright."

IMG-3209-COLLAGE.jpg

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If you want to know how serious alcoholism is, an example is a man putting his knitting hobby on the alcoholic thread of shaggy with impunity from ridicule.  But joking aside, that's a pretty cool hobby. I don't know if I have the patience for it.

I hit 2 years a couple weeks ago and just moved from Texas back to Iowa where I'm originally from and all my family and friends still are. It feels more right than anything I've ever done in life. I've been  gone 20 years, for really no other reason than I was running away to get drunk by myself. For 2 decades. But it's always been home here. I've just always done things the hard way. But I made it back and feel like I'm just starting life at 43 and I feel good about that. I finally love myself and realize how much the people in my life care, and always have. I just didn't know how to see it.

@hullabelew I've had a different experience than @SwanderedTalent with year 2 compared to  year 1. Obviously it's an ever changing journey and everyone is different,  but to me, year 2 is really when I  started gaining confidence that life really can be this good forever without the bottle. Not because I missed drinking and simply thought I could get by without it, but because everything was better without it. Significantly. Once I  realized it wasn't a temporary state of happiness and contentment and that this feeling is real for as long as I want it, I realized I had made life difficult.  LIfe didn't do anything to me. 

 

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On 5/23/2020 at 11:33 AM, BBQ2Bayou said:

but to me, year 2 is really when I  started gaining confidence that life really can be this good forever without the bottle. Not because I missed drinking and simply thought I could get by without it, but because everything was better without it. Significantly. Once I  realized it wasn't a temporary state of happiness and contentment and that this feeling is real for as long as I want it, I realized I had made life difficult.  LIfe didn't do anything to me. 

I find it interesting that we've had different experiences in Year 2 and I wonder if the bold is part of the reason why. I knew that part years before I could stay sober for any real length of time, but it didn't do me any real good. I haven't gained any additional confidence in that regard; I already knew how much better my life was when sober.

The last half-dozen relapses were almost 100% "I am in the mood to express my pain outwardly and hopefully hurt some people", almost 0% "this will feel good/be fun/be a relief/help escape". Really sick. My thinking is still pretty sick, because there are times when that 100% sounds like a pretty good response to things and if I substitute the phrase "I should put a gun in my mouth" in place of "maybe I should give up and get drunk", it really emphasizes what an insane overreaction it is. 

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I don't know that I ever got to a state where I didn't give a fuck about other people - really that was a thing that was a major "problem" of mine, feeling the need to stay alive because I couldn't quite get the balls to drive full speed off a cliff or figure out some other way to maybe die without letting people know what was up. Certainly not bragging about not feeling that or whatever - it doesn't matter. I can certainly identify with the feeling of.... "i'm diving head first into alcoholism because it is an expression of how i feel" type of thing. It's subtle or interesting how alcohol is the good times thing and then the crutch and kinda... at least for me by the time I realized I AM DEFINITELY AN ALCOHOLIC AND I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP it had already gotten me close to the "i don't care about my life anymore so this is what I will do" state.

I've talked about this before - I think that I was really malleable and missing probably 10-15 points of IQ for ~the first year of sobriety. Not sure how much of that is post alcohol withdrawal syndrome and how much of it is related to... having gone through a manic/psychotic state and pumped full of drugs and been in a coma for a month or however long. There was definitely something wrong because my memory for that first year is way more faded than it should be. But I think that put me in a good state for shutting up and doing what I was told and then kinda ramping back up to being my old self as the new rhythms and patterns got more hard coded. I don't remember year 1 well but I think it was pretty linear improvement/things getting easier as time passed. It does happen that it's a challenge, or really life continues to be a challenge because that is life and then every now and then there's a surprising sharp craving/"I could easily just do this" feeling. Happened most recently at HEB seeing... 512 IPA in bottles for sale.

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Side topic: Is there such a thing coexisting as an Alcoholic and a Real Alcoholic? It would seem so if the disease of addiction is progressive. But those are also specific terms being applied to a subjective curve.

I see it somewhat this way...

Abstinent - Doesn't play with fire

Normie - Dammit

Problem Drinker - Suffers from consequences, but repeats similar behaviors

Heavy Drinker - Tearing their body down with near continuous drinking

Alcoholic - It doesn't work anymore, cravings-consequences-mental obsession, needs help quitting drinking, relapses

Real Alcoholic - Life is terrifying and almost worse without alcohol. Death can be around any corner.

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16 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

Side topic: Is there such a thing coexisting as an Alcoholic and a Real Alcoholic? It would seem so if the disease of addiction is progressive. But those are also specific terms being applied to a subjective curve.

I see it somewhat this way...

Abstinent - Doesn't play with fire

Normie - Dammit

Problem Drinker - Suffers from consequences, but repeats similar behaviors

Heavy Drinker - Tearing their body down with near continuous drinking

Alcoholic - It doesn't work anymore, cravings-consequences-mental obsession, needs help quitting drinking, relapses

Real Alcoholic - Life is terrifying and almost worse without alcohol. Death can be around any corner.

your last two are the only ones where I don't necessarily see a clear delineation, unless maybe it's between alcoholics who could still conceivably quit and harbor a desire at some level for a sober life, and those who've just absolutely given up....? The latter category maybe being at a point where doctors are like "you can't even safely detox that person" a la Townes Van Zandt at the end.

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16 hours ago, JohnnyRage said:

Side topic: Is there such a thing coexisting as an Alcoholic and a Real Alcoholic? It would seem so if the disease of addiction is progressive. But those are also specific terms being applied to a subjective curve.

I see it somewhat this way...

Abstinent - Doesn't play with fire

Normie - Dammit

Problem Drinker - Suffers from consequences, but repeats similar behaviors

Heavy Drinker - Tearing their body down with near continuous drinking

Alcoholic - It doesn't work anymore, cravings-consequences-mental obsession, needs help quitting drinking, relapses

Real Alcoholic - Life is terrifying and almost worse without alcohol. Death can be around any corner.

I see the distinction as more underlying cause (and importantly, necessary steps) than severity of problem. Anyone can drink to the point that their life falls apart and they need medical help to detox safely. A non-alcoholic person with a drinking problem can get tired of it, hit the gym and get laid and pull themselves out of their funk, and maybe even return to normal drinking. Alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics and they need to apply alcoholic fixes to their alcoholic problems.

I think the distinction can be really important because of that last part, especially if a non alcoholic starts to dominate an AA meeting with a lot of information about their experience that can be destructive to alcoholics who need help but are being convinced they don't need to make the changes they need to make. I'm also not a fan of the weird dick measuring contests that alcoholics can get into, however. And also I don't think there has been much in the way of... that being a problem here in this thread. Or explicitly, I wouldn't want to dissuade anyone who thinks they may be an alcoholic from participating in this thread (and I don't think we have a problem here with non-alcoholics who participate subverting the purpose of this thread inasmuch as it is a virtual AA meeting of sorts).

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23 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

your last two are the only ones where I don't necessarily see a clear delineation, unless maybe it's between alcoholics who could still conceivably quit and harbor a desire at some level for a sober life, and those who've just absolutely given up....? The latter category maybe being at a point where doctors are like "you can't even safely detox that person" a la Townes Van Zandt at the end.

The book uses the term, and there are some that separate themselves by identifying as a ‘real alcoholic’. 
 

I think what they are getting at is that they were at the jumping off point (suicidal, can’t live with it can’t live without it), that life was even more terrible when they put down the drink, and that for them to drink is to die.

That’s not me. But I do know for a fact that I am on the spectrum of being an alcoholic. They also say that it’s a progressive disease. That means that there is a range.

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What happened for me is that I was still flirting with some semblance of functionality when I began flirting with sobriety.  A big part of that was denial, of course, but I didn't feel like I was in a struggle for my life or my soul.

The first couple of failed attempts were accompanied not only with failure to stay sober, but accelerating consequences, to the point where I was more or less in a living hell.  I could no longer tolerate drinking and I could no longer tolerate just being abstinent and I was scared as hell of going through with the program.

When I embarked on my final, to this point, attempt to get and stay sober, it was with a pretty firm conviction that it was my last go-round.

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5 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

When I embarked on my final, to this point, attempt to get and stay sober, it was with a pretty firm conviction that it was my last go-round.

That is one of the best things I feel like I have going for me, at this point. It is not supremely sufficient-- I can't rely just on the feeling like "this is it, or bust" for me-- but it has reframed the decision-making process for me. If I pick up another drink at this point, it will only be because I don't want to be alive anymore. 

Part of the deal for chronic relapsers, at least this chronic relapser, was the idea that some bright shiny day, I really will get this thing and get sober and be the best me, but that's not here yet. Now, my view of relapse and recovery is, if I have to try to sober up again, I really don't think I will make it. I might (or sadly might not) try to get sober again, in this hypothetical, but I no longer think it's axiomatic that I'd become a success story if I had to start over from Day 1. That's partially what I've seen and learned in the program and partly an extrapolation of how much harder it got every time. 

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The progressiveness for me was more along the lines of how I "managed" the disease.  I have come to believe that I was born this way as opposed to drinking my way into some dependence.   I also think that can happen but once it does, the progression then is probably the same with regard to the physical cravings and mental obsession.

My evidence for this is that after some period of sobriety and reflection, I can identify that I always had the craving.  From drink one at an early age, I was never satisfied with one drink even when I could use better judgement and stop.  I was always unsatisfied.

That's what I have come to understand as the allergy manifesting a physical craving.  Even in high school and college, I can recall often wondering things like "How can bars operate if they know that everyone who drives there will leave and be guilty of drunken driving."  It never occurred to me that one could drink and not get drunk.

Later when of age, I didn't understand the concept of a Bloody Mary for brunch and not drinking the rest of the day. 

When I was forced to do that, it started as an uncomfortable feeling and in later years progressed into a monumental feat of willpower that eventually was too much.

When I did practice moderate, social or "normie" drinking, it was a chore and not enjoyable at some core, primal level.  

I was functional, and could drink socially, but always had to finish the job at some point in the day or night.

That's when the lying and sneaking part comes in.

As the disease progressed, I had less and less ability to control the amount I consumed and when I occasionally did control the amount, the dissatisfaction with it and the restlessness increased.

Finally, I gave up any notion of controlling AND enjoying my drinking.  Those two could not coexist.

When I read the book and it talks about a hard drinker who given sufficient reason to stop or moderate can do so successfully and without wanting to blow their brains out, I picture someone who abuses alcohol, but is not prey to the allergy and mental obsession.  They dry out, clean up, and move on without the bottle resting on their shoulder whispering - "we should be drinking" 24/7/365.

Another way I try and explain it to normies (like my wife).

They for whatever reason think  I need a drink.  What they really mean is that they want a drink - the choice is implied and real for them.  They choose to take the action of drinking in moderation or to excess.

When I was to think I need a drink, I really needed to drink (not by choice) in order satisfy the mental obsession preceding and then the physical craving that started following the 1st drink.

That's rambling, but so be it.  Just my experience.

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I'm really not posting for any reason, but to share, cause I find it helps me. I've posted here in the past and have lurked for a while. I've known for a long time I needed to be here, but wasn't fully ready. Last month, I was canned from work. Just one of many things I've destructed because of this disease. It was finally the thing that took me there. Within 5 days if that, I cleared out my apartment, out my belongings in storage and checked into residential treatment. I've attended meetings in the past but never fully committed to the program or realized the beauty of it and the big book. I left rehab this week and checked into a sober house. I'm jobless, near broke, with no income coming in, and falling behind on my child support, but I'm sober, I have my dog with me, I've reconnected to my higher power, am the happiest I've been in years. This is the first time I've committed fully to the program and had a sponsor and it feels so different this time. Anyhow, I'm rambling now, but I'm glad to be here.

 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)
5 minutes ago, DallasHorn26 said:

I'm really not posting for any reason, but to share, cause I find it helps me. I've posted here in the past and have lurked for a while. I've known for a long time I needed to be here, but wasn't fully ready. Last month, I was canned from work. Just one of many things I've destructed because of this disease. It was finally the thing that took me there. Within 5 days if that, I cleared out my apartment, out my belongings in storage and checked into residential treatment. I've attended meetings in the past but never fully committed to the program or realized the beauty of it and the big book. I left rehab this week and checked into a sober house. I'm jobless, near broke, with no income coming in, and falling behind on my child support, but I'm sober, I have my dog with me, I've reconnected to my higher power, am the happiest I've been in years. This is the first time I've committed fully to the program and had a sponsor and it feels so different this time. Anyhow, I'm rambling now, but I'm glad to be here.

 

 

 

 

Work the program, it will work for you.  I can virtually guarantee it.  By "work for you," I think you will find your situation vastly improved in a matter of months, both psychologically and in the more material realm.

Edited by TwiceHorn

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I'm really not posting for any reason, but to share, cause I find it helps me. I've posted here in the past and have lurked for a while. I've known for a long time I needed to be here, but wasn't fully ready. Last month, I was canned from work. Just one of many things I've destructed because of this disease. It was finally the thing that took me there. Within 5 days if that, I cleared out my apartment, out my belongings in storage and checked into residential treatment. I've attended meetings in the past but never fully committed to the program or realized the beauty of it and the big book. I left rehab this week and checked into a sober house. I'm jobless, near broke, with no income coming in, and falling behind on my child support, but I'm sober, I have my dog with me, I've reconnected to my higher power, am the happiest I've been in years. This is the first time I've committed fully to the program and had a sponsor and it feels so different this time. Anyhow, I'm rambling now, but I'm glad to be here.
 
 
 
 
Good post. Good place to start. Those broke, busted, but newly sober days were some of the best in my life. I'm in your corner.

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Good post. Good place to start. Those broke, busted, but newly sober days were some of the best in my life. I'm in your corner.
Thanks man. I've definitely enjoyed you're posts over the years.

Sent from my moto g(7) optimo (XT1952DL) using Tapatalk

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