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Life and Death of a Salesman

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Question 1: I am in higher ed tech sales and in a hotel in Lawrence, KS. Presenting at KU tomorrow as part of an RFP that has been written to our software. I’ve presented on a lot of campuses, but have never had a Final 4 or MNC coencide with my visit. Although sacrilegious, I’m thinking of rocking a Jayhawks T under my blazer to show support. Thoughts? Too much? 

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Lol.

Spent the day with my new manager today. Been a colleague for 7 years and I've watched him just crush his number year after year.

He threw a copy of the comp plan at me and said that I have a reputation of being too nice.

Then he dared me to get a customer so mad that they would call him and demand that I be replaced for being too greedy. He said he wants as many of those calls as I can generate.

90 days in the bigs and I'm getting acclimated.

So Hollywood, I'd just wear an Allen Grayson jersey. Or hip check your customer into a table or something.

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21 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Lol.

Spent the day with my new manager today. Been a colleague for 7 years and I've watched him just crush his number year after year.

He threw a copy of the comp plan at me and said that I have a reputation of being too nice.

Then he dared me to get a customer so mad that they would call him and demand that I be replaced for being too greedy. He said he wants as many of those calls as I can generate.

90 days in the bigs and I'm getting acclimated.

So Hollywood, I'd just wear an Allen Grayson jersey. Or hip check your customer into a table or something.

Just like women.  They don’t fuck their best friends.

Customers don’t buy from their bestest buddy.  

People want what they can’t have.

Human psychology is a hell of a thing.

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1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

Just like women.  They don’t fuck their best friends.

Customers don’t buy from their bestest buddy.  

People want what they can’t have.

Human psychology is a hell of a thing.

2 days in and I'm already thinking like an asshole.

Also I am now a racist, and with good reason. If you're an Indian hotel owner, I'm done. I dictate the terms. You don't like It, tough shit. You're not my kind of customer. You want the technology thatHilton has? I'm your guy. And you will pay for it. Otherwise cancel, you're costing me money.

/fupm 

 

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On 3/26/2018 at 10:59 PM, Hollywood said:

Question 1: I am in higher ed tech sales and in a hotel in Lawrence, KS. Presenting at KU tomorrow as part of an RFP that has been written to our software. I’ve presented on a lot of campuses, but have never had a Final 4 or MNC coencide with my visit. Although sacrilegious, I’m thinking of rocking a Jayhawks T under my blazer to show support. Thoughts? Too much? 

cheesy IMHO, but go for it

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On 3/27/2018 at 12:19 AM, BearSchlong said:

Lol.

Spent the day with my new manager today. Been a colleague for 7 years and I've watched him just crush his number year after year.

He threw a copy of the comp plan at me and said that I have a reputation of being too nice.

Then he dared me to get a customer so mad that they would call him and demand that I be replaced for being too greedy. He said he wants as many of those calls as I can generate.

90 days in the bigs and I'm getting acclimated.

So Hollywood, I'd just wear an Allen Grayson jersey. Or hip check your customer into a table or something.

what do you sell? 

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On 3/28/2018 at 9:57 AM, next2naus said:

what do you sell? 

Fiber Internet, Ethernet, PRI/SIP, Fiber television service to hospitality industry.

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On 3/27/2018 at 12:19 AM, BearSchlong said:

Lol.

Spent the day with my new manager today. Been a colleague for 7 years and I've watched him just crush his number year after year.

He threw a copy of the comp plan at me and said that I have a reputation of being too nice.

Then he dared me to get a customer so mad that they would call him and demand that I be replaced for being too greedy. He said he wants as many of those calls as I can generate.

90 days in the bigs and I'm getting acclimated.

So Hollywood, I'd just wear an Allen Grayson jersey. Or hip check your customer into a table or something.

your mgr is awful

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your mgr is awful
Awfully well paid.

The problem with my organization is that there's a huge disconnect between what I'm paid to do and what I'm asked to do.

I didn't sign up to babysit customer service issues. I signed up to sell.

It's seriously a twilight zone like situation sometimes.

My problem is that I'm a people pleaser/helpful type. And the higher I rise in the hierarchy the more this becomes a liability rather than an asset. My quota increased by 25% with this role change.

Unfortunately over the last 7 years I've established a reputation as someone who gives a shit and will stop what I'm doing to be helpful. And in a thousand plus person sales organization I've slipped into the 2nd quarter the last 2 years after blowing out quota the previous 5.

Today I received 200 emails and 50 phone calls, and I mutes them all and focused on the task at hand.

Also, I discovered Microsoft OneNote and holy cow it's helped tremendously with my organization.

The bottom line is that there's a pretty big paradox involved - I could get fired for being too nice.



Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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2 days in and I'm already thinking like an asshole.
Also I am now a racist, and with good reason. If you're an Indian hotel owner, I'm done. I dictate the terms. You don't like It, tough shit. You're not my kind of customer. You want the technology thatHilton has? I'm your guy. And you will pay for it. Otherwise cancel, you're costing me money.
/fupm 
 
Motherfucker signed an agreement, were spending thousands in network infrastructure/construction? And he had the balls to call me/email me a total of 10 times today to attempt to renegotiate his rate.

Go back to India or learn how to do business in America, asshole.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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Lulz. That’s why I ignore all buyer registrations from ME and sellers that want to sell. They are horribad, dishonest and plain awful to deal with. They bug us to death on the buy side and we ignore them. Such time wasters.

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Apologies, sales brethren. I'm not really racist. Just insensitive. I know other parts of the world consider negotiations an ongoing, fluid situation.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

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9 hours ago, next2naus said:

your mgr is awful

Have to agree. Lots of other ways to generate motivation.

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11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

didn't sign up to babysit customer service issues. I signed up to sell.

Sure you did, it comes with the job

 

11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My problem is that I'm a people pleaser/helpful type. And the higher I rise in the hierarchy the more this becomes a liability rather than an asset. My quota increased by 25% with this role change.

no, stop learning management technique from movies, it's not a liability, that is unless your a total flake and some little bambi bats her lashes and you cave in. You quota went up because you have demonstrated that you will retire it. the better you do, the bigger the bullseye.

Helping others is fine as long as you help yourself first. 

Your Manager is shit and will not succeed long term or in another shop.I would seek another team. 

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OneNote is like a shittier version of Evernote... just like how OneDrive is a shittier Google Drive, but its corp mandated so

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Thanks for the perspective.  After sleeping on it, everything you are saying is 100% accurate in context with a healthy, customer focused organization.

I'll quit bitching and just go sell now.

 

 

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20 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Fiber Internet, Ethernet, PRI/SIP, Fiber television service to hospitality industry.

Tiny warning for that job .... my kids never watch TV in hotels, they want the wifi password and that's enough for them.  I've stopped watching TV on the road other than maybe the morning news when I travel for business.  You may eventually find yourself selling something else...

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1 hour ago, Texas Jeff said:

Tiny warning for that job .... my kids never watch TV in hotels, they want the wifi password and that's enough for them.  I've stopped watching TV on the road other than maybe the morning news when I travel for business.  You may eventually find yourself selling something else...

Good point.  I'm on the road 20-26 weeks out of the year.  I can't remember the last time I turned on the TV when I was working.

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On 3/29/2018 at 9:48 PM, Goodman said:

Have to agree. Lots of other ways to generate motivation.

Only 3 ways to motivate: fear (do it or you’re fired, very short term, lowest level of leadership. Carrot (compensation, spiffs, bonus). Attitude ( lead by example, train, mentor). 

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They may not buy from their best friend, but they damned sure don't buy from someone they do not trust.

 

I tell my noobs, "Don't ever take yes for granted."

 

For some, it takes a lifetime for the light to come on...

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1 hour ago, jdhorn92 said:

Only 3 ways to motivate: fear (do it or you’re fired, very short term, lowest level of leadership. Carrot (compensation, spiffs, bonus). Attitude ( lead by example, train, mentor). 

The problem with folks who manage by fear, most of them think they are leading by having the right "attitude". 

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On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 9:35 PM, BearSchlong said:

Apologies, sales brethren. I'm not really racist. Just insensitive. I know other parts of the world consider negotiations an ongoing, fluid situation.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
 

Which I can certainly appreciate when in said countries.  This does not work well with our sellers and in most cases will piss off our sellers to the point they call us into question on how we vetted the buyer.  You waste time on various levels if you try to negotiate after a APA/PSA is drafted by legal.  

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Checking in to see how fellow sales professionals are doing.

Slow start but 2nd quarter looks like it's going to make it a helluva good year.

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customer: "The faster you can get those api keys to us the better. Our developers are young and eager to get going on this"

coworker, thinking the phone was on mute:"Blacklab, tell them you're old and onery and hate coming to work"

customer:"What did you say?!"

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On 3/27/2018 at 12:19 AM, BearSchlong said:

Lol.

Spent the day with my new manager today. Been a colleague for 7 years and I've watched him just crush his number year after year.

He threw a copy of the comp plan at me and said that I have a reputation of being too nice.

Then he dared me to get a customer so mad that they would call him and demand that I be replaced for being too greedy. He said he wants as many of those calls as I can generate.

90 days in the bigs and I'm getting acclimated.

So Hollywood, I'd just wear an Allen Grayson jersey. Or hip check your customer into a table or something.

Shy Biz?

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On 3/30/2018 at 9:42 AM, Texas Jeff said:

Tiny warning for that job .... my kids never watch TV in hotels, they want the wifi password and that's enough for them.  I've stopped watching TV on the road other than maybe the morning news when I travel for business.  You may eventually find yourself selling something else...

Disposable prepackaged TV remotes for every guest would be a winner. Maides don't clean them enough and people....well they touch them, they touch themselves....do the math

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16 hours ago, blacklab said:

customer: "The faster you can get those api keys to us the better. Our developers are young and eager to get going on this"

coworker, thinking the phone was on mute:"Blacklab, tell them you're old and onery and hate coming to work"

customer:"What did you say?!"

funny cuz its true? the mute button is my jesus

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25 minutes ago, next2naus said:

funny cuz its true? the mute button is my jesus

my mute button (on my mobile) failed me once. and kept failing me the whole call. 

let that horror sink in. deep into your soul. 

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oooh man the heebie jeebies. . .

Almost as bad as the asshat that puts the unmuted webex call with 500 participants on hold so that they can take another call - forgetting the music on hold is on full blast.  And of course the presenter is always a noob who has no idea how to mute that participant's voice line, or to put everyone on mute, and continues to try to loudly talk over the music on hold, and then realizes that folly and just ends the call and reschedules it for a later date.

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Just popped in to give a big round of fuck yous to anyone in tech sales. You're great at convincing technically deficient CIOs into buying stupid shit the company doesnt need. 

Would have loved to see the pitch that conned a group of execs into buying a ton of surface pro 3s which were going EOL in 6 months. 

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I bet three things happened here.

1) The vendor knew they were EOL and gave your company a great deal. May also have been end of quarter and had other manufacturer incentives to offer.

2) Your tech leadership had a bunch of leftover budget money and knew that if they didn't spend it on something they were going to lose it next quarter or year. 

3) They are also idiots.

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On 4/1/2018 at 8:44 PM, slorch said:

They may not buy from their best friend, but they damned sure don't buy from someone they do not trust.

 

I tell my noobs, "Don't ever take yes for granted."

 

For some, it takes a lifetime for the light to come on...

 

And "No" is sometimes the best answer you can get. (Fuck em and move on) 

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2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Just popped in to give a big round of fuck yous to anyone in tech sales. You're great at convincing technically deficient CIOs into buying stupid shit the company doesnt need. 

Would have loved to see the pitch that conned a group of execs into buying a ton of surface pro 3s which were going EOL in 6 months. 

Look at the idiot, CIO's job is to not spend money, he doesn't buy IT, he approves or moreover does not approve of the buy based on Budgets, Risk, and ROI. 

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1 hour ago, Grade of D as in David said:

I bet three things happened here.

1) The vendor knew they were EOL and gave your company a great deal. May also have been end of quarter and had other manufacturer incentives to offer.

2) Your tech leadership had a bunch of leftover budget money and knew that if they didn't spend it on something they were going to lose it next quarter or year. 

3) They are also idiots.

ding

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On 4/18/2018 at 4:15 PM, BearSchlong said:

Checking in to see how fellow sales professionals are doing.

Slow start but 2nd quarter looks like it's going to make it a helluva good year.

Company is at 80% of our gross revenue from last year. Killed it in the first quarter.  Of course, I’m always worried where the next project will come from but they do keep coming. 

I’m a relationship seller but we deliver what I sell. 

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13 hours ago, VABuckeye said:

 

I’m a relationship seller but we deliver what I sell. 

 

Hey asshole we are all in sales here. You don't need to use those Intro to Sales lines on us. 

 

Happy Friday! 

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Tech sales here as well. First year we have broken our year into two halves. 167% for the first half which is awesome, but probably blew my load and will limp around for the second half. Hope you hombres make some money.

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First deal is set for closing next week.  It died and was brought back to life but that's what we do.  It a whole new world that can get very tense at times.

 

Also, the sales prevention department(lawyers) are quickly rising up my list of irritants that try to get in the way when it is completely unnecessary.  

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10 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Hey asshole we are all in sales here. You don't need to use those Intro to Sales lines on us. 

 

Happy Friday! 

It’s how I do it man. Month to month I find that if I stick to the basics it works.  Then again, I own the fucking company so it’s me that is at risk. 

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First Q, my team was just below target at a 99.7, and just over expenses at 104.0.

Thing is, our January sucked donkey dick and we have been crushing it since then.  Let's just say the company made our goals a bit too aggressive to start off the year, but we are in 2nd place out of 14 teams,

First 4 weeks of Q2, we are beating last year by about 13% and beating expense target.  Someone told me once that champions pedal when they're going downhill.  Fuck yes, we are sprinting now.  No fucks given about overlapping it next year.

 

Hell, we all may be dead by then...

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On 4/20/2018 at 9:08 PM, VABuckeye said:

It’s how I do it man. Month to month I find that if I stick to the basics it works.  Then again, I own the fucking company so it’s me that is at risk. 

It does, I was just giving you a hard time! No worries. 

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First deal is set for closing next week.  It died and was brought back to life but that's what we do.  It a whole new world that can get very tense at times.
 
Also, the sales prevention department(lawyers) are quickly rising up my list of irritants that try to get in the way when it is completely unnecessary.  

Yup. Lawyer.
Our seller wanted to use his lawyer against our advice. Along the way the lawyer has mucked things up needlessly.
An example is that there is a clause that if any of 4 key employees leave within 45 days post close, seller has a $7500 penalty. Buyer and seller came up with this in lieu of getting signed employment agreements prior to close. Well seller’s lawyer takes it upon himself to make the $5000 and 60 days. Why? Not a single person talked about that or agree to it.

We are trying to close Monday as deal fatigue is setting in for seller. His lawyer calls me last night to ask where the closing documents are. Are you kidding me? That’s your job! Seller is highly pissed at his lawyer at this point.

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