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    closetojumping

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Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/05/19 in all areas

  1. One of the great things about being a Texas fan is that the football team plays at least 10 P5 teams each year. I heard some SEC honk on XM 84 mention recently that Georgia is really showing the world who’s the balls by playing an amazing 10 P5 games this year. “Wow. I’m sexually aroused, Commander.” You know who else plays 10 P5 games this year? Every fucking Pac 12, Big 10, and Big 12 team in existence, you myopic fuck. These fucking clowns have gone so deep into their own fart-huffing that they forgot that the sport is actually played beyond the range of their backwater region. Anyway, part of what’s great about how Texas plays its 10 P5 games is that the 10th game is damned near always against a worthy opponent with a well-known brand. This year is no different, as the horns don their gear this Saturday to face a powerful foe in the LSU Tigers. It should be a great match-up and fun Saturday night. And by that, I mean I expect Texas to stomp a deep and dirty mudhole painfully into the ass of these Cajun hillbillies and send them packing back to the swampy nether regions faster than you can spot corruption in their state government. “But closetojumping, LSU’s student athletes are among the elite in college sports!” First of all, let’s be clear about something, I don’t think LSU is even an accredited university. The trolls showing up to this site, and anyone who’s ever read TigerDroppings can also attest, simply reflect the concept that LSU isn’t an actual school, therefore these are not “Student” Athletes that UT is playing. Look at the facts: -LSU has an application acceptance rate of 74%. The literacy rate for the state of Louisiana most recently posted at 69% according to the Department of Education. Basic math says this is an open-enrollment school creating vocational opportunities for the literate and semi-literate in its home state. They’re effectively taking anyone from Louisiana that can sign their name on the application. -The admission standards and average SAT scores accepted into LSU are lower than the NCAA eligibility requirements for true freshmen student athletes entering into its FBS schools. A state of Texas GED is an acceptable posting of the documents required for acceptance into LSU. Given this data, it’s reasonable to assess that LSU’s football team is in effect a local team of mercenaries that do not face the same academic and educational responsibilities that any of their opponents besides Ole Miss, Auburn, and Mississippi State will face. So they’re not to be called student-athletes, and they’re able to show up competing with that advantage against Texas. I still like where we sit against them and their fans, both in this game and in life. “closetojumping, you seem awfully bullish about Texas facing a team with a new offensive juggernaut of an offense that dismantled a mighty 10 win team last weekend.” I keep hearing a couple of refrains from LSU visitors, the media talking heads, and the coelenterates cloaked in UT gear that surface themselves on the boards and at the proverbial water cooler. The mighty new offense is one of the bigger talking points as to why Texas shouldn’t even bother showing up this weekend. So LSU hired a guy that’s never actually been a coordinator of any sort and shoved him into the pedestrian Ensminger’s thinking, and asked those two to have a football baby. And we’re supposed to be concerned, especially after watching LSU publicly buttfuck the wizards of GA Southern. “Hey, GAS won 10 games last year, they’re strong.” Right. Their best win last year was against Appalachian State. They were blown out by ULM. So, no, pummeling a shithole team from the Sun Belt doesn’t do anything for me. I realize, given LSU’s troubles with the Sun Belt, this is a step up, like going from using an outhouse to having indoor plumbing. A wise philosopher once said that everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. Installing a new offense with a nonbelieving head coach that panics when he sees his offenses actively using motion faces more peril than what a cupcake can present. When Texas sends LSU back to the sidelines after a couple of 3 and outs, let’s see how much resolve Brady and Ensminger have when Baron von Edward Beauregard Orgeron is heaving red bull and dirty rice flavored, spittle-loaded invective in their direction and regressing the offense back to 3 yards and a cloud of dust. Orgeron’s loomed like a gargoyle over the offensive strategy of his staff in every season of every stop he’s made as a head coach. It’s difficult to fathom that he’s shaken that monkey in one offseason because an analyst from the Saints was hired. The oldest running joke in college football is that LSU has opened up its offense. That punchline will be toasted again in the late hours of Saturday night. “CTJ, these LSU boys got that swagger though!!! They Sposed to be SEC!!!” A team hasn’t talked this much shit about an opponent since Miami prepared to face Penn State in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl. The media has certainly bathed LSU in Sazerac-flavored glory as the LSU idiots have fed them sound byte after sound byte. K’Lavon Chaisson and his 3 career sacks has pulled up in his shit smelling clown car and spouted off at the mouth to anyone who will listen. This guy must still be pissed that Tom Herman took up residence in his home for 8 hours and subjected him to bingewatching Friends. One of the linebackers has announced that they’re going to run over Sam Cosmi in 10 different ways. I can’t remember which one said it, and while my understanding is that their LB corps is apparently on par with 70’s Steelers, I don’t see a single fucking one that can sniff Devin White’s jock, and he’s long gone. Their entire DB unit has collectively rubbed its sandy vagina and moaned that Texas, a program that has put more than 60 DBs into the league, has the temerity to continue to claim a moniker that UT’s been using for 3 decades. The LSU DBs are hurt because history apparently started with Patrick Peterson and the fucking Honey Badger. Right. Sorry, LSU, we forgot you were there. All of the shit talking and chest beating is the same false bravado we witnessed in our last 2 endeavors against overrated SEC teams. They’re fucking great because they say they are. It’s got all the markings of a situation in which a team shows up, throws their helmets out on the field, and says “okay, we’re here, give us the W”. As Texas fans, we know it all too well, having seen that bullshit start with overhype at the turn of the decade and the UT teams of that period playing right into it. Herman lives for this kind of game and situation, and his team feeds off of it as well. Underdogs at home? Getting shittalked by clowns who’ve never shared the field with Texas? Big national audience? All those boxes are checked and the history of those circumstances tells us that Texas will be ready. Beyond the mental prep, or lack thereof, depending upon the side, there’s also a really simple exercise to think through here. If you had one game to win against a highly touted and talented opponent, which head coach would you want prepping the strategy for your team and hatching the gameplan – Tom Herman or Sir Edgar Beaujolais Orgeron, Esq.? Only LSU fans are dumb enough to claim they’d choose the latter. “OH NO closetojumping, you’ve doomed us to our fate!!” I mudhole posted about USC last year, if it makes you feel any better. Stop squatting to pee. Texas wins this game with a score closer than the way the game was actually played on the field – 31-24. I expect misdirection, tempo, and a steady diet of fat ass LSU defenders sucking wind. The Texas defense will sell out to stop the run and force Jesus Joe Burrow to swagger the passing game to a big night while the beached whales masquerading as offensive linemen attempt to fend off multiple blitzes in front of him. I look forward to seeing many hot and trashy Cajun females bawling after the game, barely speaking audible English, lamenting the beating their team just took. LSU players, apparently, will be looking forward to heading back to the lockerroom so they can continue to compare notes on how they’re going to rape each other, or whatever the fuck this is: Anyway, Hook'em
    174 points
  2. My post from last week about La Tech was generally well-received, so I wanted to do a post about LSU. Plus, inviting the mouthbreathing Tiger fans squatting on our boards to read 2,000 words might occupy them from now until game time. As with last time, my analysis is flawed and underresearched. I watched a single LSU game—LSU vs. Georgia Southern’s matchup from last week, and I turned it off when LSU took their starters out. Here were my takeaways: What to expect from LSU’s offense? Much ink has been spilled about LSU’s offseason offensive “turnaround” and hiring of a glorified grad assistant from LSU. I’m not going to rehash their staff, scheme, or those details. Instead, I’ll get right to the personnel. I will say that one thing that was apparent from watching the film was how much more tempo LSU ran their offense with this year. There was no huddling and an apparent emphasis on moving very quickly offensively. Quarterback: Everyone knows LSU’s QB is Joe Burrow. But what is he? Is he a poor, Cajun (tautological?) man’s version of Sam Ehlinger? Is he the dregs of Ohio State’s necrosis under Urban Meyer? Is he a dark horse for the Heisman and possibly the best QB in the SEC? These questions and more… What did I see last week? Frankly, Burrow is extremely accurate in the short passing game. He showed nice accuracy a few times on the Power/Slant RPO that LSU ran several times He hit a really nice backshoulder throw on a switch route to take LSU up 21-0: Burrow has a strong preference for waiting for plays to develop deep, then hitting wide open check down reads, if he’s given time and space to do so. Seriously, if Orlando decides to bring pressure, our D better get to the QB quickly, because Burrow is more than happy to pick up 5 or 6 yards on check downs. Burrow’s arm strength is a question mark. He does not have a cannon and his deep throws flutter and fail on him. There were times against GSU that Burrow had a receiver wide open downfield, but his passes took so long to get to his target that defenders were able to catch up to the receiver to break up the pass If he does not have an open receiver, he’s not great at deciding to throw the ball away or try to pick up a few yards on the ground. He will try to force balls into tight windows, if he doesn’t have a wide open checkdown he can find: Running Backs: LSU’s starter snaps against GSU went to Clyde Edwards-Helaire (22) and Lanard Fournette (27). Edwards has some wiggle to him, great burst, and decisive cuts. But he’s not a big tackle breaker or anything otherworldly: Fournette appears to be LSU’s version of Kyle Porter: Let’s hope he gets starter carries again this week. As mentioned above, Burrow really leaned on the RBs in the checkdown passing game—much more so than in the running game which (as discussed below) wasn’t great against GSU. They also ran several RB screens. Here's one to Lanard Fournette: Seriously, doesn’t he just look and run and get tackled like Kyle Porter? Here's some more screenage: Offensive Line: Surprisingly, given everything I’d heard about LSU’s O-line’s strengths and weaknesses, LSU’s OL actually kept a cleaner pocket in pass pro than they did a good job opening up running lanes. LSU struggled running the ball all night. But Burrow had plenty of time to throw. With that said, if LSU’s OL has one big weakness, it’s the immobility of their offensive tackles Same play from All-22: Potential for Texas’s Defense: This is the play I just showed above, but I want to do a deeper dive into it, because it’s one thing Orlando’s D did a very nice job of against La Tech: Note that the play above is very similar to plays where our D had two picks last week (one was the pick 6 by Ossai that was called back; the other was Overshown’s diving interception late in the game). If Burrow isn’t careful with this throw this weekend, it could be a big momentum swing for Texas. Notice that here, the overhang defender drops straight back up the seam—covering grass—even though there’s no receiver in the vicinity. Compare that to how Ossai makes a similar drop: Compare J’Mar Smith’s “look off” of that route with Burrow’s. They’re almost identical. J’Mar focuses on the curl route developing in the middle of the field, thinking he’s frozen the safety. It’s not clear whether he even sees Ossai. Then he rifles the ball to the curl route at the sticks, but Ossai breaks on the ball as soon as it’s thrown. In the Burrow version of the play, there’s even less deception, because the side of the field where the ball is thrown has only a single route being run. Although Burrow “looks off” the safeties to that side of the field, there’s really no work he’s doing there, because there are no other routes that should have occupied them. And here’s Overshown’s even better drop: Note how fixated La Tech’s QB is on the overhang defender rushing from the edge. He sees him come upfield and thinks he must have a wide open window to hit the flat route. But Overshown beats the flat route to the spot of the ball. What to Expect from LSU’s Defense: You’ve heard a lot about LSU’s defense this week. Most of it is true. Their LBs and secondary are really fucking fast and they hit really fucking hard. Defensive Backs: I’ll start with Safety, because Grant Delpit is the real deal. Watch him run this play down (he’s standing right next to the official, about 9 yards off the ball and shaded over the strongside guard): (That probably should’ve been a late hit, but still) I mean, fuck. The other safety is Ja’Coby Stevens who I would’ve talked about more if Grant Delpit weren’t on the team: LSU’s secondary philosophy (at least against GSU) was to stop the run at all costs, play lock-down D with the corners and have the safeties keep everything in front of them and not miss tackles. Sound familiar? LSU starts true freshman Derek Stingley, who also had punt/kick return duties for them. He held up fine against Georgia Southern’s wholly inept attack, but how will he do manned up on Collin Johnson? Linebackers: LSU’s DL does such a good job of occupying blockers that LSU’s LBs often get a free run into the hole. Look at how early the WLB (Damone Clark, 35) gets to the hole. But he stops his feet and catches the RB in the hole, rather than running through the hole and causing a TFL. Defensive Line: Rashard Lawrence is a stud. We better hope Parker Braun is ready to pass protect at a high level, so this doesn’t happen: Glen Logan is the other DE in the 3-4 front. He missed some tackles against GSU: The nose tackle is Shelvin Tyler and is number 72. He looks like the kind of defensive lineman who should be wearing number 72, too: Chaisson is the rush LB (think Ossai’s role). He gets talked about a lot, especially on here, given his recruiting history. He’s Still, we should definitely block him: The DL is very large, though, and susceptible to draws/screens. Although when we run a draw, we have to hope our running back does not become a Dead, like this GSU player (Chaisson on the hit): Conclusion: Unsurprisingly, LSU’s defense is really stout. It’s secondary, especially, can really fly around and make plays. Our coaches need to make sure Sam doesn’t take a clean shot from Delpit or Chaisson (who will both, by the way, definitely make dirty hits: Already pointed out the Delpit late hit above, but here it is again: And check out the crown of Chaisson’s helmet here: Aranda’s defense looks A LOT like Texas’. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. But where Texas’ D-line is built to be a super quick, attacking and stunting line, LSU’s is designed to hold up against the Big run-centric OL of the SEC. Can Texas take advantage of that by getting the lines moving laterally to wear out or negate LSU’s strengths? And even if they can, how does Texas neutralize LSU’s speed at safety? I think back to the ways Gundy and Holgorsen attacked Orlando’s offense last year (lots of outside zone; lots of RPO routes premised on making safeties choose between run and pass responsibilities; and forcing one-on-one mismatches in the passing game through formation choices). Will Herman force LSU to pick their poison the same way? Do we have enough RB talent to spam LSU with the outside zone that oSu and WVU hammered Texas with? Can Texas keep the pocket clean long enough for Sam to let LSU’s defense overpursue and find the open man? Those are all of the questions for Texas’ O against LSU’s D. But flipping the script: how the fuck is LSU going to score points on Texas? LSU’s O is a horrible mismatch for what Orlando does with his defense, and the number of times they were forced to throw the ball against GSU may indicate some systemic problems with the run game install this year. LSU’s attempt to “revolutionize” their offense by installing decade-old RPOs that have already been schemed over by DCs should terrify no one. I am so fucking excited for this game. Texas 28 – LSU 13.
    30 points
  3. Let me translate since I married into a family of swamp running coonasses, jackasses and shrimpin’ Chinks. A baw is your basic jackass who is equal parts bro, wannabe country boy and pretentious football fan who wears his designer sunglasses, blue jeans and red wings as an extension of his personality. A baw tries to compensate for the fact that he can’t afford the payments on his jacked up F-250 by strutting around in cammo gear as though he just spent the week filling in as a stuntman in First Blood when the only thing he actually hunted was some Cane’s chicken fingers. He’s the asshole who shows up at the wedding in full LSU tiger gear with a case in back for the reception...as a groomsman. Take away conversations about duck hunting, his latest truck accoutrements or his football team of choice and you’re left with a near vacuous mute that communicates like Sloth with Chunk. Imagine a die hard Tide fine from South Alabama, and then take away any sense of self awareness. Basically, an idiots attempt at being a flashy good old boy. They’ll litter Austin with refuse and general jackassery, but on the bright side most of the city’s road kill will be cleaned from the shoulders and served at their tailgates.
    30 points
  4. TFB interviewed Princely. Skip to the last two sentences.
    23 points
  5. We don't want to "make it on tigerdroppings". That's why we're not there. We're trying to avoid you hillbilly retards.
    23 points
  6. Huh? The official name of LSU is Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College. Nobody is talking about the clown college in College Station. I would ask if you really didn't know the real name of your school, but I think we all know the answer already.
    22 points
  7. We are not stuck on aggy you just remind us of aggy. Here is why: 1) Trolling with stupidity is worn by you guys like a badge of honor. First post over at Tiger Droppings is Shaggy sucks and I paraphrase "Wow I am doing my part by being a moron over there. I will probably be banned". Just like aggy. 2) SEC, SEC, SEC even though LSU has done nothing since 2011. No conference championships or national titles for about the same time as Texas. But hey we are great because we are in the SEC. Just like aggy. 3) LSU Football players and fans sure mention lots of homo stuff. Like "10 million butt plugs being sold in Louisiana" for this game. I did not say it an LSU troll said it. Just like aggy. 4) We own scoreboard and all time series record on your ass. Just like aggy. Alabama, USC, Ohio State and Notre Dame fan bases did not remind us of aggy but your fan base sure does. The more I read stuff posted by LSU fans the more I can't help and think Bayou aggy.
    17 points
  8. thats my favorite denzel scene of all time! /katfid.
    14 points
  9. If you think an LSU diploma is worth the same in the business world as a UT degree, I assume you're specifically referencing either the shrimping industry or local Louisiana government. Otherwise, it's hard to believe you're being serious.
    14 points
  10. Negged for being humorless. So much of the world's wit and coherence must breeze over your thick skull with super-sonic speed.
    14 points
  11. "Whoa" is what you say when you're fucking your sister/cousin and she starts calling out your brothers name. Woe is what we Texans feel having y'all as state neighbors.
    13 points
  12. The last five games LSU has played: A 7 pt win over Arkansas A win over Rice A loss to a&m An 8 point win over UCF A win over Georgia Southerm.
    13 points
  13. 11 points
  14. They should let her run Del Conte’s account for a week or two. That would be some high quality entertainment.
    11 points
  15. 10 points
  16. I believe I'm familiar with this contractor. Some of their other work:
    9 points
  17. I have no idea what this video shows or even is even trying to say because I’m not gonna click on it, but I went ahead and negged the poster of it because he’s always such a fucking idiot.
    9 points
  18. These are some great points. However, I don't think Coach Orgeron's history of abject failure has been emphasized enough. Let's look at his track record: In 2005, Orgeron was hired at Ole Miss. He tried to instigate a new offense and failed miserably. Ole Miss finished 117th in the country, averaging 13.5 points and 282 yards of total offense per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2005-team-offense.html In 2006, Orgeron's offense moved up to 108th, averaging a whopping 15.7 points and 261 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2006-team-offense.html In 2007, Orgeron's offense made a leap to 105th, averaging 20.1 points and 345 yards per game. Source: https://www.sports-reference.com/cfb/years/2007-team-offense.html After going winless in SEC play in 2007, Orgeron was fired. Even Charlie Strong was able to get conference wins in his third year. Orgeron ended his tenure at Ole Miss with a 9-25 record and 3 conference wins. Orgeron then left college football for a year, and then took a position with Lane Kiffen's Tennesee program. Yikes. After Kiffen's Tennesee program blew up, Orgeron went to work at USC. USC eventually decided to hire Steve Sarkisian instead of Coach O. What's really incredible about this is that I can think of 4 programs with great histories that have struggled this decade. USC, Tennesee, Nebraska, and Texas. Orgeron was involved with two of those at a high level, and he was not able to right the ship at either of them. Herman, however, was able to significantly improve Texas. After 1 year, Herman's team won 10 games for the first time since 2009. Wherever Ed goes, mediocrity follows. USC was gradually getting worse before he arrived, meh when he was there, and meh after he left. Ole Miss just sort of sucked, and I don't think I need to talk about Tennesee. Now let's look at LSU. Orgeron's teams have scored 10 points in 3 years against Alabama. He lost a bowl game to Notre Dame. In his two seasons, he's gone 9-4 and 10-3. Counting the games after Les got fired, his winning percentage at LSU is worse than Miles's (.770 vs .743). Elite coaches make programs better. Ed Orgeron does not.
    9 points
  19. How bout you post that response in the actual analysis thread you fucking retard. This here thread is for discussing our d-line running a train on your wife and wiping their dicks on Coach O's upper lip.
    9 points
  20. Man, the LSU posters are so boring. After SC and ND as our marquee OOC games we got spoiled for reasonably high-IQ opponents.
    9 points
  21. We have never had a "rival" from this state.
    9 points
  22. We drink and we know things. That’s what we do.
    9 points
  23. I dare any of these privileged honkies to tweet her back
    9 points
  24. Look you special needs gumbo sweating dipshit, that link was posted for you to go have that discussion over there. I know this board may be hard to understand for you because it's not written in crayon, but please try to keep up.
    8 points
  25. In response to the original post video:
    8 points
  26. Ja'Tavion Sanders Fong'd to Texas
    8 points
  27. tl;dr: EMAWsome uses butt plugs.
    8 points
  28. Those people are wrong, and are doing more harm by spouting this bullshit. They are defensively trying to rationalize his actions, and unconsciously humanizing and crediting him by doing so. It's basically a form of denial. Trump is mentally ill and unfit to hold any position in government. He has a personality disorder that is endangering and weakening this country due to his position as POTUS. That's it. There's nothing else. Let's start and end from that baseline and get him out of office.
    7 points
  29. It ain’t a nutria cookout in the bayou either...
    7 points
  30. Busted flat in Shreveport. Waiting for a train.
    7 points
  31. don't quote Fozzz put Fozzz on ignore Who knows? you can't see Fozzz's reaction profit
    7 points
  32. And this is where you lose all credibility. Saying the President is smarter than anyone is beyond belief.
    7 points
  33. This is how I imagine all of the LSU trolls.
    6 points
  34. Free handies? Must be an SEC tradition.
    6 points
  35. Yeah, the SC and ND posters that showed up were civilized humans that were engaging in discussions about business, travel, wine, etc... The LSU posters show up with a semi-functioning brain and want to talk about gumbo, man on man buttfucking, the discovery of the forward pass and the Sunbelt being underrated.
    6 points
  36. Ed Orgeron's signature? What's that got to do with anything?
    6 points
  37. Every other discussion in this country is so polarized, so climate and energy might as well be too. This is especially frustrating because it's one that should be led by experts, who are in turn informed by science and economics. Instead, we have know-nothing morons on both extremes dictating how this very complicated, technical, nuanced topic is consumed by the public, which is 99% laymen. How many people do you know who are actually qualified to have a strong opinion here? I guess we can say that about any topic, but this might be the only one that concerns our viability as a species. On one side, we have drooling troglodytes opposed to any kind of change from the status quo, regardless of merit. On the other, we have people inventing fairy tales, then believing in them, followed by calling anyone who doesn't believe 100% in their imagined fantasy world a pox upon humanity. The people who make up those poles consist of what, maybe 10% of the population? I think even most laymen, if presented with a choice, would like a thoughtful course of action that won't either: 1. Cause runaway climate change, leading to a huge reduction in the human population. 2. Wreck the world economy, cause mass starvation, and lead to a huge reduction in the human population. Our risk tolerance for either of those is 0. 1% is too high. There's too much money in politics, and we'll never fix that. So using financial interests to re-define the battle lines (or make them disappear) is the only way to find a reasonable course of action. The majors - Total, Shell, BP, and now even Exxon are going this direction, but without a lot of conviction or urgency. Over the long run, they have more influence than some bombastic politician. What can accelerate that evolution is to make green energy as or more profitable than hydrocarbons. Not through taxes, subsidies, or picking winners and losers through legislation, but through innovation and technology. Wind and solar are good at making a lot of energy, but not necessarily when we need it. Whoever invents cheap, scale-able energy storage will be a trillionaire, but only those with country-sized balance sheets will be able to scale it and deploy it. I'm in oil and gas because the world needs oil and gas. We will need it for decades to come. But if we are still doing things this way in 50 years, then we will have failed miserably somewhere. This is a century-long transition that needs profitable allocation of resources to be successful. Incubation, public/private partnerships, but most importantly, profitability. It's the only language humans collectively speak.
    6 points
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