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Onboard 2.0

I may own one of the tackiest furniture accessories in the Western Hemisphere.

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They don't come much tackier, but damn if I don't love that tackiness, it's not even kitsch it's pure tacky. What's not to love about Rubys that could choke a horse,  brass-like plated metal, and beer bottle, amber glass ??  

It's always by my side cigar nights on the ver-aaaaaanda.

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Edited by Onboard 2.0

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just so I understand:

you purposefully sit next to the above 'furniture accessory' and repeatedly place a moistened phallic object in your mouth while creating suction with your diaphragm.  is that right?

ok.

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30 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

They don't come much tackier, but damn if I don't love that tackiness, it's not even kitsch it's pure tacky. What's not to love about Rubys that could choke a horse,  brass-like plated metal, and beer bottle, amber glass ??  

It's always by my side cigar nights on the ver-aaaaaanda.

FullSizeRender-181.jpg

Have you met @Mitch Cumsteen’s wife?

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5 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Don't get me wrong... it's an atrocious piece of furniture but it wouldn't be one of the top 10 tackiest things in my living room. 

That's both scary, and excitingly, interesting .

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That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

 

 

 

image.jpeg.5b0ff4a498e12990fea74fb99c241f39.jpeg

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2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Don't get me wrong... it's an atrocious piece of furniture but it wouldn't be one of the top 10 tackiest things in my living room. 

But Mrs. Cumsteen would have rained blows down upon someone if it were the last one available.

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1 hour ago, Rougarou said:

image.jpeg.5b0ff4a498e12990fea74fb99c241f39.jpeg

 

3 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

They all do.

Every last one of 'em.

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

 

 

 

Wait, Onboard is my Meemaw? 

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That thing is awesome.

I trust a red velvet smoking jacket, well styled handle bar mustache and a silver mint julep cup are also involved

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7 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

 

Corrections:

1. Its called a "kimono"

2.  He uses Vietnamese maids and holds their passports.

3. Valium is only for terrible alcoholics who need to control their destructive drinking. He obviously has a Dr. friend who issues scrips for Xanex so 5mg pills cost $.12 and are covered by insurance

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1 hour ago, Doc Reeves said:

That thing is awesome.

I trust a red velvet smoking jacket, well styled handle bar mustache and a silver mint julep cup are also involved

Oh hell yes. I have a red velvet jacket that gets trotted out on occasion, it completes the scene. Chicks will feel you up all day when you wear a red velvet jacket. No to the juleps though, not a fan.

 

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

Like thats a bad thing ??

 

 

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9 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Don't get me wrong... it's an atrocious piece of furniture but it wouldn't be one of the top 10 tackiest things in my living room. 

I always imagine your wife is one of the hottest pieces of tail any of us can imagine or you must really be one ugly MF;er

 

always loved your contributions

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24 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Oh hell yes. I have a red velvet jacket that gets trotted out on occasion, it completes the scene. Chicks will feel you up all day when you wear a red velvet jacket. No to the juleps though, not a fan.

will ferrell comedy GIF

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Don't get me wrong... it's an atrocious piece of furniture but it wouldn't be one of the top 10 tackiest things in my living room. 

Might be time for a refresher course.

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57 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Oh hell yes. I have a red velvet jacket that gets trotted out on occasion, it completes the scene. Chicks will feel you up all day when you wear a red velvet jacket. No to the juleps though, not a fan.

 

That piece is strong evidence you spend your day lounging around in mumu, smoking Virginia Slims while reading the National Enquirer and complaining that the mexican housekeeper is stealing your valium.

Like thats a bad thing ??

 

 

No mint julep? How could you?

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18 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

If you told me you bought that from a garage sale in the middle of Nebraska, I could give you the address.

Heh heh, the wifes' grandmother. It's was part of a complete set of furniture. It was by far the tackiest thing in the set.  I only wished I'd snapped a pic of it when it was all assembled in its glory, complete with one of those greek statue, dripping oil lamps hanging in the corner (EDIT: that may have been the tackiest thing). 

I always told her grandmother that I wanted the cigar stand cause I loved it so much, I think that made her very happy, great lady..   

We also snagged 2 uber victorian, red velvet chairs, I've been planning on covering them in something very very avant garde/contemporary when I find the right fabric.

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Edited by Onboard 2.0

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33 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

OIP.dWOEbSiFq35Q6Q7_GS2QlAAAAA?w=159&h=2

Hey, fuck you man!  That's a classic design with the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window and we display it every year.

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2 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

If I found a working oil drip lamp, I'd buy it today, take my money.  Loved those things as a kid.

Yeah somebody else grabbed hers before I could claim it.

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On 9/14/2020 at 10:56 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Don't get me wrong... it's an atrocious piece of furniture but it wouldn't be one of the top 10 tackiest things in my living room. 

We’re gonna need an update here soon on  new additions to the Cumsteen abode, been too long.

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On 9/14/2020 at 7:25 PM, tfoolry said:

image.thumb.jpeg.42f6c0eace6fc8d6ec2763fc3a44b579.jpeg

While that cat was alive, it was a beautiful, noble creature.  Now, somewhere in the afterlife, he's looking down and saying, "Son of a BITCH!  It's not Chuck Testa!"

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