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furniture, serious business.

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-mitchell-helton-manatee-furniture-1453043

mitchell-helton.jpg?w=737&f=ab35e173d6cf

man from Manatee County is accused of pulling a gun on two furniture delivery men because he was unhappy that they were late. Mitchell Helton, 55, had ordered the goods from the Furniture Warehouse and had been told that they were on their way on August 3.

The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said that when the delivery men arrived, the front door was open and Helton told them that he was upset he had to wait so long. When they asked him if he still wanted the furniture, he said, "do whatever you want" and went to his bedroom, according to the police report.

When they started to unload the furniture from their vehicle, Helton allegedly pointed a gun at the men and said, "You know, I've shot people for less,"

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it's georgia, so close enough.

https://www.ajc.com/news/crime--law/macon-teen-gets-life-sentence-for-strangling-sister-over-password/hxQ0hk3DOuPejcfpVal79O/

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A Georgia teenager was sentenced to life in prison for choking his older sister to death during an argument over the family’s Wi-Fi password, authorities said. 

The incident began as an argument between the teen and his mother after Kevon Watkins changed the Wi-Fi password so he could play video games without interruption, prosecutors said. 

Fearing the confrontation would turn physical, Alexus Watkins came to her mother’s aid, prosecutor Jason Martin argued in court. Kevon and Alexus tussled and fell to the floor, authorities said. When their mother couldn’t separate her children, she called for help.

Prosecutors said Kevon held his sister in a chokehold for about 15 minutes, and one Bibb County deputy testified the 16-year-old was still choking her when authorities arrived 10 minutes after the 911 call. 

 

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https://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/national/florida-father-daughter-charged-with-incest

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PANAMA CITY, Fla. — A father and daughter were arrested on Tuesday in Panama City, Florida on charges of incest.

Panama City Police arrested 39-year-old Justin Bunn and 19-year-old Taylor Bunn just before 11 a.m. on Tuesday.

According to arrest records, the father and daughter were seen having sex in their backyard on Wakulla Avenue on February 18.

florida-father-daughter-incest_151987612

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On 8/8/2019 at 2:08 PM, crash_davis said:

it's georgia, so close enough.

 

 

 

In that case, we got meth alligators in Alabama:

https://www.complex.com/life/2019/07/police-caution-against-flushing-drugs-alabama-meth-gators

 

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"we could create meth-gators in Shoal Creek and the Tennessee River down in North Alabama. They've had enough methed up animals the past few weeks without our help."

 

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Seriously SEC country?  You guys accidentally invented meth fueled alligators?  What the fuck is wrong with you people? 

Was your rationale that the meth would make their teeth rot and fall out, hence less dangerous?  

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This has to be one of the best ones ever:

 

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ccording to the arrest report, the pair both had blood shot, watery eyes and their speech was slurred. The deputy performed a field sobriety test on Thomas until he refused to complete it.

Deputies said he did poorly on the portion of the test he did.

The report stated Mondanaro did not speak to the deputy after being asked to take the sobriety test.

The two were arrested and placed in the back of the patrol car. While the deputy was outsid of the patrol car, the pair took off their clothes and began to have sex, according to the arrest report. 

NCSO said Thomas was removed from the car while naked by the deputy.

Thomas was able to knock the deputy down to the ground during the process and began to run through the parking lot, the report stated. The report said he ran past several cars at a traffic light and then in front of a CVS store and in the parking lot of other stores.

Deputies said they eventually caught up with him at the Cold Stone Creamery and arrested him.
Thomas was taken to the Nassau County Detention Facility after he was medically cleared and faces charges of exposing sex organs, DUI, threat against public official and unnatural and lascivious act.  

The arrest report stated during a breath test, he blew a .145 on the first breath and a .146 on the second. 

Mondanaro became violent and started kicking one of the deputies several times after Thomas was initially removed from the patrol car.

She is facing charges of: exposing sex organs, DUI, resist with violence simple assault and unnatural and lascivious act.

 



https://www.actionnewsjax.com/news/local/nassau-county-pair-arrested-man-flees-police-custody-while-naked-report-says/986807295?fbclid=IwAR3_HB6batyhO6R-2fS0wMNioJMriPyxtQRSXcDk3wQAvCw3aJQziEyDgA8

 

For whatever reason she has three Facebook pages in which she half shows her boobs.  

https://www.facebook.com/megan.mondanaro.14

https://www.facebook.com/megan.mondanaro.1983


She also has at least two kids.  This is going to be rather hard to explain to them when they grow up.

Edited by Hornius Emeritus

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"She is facing charges of: exposing sex organs, DUI, resist with violence simple assault and unnatural and lascivious act."

How is what they did "unnatural"?  Is it because in the back of a police car? Asking for a friend of course.

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Ah, Florida.....forever answering the great American question, “what if Ohio gave another state one its extra chromosomes?”

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A Florida woman wants a turtle to be mayor of Clearwater. She’s not kidding.

“It sounds wacky,” Elizabeth Drayer said of her plan to get a turtle elected, “but it really isn’t.”
 

In fact, Clearwater doesn’t need a person at all.

Clearwater needs a sea turtle.

“The goal of this campaign is to elect a nonhuman to give nature a voice,” said Drayer, 58, the latest entrant into the Clearwater mayor’s race, in an interview.

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A body of a woman was discovered inside a portable toilet that caught fire and exploded early Saturday at a construction site in north Florida, according to officials.

The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said on Facebook that authorities responded to the home on North Horseshoe Road in St. Augustine on a report of a porta-potty fire, and discovered human remains inside.

"Regarding today’s discovery of human remains contained within a portable toilet, detectives believe the decedent is a white female," the sheriff's office said. "At this time, we have not received any missing persons reports that may coincide with this incident."

Neighbors told WFOX they heard a loud explosion around 7 a.m., then saw the portable toilet on fire in front of a home under construction in the neighborhood.

"I just was sitting, watching TV and heard a loud explosion," one neighbor told WFOX.

Edited by Loco

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A Florida woman wants a turtle to be mayor of Clearwater. She’s not kidding.

“It sounds wacky,” Elizabeth Drayer said of her plan to get a turtle elected, “but it really isn’t.” https://www.tampabay.com/florida-politics/buzz/2019/09/26/a-florida-woman-wants-a-turtle-to-be-mayor-of-clearwater-shes-not-kidding/  

In fact, Clearwater doesn’t need a person at all.

Clearwater needs a sea turtle.

“The goal of this campaign is to elect a nonhuman to give nature a voice,” said Drayer, 58, the latest entrant into the Clearwater mayor’s race, in an interview.


Can we move the sea turtle move to Austin and run for mayor?

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On 9/29/2019 at 5:57 PM, Loco said:

 

A body of a woman was discovered inside a portable toilet that caught fire and exploded early Saturday at a construction site in north Florida, according to officials.

The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said on Facebook that authorities responded to the home on North Horseshoe Road in St. Augustine on a report of a porta-potty fire, and discovered human remains inside.

"Regarding today’s discovery of human remains contained within a portable toilet, detectives believe the decedent is a white female," the sheriff's office said. "At this time, we have not received any missing persons reports that may coincide with this incident."

Neighbors told WFOX they heard a loud explosion around 7 a.m., then saw the portable toilet on fire in front of a home under construction in the neighborhood.

"I just was sitting, watching TV and heard a loud explosion," one neighbor told WFOX.

 

Lit a smoke in the portapotty. Methane explosion.

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9 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Lit a smoke in the portapotty. Methane explosion.

A smoke? Was it some doobage?

If so, she would have been.....

 

High on pot.

cain GIF

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On 9/30/2019 at 5:41 PM, demos said:


Can we move the sea turtle move to Austin and run for mayor?

A turtle could never be Mayor in Austin because having its own biological home built onto its body, it would be largely unsympathetic to the homeless plight.  

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https://nypost.com/2019/10/07/florida-man-arrested-for-trying-to-get-alligator-drunk/

A Florida man was reportedly arrested for trying to get an alligator drunk after his pal captured the reptile.

Timothy Kepke, 27, of Hobe Sound allegedly fed some beer to the animal, which also bit him, on Aug. 26 in Palm City, according to a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission report obtained by TC Palm.

Moments earlier, Kepke told police, Noah Osborne, 22, caught the gator with his bare hands, the report said.

Kepke told authorities he had consumed a few beers that day, but claimed he wasn’t intoxicated during the incident.

After the beer feeding, which was recorded, the duo released the animal back into the wild, Kepke told officers.

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2 hours ago, ztejas said:

https://nypost.com/2019/10/07/florida-man-arrested-for-trying-to-get-alligator-drunk/

A Florida man was reportedly arrested for trying to get an alligator drunk after his pal captured the reptile.

Timothy Kepke, 27, of Hobe Sound allegedly fed some beer to the animal, which also bit him, on Aug. 26 in Palm City, according to a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission report obtained by TC Palm.

Moments earlier, Kepke told police, Noah Osborne, 22, caught the gator with his bare hands, the report said.

Kepke told authorities he had consumed a few beers that day, but claimed he wasn’t intoxicated during the incident.

After the beer feeding, which was recorded, the duo released the animal back into the wild, Kepke told officers.

I mean, they’re worried about meth gators, better be sure they can handle their alcohol as well.  You know, for science. 

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4 hours ago, ztejas said:

Timothy Kepke, 27, of Hobe Sound allegedly fed some beer to the animal, which also bit him

That's what happens when you serve Natty Light to a gator.

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57 minutes ago, RPM said:

That's what happens when you serve Natty Light to a gator.

I coulda sworn everybody knew gators only drink Abita or Red Stripe.

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Florida man arrested for having sex with stuffed 'Olaf' at Target

fit-420x236-000.jpg

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested Tuesday after being caught have sex with a stuffed animal inside Target.

Witnesses told police they saw Cody Meader, 20, take a large Olaf from "Frozen" off the store shelves at a St. Petersburg location and begin to "dry hump" the toy.

The police report claims Meader ejaculated on the Olaf doll and put it back on the shelf before he "selected a large unicorn stuffed animal" and began to have sex with that object as well.

Meader was taken into custody while in the store and admitted to doing "stupid stuff." He was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

The Olaf and unicorn stuffed animals were removed from the store and destroyed, the Smoking Gun reports.

https://www.local10.com/news/florida/florida-man-arrested-for-having-sex-with-stuffed-olaf-at-target

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In his defense, he lost his medical insurance recently, and having sex with a snowman was the only way he could afford to freeze off his genital warts.

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19 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

In his defense, he lost his medical insurance recently, and having sex with a snowman was the only way he could afford to freeze off his genital warts.

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