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Posted
On 3/1/2025 at 3:17 PM, cactusflinthead said:

Good to hear. It's a little annoying when I have to pay the same  for a Dr. Pepper as I would for a beer.

I can remember going to the strip club with my friends, 30 years ago. I never drank, so I'd just order a coke. "Sure thing, Hon", then I get a slightly colder than room temp can. "That'll be $3.50". Meanwhile, the bros are getting pitchers of bud light for like $7. 

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Posted
4 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

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My wife’s Facebook background … an early indication that my love for her was well deserved and well placed. 

IMG_6213.jpeg

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Posted
On 4/5/2025 at 10:07 AM, Dbeasy said:

I hope everyone that follows this thread can find a path to a more content life. A highly accomplished VC friend I’ve known for almost thirty years passed away at 59 in the last week after not being able to deal effectively with his challenges. Find the positives in life if you can. 

We get just a blip of time here on this rock and then we're gone. Make a positive impact upon those you meet. Leave behind good memories for people and maybe some of them will wind up doing some good for others as well.

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Posted

I spent a bit of time in the last week sharing some of what I know about history with a couple of younger people. It was kinda cool to see the light go on for each of them in learning some things they did not really know anything about. 
 

I think that all of you are really intelligent folks. If you are not having a great day find someone else that is not as well and teach them something they know very little about. It’ll make you feel better and you will have made someone else’s day better by educating them about something new. There are days where I’d just assume not leave my apartment or talk to anyone. I’ll do it because I do not know who I will meet or what I may learn about this great big world from someone else.

Posted
2 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

I spent a bit of time in the last week sharing some of what I know about history with a couple of younger people. It was kinda cool to see the light go on for each of them in learning some things they did not really know anything about. 
 

I think that all of you are really intelligent folks. If you are not having a great day find someone else that is not as well and teach them something they know very little about. It’ll make you feel better and you will have made someone else’s day better by educating them about something new. There are days where I’d just assume not leave my apartment or talk to anyone. I’ll do it because I do not know who I will meet or what I may learn about this great big world from someone else.

image.png.d7d021b31df64e0ecc3a4f90642d0b17.png

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Posted

The amount of homelessness I see on a daily basis is astounding and it makes me feel for those who do not have a place to live. I will add that there are a few that I do find to be intriguing because of things I notice. One guy is at the same bus stop and he's always laying under the canopy reading books. Another one I say on the bus last week and he was being his usual loud and obnoxious self. Definitely a former New Yorker in his younger days. Three Australian women were trying to get to a place here and he would not leave them alone on the bus. I gave a knowing look to one of the women and they kinda laughed and just ignored him. 

Every single time I see someone though I always wonder what was the breaking point in their life that led to being permanently homeless. I feel like we should be doing more to help folks out, especially the mental health part of the equation.

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Posted
On 6/5/2025 at 12:58 PM, Kennythetiger said:

Some of them are quite happy right there. 

Oh absolutely. I just always wonder what it was that was their breaking point that they could not get back up from. I spent a pretty good amount of time just watching folks and trying to learn more about the world around me. I feel like there just has to be a better way in a society as abundantly blessed as we are. Seeing people give up on whatever their hopes and dreams were in life and descend down the path of homelessness just gets to me.

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Posted

The amount of grief and heartache which are coming out of the floods cannot be understated.

If you see someone in pain, reach out. If nothing more than to give them a hug.

And tell your kids you love them.

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Posted (edited)
On 6/17/2025 at 5:13 AM, UpperWestside said:

Oh absolutely. I just always wonder what it was that was their breaking point that they could not get back up from. I spent a pretty good amount of time just watching folks and trying to learn more about the world around me. I feel like there just has to be a better way in a society as abundantly blessed as we are. Seeing people give up on whatever their hopes and dreams were in life and descend down the path of homelessness just gets to me.

The one that comes to mind most recently for me is my latest halfway house project - he unraveled when his grandfather died. Everyone else in the family was irresponsible and crazy - but his grandfather was his pillar of sobriety and support.

I've mentioned that we recently constructed a new residential building to house 20+ guys. One cool thing our executive director did was install plaques with the names of notable people, such as past board members, donors, or impactful citizens, who contributed to our mission over the years.  Last time I was there, I noticed that this guy I'm helping lives in a room with his grandfather's name engraved on a brass plaque above the door to his room. Just a little detail that helps keep his feet in sober living. 

@Lidig8r - re: how a formerly homeless gent helped out in the flood.

  • Around 15 years ago, a homeless guy named Eric entered the H.O.W. Center (halfway house). I have no qualms sharing his name because he would run me over to get in front of a news camera to tell the story himself.
  • His mentor is a guy named Steve, and Eric credits him with saving his life. Unfortunately, several years later, Steve dies, and Eric enters a dark place. I offer a hand, he accepts, and we become very close.
  • Relevant - Steve leaves behind a younger wife and growing family. Several years later, his widow marries another good friend of mine, a match made in heaven. Unfortunately, one of the children is lost to the 4th of July flood.
  • Eric not only flourishes in business and life, but also becomes a single dad when his infant's mom dies from addiction. He eventually marries a delightful woman and builds a family.
  • Eric decides his life's mission is to help the homeless, and he does so very loudly for a decade. On a slow news day, send a reporter and camera to Eric, and he will provide your lead story on the 6 o'clock news.
  • Eric told me his pastor had asked him to start a church. Over lunch at Luby's, I asked Eric if perhaps his pastor was politely ejecting him from his church. He misses the joke. He buys a dilapidated 15 passenger van and leases a former restaurant.
  • The Guadalupe floods. Eric and his church/ministry "Warm Hands, Warm Hearts" descend on the Hill Country to help find the missing girl and provide disaster relief. Photo below.

I'm a cynical, suspicious skeptic, but I'll be damned if Eric isn't living his life precisely as prescribed in the New Testament.

(I just texted him to tell him how much I love and admire the man he's become, and we'll be eating lunch at Luby's again this week.)

The Flood relief crew

 

 

517401412_1275040537626479_6667060028690331057_n.jpg

Edited by BearSchlong
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Posted
On 7/14/2025 at 9:17 PM, BearSchlong said:

The one that comes to mind most recently for me is my latest halfway house project - he unraveled when his grandfather died. Everyone else in the family was irresponsible and crazy - but his grandfather was his pillar of sobriety and support.

I've mentioned that we recently constructed a new residential building to house 20+ guys. One cool thing our executive director did was install plaques with the names of notable people, such as past board members, donors, or impactful citizens, who contributed to our mission over the years.  Last time I was there, I noticed that this guy I'm helping lives in a room with his grandfather's name engraved on a brass plaque above the door to his room. Just a little detail that helps keep his feet in sober living. 

@Lidig8r - re: how a formerly homeless gent helped out in the flood.

  • Around 15 years ago, a homeless guy named Eric entered the H.O.W. Center (halfway house). I have no qualms sharing his name because he would run me over to get in front of a news camera to tell the story himself.
  • His mentor is a guy named Steve, and Eric credits him with saving his life. Unfortunately, several years later, Steve dies, and Eric enters a dark place. I offer a hand, he accepts, and we become very close.
  • Relevant - Steve leaves behind a younger wife and growing family. Several years later, his widow marries another good friend of mine, a match made in heaven. Unfortunately, one of the children is lost to the 4th of July flood.
  • Eric not only flourishes in business and life, but also becomes a single dad when his infant's mom dies from addiction. He eventually marries a delightful woman and builds a family.
  • Eric decides his life's mission is to help the homeless, and he does so very loudly for a decade. On a slow news day, send a reporter and camera to Eric, and he will provide your lead story on the 6 o'clock news.
  • Eric told me his pastor had asked him to start a church. Over lunch at Luby's, I asked Eric if perhaps his pastor was politely ejecting him from his church. He misses the joke. He buys a dilapidated 15 passenger van and leases a former restaurant.
  • The Guadalupe floods. Eric and his church/ministry "Warm Hands, Warm Hearts" descend on the Hill Country to help find the missing girl and provide disaster relief. Photo below.

I'm a cynical, suspicious skeptic, but I'll be damned if Eric isn't living his life precisely as prescribed in the New Testament.

(I just texted him to tell him how much I love and admire the man he's become, and we'll be eating lunch at Luby's again this week.)

The Flood relief crew

 

 

517401412_1275040537626479_6667060028690331057_n.jpg

is this some sort of brokeback mountian summer camp reunion?

Posted
On 7/14/2025 at 4:17 PM, BearSchlong said:

The one that comes to mind most recently for me is my latest halfway house project - he unraveled when his grandfather died. Everyone else in the family was irresponsible and crazy - but his grandfather was his pillar of sobriety and support.

I've mentioned that we recently constructed a new residential building to house 20+ guys. One cool thing our executive director did was install plaques with the names of notable people, such as past board members, donors, or impactful citizens, who contributed to our mission over the years.  Last time I was there, I noticed that this guy I'm helping lives in a room with his grandfather's name engraved on a brass plaque above the door to his room. Just a little detail that helps keep his feet in sober living. 

@Lidig8r - re: how a formerly homeless gent helped out in the flood.

  • Around 15 years ago, a homeless guy named Eric entered the H.O.W. Center (halfway house). I have no qualms sharing his name because he would run me over to get in front of a news camera to tell the story himself.
  • His mentor is a guy named Steve, and Eric credits him with saving his life. Unfortunately, several years later, Steve dies, and Eric enters a dark place. I offer a hand, he accepts, and we become very close.
  • Relevant - Steve leaves behind a younger wife and growing family. Several years later, his widow marries another good friend of mine, a match made in heaven. Unfortunately, one of the children is lost to the 4th of July flood.
  • Eric not only flourishes in business and life, but also becomes a single dad when his infant's mom dies from addiction. He eventually marries a delightful woman and builds a family.
  • Eric decides his life's mission is to help the homeless, and he does so very loudly for a decade. On a slow news day, send a reporter and camera to Eric, and he will provide your lead story on the 6 o'clock news.
  • Eric told me his pastor had asked him to start a church. Over lunch at Luby's, I asked Eric if perhaps his pastor was politely ejecting him from his church. He misses the joke. He buys a dilapidated 15 passenger van and leases a former restaurant.
  • The Guadalupe floods. Eric and his church/ministry "Warm Hands, Warm Hearts" descend on the Hill Country to help find the missing girl and provide disaster relief. Photo below.

I'm a cynical, suspicious skeptic, but I'll be damned if Eric isn't living his life precisely as prescribed in the New Testament.

(I just texted him to tell him how much I love and admire the man he's become, and we'll be eating lunch at Luby's again this week.)

The Flood relief crew

 

 

517401412_1275040537626479_6667060028690331057_n.jpg

That's beautiful man. You like to use the term "good egg". Well, you and the people you know are a whole good carton of them. Tell that man he's doing God's work and there are people on the internet that he does not know that think what he's doing is pretty awesome.

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Posted

Self-reflection has been something I have done a great deal more of the last five years and change. One thing that I have always had issues with is noise. The earliest memory of a noise related incident was my brother and I playing when I was maybe 3 or so. We were playing and my dad was attempting to watch a movie that had alligators in it if memory serves correct. He was never loud, but he yelled. It shut me down. I had to switch jobs today not because I did not enjoy the work or because of the people (they were really cool), but solely because the noise and environment was overwhelming me and causing excess stimulation. If any of you have ever felt burnt out at times this has been a life-long issue and at times can derail things for me in life. Had I known I was on the spectrum as a child I would likely have received help and guidance on this.
 

Mostly I just navigate this issue myself. Sometimes good and sometimes not so much. I get burned out mentally and emotionally much quicker than y’all ever will. Recognizing it though, even later in life as an adult, does provide me peace of mind knowing when too much stimulation is just TOO MUCH. Sometimes when I explain this people attempt to be kind by saying they feel like that too. It’s not the same, but I get the sentiment of wanting to be nice. I feel like autism provides me a whole bunch of good, but this would be something in the con column. 

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Posted (edited)
On 1/18/2025 at 8:11 AM, troph said:

So those who have tackled depression with some success - besides SSRIs*, what has worked for you?  Having lunch weekly with a friend for support and don’t plan to go into attack or idea mode just there to listen but I’d like to have ideas. 

on my list:

sunlight / vitamin D

Diet and nutrient deficiencies 

exercise 

relationships 

loss of interest - focus on anything they still enjoy 

therapy 

Ketamine 

Red light therapy especially in the winter 

Sauna treatment 

transcranial magnetic stimulation 

Anything else ?

* SSRIs are an option but it’s the only option most doctors offer so if I am asked I’d like to focus on other options.

I have been on every anti-depressant medication available over the last 20 years, including a half dozen or more off-label prescriptions and countless unsubstantiated supplements.  None of them worked.  A few years ago I saw a dramatic improvement in my depression and suicidal ideation.  I’m not 100% sure what changed.  It could’ve just been luck or my body changing as I transitioned into middle age.  But here are the things I am pretty sure actually helped:

I started focusing on my sleep.  Going to bed earlier, eliminating sleep distractions, prioritizing sleep above all else.  This is probably the easiest change to make even if you’re in the depths of severe depression.

I started making sure I got outside more often.  Sunlight and fresh air and nature help me feel better and think less about how much life sucks and not thinking I should probably kill myself.  Getting outside is a little difficult if you’re really in the depths.

I started exercising more.  Along with better sleep hygiene, this is the thing that helped the most and is most backed by science.  Again, this is difficult if you’re in severe depression.

I started practicing gratitude.  Literally as little as 10 seconds per day of stopping and having the conscious thought that there are things in your life to be thankful for and appreciate.  Also difficult to do when you’re depressed.

I started drinking less alcohol and (trying to) eat healthier.  Supplements that I think have helped me feel better are fish oil and creatine.  Foods high in fiber and good fats make me feel good.

Finally, I think having kids has dramatically reduced my depression.  They don’t call them bundles of joy for nothing, and they’ve given me a sense of purpose that wasn’t there before.

 

On 1/21/2025 at 11:13 AM, Mole said:

I’m not sure what I had in terms of clinical definitions go, but since self-harm has brought up as of late here, I’ll share my experience. Maybe it’ll resonate with some and maybe others will think that is not what I meant, at all.

For several years — I’ve forgot how long — I had daily or multiple-times a-day bouts of intense, unwanted suicidal ideation. This happened about 10-15 years ago.

The first time it happened, I freaked out and spoke to a love one about it. I was dismissed and was left with shame about these terrible thoughts. At that point, I shut up and lived with the thoughts.

Whenever I was hurt or beat down or tired, those thoughts would come back. They started to feel like an awful friend, stopping by every day.

In a lot of our culture, these are shameful thoughts — which is why I was dismissed when I tried to get help — and I eventually identified these thoughts with my own identity. Surely the thoughts I think each day are part of who I am, right? The shame and fear from these terrible thoughts, and my identity in them as BEING me, made them far worse. At times, they were the only part of me that could see.

After some years of daily suffering like this, I came to see these terrifying thoughts as an attack from outside. Call it a spiritual attack or just an unwanted brain spasm, but the thoughts were NOT me.

This was a big change in the way I was thinking. Outside of the hole, it seems obvious, but when I was in that pit, the only part of me I knew was those harmful thoughts. Once I realized that they were not part of my identity and I am something more than even my own thoughts, my perspective changed.

I no longer feared the thoughts because they were something happening TO me, not who I was. I could calmly observe the thoughts and tell them to go away. Sometime they left, sometimes they didn’t, but they still weren’t me, which was far less distressing.

Once I had an enemy that wasn’t me, I could see them as something hated or even pitiable. If I watch a movie about a bank robbery, I’m not a bank robber. If my brain plays a scene about self-harm, it’s no different.

I did NOT embrace the thoughts — they were and are the enemy — but I wasn’t afraid anymore and I felt no shame for my external experiences that just happened to be happening inside my brain. There was hope for a way out of the pit.

Once the enemy was identified, attacked, and no longer feared, the thoughts faded. I’ll occasionally feel the spiraling circles that preceded the first time and I’ll intervene by meditating on my actual identity and also telling those thoughts that they aren’t my friend and aren’t welcome. So far, it has succeeded in slowing down and eventually stopping the spiral.

Every experience is different, but for me at least, treating mental health challenges like an Aggie-sympathizing neighbor from Nebraska who moved in next door and cut a hole in the fence is much better than allowing the challenges to define my self-conception. When those fence boards start ripping off, you have to deal with the problem, but you don’t start shouting “gig’em!” It’s not you; it’s an external problem happening on the inside.

It’s hard to separate our thoughts from our identity. Maybe it’s not even always helpful, but for me in that time and ever since, it’s saved my life. Even when I couldn’t see it all, I was something far bigger than my own thoughts.

I have had frequent bouts of suicidal ideation since I was a little kid.  Throughout my entire 20s and most of my 30s, they were very intense and happened every day, most of the time multiple times per day.  For as much as the thought of killing myself has occupied my mind throughout my life, I consider it a miracle I am alive.  I am not exactly sure why I have suffered with that, I am certain at least part of it is genetic; I have a pretty obsessive and negative personality.  But I think other factors from my childhood contributed (heavy on guilt-ridden Catholicism, parents who employed “tough love” as a first line philosophy).  Anyway, what you described aligns with my experience.  Eventually, rather than classifying as an outsider (which seems like a pretty effective way to deal) I eventually just convinced myself that after this many years of thinking about suicide and not doing it, it was just a waste of time.

The last few years have been the best of my adult life.  I consider myself an example of someone who has largely beaten depression.  I still have times where I feel depressed and even suicidal (the last few weeks have been particularly rough), but nowhere near the intensity and frequency as the previous 20 years, and I feel like I have a lot better tools and strategy to deal with it.  When I was really, really depressed, it seemed certain to me that I would never ever get to a better place, but I’m here to tell people that I’m proof it can get better.

Edited by Snake Diggity
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