Ethical Non Monogamy "ENM"/Throupling/Fucking around/whatever.....

[troph 24495]

20 minutes ago, Hate said:

I was making a play on words with "straight".  I don't care about labels and I don't care about what anyone does with anyone else as long as it consensual.  I'm a straight married 25+years  guy.  I have no idea what "label" I would have other than "boring".  I couldn't possibly care less about knowing.  Be whomever you feel you need to be.

I’m aspiring to boring. I think I’m almost there.

[SHOOTER12 8781]

On 1/23/2024 at 12:19 PM, safe sex said:

It's called polyamory or ethical non-monogamy. Some people are really good at it. Most people are pretty shit at it.

The bolded has no business in the conversation. Its BS and there's going to be far more people hurt than happy, but this is where our world has gone...sad.

Edited January 26 by SHOOTER12

[Jkwellborn 6615]

This tracks because my understanding is that when it comes to OPP, not only every last lady but ALL the homies are down. 

To be fair, this discussion is about breaking rule number 1.

[SydneyCarton 47809]

18 hours ago, Helobious said:

I just googled “Dutch rudder”, should’ve paid closer attention to who the poster was. Jesus man. 

For fucks' sake, it's a joke from a Kevin Smith movie. 

 

18 hours ago, royiv said:

Uh, same here. I will never be able to read that poster's content in the same context again.

You people need to watch more bad movies.
 

 

[troph 24495]

6 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

The bolded has no business in the conversation. Its BS and there's going to be far more people hurt than happy, but this is where our world has gone...sad.

We are probably are closer in agreement on the outcomes than not (for different reasons), but this notion that what consenting adults do sexually can be per se immoral - especially when superimposing WASPy style morals on people who aren’t that is exactly part of the problem in this world. 
 

I’ll reiterate, I’m married, monogamous, looking forward to being old and monogamous and really zero interest in strange at all. 

But the world is made up of diverse people. The same attitude you espouse is why I might have to migrate from my home soon because of someone else’s morality, it’s the same reason we had laws that criminalized love that wasn’t morally acceptable to some and had to be overturned with SCOTUS decisions like Loving and it’s successor privacy rights cases. 

[956 Worldwide 34237]

1 hour ago, troph said:

We are probably are closer in agreement on the outcomes than not (for different reasons), but this notion that what consenting adults do sexually can be per se immoral - especially when superimposing WASPy style morals on people who aren’t that is exactly part of the problem in this world. 
 

I’ll reiterate, I’m married, monogamous, looking forward to being old and monogamous and really zero interest in strange at all. 

But the world is made up of diverse people. The same attitude you espouse is why I might have to migrate from my home soon because of someone else’s morality, it’s the same reason we had laws that criminalized love that wasn’t morally acceptable to some and had to be overturned with SCOTUS decisions like Loving and it’s successor privacy rights cases. 

I agree with almost all of this except that I would posit that ENM/Poly/whatever is almost exclusively WAS(culturally)Py stuff. New York Magazine should have been the tipoff.
 

It would be interesting to get a breakdown on who is doing this in the U.S.  I do know that while multiple partner relationships may be going down in the CENTCOM/INDOPACOM/AFRICOM AORs, I don’t think it bears much similarity to the carefully examined principles laid out in the article. Afghan and Pakistan polygamy is damn sure OPP, LOL.

Edited January 26 by 956 Worldwide

[chainsaw 9810]

2 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I agree with almost all of this except that I would posit that ENM/Poly/whatever is almost exclusively WAS(culturally)Py stuff. New York Magazine should have been the tipoff.
 

It would be interesting to get a breakdown on who is doing this in the U.S.  I do know that while multiple partner relationships may be going down in the CENTCOM/INDOPACOM/AFRICOM AORs, I don’t think it bears much similarity to the carefully examined principles laid out in the article. Afghan and Pakistan polygamy is damn sure OPP, LOL.

You'd be very surprised about the racial makeup of alternative lifestyle communities. Of the throuples I know, I don't think any are all white, and none of them are churchgoers. Some might have been raised in WASP households, though, or they did grow up going to Black churches or had traditional Catholic Mexican households with the candles and all that. I'm also having a hard time finding any throuples that were all of the same race.

The New York Magazine part definitely holds true. I hadn't met any ENM people until I came to UT. Before social media, most of America was oblivious to the cutting edge cultural trends and had to rely on mainstream media for the few scraps of information it wanted to share, or you had to move to New York or LA. I would love to know how much of an ENM community in the flyover states had grown out of swinger communities before the era of social media. Because there definitely have been swingers all across the country for a long time.

[Da Fino 2715]

13 minutes ago, chainsaw said:

Of the throuples I know, I don't think any are all white, and none of them are churchgoers.

 

13 minutes ago, chainsaw said:

I'm also having a hard time finding any throuples that were all of the same race.

How many throuples do you personally know that you aren't sure about these things?

[RPM 26167]

I'm in the whatever floats your boat category. You into lollypops and butter? You be you, cowboy, just don't ask me to get involved. I'll do my thing over here. I won't tell you about my thing, either.

[chainsaw 9810]

1 minute ago, Da Fino said:

 

How many throuples do you personally know that you aren't sure about these things?

To put it politically incorrectly, I knew a throuple where nobody was white, but I don't know if they're all the same type of brown.

[Da Fino 2715]

5 minutes ago, chainsaw said:

To put it politically incorrectly, I knew a throuple where nobody was white, but I don't know if they're all the same type of brown.

If that's your version of politically incorrect, I'm just going to sit this thread out. 

[tigol 2382]

Are you really that surprised?
Everyone sees everyone else filtered through the lens of themselves. By the time I found out girls thought I was hot AF in high school, decades had passed and it was too late to do anything about it. It's not that I wasn't told as such then; it's that I was so wrapped up in my own self that I couldn't accept it.
I'm still that way, but at least now I sometimes, on occasion, am aware of it.
There's no universal sexuality, but this, at least, IS universal. We all do this; sometimes we can be made aware of it.
I think it's slightly easier for those who are LGBTQ+ to recognize that not everyone has the same sexuality, because the difference between what everyone expects of them vs what they are is just hammered into their heads every day of their lives.
For cis, straight, "normal" people, it's too easy to think, "That's just wrong" and go about their lives. It's only the point where someone we care about comes out that we have to face our own bigotry. That's happened to me twice.

It’s interesting when you do have to face it. I have an Uncle who refuses to accept his brother because he is gay. He blames every misstep his brother makes on his “lifestyle” because looking at his own sexuality and behavior is too uncomfortable, methinks. Or, he’s just a bigot. Probably the latter.

[Rimbo 25705]

On 1/24/2024 at 11:39 PM, Modessit said:

Seems fucked up for the kids, especially the one who now has divorced parents. What happens if she gets pregnant by the 1st guy again?

ok first off why do people use "throuple" when we already have perfectly good words for it like "trio"and "threesome" and "menage"

secondly how is this bad for the kids? I think it'd be great to have a third... every weekend, two can go out and play while one stays home with the kids, and you rotate whose weekend it is. Kids get plenty of parent time with each parent, parents get plenty of self/couple time, win win win

it's not like the parents are DIVORCED divorced; they just dissolved the legal entity and created a new one, while their lives changed none at all

Edited January 26 by Rimbo

[66BUFF 2543]

3 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

For fucks' sake, it's a joke from a Kevin Smith movie. 

 

You people need to watch more bad movies.
 

 

[Samson's Wig 3167]

When did the counterculture get so fucking boring? It all sounds closer to a tax audit than a good time.

[Rimbo 25705]

19 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

And.....now I know that I am doomed: at some upcoming dinner/banquet/somesuch, I will be seated next to a vegan polyamorous crossfitter.  Who has lots of cats.

FML.

AND is a devout A&M grad who voted for Trump and married a Russian

does that hit all the triggers for you?

[Rimbo 25705]

16 hours ago, safe sex said:

It always does

[Js1 84994]

4 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

AND is a devout A&M grad who voted for Trump and married a Russian

does that hit all the triggers for you?

No, they didn’t mention being from NYC

[Rimbo 25705]

25 minutes ago, tigol said:

It’s interesting when you do have to face it. I have an Uncle who refuses to accept his brother because he is gay. He blames every misstep his brother makes on his “lifestyle” because looking at his own sexuality and behavior is too uncomfortable, methinks. Or, he’s just a bigot. Probably the latter.

Uncle is probably in the closet and doesn't want to admit it.

The more the hate it, the more likely they ARE it. Because if you aren't it, why would you bother?

[Jkwellborn 6615]

You people need to watch more bad movies.
 
 

Bad movies? You bite your tongue.

[Jkwellborn 6615]

You'd be very surprised about the racial makeup of alternative lifestyle communities. Of the throuples I know, I don't think any are all white, and none of them are churchgoers. Some might have been raised in WASP households, though, or they did grow up going to Black churches or had traditional Catholic Mexican households with the candles and all that. I'm also having a hard time finding any throuples that were all of the same race.
The New York Magazine part definitely holds true. I hadn't met any ENM people until I came to UT. Before social media, most of America was oblivious to the cutting edge cultural trends and had to rely on mainstream media for the few scraps of information it wanted to share, or you had to move to New York or LA. I would love to know how much of an ENM community in the flyover states had grown out of swinger communities before the era of social media. Because there definitely have been swingers all across the country for a long time.

I worked in a paper mill for about 8 years when I first hired on at the company I work at. We received bales of cardboard and mixed paper for recycling. Some of these bales had porn in it. Some had car parts and meat. Some had this magazine that was basically Craigslist personals for the entire fucking country. Pictures, contact info, the whole nine yards. Some of the funniest shit 20 year old me had seen up until then.

Moral of the story, people wanna fuck and they’ll find others that wanna fuck like they do.

[chainsaw 9810]

2 minutes ago, Jkwellborn said:

I worked in a paper mill for about 8 years when I first hired on at the company I work at. We received bales of cardboard and mixed paper for recycling. Some of these bales had porn in it. Some had car parts and meat. Some had this magazine that was basically Craigslist personals for the entire fucking country. Pictures, contact info, the whole nine yards. Some of the funniest shit 20 year old me had seen up until then.

Moral of the story, people wanna fuck and they’ll find others that wanna fuck like they do.

Most people just have affairs, though. The publicity and overall public awareness of ENM is relatively new.

[immamac 42385]

39 minutes ago, chainsaw said:

Most people just have affairs, though. The publicity and overall public awareness of ENM is relatively new.

Which is the stupid part. 

[troph 24495]

3 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I agree with almost all of this except that I would posit that ENM/Poly/whatever is almost exclusively WAS(culturally)Py stuff. New York Magazine should have been the tipoff.
 

It would be interesting to get a breakdown on who is doing this in the U.S.  I do know that while multiple partner relationships may be going down in the CENTCOM/INDOPACOM/AFRICOM AORs, I don’t think it bears much similarity to the carefully examined principles laid out in the article. Afghan and Pakistan polygamy is damn sure OPP, LOL.

If I wasn't clear, I agree with the bolded part. This thought exercise in whatever trendy white hipster online rag is a white/WASPy thing - the dominate straight, white, hetero, some religious baggage culture.  queer culture is like huh? hence the moral dilemma is for you straight folk.

 

 

3 hours ago, chainsaw said:

You'd be very surprised about the racial makeup of alternative lifestyle communities. Of the throuples I know, I don't think any are all white, and none of them are churchgoers. Some might have been raised in WASP households, though, or they did grow up going to Black churches or had traditional Catholic Mexican households with the candles and all that. I'm also having a hard time finding any throuples that were all of the same race.

The New York Magazine part definitely holds true. I hadn't met any ENM people until I came to UT. Before social media, most of America was oblivious to the cutting edge cultural trends and had to rely on mainstream media for the few scraps of information it wanted to share, or you had to move to New York or LA. I would love to know how much of an ENM community in the flyover states had grown out of swinger communities before the era of social media. Because there definitely have been swingers all across the country for a long time.

I think there are vast swaths of human culture that aren't reading and grappling with the morality of ENM as described in NYM. I don't know any culture other than my prior culture and my current but when you deep dive into writings on queer culture, this shit was settled a looooooooooooong time ago.

[nineliveslost 2700]

You know, I am going to just chill with my wife and only my wife. This is way too complicated and I'll just pass and let everyone do their own thing.

For fucks sake one person is hard enough to keep happy

[956 Worldwide 34237]

38 minutes ago, troph said:

If I wasn't clear, I agree with the bolded part. This thought exercise in whatever trendy white hipster online rag is a white/WASPy thing - the dominate straight, white, hetero, some religious baggage culture.  queer culture is like huh? hence the moral dilemma is for you straight folk.

 

 

I think there are vast swaths of human culture that aren't reading and grappling with the morality of ENM as described in NYM. I don't know any culture other than my prior culture and my current but when you deep dive into writings on queer culture, this shit was settled a looooooooooooong time ago.

As @Samson's Wig pointed out, this has evolved from getting down with OPP to a bunch of acronyms, a hybrid of HR and therapy discourse, and now it has a New York Magazine article. 
 

Strong SWPL vibes. 

[Samson's Wig 3167]

I would add to that acronym and make it SPWPUTL. (stuff privileged white people under thirty like)

If you were referencing the soccer league, my apologies, but you should really leave them out of this. 

 

 

Edited January 26 by Samson's Wig

[mchookem 15873]

[CHAD BRISCOE 369]

one time i found this Golden Pen on the floor and I told this Chic name Britany what would u do for it . And she said Let me ask Her friend and then she said We will both Blow u . But I only had one Golden Pen so only Britany got one . I got too touch her friend but t hole to but turn out they had to go to church so I did't cum but they both knew about it because they We're both there when it happen

[F250 28622]

19 minutes ago, CHAD BRISCOE said:

one time i found this Golden Pen on the floor and I told this Chic name Britany what would u do for it . And she said Let me ask Her friend and then she said We will both Blow u . But I only had one Golden Pen so only Britany got one . I got too touch her friend but t hole to but turn out they had to go to church so I did't cum but they both knew about it because they We're both there when it happen

Do you like milkshakes?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21780]

3 hours ago, BeardIP said:

I am not surprised at all to hear that people engaging in this sort of behavior are not churchgoers, as you say. Why would that be surprising to you?

So I guess you’re really surprised at the pedophiles that are church goers

[troph 24495]

6 hours ago, Da Fino said:

 

How many throuples do you personally know that you aren't sure about these things?

I met 5-6 years ago and now lost track of a fithouple? two married couples (all four women) and two of them were sleeping together, a then a fifth woman (single) that was sleeping with two of them one from each of the couples. most of them it was driven by just who was into their brand of kinky shit. it was fascinating, but not even close to my speed.

[Da Fino 2715]

3 hours ago, nineliveslost said:

You know, I am going to just chill with my wife and only my wife. This is way too complicated and I'll just pass and let everyone do their own thing.

For fucks sake one person is hard enough to keep happy

From what I read in that NYM article, those guys failed at that or found it too hard. 

[troph 24495]

4 hours ago, BeardIP said:

I am not surprised at all to hear that people engaging in this sort of behavior are not churchgoers, as you say. Why would that be surprising to you?

I'm reminded of why the word and concept of "marriage" was a big deal to the people who thought it held a spiritual and covenantal meaning above and beyond just a legal and social one, during the whole Gay Union vs Gay Marriage era.

your non-secular meaning of your church blessing is so important a secular right that happens to share the same name should be banished from use by anyone not like you, got it.

look, I'm actually pretty fucking vanilla. loving wife, kids, job, mortgage, bills to pay etc. and I want to raise my kids right, used to go to church, want to do the right thing by everyone, think being kind to others is the highest virtue a human can aspire to, and and if that fithouple wants to fuck orgy style I mean I'm not watching and they aren't my friends but let them have at it. it's not for you, no shit, it's not for me either. But I'm beyond sick and tired of superimposed values of Christians man. You motherfuckers are ruining our country, not hipster fuckaround kids and not the orgy makers either.

 

Edited January 26 by troph

[SaucyJack 3475]

8 hours ago, BeardIP said:

I am not surprised at all to hear that people engaging in this sort of behavior are not churchgoers, as you say. Why would that be surprising to you?

I'm reminded of why the word and concept of "marriage" was a big deal to the people who thought it held a spiritual and covenantal meaning above and beyond just a legal and social one, during the whole Gay Union vs Gay Marriage era.