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luke duke

Bidet Meta Threas

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Bidets have been mentioned on a couple of other threads, so I figured that I would make this the central suppository for all things bidet.

I've got this bad boy, which I highly recommend. I don't utilize the hot water function so that feature was a waste of money. You could save a few bucks and get one of these instead. You won't use the hot water feature unless you are fine with a tube running from your toilet to your sink.

Cabowabo has already offered some advice that I couldn't have said better myself. Here are a few of his nuggets of wisdom:

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Look, you have to trust me on this one. Buy one, and you will not be disappointed. Look at the reviews of these things on Amazon. As far as the specific issues you raised, what I do is take my shit, and then spray my anus for a few seconds until I feel like I've got myself clean. If you sense that it was a real nasty shit, you simply spray a bit longer. I then get a small amount of toilet paper, pat my butthole dry once or twice, and I'm done. You'll notice that the toilet paper you use to pat your chickeneye dry will be free of all fecal matter, which is a beautiful thing. Then, you look into the bowl and see little balls and remnants of shit in the bottom of the bowl which were blasted from your balloon knot by the stream of water. Now, if you would have just conventionally wiped yourself, all you would have done is smeared those balls and remnants all over your round brown, and that's just nasty. No water mess, although occasionally a little will get on the bottom (front) of the toilet seat, but it's no big deal. The aim is generally spot on, but you can adjust the bidet a little. And, I just move myself around a little to make sure I'm getting all the crucial spots hit. And, unless you are a retard, it doesn't get all over your ballsack, on the floor, on the wall, etc.

 


Finally, as far as water temperature, it's never been a problem at all. In fact, the cold water in that region is actually quite refreshing.

 

 

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operate the anus sprayer while the toilet bowl is refilling. If you do so, and the toilet bowl stops the refilling process, you are going to have a surge in water pressure which will give you quite a surprise, and you may harm your sphincter.

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Out of town right now and missing my home bidet.  And yeah Luke Duke, I've seen the travel option....not going with that.

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I'm glad this thread made it over.  That thread changed my life.  I occasionally have to still shit in an office bathroom and use paper and my starfish screams at the indignity of it.  Just get one, trust me.

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Same here. The year I bought one, I ended up giving away a dozen as cheap Xmas gifts.

Also convinced the Frogs have figured it out. Bidets, menage a trois, toast, fries, and ticklers French. Who could ask for anything more?

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4 hours ago, Not a cat said:

I'm glad this thread made it over.  That thread changed my life.  I occasionally have to still shit in an office bathroom and use paper and my starfish screams at the indignity of it.  Just get one, trust me.

See this is the downside.  When you are not at home, your ass suffers, because it has grown accustomed to being pampered at home.

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27 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

See this is the downside.  When you are not at home, your ass suffers, because it has grown accustomed to being pampered at home.

footprints-350-206.jpg?resize=350,206&ss

The bidet did not abandon you in your time of need...it carried you.

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Spent more time than I should looking at bidets last night. Anyone try this one? Like the look better than some others? 

Brondell Bidet - Thinline SimpleSpa SS-150 | Fresh Water Spray | Non-Electric | Bidet Toilet Attachment in White with Self Cleaning Nozzle | SafeCore Internal Valve | Nozzle Guard | Easy to Install https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075MMHQX7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_laqUAbNHM7ZV2

What do y’all recommend?

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I can't find pictures of the one we have so I'll have to look it up when I get home, but we had the electrician specifically put a plug into the toilet area to power the bidet.  Heated seat, heated water and a fan to air dry (never use the fan).  The warm water and seat are awesome if you have an outlet nearby.

 

 

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Life changer. Got one a few weeks ago. Easy to install and never felt better. However, as has been said, you'll be spoiled if you have to take a shit anywhere else.

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46 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Think I’m buying myself one for my birthday next month 

So you're content to go another month with a dirty asshole?

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On 3/26/2018 at 10:15 AM, Red Sundance said:

Spent more time than I should looking at bidets last night. Anyone try this one? Like the look better than some others? 

Brondell Bidet - Thinline SimpleSpa SS-150 | Fresh Water Spray | Non-Electric | Bidet Toilet Attachment in White with Self Cleaning Nozzle | SafeCore Internal Valve | Nozzle Guard | Easy to Install https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075MMHQX7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_laqUAbNHM7ZV2

What do y’all recommend?

i've never seen that one but it's a great deal and i like the slim desiign.

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38 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

i've never seen that one but it's a great deal and i like the slim desiign.

That is pretty sleek. Just go by the Amazon reviews. With 295 reviews, and almost 5 stars, I'd be comfortable making that investment. And it most certainly is an investment. 

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3 hours ago, chikin23 said:

I've got to figure out a way to get one at work.

You and me both brother. I bought one of them portable bidets, and there just isn't enough water pressure. Still better than work quality TP, but not good enough for my demanding butthole. 

 

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On 3/26/2018 at 9:15 AM, Red Sundance said:

Spent more time than I should looking at bidets last night. Anyone try this one? Like the look better than some others? 

Brondell Bidet - Thinline SimpleSpa SS-150 | Fresh Water Spray | Non-Electric | Bidet Toilet Attachment in White with Self Cleaning Nozzle | SafeCore Internal Valve | Nozzle Guard | Easy to Install https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075MMHQX7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_laqUAbNHM7ZV2

What do y’all recommend?

I have this one and it’s great.  Can’t ever turn it too high because it feels like I’m power washing my asshole. 5 stars

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this weekend something happened with the water pressure at my house. i went to casually use the bidet in the guest bath without paying to much attention to how much gas i was giving it. it think it was set on "wire edm/hardened tool steel". i had to keep on checking my o-ring for blood. there wasn't any, but i immediately ordered a t-valve from amazon like i have in the master bedroom bidet. 

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I bought one of the cheap ones off Amazon for about $25 about a year ago. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my bidet is the single greatest purchase I have made in the last half a decade or so. I dread having to take a shit at the office now. I buy them for friends as gifts and many have paid it forward by purchasing bidets for their friends. It's a whole clean turd cutter movement.

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2 of those large packs of toilet paper at costco or sam's costs the same as a bidet. it's just silly not to have one.

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My buddy who works at Kohler wasn’t able to hook me up. Apparently he’s in a different division so their employee discount doesn’t cross over. Cheap bastards. So I haven’t pulled the trigger on the Kohler Puretide for my downstairs bath yet. But maybe soon. Always running upstairs to drop a loaf is less than ideal.

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how this shit isn't common in the u.s. is a baffle to me...

I hate shitting away from home now...

had one in a vacation rental in San Diego a year ago... I'll never be without one again.

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i did a remodel a few years ago and earmarked some money for the master bath and had a plug specifically installed back behind the toilet for a bidet.  ended up getting a 30-40% discount (so substantially less than the amazon link) on the biobidet bb-2000 and it was a game changer.  i cannot understand why no one in the u.s. uses these, this enlightened thread being an exception.

https://www.amazon.com/BioBidet-BB2000-Elongated-Hydroflush-Nightlight/dp/B00GRM11R6

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Left my Astor ($30) at my old place when I moved last week.  I did it intentionally because I wanted to upgrade... I also figured the guys who clean the apartment won't know what it is and they'll turn the dial while standing in front of the toilet.  Which will be good for a laugh.

That being said, I haven't had time to purchase a new one.  That might be my afternoon task as something about my new place is just producing absolutely disgusting shits.  The dirtiest shits since I had to change from white to black underwear.

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22 minutes ago, Jhawk said:

Left my Astor ($30) at my old place when I moved last week.  I did it intentionally because I wanted to upgrade... I also figured the guys who clean the apartment won't know what it is and they'll turn the dial while standing in front of the toilet.  Which will be good for a laugh.

That being said, I haven't had time to purchase a new one.  That might be my afternoon task as something about my new place is just producing absolutely disgusting shits.  The dirtiest shits since I had to change from white to black underwear.

Thank you for all the details. We do all this for a higher purpose. To serve all humanity.

Edited by AM Wood

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Damn. That Kohler with the hot water tank is tempting. 


I need to fix my neo.  It has a leak so I just disconnected it vs adding more plumbers tape to the threads

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25 minutes ago, midtown said:

Damn. That Kohler with the hot water tank is tempting. 


I need to fix my neo.  It has a leak so I just disconnected it vs adding more plumbers tape to the threads

That kholer has a front sprayer so your mom can wash all of the fuck out of her pussy.

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1 hour ago, midtown said:

Damn. That Kohler with the hot water tank is tempting. 


I need to fix my neo.  It has a leak so I just disconnected it vs adding more plumbers tape to the threads

that bio bidet bb-2000 i posted also has heated seat, heated water, heated dryer fan, and a filtered vent that reduces fart smell.  and a lady sprayer if you're into that sort of thing.

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I had an eight ounce filet with mashed potatoes covered in what looked like a lobster bisque last night. Steak was a few degrees under medium rare so I’m missing my bidet right now. 

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Well you fuckers convinced me, I bought two of the Bio Bidet A3s. I'm not putting one on the guest, party bathroom, some drunk chick would fuck it up, I'm sure. There hasn't been this much excitement in the CHIEF household in weeks.

 

CHIEF

Edited by CHIEF

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3 hours ago, Jhawk said:

I had an eight ounce filet with mashed potatoes covered in what looked like a lobster bisque last night. Steak was a few degrees under medium rare so I’m missing my bidet right now. 

have fun with mud butt the rest of the day

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22 hours ago, captained said:

that bio bidet bb-2000 i posted also has heated seat, heated water, heated dryer fan, and a filtered vent that reduces fart smell.  and a lady sprayer if you're into that sort of thing.

Damn.  $700?  Is there a used market for bidets?

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On 5/11/2018 at 2:26 PM, midtown said:

Damn.  $700?  Is there a used market for bidets?

Haha...like I said, I found a 30-40% off coupon otherwise I would have been looking at a different model. It’s pretty awesome though. 

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On 5/11/2018 at 2:26 PM, midtown said:

Damn.  $700?  Is there a used market for bidets?

Plus, you know, you only have one butthole. Treat yo self. 

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12 minutes ago, captained said:

Plus, you know, you only have one butthole. Treat yo self. 

You only poop once...per day.

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