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Countryisms

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More country than a fried okra sandwich

a shop keeper out in Leakey used this to describe the hunting guide my brother was looking to meet up with.

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6 hours ago, flatdawgs said:

That's fucked up purple.

The difference between pink and purple is just the grip.

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20 hours ago, abuelo gringo said:

Little pitchers have big ears.

I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall.

 

I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work.  Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side.  His replay:  Cowboys like fat calves.

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1 hour ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall.

 

I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work.  Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side.  His replay:  Cowboys like fat calves.

Nope.  Water jugs, called pitchers, have large ear shaped handles.  Thus little pitchers have big ears. You have to be careful what you say around kids.

Edited by abuelo gringo

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My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time.

I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond:

"Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three."

Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

One of the more popular ones:  "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped."

MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty."

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5 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time.

I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond:

"Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three."

Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

One of the more popular ones:  "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped."

MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty."

When we would say "hey!", my mom would always say "Hay's cheaper than corn."  Never really understood what it meant, other than hay is really cheaper than corn.

 

Oh - and if we asked "Why" about something, she would say "Cat fur, want a pair of kitten britches?"  Doesn't make a lot of sense either.

It was when we asked "What for?" (said what fur?) that she would answer about the kitten britches, which makes more sense.

Edited by abuelo gringo

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13 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

If we screwed something up, my grandfather would say....."You boys could tear up an anvil."

 

 

"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."

 

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Not quite a countryism, but the difference between a countryism and an Armyism is pretty slim:

One 100+ degree day on my first tour in Iraq, and on a convoy one of my peers said, "Buffsoldier, you're good at making shit up.  How would you describe this heat?"

"I'm sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a choir boys convention.

The PFC driving the Humvee almost drove into a ditch.

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"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."
 

My old boss about a company I worked for previously: “Those retards could fuck up a wet dream”.

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16 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."

 

My Dad always went with "You could fuck up a sand pile with a ball peen hammer."

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My dad would always tell us "only brush the teeth that you would like to keep"

he would also say for a small distance was a "cunt-hair"

his momma would make me wash my "flunkies" for hands

probably not a Countryisms but my beer store in college in galveston was huggy bear's on broadway and owner would greet you with "sup puppy"

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Uglier than a stump full of owls

dumb as a red brick

When something was crooked or out of line it was “wonky jawed”

 

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Like a chicken on a June bug

If worms carried guns, birds wouldn’t mess with them

If a frog had wings, it wouldn’t bust it’s ass when it lands

Useful as tits on a boar hog

Like a cow pissing on a flat rock

Has a burr in his saddle

Looks like a bulldog eating mayonnaise


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On 1/18/2020 at 10:34 AM, Longboard Horn said:

He/she’s pitchin a fit

She’s meaner than a wet panther.

My mom always used "madder than a wet hen" 

And 

Wilder than a March hare

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If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. 

or

Beggars can't be choosers.

...I was often the unstated beggar in question.

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Forgot this one whenever dealing with a tough situation or struggling with a task...... " It'd be easier of you plowed around that stump instead of over it." 

We had a lot of "cattywampus" references around my grandfather's house.  "Shit's all cattywampus since you messed with my tools"  

Also had a lot of "boondoggles" - Interestingly I was the subject of most of these.  Go figure.

Edited by Reagan1k

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On 1/21/2020 at 2:45 PM, General Specific said:

Like a chicken on a June bug



 

Lady today said she was on it like stink on a june bug.  I guess she couldn't say like stink on shit in an auto dealers conference.

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My grandpa used the term “post turtle”. I.e. that fella is in way over his head; he shouldn’t have gotten that job; he’s a post turtle. 10 yr Cknight asked what a post turtle was and it was explained this way: a post turtle is a turtle that is put on top of a fence post in the middle of the country. He doesn’t know how he got there, what he’s going to do and how he’s going to get off. That’s a post turtle

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She was built when meat was cheap

She’s as dumb as cotton

He was as angry as a midget with a yo-yo.

He could fuck up an anvil with a rubber hammer.

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I always liked the line from Good Morning Vietnam:

"You dont know whether you're shot, fucked, powder burnt, or snake bit."

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1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

Who's fuckin' this chicken?  - a response to receiving unsolicited advice while trying to accomplish some task.

Related:  you’re the one fucking this chicken, I’m just holding it’s wings. 

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I don't think I've seen these, but I've been glossing.  Always a big of fan of "Sweating like a whore in the front row of church".

 

"Nervous as a dog shitting razor blades"

"By a cunt hair" (unit of measurement)

"Not my pig, not my farm" (not my problem)

"Sweatin' like a German butcher"

"Every horse rolls over some time" (explanation for doing something out of character)

"Drunker than 10 Indians" (racist)

"Happier'n a pig in shit"

"Pert near" (pretty close)

"If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle" (response to a stupid hypothetical)

Words for drunk:  creamed, greased, sauced, smoked, tore up

 

Edited by Al_4_ISU

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1 hour ago, Jerry Callo said:

Who's fuckin' this chicken?  - a response to receiving unsolicited advice while trying to accomplish some task.

Similar - who's gonna fuck this pig? - who's going to tackle this task

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Damn that girl could suck-start a Harley

You boys should put your heads together and make an ass of yourselves 

(Disparaging a baseball player). He couldn’t hit a bull in the ass with a banjo

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Honey, don't shoot all of the dogs because one of 'em had fleas.

Edited by RPM

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So I'm in need of a good countryism. 

 

My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids.  I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?"  without thinking.  I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what."  Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power".  (Watt).

Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid.

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2 hours ago, Elvis said:

So I'm in need of a good countryism. 

 

My son's are 10 and 6 and I coach and scout them, so I'm around a lot of kids.  I've got most of them saying yes sir and yes coach, but my pet peeve is when I address them, and they instinctively look up and say "what?"  without thinking.  I've been telling them "listen here, I'll never ask you a question that the answer is: what."  Sometimes I'll follow up with "unless I ask you to name a unit of power".  (Watt).

Help me make these knuckleheads feel stupid.

"Y'all just woke up this morning and took a whole bottle of stupid pills, didn't you?"

ETA: (would be "dumbass pills", but little kids and all....)

Edited by Buffsoldier

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