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Countryisms

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20 hours ago, abuelo gringo said:

Little pitchers have big ears.

I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall.

 

I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work.  Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side.  His replay:  Cowboys like fat calves.

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1 hour ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I always thought it was PICTURES, kinda like a fly on the wall.

 

I worked with an ol' boy once who was commenting on the attractiveness of a woman at work.  Someone else said she was a bit on the hefty side.  His replay:  Cowboys like fat calves.

Nope.  Water jugs, called pitchers, have large ear shaped handles.  Thus little pitchers have big ears. You have to be careful what you say around kids.

Edited by abuelo gringo

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My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time.

I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond:

"Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three."

Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

One of the more popular ones:  "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped."

MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty."

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5 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My dad was an ol' country boy, used to hit us with stuff from this thread all the time.

I haven't heard a lot of people use this one, but anytime I'd say "Hey" to him he'd always respond:

"Straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm you'll have all three."

Also, if I ever asked him to repeat himself, he'd respond with the ol' "I don't chew my cabbage twice."

One of the more popular ones:  "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hopped."

MIL used to always use "Tough titty, said the kitty."

When we would say "hey!", my mom would always say "Hay's cheaper than corn."  Never really understood what it meant, other than hay is really cheaper than corn.

 

Oh - and if we asked "Why" about something, she would say "Cat fur, want a pair of kitten britches?"  Doesn't make a lot of sense either.

It was when we asked "What for?" (said what fur?) that she would answer about the kitten britches, which makes more sense.

Edited by abuelo gringo

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13 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

If we screwed something up, my grandfather would say....."You boys could tear up an anvil."

 

 

"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."

 

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Not quite a countryism, but the difference between a countryism and an Armyism is pretty slim:

One 100+ degree day on my first tour in Iraq, and on a convoy one of my peers said, "Buffsoldier, you're good at making shit up.  How would you describe this heat?"

"I'm sweatin' like a Catholic Priest at a choir boys convention.

The PFC driving the Humvee almost drove into a ditch.

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"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."
 

My old boss about a company I worked for previously: “Those retards could fuck up a wet dream”.

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16 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

"Y'all could fuck up a steel ball with a rubber hammer."

 

My Dad always went with "You could fuck up a sand pile with a ball peen hammer."

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My dad would always tell us "only brush the teeth that you would like to keep"

he would also say for a small distance was a "cunt-hair"

his momma would make me wash my "flunkies" for hands

probably not a Countryisms but my beer store in college in galveston was huggy bear's on broadway and owner would greet you with "sup puppy"

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Uglier than a stump full of owls

dumb as a red brick

When something was crooked or out of line it was “wonky jawed”

 

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