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Finally got around to perusing this thread.

From the OP:

operate the anus sprayer while the toilet bowl is refilling. If you do so, and the toilet bowl stops the refilling process, you are going to have a surge in water pressure which will give you quite a surprise, and you may harm your sphincter.

Some people pay extra for that.

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I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

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52 minutes ago, Hate said:

I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

Welcome to team clean hole. 

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My wife is skeptical, which is why I went ahead and purchased the one with the "woman" setting. I figured it would make her feel special and she would be more apt to use it if it had a setting just for her.  I kind of want to hold out shitting for as long as I can tomorrow just so I can use it for the first time tomorrow.  Maybe I should eat a bunch of cheese tonight?

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The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

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15 hours ago, Zone Read said:

The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

That's how I start every day. Invigorating.

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So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

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2 hours ago, Quagmire said:

So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

Had an electrician put an outlet in next to the throne.

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I’m up and running now. Whomever put in the fill mechanism before had crossed threaded the connection, so when I tried to install the bidet, I could t get a good connection on the T joint. I had to replace the fill mechanism as well. Gave it a try this morning and I can say is wow...and also that I don’t knew why anyone would ever need more than the low pressure setting. I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.

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4 minutes ago, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

Yes. Travel to Europe. They have them all over the place. 

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Without the high pressure I just dont get the desired polished sparkling feel. I want to hear a squeegee sound when checking for cleanliness.

 

This is what I fear might happen if I use the high pressure.

 

f542a61711cd3e6a25ba5533218468ef.gif

 

It’s going to blow the water back through my body and out my nose, ears, and mouth.

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I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

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6 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

Agree. I don’t get the allure of the warm water feature. It’s always so warm and humid around my butthole. A shot of cool water is just very refreshing.  I’ll go so far as to say it’s invigorating. 

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I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.


Just wait until you build up a callus. You’ll be upgrading to the Binford 2000 that doubles as a sinus cleanser.

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On 1/14/2020 at 5:40 PM, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

 

64931_W3.jpg

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I switched out the nozzle today on a Kohler seat we just had installed.

Like a dumbass, I grabbed the handle to test out the new nozzle and shot water high in the air directly on my shirt and and pants.  

 

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I’ve had the bidet for a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how I ever lived without it. I wish I’d had one when I had to do my colonoscopy prep a year ago. I’ll never not have one on my throne again.

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Between work and other travel, I’ve been away from home for 2 months now. I cannot wait to get back home to mine.

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Installed my Bio Bidet USPA 6800 Luxury Bidet Seat yesterday.  I've had the Lux cheapies for a while and they are fine but this is the shit!  On sale this month at Costco for $199 (normally $369) while supplies last.  Between the oscillating stream and the dryer, my butt hole is feeling quite pampered. 

My wife is skeptical but I think the warm water stream will bring her around.  She wasn't a fan of the cold water on the cheap ones.  I never had a problem with it.  I also think the adjustable pressure will be a sell for her, but I really don't give a shit.  This is my baby all the way.

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37 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.

As a patent attorney, I'd love to write the detailed description in the application for this invention

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, OWLVIS said:

We are all looking like Eisenstein's at this point

Just came here to comment on how smug I have been when friends ask me where I have been purchasing TP.

"Peasants!"

Edited by MissingInAction

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This TP shortage is like Pentecost for the Gospel of the Bidet.  There is a lost world in need of salvation.  Go witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.  

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Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

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11 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

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You’re welcome everyone. Please think of me every time you use your bidet.

Please note that I am entitled to 20% of all bidet use fees that you make from your unprepared friends, family and neighbors. PM me for my Venmo.

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3 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

Same with me as well.  I've been preaching the gospel of the Bidet for a while now.  

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I’ve been a bidet aficionado for many years and it was this thread that brought me to the light. 

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I feel so enlightened these days while watching the TP rush going on.  Morons.

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No, but I use maybe two squares to dry off. A roll of TP lasts a while.

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I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

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I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.


It would also need to include a refrigerator and a TV attachment so there would never be a reason to leave the bathroom.

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1 hour ago, cabowabo said:

I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

I went golfing yesterday and for some reason couldn't work one up before I had to leave the house. I got to the golf course and had to drop a deuce before I teed off.  Of course they had the one ply sandpaper toilet paper that one would expect at such a place. I ended up with swamp ass by #17.  It sucked. 

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