Jump to content
ROFL BOX

Senior Citizen Issues - Assisting Your Parents

Recommended Posts

Was talking with Judge Roy tonight & lamenting my issues.

Had Mom in the hospital for 3 days due to detox issues & her regularly sched. Fentanyl (25, 50 & 75 mikes depending on the pain level).  She's consistent in rotating shoulders A to B to A to  B, etc. & she writes with a Sharpie the date & time of application on the patch, then typically covers it with a Tagaderm overlay to prevent it from coming off.

Well moving aside to an added Hx issue is what a GE doc Dx'd her around 5 years ago with a "Gastrointestinal Migraine" or "Abdominal Migraine" (it's not something you'll find in the medical coding book) & gave her an Rx for something to take if she feels an episode coming  on.  It's been going OK with this process ever since & she's been able to head this off with whatever the Rx is.

Recent, last Tuesday, Mom has an issue that's not resolving & she ends up on my couch for 24 hours & I had to get her into the ER.  3 Days later & she's out, but only around 80% full strength & abilities.  I had to do 4 or 5 hours of stuff @ her house today & I'm doing @ least 2 hours of life maintenance for her on a daily basis.

She "wants to get a 2nd dog, because "Bitsy" is probably lonely & she needs a friend", no  matter that she can't really afford the one she has (even though it's a tiny thing), buys the expensive dog food / dog outfits ("she's always shivering because small dogs cannot generate body heat" which is bullshit) / dog treats that are high dollar,  etc.

She sees something interesting in the grocery store & instead of buying 1x, has to get a whole case but then if she doesn't like it throws away or gives it away, etc.  This could be a 3 pack of phone charging cords, some odd flavored drink, who the hell knows.

When the "Adult Coloring Books" became all the rage (infomercials) around 1 - 1.5 years ago, she jumped into that & ended up spending over $ 350 @ Hobby Lobby or Michael's on the coloring books & specialty pencils in an insane amount of color variations.

In her never ending quest to be organized, she now has 6 or 7 small notebooks with PW's, acct #'s, etc. & they are in various stages of completion & scattered across the house.  Tonight, while in the recliner she asked me to hand her a black 3 ring binder that looks as though it could hold a ream of paper & I asked what it was for "In case I see something I want to remember or look up later, I'll write it down", then promptly fell asleep with Bitsy by her side.

 

Her finances have become a wreck for a few reasons that would require an additional TL;DR beyond this one & due to this, she had to do a reverse mortgage to prevent foreclosure. 

I'm thinking it's time to get PoA & possibly even take control of her finances.  It's not something I should have to do to her @ age 73.  Maybe just medical PoA, I dunno... the Rx's she takes on a daily basis are lengthy & I'm @ a rough spot in having to deal with her stuff + handle my other family responsibilities for a 13 & 11 year old (school, Scouts, youth sports, etc) & trying to not be a dickhead husband (asshole, sure... but then that's all of Shag, right?).

Whom among y'all have experience in these areas?  Commiserate here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just starting my own journey down this road. Last month I moved mom into a house with my sister. Sis is single and will probably stay that way so this works out for both of them right now. Mom is 86, doing well but loses her balance and falls a lot. Her big addiction is F'n QVC. My hope is that sis can ease her off this; the good thing is mom thinks she is broke so she doesn't spend have as much as she wants to. Best of luck to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My Brother / Sister in law live in South Florida (around a 12 minute drive away from MSD in Parkland), so this one is 99% gonna be all on me & my wife + whatever assistance I can dig out of my daughter.

 

If I could figure out how to upload pics to Shag 2.0 from my phone (we're apparently not on Tapa yet), I'd send photos of the high dollar dog food she's been buying.

 

& My grandmother, her Mom, was a QVC'er as well.  Had boxes & boxes of shoes, dresses, cheap jewelry, etc.  I can only hope that once I bring this QVC thing up to my Mom that maybe she will see what's going on with her own issues & scale it back.  For awhile there, she was getting a shitload of Lenox figurines in the "princess" series & also a lot of different Santa stuff.  I think those co's knowingly prey on the olds, especially QVC.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Take care of yourselves during these journeys. It's easy to get run down and have your health suffer. 

Try to enjoy this time of life with them. It sucks in some cases (like dementia) where the person has changed so much, but there is still a lot that can be shared and enjoyed.

Txlc, do everything you can to avoid falls for ur mom. It can be a devastating event as I'm sure you know. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She's your mom. Do what you gotta do.

I thankful my mom is still going strong at 75. Has more energy than anyone I know at any age. Still works several days a week even though she's financially secure. 

Bernard

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, & pills... I find various pills in odd places all over the house.  By the computer, on the floor in the living room, randomly in the dining room near the completed Legos that Monster has assembled... & she has a very "meh" attitude about it.

 

Thankfully the kids are well beyond the age of picking up strange candy looking items & then ingesting, but it's still a hassle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so grateful that my folks, in their 80's, are still in pretty good shape.  The GF lost her dad a few years back, but her mom is still going strong at 85.  

My dad's the type of guy that needs to die with his boots on, and I hope it happens that way, but not anytime soon of course. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We put mom into assisted living 4 years ago, she just wasn't able to fully take care of herself any longer. In hindsight it was good timing as her memory has gone downhill considerably since then. She had a fall and broke a hip in 2012 and things went on from there. I had lunch with her on Friday and when I mentioned my son she asked if he was married and if he has any kids. He's been married for a while and has 3 kids. Breaks my heart but it could be worse, she's in good health overall. One of my older brothers has been handling the finances for the last few years and she gave that up without any real complaints. She thinks she's going broke but actually is worth more now than she was when she went into assisted living. Best of luck with your mom BOX.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Taking mom to a doc appt. this AM; a geriatric specialist.  She shouldn't have to see a doc like this @ only 73 years old.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents have been living with my brother for a few years and it looks like it will be my turn here shortly. Kids seem pretty excited and the wife is pushing for it for some strange reason.  Am I walking into a trap?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As alluded to on the thread, it's pretty much your duty as a child to see that your parents are cared for one way or another.  

And if you are lucky enough to have siblings to do it for you, please thank them, both verbally and financially.  Sub-teen kids will love it if they come to live with you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad died 20 years ago (Feb. '98).  WIfe's dad died about 5 years ago.

MIL has been a real difficult thing for wife, she's a walking encyclopedia of infirmity - Lupus, cancer, severe diabetes, etc.  She's in an assisted home near us, the transition was murder but once they got up to speed on her (which is very complex), things tailed off.  But in Jan. they sold the place to new owners, and wife has had to do too much to keep MIL alive.  Needless to say it's affected wife a lot and hasn't been fun.  However I expect the new ownership to get their shit together and take care of MIL, as she's paying a few thou a month to be there.

Fortunately, my mom has been extremely self-sufficient @88, still in her house.  But signs of aging are creeping up.  She had a car incident so now she doesn't drive.  She's mobile by herself but barely.  Mentally she's sharp as a tack, but I see her unable to fend for herself within the next 1-2 years.  She's in the D.C. area; my bro and sis are up there so I'm not as critically slammed to take care of her, but in Feb. I went up there to discuss some shit plus buy her a new recliner (the old one was caving in and bad for her posture, etc.).  To put it nicely, brother doesn't really have a clue about this stuff, sister is more the point person (I'm the youngest).  I don't really think we've done a good job of prepping for that time, but at least we've done something.

It could necessitate that I have to go to D.C. for a few months at least (we're empty nesters so not a problem), but we'll see.

- Sort of backdoor fortunately, my dad went due to a car wreck... I say "fortunately" because well it was his time and we wouldn't have to watch him get to be incapable (he'd be 91 now).

- I had to help with FIL, and let me tell you, lifting a guy off of the shitter is not my idea of a great day.  Fortunately he went kinda quick after brain cancer was diagnosed, but those 3 months were fucking hell.
- MIL has care and needs it, but if/when her money runs out, we'll have to see what to do.  I think she'll live awhile longer (she's like 81).  
- My mom I give her about 1-5 years just based on what I think.  I hope it's not going to be a coaster ride to the lowest level of hell.

I told my kids to just shoot me if I get to be a pain to them.  Hopefully they will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad will be 71 in august and he's not doing all that great. He had a heart attack 2 years ago (Widow Maker) and now he's having issues with his diabetes. He lost part of his right foot already and he's going to lose part of the left one soon. My older sister lives 1/2 mile away and gets the brunt of the work with him. But she's the oldest and he prefers to deal with her, so whatever.  My mom passed 11 years ago and he's been dying ever since, he just doesn't really give a shit about much. I find my self detaching emotionally and I don't like it. I feel like he'll be gone within 5 years but it doesn't seem possible. I guess I always felt like he'd live forever. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
40 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

Mom's TV has shit the bed. c5538d823b1480fd41325fbb1254fe0c.jpg

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 

I had a fight with my mom when she needed a new TV and I wanted get to get her a 42 inch TV.    She felt a 21 or 27 was plenty for her living room.   After watching the new TV for a few days, she asks me if I'm sure its really 42.     JHC, you watch TV 18 hours a day, splurge for a TV that allows you to read the cable news scroll or game score.

Another fight was that she insisted that she not get a DVR integrated with her cable box.  In fact, she was willing to pay more to NOT have a DVR.   After a few months of pausing and recording programs, she doesn't recall not wanting a DVR.     I've now learned to not just say anything.   "you want a 27 inch TV, ok.  Here's your new 27 inch TV (that's really 42.)"

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad will be 70 and still farms full-time despite his poor management of his diabetes. I have no idea how he does it. I'd be dead if I had an a1c of whatever and worked full time.

But that's his choice and he's a nice person. His wife, otoh, is not. My sisters insist she schizophrenic, but I think she's just really, really really dumb and self-centered. We wanna do a big 70th birthday party for him. Invite old friends to tell old stories. But she'll try to take over and just $#@* it all up. So we probably won't do it.

My mom is 67 and works part time as a librarian. Her full time job is driving around the State visiting and grandmothering her grandkids.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Mom's TV has shit the bed. c5538d823b1480fd41325fbb1254fe0c.jpg

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 

When you replace it delete the shopping channels from the guide.  There are a number of channels we get that no one else in the house knows about as I've deleted them from showing up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/27/2018 at 8:48 AM, TwiceHorn said:

As alluded to on the thread, it's pretty much your duty as a child to see that your parents are cared for one way or another.  

And if you are lucky enough to have siblings to do it for you, please thank them, both verbally and financially.  Sub-teen kids will love it if they come to live with you.

We are starting to face this dilemma with my FIL.  My wife's stepmother is not long for this world, and is now in assisted living (really long-term hospice care, but they don't call it that).

My wife's dad - we had a long talk with him a few months ago, and we talked about him living with us at some point, but we would have to move into a different house.  He looked at housing prices where we prefer to live, and he said he'd be happy to sell his current house, and go in on a house with us here in Austin, and he suggested a converted garage/apartment type of situation.   We would keep it after he passes (which hopefully won't be for another 5-10 years at least).  This would theoretically eat into the inheritance of the other kids, but with the exception of the 40-year old who refuses to work and tries to live off of him, all of the other kids were more than happy to give that future inheritance up.

Two thanked us privately for considering this, because apparently the rest of the family is dreading what to do with him going forward (he is elderly after all), and he is in Dallas these days (the rest of us are scattered around Texas).

We had him stay with us, just to give him a taste of things, and he loved spending time with our kids (both are under the age of 6), and they loved spending time with him, so that really made us think that we should make a go of this.

Short term, we are going to get him moved out of his place in Dallas, and into an apartment near us (perhaps the Gables near Central Market on North Lamar/38th here in Austin), and then work on deciding where we are going to move.  Wife and I agreed with him that we want to get this done quickly while he is still very healthy for his age.

I'm nervous as hell as far as what happens when things go downhill for him, but he's healthy now, and as I said, he loves being around our kids (I think he missed out on his own kids at that age).  

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to go back out to her house @ 2230 last night because she was throwing up & had been for "awhile".

Mom can barely get herself standing right now & used a wheelchair to get from her BR to the kitchen last night.  When I get there, there is a bowl of cat food scattered on the kitchen floor, the countertop looks like she was rummaging through 5 different ideas on what to eat & it was all a mess.  Never mind that there is a long term feeder in another part of the kitchen & she didn't need to handle the cat food @ all, not one bit.  She had loaded up the wheelchair with her kit & got back tot he bedroom but piled herself into it & was a vomiting mess (into a plastic tub, mind you).

Got her stabilized & I finally left @ 0200 & back home, now I have a roof repair to do & she is calling for me to come back now or call 911 & get her into South Austin Medical Center.

 

I'm stacked up with stuff... don't have time for even 1/2 of this headache @ the moment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

I had to go back out to her house @ 2230 last night because she was throwing up & had been for "awhile".

Mom can barely get herself standing right now & used a wheelchair to get from her BR to the kitchen last night.  When I get there, there is a bowl of cat food scattered on the kitchen floor, the countertop looks like she was rummaging through 5 different ideas on what to eat & it was all a mess.  Never mind that there is a long term feeder in another part of the kitchen & she didn't need to handle the cat food @ all, not one bit.  She had loaded up the wheelchair with her kit & got back tot he bedroom but piled herself into it & was a vomiting mess (into a plastic tub, mind you).

Got her stabilized & I finally left @ 0200 & back home, now I have a roof repair to do & she is calling for me to come back now or call 911 & get her into South Austin Medical Center.

 

I'm stacked up with stuff... don't have time for even 1/2 of this headache @ the moment.

Good luck.  I know it’s not easy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Came out tonight (Friday) after completing a roof repair, chimney flashing on a 10:12... did the final nail sweep @ 1945 hrs.

 

Got some soup in her & have now had to clean up pee from Dobby 2x.

 

Moved her from the "high bed" & into the 2nd BR as it is regular height (no footstool step-up required) & has a working TV in there.

 

Energy seems OK, still not 100% & I was able to get her to walk unaided from the shitter to that bed.

 

Moved CPAP & a few essentials, she wanted me to put some pony waters in a small plastic tub (think: crap that is sent home with you when leaving the hospital). I explained she is simply making things complicated & room temperature water is liveable, not dastardly behavior on my part.

 

Spent part of my non-hammer-swinging day talking to the doc's, a nursing home out here & South Austin Medical Center. No ability to get her into the home prior to Monday because her particular Aetna plan isn't an automatic approval & nobody @ the hospital can get stuff sent out until Monday.

 

Got here @ 2030, headed home for a shower & sleep @ 0056.a1824b88f14cad7b857ac34a57de854a.jpg

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I moved back to Texas for this reason. My parents are in their early 70s and very active with most people thinking they are in their 50s so hopefully not an issue I will deal with soon. A few years ago my dad had serious cancer so thought it was going to be a issue then but they doubled down to improve their health and are probably more active now than they were in their early 60s. 

My takeaway was that it isn’t too late for elderly parents to become active and go out. They dramatically increased their social life and are probably happiest they ever been. I do expect at some point hopefully 90s that they will move in with me when mobility becomes an issue  

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I need info / costs / what to do for a durable Rx POA.

The sooner, the better.

Mom had a fall in the driveway Friday afternoon while I was prepping for a Boy Scout campout & again last night while inside the home & I was still camping.

1st Was eventually a 911 call & transported to hospital, broken top connective cartilage @ ribs.

Today's early AM fall had her stuck on the ground for around 5 hours until until I could get there to assist & even then, it took me + the next door neighbor to get her up.

I need to kick someone in the ass over @ records @ South Austin Hospital so they will forward her info to the nursing home & I can get her admitted... been since last Thursday when they received the signed release & as of C.O.B. Friday, still nothing sent to the nursing home.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ROFL- Sorry to hear about your issues.  It is never easy to deal with taking care of your parents at this stage of their lives, and take care of yourself, your family and work.  I am sure Hornian (or whatever he calls himself on Surly) can help you with the POA. But if you are interested, there are forms online if you need to save money or need something done quickly.  The TMA has forms online you can us for a medical power of attorney: https://www.texmed.org/Template.aspx?id=65#MPOA.

Other than medical issues, there are financial issues to consider as well.  You may also look to have your mother sign a durable power of attorney while she is capable, which would give you the ability to handle her finances.  https://hhs.texas.gov/laws-regulations/forms/miscellaneous/sdpoa-statutory-durable-power-attorney

If she lacks mental capacity, then you would need court approval.  But if she can sign off on the durable POA, you can start helping control her finances.  It will not stop her from doing what she wants with her money, though.  To do that, you would need court approval to be appointed Guardian of her Estate.  

Edited by shadetree

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks... will possibly call Hornian... have done bidnezz w/ him in the past.

Provided she isn't loopy from her Oxtcodone + Fentanyl patch combo, she is cognizant & I can get a reasonable & proper signature.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been here @ South Austin Medical Center ~1.5 to 2 hrs. now, went to her house immediately after the campout & was @ her house approx. 4 hours after the neighbor's assist. Sidebar, he's related to Anastasis & am grad but in reference to 2%er, he''s proudly .0000002% & says he gets more shit from family & other agroids than Longhorns.

Mom called me 2 hrs. after I left reporting chest tightness & radiating arm pain, so I drove her here (30 min. drive 1 way, + time to load, 45 min. to SAMC).

Could simply be residual muscular problems from the driveway fall Friday night & exacerbated by the 2nd fall Sat. overnight.

Obv. we have to wait on some labs & they have run x-rays again & she is in for a CT head, neck right now.

Ran a strip & EKG seems OK.

That's all I know as of now.

Fun times.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/8/2018 at 9:50 PM, ROFL BOX said:

Been here @ South Austin Medical Center ~1.5 to 2 hrs. now, went to her house immediately after the campout & was @ her house approx. 4 hours after the neighbor's assist. Sidebar, he's related to Anastasis & am grad but in reference to 2%er, he''s proudly .0000002% & says he gets more shit from family & other agroids than Longhorns.

Mom called me 2 hrs. after I left reporting chest tightness & radiating arm pain, so I drove her here (30 min. drive 1 way, + time to load, 45 min. to SAMC).

Could simply be residual muscular problems from the driveway fall Friday night & exacerbated by the 2nd fall Sat. overnight.

Obv. we have to wait on some labs & they have run x-rays again & she is in for a CT head, neck right now.

Ran a strip & EKG seems OK.

That's all I know as of now.

Fun times.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 

Did you get the medical POA sorted out?  

 

Edited by GlenFromTheMailRoom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rox - have you checked to see if you can get her approved for a couple of weeks in a physical rehab place?  If she's a fall risk you might be able to get that approved.  That way they can tightly monitor her medication, nutrition and maybe get her out of this spiral she seems to be in.  I know it sucks, I've been through my dad falling and hurting himself numerous times.  Fortunately he's fairly stable now (uses a walker in the house), so I only have to spend one day a week preparing his meals,  grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions that can't be mailed, and paying his bills.  Plus getting him out of the apartment for lunch and some social time.  It's a beating but at least he can make it the rest of the week on his own for now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Spoke briefly last night with Hornian re: durable POA, etc. & my mind drifted into an unfrozen caveman roofing contractor mode.

I need to call him back.

As to Judge Roy's ?, we are hopefully today or tomorrow getting her into Hill Country Care out here in Drip on 290.

Odd thing, she is a patient, on 4th floor, but from a financial status is considered an "observation" status & that doesn't count towards the 3 night stay qualification that is apparently an automatic qualifier for ins. to pay.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Is the Hill Country Care thing just temporary?
I don't know how long however I imagine HCC would like to retain a paid bed for as long as they can & they know my concern is having her @ home, solo, without fear of a fall.

She needs enough PT to get some body strength back.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Spoke briefly last night with Hornian re: durable POA, etc. & my mind drifted into an unfrozen caveman roofing contractor mode.

I need to call him back.

As to Judge Roy's ?, we are hopefully today or tomorrow getting her into Hill Country Care out here in Drip on 290.

Odd thing, she is a patient, on 4th floor, but from a financial status is considered an "observation" status & that doesn't count towards the 3 night stay qualification that is apparently an automatic qualifier for ins. to pay.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk
 

maybe slip the on-call a hundo and get him to change it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad (70) had a procedure to see why the blood flow to his feet was so bad. He had a stent put in his leg a while back but his feet just won't heal (diabetes). He's already lost part of one foot and the other is looking poor.  Well, they decided that he needs to have a bypass in the leg. Either they'll use what veins they can salvage or they'll use some from a cadaver. This is a pretty big setback, we thought he was on the road to normalcy again. He just can't heal up. He also won't take care of himself, particularly his diet. He doesn't care for a diabetic diet so he just eats fast food all of the time. He know better, he was a medic for almost 30 years. He just doesn't seem to give a shit anymore. My sister lives a block away, so she sees him all the time and she's about at her wit's end. 

I don't have a great feeling about this latest news. I fear this is the beginning of the end, he'll slowly just fall apart and then he'll be gone. I used to think he'd go another 10 years but now I wonder if he'll make it more than a couple.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang in there ROLF BOX.  I know it's hard taking care of your mom while the life around you doesn't stop and let you catch up.  You'll look back on these rough times and you will know that you did everything that you had to do for your mom and your family.  Hang tough buddy.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Currently 2132 as I type & I now have to go collect her dog from the friend who is (was) keeping her, take it to Mom's house & then switch g by the nursing home to bring Rx's to her.

Mom got accepted / admitted to the facility out here, so that's a bonus.

I won't be in bed before midnight the way this is going.

While we were pulling LeadHeads out of this corrugated panel system, Mom probably called me every 15 - minutes with a Columbo: "aaah, well, there's just one more question..."
849df1804c123bd214ae6e6e4e34a8d3.jpg

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dad's 96. Fairly sharp, but stubborn Pacific War Vet. Stubborn. More successful than I'll ever be. Stubborn. He's lost his sense of smell and can't tell that he's not getting clean after bowel movements. How do you tell a Pacific War Vet he needs to wear Depends? Serious question. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe as a WWII vet & someone from "that generation", you can approach it from a sort of "no nonsense / if you had to have a talk with YOUR parent...", etc?

 

Sometimes folks of that era want to cut through the bullshit & talk man:man.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Saw my dad over the weekend. He had a procedure to put a stent in his leg, he's not getting circulation and his feet are falling apart. Once they got in there, the doc realized he has to have a bypass. They're gonna try to salvage some veins but will use cadaver veins if the have to. He doesn't seem too bothered by it but I think he's putting on a good front. I'm worried as hell.  He'll be in the hospital for a week, then bedridden for god knows how long.

I was talking to someone about it (NOT A DOCTOR) who was of the opinion that people with those sorts of problems don't last more than a couple of years. I don't even know how to process that. He's my dad, I just assumed he'd trudge on forever. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My MIL is 74, she was in the hospital in sugarland all weekend with heart issues.  Came up here to Austin yesterday to see her regular heart doctor and did a stress test, then was scheduled to have a stent put in today.  I got home yesterday at 5:30 to find an ambulance in my driveway.  She’s been at St. David’s ever since and is supposed to have surgery this afternoon.  Kind of a bummer since other than being overweight she’s been in good health up until now.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Article about the problem of elderly being financially abused often by family

https://apple.news/AuYCNpbJZT5KK7wmPTHfZfw

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-05-03/america-s-elderly-are-losing-37-billion-a-year-to-fraud

If possible I recommend getting access to a parents bank account so you can watch for unusual transactions.  And probably a good idea for at least 2 family members to have access to keep everything transparent.  The key being that you want the old to have financial freedom as long as possible but they may need oversight.   And maybe move excess funds into an account that isn’t quickly liquidated like CDs.  

Especially watch for the elderly giving “ loans” to other relatives.  Cousin Sally might have loans with everyone but no one wants to embarass her so no tells anyone else.  She counts on that.  Not to mention that the opioid crisis hitting almost every extended family can lead to these situations too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Update, Mom has been home since last Saturday & all is going OK.  Her cognition is good, physical mobility is increased... the stay @ HCC did her quite well & we are working actively on adjusting her Rx's to prevent contraindications & other interference between the wide variety of stuff she takes.

 

Haven't gotten her behind the wheel just yet, but that is upcoming.  Unfortunately, she's smashed it up so dam much that it's not even running well @ the moment & I don't have the cash flow @ the moment to get the basic mechanical issues worked out (not really concerned about the exterior appearance; it's some blinking light about "4Lo" that I have to get addressed & I don't know why that's going off).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dad needs a kidney and we just started the process to see if I'm a match. Has anyone ever given or received one before? Biggest issue is probably going to be his age, 77. May have to pay out of pocket if Medicare or my insurance won't pay part. Best I can tell it's about $260k, but it's hard to put a monetary value on the price of family and friends. Basicly that would just be part of my and my sisters inheritance so no big deal. Won't miss money that wasn't in the first place.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Been on the phone with mom for an hour and a half trying to deal with some scam that she fell for through the internet.  Trying to see if BoA can stop something before the cat is out of the bag.

Of course she didn't call me when the "alarm" from the Google was going off on her computer, only after she'd called the number and given someone access to her computer and a picture of a check.

ETA:  She was able to freeze her accounts before they were pilfered.  Good grief.

 

Edited by Jerry Callo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Jerry Callo, I'm almost right there with you.

 

My Mom got a text last week & it was some kind of unsolicited whatever where they were lightly trolling & it came from a (512) area code.

She responded with something along the lines of "I don't know who you are or how you  got my phone #, but I am ____ years old & have lived here for ___ years & before that lived in ________ , Florida & I am a retired ___________ , etc. etc. [add more personal shit here that allows someone to build a damn near complete personal profile]".

So damn maddening that she won't listen to me & then complains that I'm trying to run her life.  "I managed to make it this far in my life without you telling me what to do, so I'll keep on making my own way, thank you very much."

& If I was to say something about this text message, she responds with "Get over it."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bumping this thread; any recommendations for retirement/assisted living in the greater Austin area that is professional, with nice facilities, while still keeping a budget in mind? (I know, you can't have it all...)  My father and his wife (both late 80s) were working professionals who retired fairly young. They've been accustomed to a high standard of living because they lived in an inexpensive area, which helped their salaries and pensions go farther, and their house was paid for long ago. But in today's terms, their income is not high, and their only major asset is the house which is probably worth about 300k.

TLDR: where do you put parents who lived a country club Cadillac lifestyle, but have just about outlived their money/income.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/12/2018 at 10:20 PM, Not that Bob said:

Dad's 96. Fairly sharp, but stubborn Pacific War Vet. Stubborn. More successful than I'll ever be. Stubborn. He's lost his sense of smell and can't tell that he's not getting clean after bowel movements. How do you tell a Pacific War Vet he needs to wear Depends? Serious question. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice suggestion LongestHorn, but he gets confused by the telephone. Teaching him how to use a bidet...nope. Thanks for the suggestion, however. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/2/2018 at 5:44 PM, Paper_jam said:

Bumping this thread; any recommendations for retirement/assisted living in the greater Austin area that is professional, with nice facilities, while still keeping a budget in mind? (I know, you can't have it all...)  My father and his wife (both late 80s) were working professionals who retired fairly young. They've been accustomed to a high standard of living because they lived in an inexpensive area, which helped their salaries and pensions go farther, and their house was paid for long ago. But in today's terms, their income is not high, and their only major asset is the house which is probably worth about 300k.

TLDR: where do you put parents who lived a country club Cadillac lifestyle, but have just about outlived their money/income.

 

Do they need help or not?  A relative had fairly fancy skilled nursing for $6k/month in Dallas.  So you should be able to find decent assisted living for two for less than that, and that $300k will buy 50+ months of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


mpu


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Recruiting ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Help ... For Sale ... Politics ... Board Discussion
×
×
  • Create New...