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Shit My Kid Says

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57 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

As relayed to me via wife:

Daughter (about 3 years old IIRC): What's my other mommy's name?

Wife: What are you talking about? I'm your only mommy.

Daughter: No, I have another mommy. I can't remember her name.

Wife: What?

Daughter: She wears long black dresses and has long black hair. I only see her at night when you and daddy are asleep.

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1 hour ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

I'm pretty sure I posted this one years ago on the old scat site:

 

As relayed to me via wife:

Daughter (about 3 years old IIRC): What's my other mommy's name?

Wife: What are you talking about? I'm your only mommy.

Daughter: No, I have another mommy. I can't remember her name.

Wife: What?

Daughter: She wears long black dresses and has long black hair. I only see her at night when you and daddy are asleep.

Creepy AF

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*At grocery store*
4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER: I want two mommies. 
ME: Well, you’ve got a mommy and a daddy, so that’s pretty awesome. 
DAUGHTER: No no no no. I want a daddy and two mommies. 
ME: Me too, kiddo (elbowing wife) Tell mommy what you just told me...

Polygamy. The crime that carries with it its’ own punishment.

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17 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

The boy called his mother "Butthole McButtcrack" the other day. 

Or maybe it was "Buttcrack McButthole." 

when's the funeral?

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Not so much anything he said, but while I am part of the "essential" workforce, I facetime my 7 yr old son during the day to see how he and his mom are doing.

When he answered yesterday, he had his bare ass pointed at the camera on his iPad.

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The boy and I were were just out walking around the neighborhood, and for every person we encountered who was walking a dog, he would innocently ask them, "what's in the bag?" and then cackle like a loon when they told him. 

One lady said, "oh, you don't want to know..." and he told her "It's okay - I'm a real poop kind of guy."

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2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

The boy and I were were just out walking around the neighborhood, and for every person we encountered who was walking a dog, he would innocently ask them, "what's in the bag?" and then cackle like a loon when they told him. 

One lady said, "oh, you don't want to know..." and he told her "It's okay - I'm a real poop kind of guy."

Yeah, kid.  Me, too.

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Watching Spaceballs with my 14 yr old

14yr old: I miss John Candy

Me: He was dead before you were born?!?

14yr old: Yeah I know, but he was part of my childhood...

 

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