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Life and Death of a Salesman

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I’m sure it’s just the way it’s been introduced to us.  Where we used to could call in and get problems dealt with immediately now we have to enter it through SFDC, which generates an email trail. This process seems slower than the old way of doing things. We will be bringing SFDC into more and more of our operations over the next several months. I’m sure it’s just the “change” but not a fan so far.

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I moved back to a full time sales role in June after being an SE for the previous 7 years and got a 6MM quota for the rest of our FY, which ends 2/1/19. I inherited a 1MM pipe that was complete bullshit, and I'm at 3.7MM closed YTD with 1.8MM in commit and 2.3MM in best case, but it's 3 deals total which makes me nervous as shit. 

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We don't use SFDC, or whatever it is.  i'm pretty glad we do not.

 

I'm sure our internal version of it is similar...

 

and yes, i stay in the doghouse for not worshipping numbers.  'cept for 2017, my results generally earn me some leeway.

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Office phone rings- (local cell number on caller ID) 

Me- Hello this is Jimmy Hoffa?

Douche Sales Guy- HI THIS IS JOE DUMBFUCK FROM YADDA YADDA TECH COMPANY- DOES MY NAME OR COMPANY SOUND FAMILIAR? 

Me- No

DSG- Well I sent you an email last week to explain about how my company is the best company to keep in contact with your current clients to generate leads

Me- Not, interested

DSG- I understand but what are you currently doing for leads?

Me- Not, interested

DSG- (getting pissed that I don't want to listen to his pitch) YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON, blah, blah, blah

Me- Look as someone in sales let me give you a little piece of advice, if someone politely tells you NO twice it might be time to move on

DSG-  THE FIRST RULE OF SALES IS TO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER...........

Me- Thanks, we are done have a nice day

DSG- I WILL BECAUSE I AM IN SALES WITH A TECH COMP.....

Me- Click

 

Good times on a Friday afternoon. 

Edited by JimmyHoffa

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On 3/29/2018 at 9:27 PM, BearSchlong said:

Motherfucker signed an agreement, were spending thousands in network infrastructure/construction? And he had the balls to call me/email me a total of 10 times today to attempt to renegotiate his rate.

Go back to India or learn how to do business in America, asshole.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
 

Had a much older experienced guy tell me that Indians don't think you negotiate until after an agreement is signed. 

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wow, that was a whole year ago that I wrote about my frustration.  Happy to report that things got a lot better in the ensuing timeframe, and quite frankly my respect for Indians and their work ethic has grown tremendously.

 

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Wait, is this a thread where the Sales guys can vent or where we rag on sales guys?

 

Closed out a great Q1 and even took the last few days off to golf. Still working on the comp plan and Annual quota looks like it will be at least 35% higher than last year despite under performance so getting a big start was essential. 

Edited by ZB'Tejas

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So I have my business (accounts) which is more than enough to keep me busy and this year I agreed to take on Eastern Canada until we integrate a company we are acquiring and backfill with this folks....fast forward to yesterday, we RIF'd a guy and now I have his accounts in NYC as well. This is a great opportunity for me to make money. 

Thankfully it's the offseason

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The family owned company I work for is all of a sudden VERY interested in projections and things that would affect valuation where they normally just take the money I make them and smile.

Wonder what's going on.....

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5 hours ago, huge said:

The family owned company I work for is all of a sudden VERY interested in projections and things that would affect valuation where they normally just take the money I make them and smile.

Wonder what's going on.....

I don't wonder - It's one of the D's - Dying, Divorcing, or Disposing.

As the owner of a family business, I can tell you that projections which affect valuation are not something that is considered during normal times.  I'd be more likely to go clean a toilet in our bathroom than I would be to waste time playing what-if.  It serves zero purpose - in fact it robs time that could be spent actually making money.

There is something that is driving that conversation and it isn't just random curiosity.

The only other thing  it might be is that someone in the family took an executive MBA course or bought a CD set from a "guru" and has their head in the clouds thinking "what-if"

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On 3/29/2019 at 2:17 PM, JimmyHoffa said:

Office phone rings- (local cell number on caller ID) 

Me- Hello this is Jimmy Hoffa?

Douche Sales Guy- HI THIS IS JOE DUMBFUCK FROM YADDA YADDA TECH COMPANY- DOES MY NAME OR COMPANY SOUND FAMILIAR? 

Me- No

DSG- Well I sent you an email last week to explain about how my company is the best company to keep in contact with your current clients to generate leads

Me- Not, interested

DSG- I understand but what are you currently doing for leads?

Me- Not, interested

DSG- (getting pissed that I don't want to listen to his pitch) YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING OUT ON, blah, blah, blah

Me- Look as someone in sales let me give you a little piece of advice, if someone politely tells you NO twice it might be time to move on

DSG-  THE FIRST RULE OF SALES IS TO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER...........

Me- Thanks, we are done have a nice day

DSG- I WILL BECAUSE I AM IN SALES WITH A TECH COMP.....

Me- Click

 

Good times on a Friday afternoon. 

 

Update- Same guy called me on Tuesday and started the call with the exact same script

I told him I had heard of him and his company because he was an asshole on the phone when he called me last week. He apologized. 

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On 3/31/2019 at 3:05 PM, Dolemite said:

Had a much older experienced guy tell me that Indians don't think you negotiate until after an agreement is signed. 

Indians have become a huge part of my life in recent years due to meeting/dating/moving in with one.

I don't have professional relationships with any of them--thank Brahma, Vishnu AND Shiva--but I've been present for a lot of wheeling/dealing, as her aunt is a vulgarly successful entrepreneur in Silicon Valley and never stops working, even during family time.  

I mention all this to say, holy fuck is that old guy's assessment on the money.  I was astonished for quite some time.

Then I spent a month in India and discovered it's like that from the uber wealthy all the way down to the poorest street hawkers.

It's in their DNA.

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It's an Asian thing.  The concept of a contract that fixes relations or "my word is my bond," are just alien to them..

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55 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

2020 Here.

Its gonna be my best year ever.

How is everyone doing?

My Q1 looks like donkey poop!

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jeez,  looking the thread over it looks like none of us posted on it for a whole year.   

Last year at this time with 4 weeks left to go in my year, I was sitting at ~69% and no fucking chance of hitting 100....

until a deal that already signed 2 months earlier came back and the customer added on and 4X'd the sizing of a critical multiplier product.

finished at 101%... making it the 7th straight year of being over 100.   My prize?

*I was DENIED a merit increase this year

 

I was told that 101 was being stack ranked amongst all the sales reps in the org, including the fucking new hires who hold a $1M quota... to my $52M one.   pretty fucking easy to find an unassigned $20k deal from the channel team that you were supposed to get credit for and suddenly you get 2 extra %....   I need to find 52 of those same "missed" deals to have the same impact (Newsflash, no fucking chance I missed 50 orders coming through)  and the top 20% got the merit increase....  big ol fuck you

now I am sitting at 83%, I have 4 deals in the pipe that should get me to 110... of course they are all waiting on final final final final signature, and all were supposed to close 30 days ago.... so yeah. 

most likely im ending up somewhere between 95-110%

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2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

2020 Here.

Its gonna be my best year ever.

How is everyone doing?

39 hours in and I haven't sold shit.

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40 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

jeez,  looking the thread over it looks like none of us posted on it for a whole year.   

Last year at this time with 4 weeks left to go in my year, I was sitting at ~69% and no fucking chance of hitting 100....

until a deal that already signed 2 months earlier came back and the customer added on and 4X'd the sizing of a critical multiplier product.

finished at 101%... making it the 7th straight year of being over 100.   My prize?

*I was DENIED a merit increase this year

 

I was told that 101 was being stack ranked amongst all the sales reps in the org, including the fucking new hires who hold a $1M quota... to my $52M one.   pretty fucking easy to find an unassigned $20k deal from the channel team that you were supposed to get credit for and suddenly you get 2 extra %....   I need to find 52 of those same "missed" deals to have the same impact (Newsflash, no fucking chance I missed 50 orders coming through)  and the top 20% got the merit increase....  big ol fuck you

now I am sitting at 83%, I have 4 deals in the pipe that should get me to 110... of course they are all waiting on final final final final signature, and all were supposed to close 30 days ago.... so yeah. 

most likely im ending up somewhere between 95-110%

How did you not leave?

I got a raise, had a record W2 in 2019, will end up at 125% which, If I can repeat next year (no guarantee) is good enough to be a third of a million bucks. Oh and I’m 50% vested and have exercised already a good number. Plus own a good number of one of my better customers stock who IPO’ed in Q3. 

Looking forward to 2020 and hoping for some lucky breaks and looking forward to the stress and hard work (seriously).

 

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On 4/3/2019 at 11:05 AM, huge said:

The family owned company I work for is all of a sudden VERY interested in projections and things that would affect valuation where they normally just take the money I make them and smile.

Wonder what's going on.....

Forgot that I posted this.  Of course they sold in July.  New guys will just stay out of the way while the rest of the earn out is happening.  Then.....we will see.

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We had a record 2019 as a company and personally my best year as a sales rep. With great success comes extreme expectations. I am pumped to meet them in 2020. But to be honest sitting here on Jan 2 I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I was nervous. Luckily we are in the SF industry and Austin is booming.

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My final outstanding deal got signed on the 31st putting me right at annual quota and good enough for top rep.

My market has been though this past year and not sure if I see it getting any better in the months to come so might be taking a look around in early 2020.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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I recently got out of the business (management) side, and I must say I don't miss the meetings for pipeline reports, rolling forecasts, and constructing lazy market observations and recycling "strategies".  The freedom to travel on a whim, I do miss that a bit.

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4 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

jeez,  looking the thread over it looks like none of us posted on it for a whole year.   

Last year at this time with 4 weeks left to go in my year, I was sitting at ~69% and no fucking chance of hitting 100....

until a deal that already signed 2 months earlier came back and the customer added on and 4X'd the sizing of a critical multiplier product.

finished at 101%... making it the 7th straight year of being over 100.   My prize?

*I was DENIED a merit increase this year

 

I was told that 101 was being stack ranked amongst all the sales reps in the org, including the fucking new hires who hold a $1M quota... to my $52M one.   pretty fucking easy to find an unassigned $20k deal from the channel team that you were supposed to get credit for and suddenly you get 2 extra %....   I need to find 52 of those same "missed" deals to have the same impact (Newsflash, no fucking chance I missed 50 orders coming through)  and the top 20% got the merit increase....  big ol fuck you

now I am sitting at 83%, I have 4 deals in the pipe that should get me to 110... of course they are all waiting on final final final final signature, and all were supposed to close 30 days ago.... so yeah. 

most likely im ending up somewhere between 95-110%

Sandbag every one of those deals. 

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Sandbag every one of those deals. 

would love to but they will be worth 15-20% less next year. 

this same account set 3 years ago with no changes carried a $34M quota. 

I am looking around and have had 2 interviews.   the first was a bad fit and I dont think I impressed on the 2nd. so I keep looking while I get told how much I suck despite being Chairman's Club 2 out of the last 5 years. 

Edited by AUS-97HORN

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1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said:

would love to but they will be worth 15-20% less next year. 

this same account set 3 years ago with no changes carried a $34M quota. 

I am looking around and have had 2 interviews.   the first was a bad fit and I dont think I impressed on the 2nd. so I keep looking while I get told how much I suck despite being Chairman's Club 2 out of the last 5 years. 

Gotcha. Keep grinding, good luck man.

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Posted (edited)

Well this (COVID-19) changes everything. . .I sell something that facilitates wide are networking and telecommuting, and have actually made a few sales because of the current social distancing.  Unsure how things are going to be long term though.

Edited by BearSchlong

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Agreed I sell mechanical services for single family new construction. They are still building currently but we have no idea what happens if construction is shut down or if people just stop buying houses all together 

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Yeah the shit is going to hit the fan. funnel drying up and blue birds are all but gone as there is nothing worse for business than uncertainty. 

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Was just about to revive this thread yesterday. I sell software and all my prospects I’ve been working with now tell me everything is on hold right now. I have a few existing accounts but nothing that is ready to buy. Going to be a rough Q1 and Q2.


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I sell storage for a big company. All my customers are global outsourcers and cloud service providers. We had a pretty slow year last year. The regional CSPs were getting hammered by the big 3, and it was just a strange year for the outsourcers as my largest customer tried really hard to go up market and stopped bidding on small deals. I've got a great pipeline this year with the outsourcers, and I feel like this could accelerate that somewhat. They may sweat assets a little longer on contracts they already hold, but some of the new business they are working could be really good for me. Some of them are so far along I think they've got the inertia to close no matter what. Or the wheels could come off and I'm fucked, who knows. 

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3.5 weeks ago, 1 month into my new fiscal year, I was trending towards 50-60%  for the first half.

right now Im at 60% INVOICED and another 10-15% booked.  Covid is causing clients to open up their entire IT budget for 2020 and 2021.  

could be the last hurrah.  might end up booking 120-125% for the half and then go barren desert the 2nd half.

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don't worry, dell will up your quota so you don't make any bonuses this year, and then double your quota for next year even though no one is buying

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9 minutes ago, blacklab said:

don't worry, dell will up your quota so you don't make any bonuses this year, and then double your quota for next year even though no one is buying

and a merry fucking christmas back at you....

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On 12/23/2018 at 11:45 AM, 52-80 said:

Sorry Salesforce haters....there's no good CRM system.

I have built our own for my sales squad...

lead, appointment, notes, follow-up, proposal outstanding, closed won/lost. thats it. thats all i need to know. everything else is fluff bullshit for folks who couldnt cold call their way out of a paper bag. my reps are appreciative of this and are pretty timely and accurate.

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It fucking sucks. Customers and prospects are dead quiet. Co-worker had a customer call and say they wanted to cancel an order from Friday because they are just going to lay off all the employees instead.

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Was just about to revive this thread yesterday. I sell software and all my prospects I’ve been working with now tell me everything is on hold right now. I have a few existing accounts but nothing that is ready to buy. Going to be a rough Q1 and Q2.


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High five

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Neighbor who works for VMWare (Dell) says they can’t get laptops and virtual desktop licenses out the door fast enough with all the people moving to work from home. It’s amazing how many companies were totally unprepared for that.

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WYSE boxes and laptops.  Transitioned my entire team to WFH in 24 hours.  We have a skeleton crew at the offices, everyone else across the country at home.  Plug WYSE with a cable and it's good to go.  

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4 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Neighbor who works for VMWare (Dell) says they can’t get laptops and virtual desktop licenses out the door fast enough with all the people moving to work from home. It’s amazing how many companies were totally unprepared for that.

A friend of mine who works for Dell on the client side in my service provider space closed like $6MM last week in laptop sales almost completely on bluebirds. I've got a call with my largest partner today to talk about building a VDIaaS offering we've been trying to get them to do for 2 years, and one of their reps called me Friday because the deal that's the largest in my pipeline might double or even triple in size. End user customer is a global bank, and they are thinking about doing a total tech refresh this year instead of over the next three because their cost of capital is so low right now. 

What I'm seeing right now from the partner/outsourcer community is that they are closing harder than time share salesmen on any deals they have that are close. It feels like if you're in the right space, you could have your year wrapped up by the end of April, but a shit pipe for 2H '20 and 1H '21. 

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9 minutes ago, BabaYaga said:

WYSE boxes and laptops.  Transitioned my entire team to WFH in 24 hours.  We have a skeleton crew at the offices, everyone else across the country at home.  Plug WYSE with a cable and it's good to go.  

CSB alert... I used to be an SE for Wyse. 

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