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Prepuce of Doom

Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt

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23 minutes ago, EZ$ said:

Not talking about a foot long turd, just a solid, little deer poop pebble type turd. I mean that’s what my friend described. 

I will drop my argument and offer my appology.  I forgot this is the no judgement zone, and I was out of line.

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5 hours ago, EZ$ said:

Is it a shart if there’s a turd release, but underwear aren’t stained?  Asking for a friend. 

Yes. 

If there's uninvited turd, it's a shart. If there's a detour to the bathroom as a result of your "fart," it's a shart. If you have to clean up afterwards, it's a shart. 

Farts don't involve toilet paper. 

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Checking in for 2019 thread. Almost made it the whole year.  I knew the game plan and put my bowels in position to make it though the entire year, I just failed to execute.  This is not the standard for EZ$. 

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1 hour ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

Turd?

Seemed like a fart. Then my ass was wet. Turned right around and went home. 

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Checking in. I had a nearly five-year perfect run, but a few days of being sick were too much. The sad thing is that I was about two feet from the toilet when I absentmindedly let out a fart.

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On 12/23/2019 at 1:06 PM, Mole said:

Checking in. I had a nearly five-year perfect run, but a few days of being sick were too much. The sad thing is that I was about two feet from the toilet when I absentmindedly let out a fart.

I call that the "Brown Zone". The shart erupts when one is most comfortable in an environment they think they are in control of.

Alas... the shart..

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On 12/4/2019 at 10:04 AM, Fudbelty said:

I seriously question the how on that one. I feel like I know when a turd is on the Hershey Highway waiting for the right of way. It’s when the highway is unknowingly flooded and I chose to not “turn around don’t drown” and I fill the pants.

No he’s legit. Ive done it before. I typically like to blast ass. Not just let out a sbd or squeaker. You reach back and let out a throaty one and, if you’re like me, you get all of it out. Often gulping in more air orally when you hit the 15-20 second mark. Sometimes around the 8-10 second mark when your asshole is at its most agape an “assteroid” will exit orbit. 

Doesn't happen often (once in my many years of 50+ farts a day, but the science is definitely on his side. I however can’t call this accident a shart because sharts are precursor to poop soup. This is just accidentally dropping a shit nugget in your drawers. 

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On 12/23/2019 at 1:06 PM, Mole said:

Checking in. I had a nearly five-year perfect run, but a few days of being sick were too much. The sad thing is that I was about two feet from the toilet when I absentmindedly let out a fart.

This is why I run into the bathroom in reverse with my pants down. Momentum has won the day many a time. 

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13 hours ago, Jhawk said:

No he’s legit. Ive done it before. I typically like to blast ass. Not just let out a sbd or squeaker. You reach back and let out a throaty one and, if you’re like me, you get all of it out. Often gulping in more air orally when you hit the 15-20 second mark. Sometimes around the 8-10 second mark when your asshole is at its most agape an “assteroid” will exit orbit. 

Doesn't happen often (once in my many years of 50+ farts a day, but the science is definitely on his side. I however can’t call this accident a shart because sharts are precursor to poop soup. This is just accidentally dropping a shit nugget in your drawers. 

Maybe you should see a doctor?

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Been kinda sick the last couple weeks, lots of nose blowing and coughing. Worked a half day Christmas Eve, and kinda felt like I needed to sit on the throne before leaving the office, but we just finished locking up and were ready to leave, so decided to tough it out till I got home.. Then while driving, I remembered I still had to get some booze for BIL’s present as well as some eggnog the wife wanted, so stopped at Twin Liquor real quick. Got out of truck, walking into the store and a sudden major cough erupts. Let’s just say that’s not the only thing that erupted the moment I coughed. Damn near made it the whole year dammit. Still got what I needed at Twin though. 

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Been kinda sick the last couple weeks, lots of nose blowing and coughing. Worked a half day Christmas Eve, and kinda felt like I needed to sit on the throne before leaving the office, but we just finished locking up and were ready to leave, so decided to tough it out till I got home.. Then while driving, I remembered I still had to get some booze for BIL’s present as well as some eggnog the wife wanted, so stopped at Twin Liquor real quick. Got out of truck, walking into the store and a sudden major cough erupts. Let’s just say that’s not the only thing that erupted the moment I coughed. Damn near made it the whole year dammit. Still got what I needed at Twin though. 

I wonder how many times a day someone with shit in their pants makes a purchase at a typical Twin Liquors location?

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 I’m young yet, but I can’t seem to fathom how people are going around just sharting. Is it a situation where your assholes are blown out from years and years of being a power bottom? 

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7 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Is this a situation where you just learned the term "power bottom" and couldn't wait to shoehorn it into a sentence? 

That sir, was solid gold. Well done. 

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On 12/28/2019 at 12:12 PM, GotThatFire said:

 I’m young yet, but I can’t seem to fathom how people are going around just sharting. Is it a situation where your assholes are blown out from years and years of being a power bottom? 

No, we're all bull queers on surly

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Was riding the elevator up to my office this morning and boom, it hit me. A force so powerful I could barely contain it. Had to do a full sprint to the bathroom once I reached my floor to limit the carnage. 2019 was very close to being a squeaky clean year, but shit prevailed in the final hours. 

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I am battling a cold and it seems that the various cold meds, particularly Robitussin DM, make things a bit loose in the caboose.  I felt something brewing and started heading for the throne.

I was either a daredevil or something just escaped en route and it was hot in the way only liquid can be.  After expelling some liquid and solid matter, I investigated my underpants and legs and could find no evidence of shartage.

Very confusing.

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Also battling a cold and had some close calls. These meds wreak havoc on the butthole 

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2 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

Was riding the elevator up to my office this morning and boom, it hit me. A force so powerful I could barely contain it. Had to do a full sprint to the bathroom once I reached my floor to limit the carnage. 2019 was very close to being a squeaky clean year, but shit prevailed in the final hours. 

Username checks out

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Daughter was sitting on her brand new stuffed unicorn she got for Xmas right before bed. She farts, goes “oh no”, stands up and the unicorn has a nice brown mane. Ah the joys of parenting. 

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4 hours ago, hookemATL said:

Daughter was sitting on her brand new stuffed unicorn she got for Xmas right before bed. She farts, goes “oh no”, stands up and the unicorn has a nice brown mane. Ah the joys of parenting. 

A version of that story is going to be told on this site in about 15 years.

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Also battling a cold and had some close calls. These meds wreak havoc on the butthole 


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While other aspects of the year have been less than optimal, I'm happy to report that 2019's underwear was unsoiled. 

It helps to not wear any, of course 

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