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And on physical security, our neighborhood is gated, our property is gated, and the front and back entrances are both double-secured (front door + foyer door,   rear sunroom + living room).

 

If any of the 4 doors of the 2 entrances are left unlocked, she thinks it careless.  The other day I left a wad of cash on the foyer table, she said "you should put that away someone might steal it". 

 

We have no maids, dog-walkers, baby-sitters, house-sitters, or anything of the sort.  If someone cares enough to force entry in the house, cash theft would be the least of my concern.  Either way, if anybody wants in, all they have to do is just smash the fucking window.....

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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20 minutes ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Steal the dog????

Thru the camera. The technology is there. Star Trek & shit.

20 minutes ago, Llano Estacado said:

 


This is a fucking show dog with fucking papers.

 

There are shows for that? Sick bastards

Edited by Dennis Taylor

Thank you for such a great laugh today.  Out of all of the things burglars could do to your home, her worst-case scenario has them kidnapping the dog.  I sincerely needed a great laugh this morning, and this was it.

1 hour ago, Llano Estacado said:

 


This is a fucking show dog with fucking papers.

 

Your dog is so exclusive it needs papers to fuck?

20 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

This isn't the "Wives and how efficiently they are able to process insurance forms" thread. 

Sorry, I thought this was the football recruiting thread.

In her defense...I'd hate to have a camera set up in my house. Ring door bell, outside front door. Sure.

On the kitchen cabinets pointed down into the living room? Fuck that noise.

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Of all the shit in my house, I'd for sure be the most pissed off if they stole the dog. Actually, I'd be the most pissed off if they didn't steal all of the shit.

Of all the shit in my house, I'd for sure be the most pissed off if they stole the dog. Actually, I'd be the most pissed off if they didn't steal all of the shit.
It's a defense mechanism. Robbers see your wifes work for the first time and they think shes a serial killer.

18 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Of all the shit in my house, I'd for sure be the most pissed off if they stole the dog. Actually, I'd be the most pissed off if they didn't steal all of the shit.

...and the mural?? 

2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Of all the shit in my house, I'd for sure be the most pissed off if they stole the dog. Actually, I'd be the most pissed off if they didn't steal all of the shit.

Yeah. No one is taking the time to figure out how to get that giant crab off of the bathroom wall and thru the front door.

Lotta' wife and camera talk, but not photos?

image.jpg

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wife- " I bought some stuff at CVS for $45 but i can get it cheaper at Target so I'm going to take it back"

me- " Ok great" (wishfully thinking some sort of lightbulb has turned on in her head)

(I check bank- Target- $125.)

tenor.gif?itemid=5419849

 

     

2 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Was there also a 45 dollar credit from cvs or nah. 

surprisingly yes  

9 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

wife- " I bought some stuff at CVS for $45 but i can get it cheaper at Target so I'm going to take it back"

me- " Ok great" (wishfully thinking some sort of lightbulb has turned on in her head)

(I check bank- Target- $125.)

tenor.gif?itemid=5419849

 

     

You don't go to Target and spend less than $100. Moose out front. 

Oh wait, typo, women don't go to target and spend less than $100. 

Edited by ztejas

2 hours ago, ztejas said:

You don't go to Target and spend less than $100. Moose out front. 

Oh wait, typo, women don't go to target and spend less than $100. 

So, I should give thankful that 'stopping to pick up a couple of things' is usually ~$80?

Dummy. She bought $200 worth of shit at target so you saved a shitload.

8 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

wife- " I bought some stuff at CVS for $45 but i can get it cheaper at Target so I'm going to take it back"

me- " Ok great" (wishfully thinking some sort of lightbulb has turned on in her head)

(I check bank- Target- $125.)

tenor.gif?itemid=5419849

 

     

Derka's a warriors fan?

13 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Dummy. She bought $200 worth of shit at target so you saved a shitload.

This guy BOGOs.

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Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

10 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

She’s coming home today with a brand new $1500 phone

31 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

You text her and ask if her phone is working yet

46 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click 

gentlemen.....

 

this,   this,  is why we have this thread.

 

give this guy a Harrumph!!!!

1 hour ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

She's hot isn't she?

1 hour ago, Trey3216 said:

She’s coming home today with a brand new $1500 phone

and changing the locks to ones that actually work.

5 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

She's blonde isn't she?

Fify

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Edited by hundredTT

She's hot isn't she?

She could just be a girl.
Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Travel prep never ceases to amaze me. I’ve learned to just sit back and chill though.
11 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

my wife does this. it makes sense. she doesn't want to come back from a vacation and unpack everything, wash it/put it away, and then have to also do other household chores. just unpack our shit and relax.

21 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

This belongs in the "awesome shit my wife/so does" thread.

Who would complain about cleaning?

my wife does this. it makes sense. she doesn't want to come back from a vacation and unpack everything, wash it/put it away, and then have to also do other household chores. just unpack our shit and relax.


Unpack her shit? Women do that? I think my wife still has a suitcase sitting in the bathroom half full of shit from going somewhere a month ago
On 4/4/2019 at 8:13 AM, 52-80 said:

And on physical security, our neighborhood is gated, our property is gated, and the front and back entrances are both double-secured (front door + foyer door,   rear sunroom + living room).

 

If any of the 4 doors of the 2 entrances are left unlocked, she thinks it careless.  The other day I left a wad of cash on the foyer table, she said "you should put that away someone might steal it". 

 

We have no maids, dog-walkers, baby-sitters, house-sitters, or anything of the sort.  If someone cares enough to force entry in the house, cash theft would be the least of my concern.  Either way, if anybody wants in, all they have to do is just smash the fucking window.....

   Lol. At least she thinks about it. My wife could give two shits. Cars unlocked. I explained to her that even in nice neighborhoods teenagers will be teenagers. Don't make it easy for them. Took me a long time to get her to lock doors and windows in the house. She gets in cars and sits there fiddling for an unusual amount of time, not paying attention to her surroundings. I have been working on her for years. Little by little she has gotten better, but still.

Edited by Thatguy

26 minutes ago, Longhornlax said:

 


Unpack her shit? Women do that? I think my wife still has a suitcase sitting in the bathroom half full of shit from going somewhere a month ago

 

 

Ha. Mine upped her game and got a travel bathroom bag that never gets unpacked, and just sits full, under the sink. Makes it easy for a grab and go, but it was to avoid having to unpack that spawned it. Of course 90% of the shit in it will never be needed. 

Edited by thunderlounge

Yea but young people music sucks


Truer words have never been spoken
1 hour ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Related--my wife takes 2 weeks to pack for a weeks vacation and will forget half the shit she actually needs. 

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

7 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

This man gets it. Noticed I said cleaning like a lunatic. I'm working from home, and getting last min errands done before we leave. I'm getting that  passive aggressive cleaning treatment where she is extra loud, acting like I'm not doing shit. I know this game very well, but I let her know before hand I have a lot do do before we head out. Cleaning is not a priority,  and the house is not even remotely dirty. She will be scrambling packing last minute now, all because the she took time to dust the guest room top shelf, and reorganize the entire decor on the shelves...

5 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

I am slightly disappoint.

I fully expected, "I left my key in the house."

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