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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Some of those are certainly dated, but honestly many of them are just good timeless advice.

I don't see the "willing to blow your husband at least once a week" on the Merit side of the ledger.

20 minutes ago, Superhero said:

I don't see the "willing to blow your husband at least once a week" on the Merit side of the ledger.

#23. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress. 

My wife, her godmother, and our daughter are going on a European tour for April.

“How much money should I be ready to take?”

(To be fair, the best lesson I learned in my starter marriage was to keep separate bank accounts.)

I just looked up and said “my credit card?”

It's the week before Christmas, so the entire conversation was her indirect way of letting me know that is what she wants.

She's crafty - when we go shopping I will tell her to use my card to buy an outfit/purse/shoes/etc on me. Then she asks “budget?” and I tell her and she will then go slightly over and then Venmo me the difference.

On 12/16/2025 at 6:30 PM, nnm said:

#23. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress. 

Or, as Old Lodge Skins asked, "Does she demonstrate pleasant enthusiasm when you mount her?"

 

On 12/21/2025 at 2:56 PM, BearSchlong said:

She's crafty - when we go shopping I will tell her to use my card to buy an outfit/purse/shoes/etc on me. Then she asks “budget?” and I tell her and she will then go slightly over and then Venmo me the difference.

I remember when I had an allowance

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We've had a giant, gym quality treadmill in the spare bedroom for several years, and you'll be shocked to hear that my wife never fucking used it. Well, she decided to start but it up and died after like 3 uses. It'll cost too much to fix so I said it's outta here. Yesterday was moving day. I didn't expect or really need any help, but my wife just had a couple of surgeries and couldn't help, regardless. I knew this. She knew this, too. But she felt like she had to stand behind me and whimper "I wish I could help" like 50 fucking times. I said I didn't need her to "help" other than opening the front door, and that her constant comments were the opposite of help. She didn't take the hint.

Then, as I'm maneuvering this huge fucking bastard treadmill through the narrow hall, she felt like she needed to chime in with "You've almost got it; You're doing great", as I struggled and swore. I finally had to drop the bomb and say that she was acting just like my mother, who was a great person but felt like she just had to micromanage everything, even if she was just watching. Feelings were hurt, along with my back, but I finally got it out of the house. For the cherry on top, she felt like she had to walk me outside, like a mother taking her kid to the bus stop. I said "I know where I'm going, you can wait here" and she stomped away.

Fuck treadmills

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Wife:

Good job honey!

Sandman:

Deadspin | Vanderbilt Responds To "Fuck You" Barrage From  Louisville Pitcher With Ninth-Inning Rally

On 12/29/2025 at 12:02 PM, Sandman said:

We've had a giant, gym quality treadmill in the spare bedroom for several years, and you'll be shocked to hear that my wife never fucking used it. Well, she decided to start but it up and died after like 3 uses. It'll cost too much to fix so I said it's outta here. Yesterday was moving day. I didn't expect or really need any help, but my wife just had a couple of surgeries and couldn't help, regardless. I knew this. She knew this, too. But she felt like she had to stand behind me and whimper "I wish I could help" like 50 fucking times. I said I didn't need her to "help" other than opening the front door, and that her constant comments were the opposite of help. She didn't take the hint.

Then, as I'm maneuvering this huge fucking bastard treadmill through the narrow hall, she felt like she needed to chime in with "You've almost got it; You're doing great", as I struggled and swore. I finally had to drop the bomb and say that she was acting just like my mother, who was a great person but felt like she just had to micromanage everything, even if she was just watching. Feelings were hurt, along with my back, but I finally got it out of the house. For the cherry on top, she felt like she had to walk me outside, like a mother taking her kid to the bus stop. I said "I know where I'm going, you can wait here" and she stomped away.

Fuck treadmills

Back in the day I had a friend in the gym business who gave me one of their treadmills that was getting replaced with a newer model. I didn't want it but my wife insisted, "Oh, I'm going to use it every day, I promise." In our prior house, there was this narrow as hell stairway that led up to a small room that had been converted from the attic. That was really the only place for it. That sumbitch was so heavy it took 4 adult males to haul it up there. She didn't use it once. Not fucking once. Yeah... fuck treadmills.

Just now, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Back in the day I had a friend in the gym business who gave me one of their treadmills that was getting replaced with a newer model. I didn't want it but my wife insisted, "Oh, I'm going to use it every day, I promise." In our prior house, there was this narrow as hell stairway that led up to a small room that had been converted from the attic. That was really the only place for it. That sumbitch was so heavy it took 4 adult males to haul it up there. She didn't use it once. Not fucking once. Yeah... fuck treadmills.

we have one of those super thin "walking treadmills" in our master bedroom. Wife was really motivated to use it for like 2 weeks. Currently, it has about a week's worth of clothes balanced on the handlebars, multiple pairs of shoes on the belt, and an unpacked suitcase from our thanksgiving trip sitting on top. looks great.

1 minute ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Back in the day I had a friend in the gym business who gave me one of their treadmills that was getting replaced with a newer model. I didn't want it but my wife insisted, "Oh, I'm going to use it every day, I promise." In our prior house, there was this narrow as hell stairway that led up to a small room that had been converted from the attic. That was really the only place for it. That sumbitch was so heavy it took 4 adult males to haul it up there. She didn't use it once. Not fucking once. Yeah... fuck treadmills.

On 12/29/2025 at 12:02 PM, Sandman said:

We've had a giant, gym quality treadmill in the spare bedroom for several years, and you'll be shocked to hear that my wife never fucking used it. Well, she decided to start but it up and died after like 3 uses. It'll cost too much to fix so I said it's outta here. Yesterday was moving day. I didn't expect or really need any help, but my wife just had a couple of surgeries and couldn't help, regardless. I knew this. She knew this, too. But she felt like she had to stand behind me and whimper "I wish I could help" like 50 fucking times. I said I didn't need her to "help" other than opening the front door, and that her constant comments were the opposite of help. She didn't take the hint.

Then, as I'm maneuvering this huge fucking bastard treadmill through the narrow hall, she felt like she needed to chime in with "You've almost got it; You're doing great", as I struggled and swore. I finally had to drop the bomb and say that she was acting just like my mother, who was a great person but felt like she just had to micromanage everything, even if she was just watching. Feelings were hurt, along with my back, but I finally got it out of the house. For the cherry on top, she felt like she had to walk me outside, like a mother taking her kid to the bus stop. I said "I know where I'm going, you can wait here" and she stomped away.

Fuck treadmills

According to my wife, they make splendid places to drape clothes that one does not wish to put away properly. That is why the only exercise equipment in our home is a small set of dumbells.

Dammit, beat by @Foosters.

Edited by Scheiss Meister

1 hour ago, Scheiss Meister said:

That is why the only exercise equipment in our home is a small set of dumbells.

Why you gotta be like that about them kids?

About 60 years ago one early summer Friday evening I stopped with a screech in the middle of North Lamar between 32nd 35th , jumped out of my dad’s ‘61 Impala sedan and pulled my shirt off in a panic.

I was on a date with a hot blonde and another couple heading northbound for the Chief drive-in when the Salem menthol cigarette dangling from my lips fell inside my Oxford button down shirt and commenced burning various spots all over my chest down to the navel.

Traffic on that side of Lamar came to a stop while my friends were laughing their heads off as I danced around on the center stripe trying to yank the shirt off without ripping it up.

Thank gawd cellphones, Youtube, & TikTok didn’t exist then.

54 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Thank gawd cellphones, Youtube, & TikTok didn’t exist then.

Agree wholeheartedly.

7 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

Agree wholeheartedly.

Yep, there’s enough lameass eyesore shit online as it is.

4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Back in the day I had a friend in the gym business who gave me one of their treadmills that was getting replaced with a newer model. I didn't want it but my wife insisted, "Oh, I'm going to use it every day, I promise." In our prior house, there was this narrow as hell stairway that led up to a small room that had been converted from the attic. That was really the only place for it. That sumbitch was so heavy it took 4 adult males to haul it up there. She didn't use it once. Not fucking once. Yeah... fuck treadmills.

Early in our marriage, she got a "Gazelle" machine, which was fucking stupid. Then she kicked it up a notch to an elliptical, which she actually did use from time to time but not enough to justify the purchase. After it sat for years with clothes hanging on it, we sold it and I thought the game was finally over. But no, some fucker on FB just had to sell this thing. She has already talked about one of those little walking treadmills but I have vetoed her idea.

You know where you can find an awesome walking treadmill? Outside. It’s called a sidewalk. I use it regularly, it’s quite exhilarating.

10 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Yep, there’s enough lameass eyesore shit online as it is.

We’ve seen your boobs more than all the Shaggy girls combined.

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

We’ve seen your boobs more than all the Shaggy girls combined.

*mooobs

TW: CR adjacent

Her: "I read that there's some petition to use AI to erase Donald Trump from that once scene in Home Alone 2, and replace him with present day McCauley Culkin. So it would be Kevin talking to grown up Kevin!"

Me: "Huh, that's kinda fun. But why would they need to use AI?"

Her: "what? how else are they going to get Kevin talking to Kevin?"

Me: by using basic special effects?"

Her: "but they would need to somehow erase Trump from the old film, and then replace him with a current McCauley Culkin. How could they do that without AI?"

Me: * spends several minutes listing films from the last 50 years that accomplished this very same thing.

Her: "well, you know what I mean, AI, special effects, same thing."

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