Jump to content

Halloween bullshit


Prepuce of Doom

Recommended Posts

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 5 weeks later...

Tumor Gourds?  they opened for Megadeath in '86, right?  

Hard to believe Halloween is now only "next month"  

I still say you should go as McQueen's "Papillon" for Halloween and wheel that pumpkin around in a wagon.  Introduce him as, "My friend, Toussaint. This is all that's left of him but I made him a promise in that jungle." 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 weeks later...

" 'Great Pumpkin'?  No, that was my father's name...I walk a different path.  My name is Asheron, my gourds are legion, and everything you know...is at an end." 

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

October update. It's almost time for the monster to emerge. 

The undead cardinal has much of his plumage back, with the exception of a scar-like ring around his neck. Probably gearing up to pass among the living soon. 

And in yet another indication of the unholiness of The Gourd, we've had a weird vine growing in our backyard for the past month or two. It initially appeared to be some kind of zucchini-like squash, and I was prepared to eventually eat it, but Mrs. Doom's good sense prevailed, and we discovered that unintended members of the squash family (also apparently called "volunteer squash," probably because they resemble residents of Tennessee) can have extremely high concentrations of a chemical that can give a human crippling diarrhea for weeks and also cause your hair to fall out. 

Anyway, as this plant has taken over more of our yard with each passing day, stretching towards the back corner of the lot where The Gourd resides, it has become increasingly clear that it's some kind of pumpkin. 

So our guy definitely appears to be summoning an army. 

20211001_105955.jpg

20210928_180638.jpg

20211001_110136.jpg

Between this and the shit my kid says thread you may be my favorite poster here.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll give Prepuce some credit, and some flack.  If a completely unplanted and unplanned vine of poisonous pumpkins just spontaneously started growing in my backyard and making their way towards the haunted pumpkin in my back corner...I wouldn't be taunting it with photography and whimsical postings.  I'd call a botanist and a priest and have them both watch me douse the fucking thing in diesel, herbicides, and prayer.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

 

20211013_131134.jpg

 

When i was a kid, we would carve a jack o'lantern, put the candle inside  and put it on top of a 6' ladder that had a sheet draped over it for a body.  I would submit that this demented gourd would make for a fine example. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So are we just not talking  about the fact that the pumpkin’s facial expressions are different in each of Prepuce’s photographs, even when accounting for angle and lighting?   We’re just gonna move along with our silly bullshit like it’s not happening?

the fucking thing’s jaw is moving and you are all like “whoah……funny story this holiday season…”

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

But an offering of preservation could be looked upon favorably by the dark lords.  

I took the liberty of ordering one of these to house the Gourd for the all hallow's eve's blood sacrifice.  I mean, trick-or-treating:

https://www.starhomedesigns.com/products/ranch-glass-dome-cake-stand 

I think it has an understated tastefulness to it, while also allowing us to serve Lord Asheron as he commands his Abominable Legions.  

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

But an offering of preservation could be looked upon favorably by the dark lords.  

I took the liberty of ordering one of these to house the Gourd for the all hallow's eve's blood sacrifice.  I mean, trick-or-treating:

https://www.starhomedesigns.com/products/ranch-glass-dome-cake-stand 

I think it has an understated tastefulness to it, while also allowing us to serve Lord Asheron as he commands his Abominable Legions.  

 

I hope you also got the Ocean Seahorse Dip Dish with Spreader.

 

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/1/2021 at 5:31 PM, Lobo said:

I'll give Prepuce some credit, and some flack.  If a completely unplanted and unplanned vine of poisonous pumpkins just spontaneously started growing in my backyard and making their way towards the haunted pumpkin in my back corner...I wouldn't be taunting it with photography and whimsical postings.  I'd call a botanist and a priest and have them both watch me douse the fucking thing in diesel, herbicides, and prayer.  

Propane pear burner, often referred to as "kill it with fire".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/13/2021 at 1:49 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Extracted Demon Gourd Sr. from his tomb in the back corner of the yard the other day, and had enough of Jr.'s vine strangling the grass, so I harvested him. I don't know how much bigger he was going to get anyway - he'd been stalled at roughly this same size for a while. 

A picture of Sr. immediately after retrieval, and then one next to the boy. And I've moved Sr. to the front of the house. It's currently the only outdoor Halloween decoration, which I think makes it all that much more unsettling. 

Mrs. Doom has done a complete 180 on the whole thing and is fully on board the bandwagon - she's suggested shellacking it for ongoing preservation, and is nervous about displaying it where marauding teens may steal and/or destroy it. But I've explained that it's decay is its power source, and it would be a crime to hide it from the neighborhood any longer.  And frankly, I'd be delighted if some kids stole it for their own use and amusement as long as they didn't just smash it. 

I've obtained this year's host bodies and will be transforming them and summoning their true nature this weekend. 

 

20211009_133608.jpg

20211009_133749.jpg

 

I stumbled upon this thread rather late but it has been very much worth it. My youngest would be of a like mind with you in regards to allowing Senor Gourdo to remain in the backyard for the last year as a banishment/Halloween curse or something. Or a grand science experiment of which we had several of the course of his younger days. I love that Junior is also showing some potential with the stems coming out of the top. It's hard to tell if the rind on the smaller melon will perform as well as the tumor pumpkin, but you never know.

 

Pretty spectacular all around.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 10/28/2020 at 11:10 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

The hide of this terrible gourd was so tough and resilient that it broke the old-assed hammer I was hitting it with. 

Doomlet was delighted. 

 

20201025_153805.jpg

i mean all the signs were there from the beginning... you can't claim you weren't warned 🤣

Edited by mchookem
  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly.  I'm sure Prepuce is a swell guy and all, but when Asheron and his dark legion take those same tools to task on Prepuce on All Souls Day...I'm gonna have a hard time mustering up sympathy.  

The fucking thing is literally trying to utter words in those photographs.  It's trying to be a good sport and warn us of the evils to come and we're being dismissive!

This is how we end, not with a bang, but with a gourdy whimper

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Lobo said:

The fucking thing is literally trying to utter words in those photographs.  It's trying to be a good sport and warn us of the evils to come and we're being dismissive!

In the one above, it is trying to say, "take me to play disc golf; just strap me onto the back of your bicycle rack. I can recruit more porch pumpkins to the Demon Army."

  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had a near tragedy yesterday. A strong gust of wind came through, picked up Sr., and rolled him down the driveway. Luckily, Mrs. Doom happened to see it all go down, and was able to run outside to grab him before he rolled out into the street. 

He took a little damage - the crack on his right/our left got a little more pronounced, but it could have been much worse. And I don't even want to know what kind of Thinner-esque gypsy curse would have befallen the motorist unlucky enough to have struck him... 

So I've dumped a pound or two of topsoil into his mouth to act as ballast, and have sort of positioned him between a stone and the house, so hopefully he'll stay put. 

Also, someone has been gnawing at Jr., but only just a little. I'll be on the lookout for Rodents Of Unusual Lividity (ROULs). 

20211017_140322.jpg

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So the senior gourd, flush up against the house with the two inch elevation of the driveway on one side and the HVAC drainage pipe on the other side…and the rocks in front despite a relatively calm evening…you just ‘claim’ that massive gusts magically picked it up and rolled it down the driveway just as Uber headed for the county line was driving by?  This is your story?  A near impossible feat of nature almost brought your pumpkin to its end?   
 

and whom, I wonder, brought you to this fanciful tale?  Not so much as a leaf or modicum of lawn debris is seen having been blown across your lawn in your photos.  But we are to believe that a several pounds rotten gourd found its way down your driveway during these ocean like gales that only seem to occur over your solitary homestead?   
 

you have been compromised.  You are under its control.  You are doomed.  You are forsaken.  I am sorry we could not help you.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Precisely what he said you’d say.  And you magically learned French to boot?
 

$50 says you wake up tomorrow and for no apparent reason know how to make yourself a croissant for breakfast.   

Edited by Lobo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...