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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

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8 hours ago, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Look, you're asking questions with answers I don't like.....

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8 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

If @ HEB, explain to your wife that if all the soft vegetable goods are scanned first, it actually helps the "I.P.M." count for the cashier.  I.E. "Items Per Minute", which is a metric that can boost performance stats for the checker.

A lot of those things need to be weighed & that slows down the IPM's... but if they start with veggies, they don't count against the IPM until the 1st "regular" grocery item comes through.  I usually try to assist the cashier by doing that.

 

if you're at HEB and not barcode labeling your produce when you pick it, you're slowing things down for the checker and everyone behind you.  fuck metrics.

back in high school, we had to know all the produce codes (except maybe the real obscure shit).  nowadays, when I get stuck behind a dickhead like you, it's clear checkers are no longer trained that way.  they fiddle around with each produce bag to find the label on the fruit and then key it in.  incredibly slow and frustrating for all involved.  

then on the other end, the bagger (if he/she's worth a shit) gets to stand there with their thumb up their ass waiting for the cans and heavy stuff to come down before they can even start to do their job.  and then we all get to stand around and watch while this poor bastard finishes up, long after you've paid.

so congrats to you for knowing how to game the IPM thing.  pssst:  shit like that only matters to 'career' checkout clerks; but in the end, does it really?

grocery talk not going away.  sorry.  I got triggered.

9 hours ago, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

fucking this.

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Seriously, quit talking about grocery bagging on the thread about hat size.

And for the record, some of you have some huge noggins. They're virtual planetoids. They're like an orange on a toothpick. Go cry yourself to sleep tonight, on your huge pillow.

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9 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

Seriously, quit talking about grocery bagging on the thread about hat size.

And for the record, some of you have some huge noggins. They're virtual planetoids. They're like an orange on a toothpick. Go cry yourself to sleep tonight, on your huge pillow.

mike myers film GIF

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on a family road trip.  lots of micro stupid.

wife:  where's the hand sanitizer

me:  check the floorboard between your feet 

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  where's the sunscreen?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet (I actually found it wedged between her seat and the center console)

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  has anyone seen my water bottle?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet

wife:  ah.  thanks.

etc.

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39 minutes ago, wd40 said:

on a family road trip.  lots of micro stupid.

wife:  where's the hand sanitizer

me:  check the floorboard between your feet 

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  where's the sunscreen?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet (I actually found it wedged between her seat and the center console)

wife:  ah.  thanks.

later

w:  has anyone seen my water bottle?

m:  check the floorboard between your feet

wife:  ah.  thanks.

etc.

 

later

W: wheres my dildo?

OP: check the floorboard between your feet

W: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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3 hours ago, wd40 said:

if you're at HEB and not barcode labeling your produce when you pick it, you're slowing things down for the checker and everyone behind you.  fuck metrics.

 

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

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9 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

I do the "weigh & print your barcode" thing, yeah, but the HEB @ 71 & 290 doesn't have any of those printers, only old school spring type scales.  Even then, the checker still has an improved IPM if veggies go first.

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

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I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

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24 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I haven't been to a store with a bagger in 4 years. I use the self checkout 99% of the time. The other 1% always pisses me off because they get my shit all out of order. I group it on the belt the way I want to bag it. They decide to grab shit randomly and hold some things back. I much prefer to just do it myself.

Which is also what my wife says.

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

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56 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

What am I missing?  Whether the veggies are first, middle or last, the time from the start of scanning to the end of scanning should be the same(ish).

Again, an H.E.B. thing... I don't know what's the what with Randall's or (gawd forbid) Wal Mart.

Because the veggies need a bit more care than a can of whatever, if the veggies come up first to scan then they don't count against the metric of "items per minute".  A register worker is going to face a metric of how many IPM's they can scan.  Faster = better & there are various spiffs or bonuses or whatevers if they keep up with that.

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35 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

Oh I'm sorry I thought the sign said 100 items or less

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1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

It's the latter but also we are not a family of great big fat persons so my weekly trips are around 20-25 items at the most.

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2 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

You either never do any real grocery shopping or you ignore the signs re: max number of items in self-checkout.

If you think all self-checkout lanes have a max number of items then maybe you should do more real grocery shopping. 

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40 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

If you think all self-checkout lanes have a max number of items then maybe you should do more real grocery shopping. 

They do at HEB, which is where I shop for groceries.  'Cuz I'm a Texan.

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6 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

They do at HEB, which is where I shop for groceries.  'Cuz I'm a Texan.

So what you're saying is not everything is bigger in Texas?

Most of the self-checkout lanes I use are no-limit and the same size as a normal checkout line just with the conveyer belt placed after the scanner instead of before. 

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Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

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22 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

Agreed.

"Please place the item in the bag"

Fuck those shitty scales that only pick up the weight of additional items half of the time.

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1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Fuck the self check out and fuck bagging my own shit. Much prefer the regular line and letting someone else do that shit.

Yeah!  It let's those slow, weird looking kids have jobs...so I support that!   I'm a giver!

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40 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

What thread am I in? 

Yes, someone please get us back on track.  Surely some wife has said/done something stupid today.

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Yes, someone please get us back on track.  Surely some wife has said/done something stupid today.

It sounds like they let their husbands go shopping!

We’re wandering all over the place, let’s get back on task here.

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

What thread am I in? 

I don't know, but it's not amusing nor about stupid shit wives do.

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3 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She married you didn't she?

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...

 

 

...It may very well be from Taylor.

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1 minute ago, ROFL BOX said:

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...

 

 

...It may very well be from Taylor.

Yep, drum majorette....

688A04F5-C290-4326-9FA9-8D49C8F1D12A.jpeg

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Yep, drum majorette....
688A04F5-C290-4326-9FA9-8D49C8F1D12A.thumb.jpeg.983acff95e04a140824b57c9e13faefb.jpeg

Is that Dana Carvey with the white tuba over his left shoulder and bronze one over the right?
Also, is the second dude from the right on the back row 50?

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On 7/30/2020 at 9:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Yep. You know who has two thumbs and no fucking idea what his wife’s grocery routine is?

E9DA5D4F-A019-40B4-BC71-D906DECDF167.jpeg.d3b853018dc3736d65fcc2793b1cbfbb.jpeg

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16 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:
17 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

 

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck...


 

a witch! a witch!

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1 hour ago, chikin23 said:

"Want to have a garage sale next weekend?" b124de7e115575adee3861abe05ab9c0.jpg

If it's the only way your wife will allow your kid's crap from when they were 3 years old to actually leave the house, then... yes, yes I do.

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What the hell happened to this thread? Guys arguing about the proper order of produce and groceries on a conveyor?  What the hell kind of twilight zone did I wander into?  Metrosexual thread is over on another board somewhere. 
 

Thanks to @wd40 for trying to get it back on track. It sounds like your wife has a lot of things between her legs. Are her and south Austin’s mom related?

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On 7/30/2020 at 10:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Truth.

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On 7/30/2020 at 9:03 PM, ABSR said:

The real question is why are you grocery shopping together?  Are you newly weds?  Cut that shit out.

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

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28 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

Say What GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

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If it's the only way your wife will allow your kid's crap from when they were 3 years old to actually leave the house, then... yes, yes I do.
Once every few weeks when I'm home alone I fill a trash bag with randomness found around the house. Nobody has ever asked about any of it disappearing.

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44 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Until covid, I used to enjoy shopping with my wife. But we have small children. So now we split it up. I go and buy meats and veggies. Then she gets pretty much every thing else while I watch baseball with the kids

Baseball started a week ago 

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13 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Baseball started a week ago 

Yeah, since the Super Bowl, I've watched the Ken Burn's Doc. And about 100 replays on the MLB network. Nothing else much on a Sunday. Did try NASCAR a couple of times, but it didn't hold the boys interest much after about 30 laps.

 

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