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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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52-80

52-80 19047

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We have an IP camera at home.  It only covers the living room.  To keep an eye on our dog, I physically plug it in before I leave for work, and unplug it when I get home.

 

The woman who uses her legit email address to sign onto illegal streaming sites; clicks on "apps" and "quizzes" on facebook; uses Zuckerberg Messenger as her primary communications platform.....  she tells me this:

 

"why are you still using the camera?  i heard it can be hacked by strangers.  i dont want them to monitor us.  they'll know when we're not at home, and kidnap the dog"

 

What a wonderfully balanced outlook on privacy and security. 

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52-80

52-80 19047

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And on physical security, our neighborhood is gated, our property is gated, and the front and back entrances are both double-secured (front door + foyer door,   rear sunroom + living room).

 

If any of the 4 doors of the 2 entrances are left unlocked, she thinks it careless.  The other day I left a wad of cash on the foyer table, she said "you should put that away someone might steal it". 

 

We have no maids, dog-walkers, baby-sitters, house-sitters, or anything of the sort.  If someone cares enough to force entry in the house, cash theft would be the least of my concern.  Either way, if anybody wants in, all they have to do is just smash the fucking window.....

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26437

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Posted
2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Of all the shit in my house, I'd for sure be the most pissed off if they stole the dog. Actually, I'd be the most pissed off if they didn't steal all of the shit.

Yeah. No one is taking the time to figure out how to get that giant crab off of the bathroom wall and thru the front door.

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ztejas

ztejas 43190

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

wife- " I bought some stuff at CVS for $45 but i can get it cheaper at Target so I'm going to take it back"

me- " Ok great" (wishfully thinking some sort of lightbulb has turned on in her head)

(I check bank- Target- $125.)

tenor.gif?itemid=5419849

 

     

You don't go to Target and spend less than $100. Moose out front. 

Oh wait, typo, women don't go to target and spend less than $100. 

Edited by ztejas
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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2620

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

wife- " I bought some stuff at CVS for $45 but i can get it cheaper at Target so I'm going to take it back"

me- " Ok great" (wishfully thinking some sort of lightbulb has turned on in her head)

(I check bank- Target- $125.)

tenor.gif?itemid=5419849

 

     

Derka's a warriors fan?

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SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10381

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Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15321

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

She’s coming home today with a brand new $1500 phone

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18644

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

You text her and ask if her phone is working yet

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11644

Posted
Posted
46 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click 

gentlemen.....

 

this,   this,  is why we have this thread.

 

give this guy a Harrumph!!!!

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17334

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

She's hot isn't she?

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hundredTT

hundredTT 576

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Posted (edited)

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Edited by hundredTT
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tbone_

tbone_ 14016

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Posted
Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Travel prep never ceases to amaze me. I’ve learned to just sit back and chill though.
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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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11 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

my wife does this. it makes sense. she doesn't want to come back from a vacation and unpack everything, wash it/put it away, and then have to also do other household chores. just unpack our shit and relax.

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

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21 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

This belongs in the "awesome shit my wife/so does" thread.

Who would complain about cleaning?

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Longhornlax

Longhornlax 58

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Posted
my wife does this. it makes sense. she doesn't want to come back from a vacation and unpack everything, wash it/put it away, and then have to also do other household chores. just unpack our shit and relax.


Unpack her shit? Women do that? I think my wife still has a suitcase sitting in the bathroom half full of shit from going somewhere a month ago
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Thatguy

Thatguy 8393

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 4/4/2019 at 8:13 AM, 52-80 said:

And on physical security, our neighborhood is gated, our property is gated, and the front and back entrances are both double-secured (front door + foyer door,   rear sunroom + living room).

 

If any of the 4 doors of the 2 entrances are left unlocked, she thinks it careless.  The other day I left a wad of cash on the foyer table, she said "you should put that away someone might steal it". 

 

We have no maids, dog-walkers, baby-sitters, house-sitters, or anything of the sort.  If someone cares enough to force entry in the house, cash theft would be the least of my concern.  Either way, if anybody wants in, all they have to do is just smash the fucking window.....

   Lol. At least she thinks about it. My wife could give two shits. Cars unlocked. I explained to her that even in nice neighborhoods teenagers will be teenagers. Don't make it easy for them. Took me a long time to get her to lock doors and windows in the house. She gets in cars and sits there fiddling for an unusual amount of time, not paying attention to her surroundings. I have been working on her for years. Little by little she has gotten better, but still.

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7700

Posted
Posted (edited)
26 minutes ago, Longhornlax said:

 


Unpack her shit? Women do that? I think my wife still has a suitcase sitting in the bathroom half full of shit from going somewhere a month ago

 

 

Ha. Mine upped her game and got a travel bathroom bag that never gets unpacked, and just sits full, under the sink. Makes it easy for a grab and go, but it was to avoid having to unpack that spawned it. Of course 90% of the shit in it will never be needed. 

Edited by thunderlounge
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26437

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Posted
1 hour ago, hundredTT said:

Going out of town for a few days, so of course she is running around like a lunatic all impatient cleaning like the president is coming over. Her reasoning, “I want to come back to a clean home”. Every time. 

Related--my wife takes 2 weeks to pack for a weeks vacation and will forget half the shit she actually needs. 

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