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7 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

What about a burkini?

What about a Merkin?

Edited by ABSR

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Who the hell wouldn't enjoy some occasional peace and quiet in the house while the wife is out?

Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.
18 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.

Dear Penthouse,

 

I never thought this would happen to me...

20 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.

Pics or it's a lie

31 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.

TPIAFWWP.

I did not take pics. I have to live with all these people. Wasn’t the time to be creepy. Pretty sure the naked two don’t know that I saw. They were pretty hammered. I didn’t stick around and goon. But I might have scoped the situation from an upstairs window. And invited a neighbor buddy up to show him a new guitar.

 

No bush that I saw. I would have had to kick them out if that was the case.

 

I did not take pics. I have to live with all these people. Wasn’t the time to be creepy. Pretty sure the naked two don’t know that I saw. They were pretty hammered. I didn’t stick around and goon. But I might have scoped the situation from an upstairs window. And invited a neighbor buddy up to show him a new guitar.
 
No bush that I saw. I would have had to kick them out if that was the case.
 
https://i.gifer.com/EyXG.gif
4 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.

I keep reloading the page but the pics aren't showing up. 

Mrs Cannon: “I don’t want to talk about that anymore. It’s just frustrating”
Me: “great let’s talk about something else”
Mrs Cannon: ...but blah blah regarding the same topic
Me: “I thought you didn’t want to talk about that anymore”
Mrs Cannon: “yes but I just wanted to make sure you understood XYZ”
Me: “uh huh I see”. Mrs Cannon: takes the bait and keeps talking about what she originally didn’t want to talk about

This can literally happen with any topic.

Mrs Cannon: “I don’t want to talk about that anymore. It’s just frustrating”
Me: “great let’s talk about something else”
Mrs Cannon: ...but blah blah regarding the same topic
Me: “I thought you didn’t want to talk about that anymore”
Mrs Cannon: “yes but I just wanted to make sure you understood XYZ”
Me: “uh huh I see”. Mrs Cannon: takes the bait and keeps talking about what she originally didn’t want to talk about

This can literally happen with any topic.
It's not about the nail.
17 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I did not take pics. I have to live with all these people. Wasn’t the time to be creepy. Pretty sure the naked two don’t know that I saw. They were pretty hammered. I didn’t stick around and goon. But I might have scoped the situation from an upstairs window. And invited a neighbor buddy up to show him a new guitar.

 

No bush that I saw. I would have had to kick them out if that was the case.

 

 

20 hours ago, tbone_ said:

No bush that I saw. I would have had to kick them out if that was the case.

e7d.gif

Had that party. Funniest part was the Jehovah's witness neighbor peaking through the fence. 

49 minutes ago, Llano Estacado said:

I should buy a pool . Cat

You've already got the friend where this happens.  Use your imagination.  Think of Fleur de Lis home decor and copious amounts of Jim Beam.





There are no girls nights out, that belongs in the stupid shit husbands allow thread.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


You are either lying about you and your wifes relationship or you will be divorced within 5 years unless she is a total beta.

Hoping for the first.





You are either lying about you and your wifes relationship or you will be divorced within 5 years unless she is a total beta.

Hoping for the first.

Hit 19 years in Jan. Guess neither of us cared that much about girls/boys nights out when we were younger, and both of us believe busy kids stay out of trouble, so we’ve been too exhausted the past decade hauling teenagers around to practices and games.



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5 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:


Hit 19 years in Jan. Guess neither of us cared that much about girls/boys nights out when we were younger, and both of us believe busy kids stay out of trouble, so we’ve been too exhausted the past decade hauling teenagers around to practices and games.



Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

That’s going to make for an interesting deal when the kids get cars, go to college, etc and you’re both sitting around staring at each other every night with no plans. Our kids have been active year round in sports since they were little, but we still find time to go do things individually with other people.

12 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Had that party. Funniest part was the Jehovah's witness neighbor peaking through the fence. 

 

oFHYcEX.gif?noredirect

Edited by JimmyHoffa

12 hours ago, Nolacycling said:

Had that party. Funniest part was the Jehovah's witness neighbor peaking through the fence. 

Just the peak?

Get new property tax statement in the mail. 

Mrs Hoffa- When we pay off our mortgage do we still have to pay property taxes?

1*SJ2u-AoW_CthI7wcRm7PYg.gif

Get new property tax statement in the mail. 
Mrs Hoffa- When we pay off our mortgage do we still have to pay property taxes?
1*SJ2u-AoW_CthI7wcRm7PYg.gif

Nice humblebrag.
52 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You never have to pay your property tax

MY PROPERTY IS A SOVEREIGN STATE!!!

11 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You never have to pay your property tax

Two simple words: I forgot.

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Two simple words: I forgot.

First, get a million dollars.

Wife made plans for us to have our 3 year old niece spend the night on Friday and stick around for most of Saturday, too. I was not made aware of these plans until last night, when I told her about some things we should do on Saturday. WTF do they constantly do this? I'm not raging mad but it sure is irritating when no one bothers to include you in this shit.

20 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Wife made plans for us to have our 3 year old niece spend the night on Friday and stick around for most of Saturday, too. I was not made aware of these plans until last night, when I told her about some things we should do on Saturday. WTF do they constantly do this? I'm not raging mad but it sure is irritating when no one bothers to include you in this shit.

Many times, mine will just say "I told you!". 

When I seem dumbfounded, she'll say "Remember we were all talking about it the other day at Mom's house?"

But I wasn't at Mom's house...

20 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Many times, mine will just say "I told you!". 

When I seem dumbfounded, she'll say "Remember we were all talking about it the other day at Mom's house?"

But I wasn't at Mom's house...

what you can't read her mind? what an asshole.

Wife made plans for us to have our 3 year old niece spend the night on Friday and stick around for most of Saturday, too. I was not made aware of these plans until last night, when I told her about some things we should do on Saturday. WTF do they constantly do this? I'm not raging mad but it sure is irritating when no one bothers to include you in this shit.

I’m not held to any event not on our shared calendar. Even better that my wife routinely forgets to our events on the calendar.
Wife made plans for us to have our 3 year old niece spend the night on Friday and stick around for most of Saturday, too. I was not made aware of these plans until last night, when I told her about some things we should do on Saturday. WTF do they constantly do this? I'm not raging mad but it sure is irritating when no one bothers to include you in this shit.

Do you have a kid similar in age? If so...then meh. If you're watching your 3 yo niece just to watch a 3 yo then I would be livid

 

 

What did you want to do on Saturday anyways besides sex

  • Popular Post

So for those of you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for an update on Toothless, the furniture re-upholstery guy who closed his shop in possession of a bunch of my wife's shit he was supposed to fix... after multiple phone calls to him that went straight to voice mail including a threat from me to call the police, my wife leaves one *last* message for him saying something to the effect of, "We've been friends a long time and I can't believe you would take my shit and not even return my phone call, don't make me call the cops, etc." The dude shockingly finally calls back.

Even more shockingly, last week he finishes up the chair my wife was obsessing the most about and delivers it. He's still got a bunch of her shit -- an old loveseat that folds out into a bed, a bunch of fabric, another chair and who knows what else. I'm not home when he brings the chair, but my wife decides it would be a good idea to write him a $250 check for the finished work and he "promises" to get the rest of the shit back to her. Me? I wouldn't have given the sumbitch a nickel until all of my shit was fixed and back in my possession, but what do I know about stuff like that?

But the worst part of it all was that Toothless drove up in a brand new Cadillac (RIP Joe Strummer) and my wife has been wanting a new car for awhile now. So that sent her over the edge that Toothless has a nicer car than her. So I'm out $250, more future headaches from Toothless, more cash, and probably a new car in the next month.

5 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

But the worst part of it all was that Toothless drove up in a brand new Cadillac (RIP Joe Strummer) and my wife has been wanting a new car for awhile now. So that sent her over the edge that Toothless has a nicer car than her. So I'm out $250, more future headaches from Toothless, more cash, and probably a new car in the next month.

This is why pot should be legal.

33 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

So for those of you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for an update on Toothless, the furniture re-upholstery guy who closed his shop in possession of a bunch of my wife's shit he was supposed to fix... after multiple phone calls to him that went straight to voice mail including a threat from me to call the police, my wife leaves one *last* message for him saying something to the effect of, "We've been friends a long time and I can't believe you would take my shit and not even return my phone call, don't make me call the cops, etc." The dude shockingly finally calls back.

Even more shockingly, last week he finishes up the chair my wife was obsessing the most about and delivers it. He's still got a bunch of her shit -- an old loveseat that folds out into a bed, a bunch of fabric, another chair and who knows what else. I'm not home when he brings the chair, but my wife decides it would be a good idea to write him a $250 check for the finished work and he "promises" to get the rest of the shit back to her. Me? I wouldn't have given the sumbitch a nickel until all of my shit was fixed and back in my possession, but what do I know about stuff like that?

But the worst part of it all was that Toothless drove up in a brand new Cadillac (RIP Joe Strummer) and my wife has been wanting a new car for awhile now. So that sent her over the edge that Toothless has a nicer car than her. So I'm out $250, more future headaches from Toothless, more cash, and probably a new car in the next month.

How does it feel to get cucked by a guy with no teeth?

35 minutes ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

How does it feel to get cucked by a guy with no teeth?

los angeles kings hello GIF by LA Kings


Girls night out a while back was at our house. About 10 of them.

I came home to two neighborhood moms buck naked in my pool. Yay girls night out.
tbone:

8c45dd1962725970651510bb06abcd50.gif
18 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

So for those of you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for an update on Toothless, the furniture re-upholstery guy who closed his shop in possession of a bunch of my wife's shit he was supposed to fix... after multiple phone calls to him that went straight to voice mail including a threat from me to call the police, my wife leaves one *last* message for him saying something to the effect of, "We've been friends a long time and I can't believe you would take my shit and not even return my phone call, don't make me call the cops, etc." The dude shockingly finally calls back.

Even more shockingly, last week he finishes up the chair my wife was obsessing the most about and delivers it. He's still got a bunch of her shit -- an old loveseat that folds out into a bed, a bunch of fabric, another chair and who knows what else. I'm not home when he brings the chair, but my wife decides it would be a good idea to write him a $250 check for the finished work and he "promises" to get the rest of the shit back to her. Me? I wouldn't have given the sumbitch a nickel until all of my shit was fixed and back in my possession, but what do I know about stuff like that?

But the worst part of it all was that Toothless drove up in a brand new Cadillac (RIP Joe Strummer) and my wife has been wanting a new car for awhile now. So that sent her over the edge that Toothless has a nicer car than her. So I'm out $250, more future headaches from Toothless, more cash, and probably a new car in the next month.

Mitch, your life should come with a laugh track.

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

Mitch, your life should come with a laugh track.

Sad trombone.

  On the coldest day in Houston this year my wife spent 30 minutes with the door open talking to the lawn guy who barely speaks english. I listened in while he repeatedly tried to sell himself explain what he wanted to do. My wife listened patiently while freezing her ass off. She is the type that doesn't like to be rude.

  On another note, The lawn guy we have never used did $300 worth of work and told her she could pay whenever because she didn't have cash on her. I am pretty damn sure if it was me at the door he wouldn't have said that.

21 hours ago, Longhornfan1024 said:

How does it feel to get cucked by a guy with no teeth?

It would feel a lot better if I didn't have to pay him on top of it.

3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Sad trombone.

That may very well be what Mitch hears. But every single time this thread gets bumped, I immediately start hearing yakety-sax.

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