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To the mother fucker who dropped your dog in our neighborhood on Christmas day. We took her to the vet and she has a severe case of heartworms. I assume that's why you dropped her off. We'll foster her and treat her & work with our vet to save her life and get her placed in a loving home.

My hope is that if you ever get too sick to take care of yourself, someone dumps your ass in a ditch. Burn in hell, motherfucker. 

 

Thanks for letting me vent, you surly fuckers.

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Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

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6 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

Lube is critical.

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41 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Over the course of a week I'll start cobbling together a shopping list for the Saturday run to HEB. First 3 things this week were butter, hand lotion and olive oil. Not sure what that means.

I would guess it means you have very supple hands....and likely delicious smelling nether regions.

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19 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Lube is critical.

Anything is lube if you’re brave enough 

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9 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Anything is lube if you’re brave enough 

Ole Abe Lincoln was full of deep wisdom.

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1 minute ago, 'stache said:

Ole Abe Lincoln was full of deep wisdom.

Don't misquote the man. 

The actual quote is that "Anything is a dildo if you're brave enough." 

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On 1/7/2020 at 1:24 PM, Buffsoldier said:

Divorce Lawyers.

Mexican escort girls?

 

 

 

 

 

unrelated random thought well I guess it could be related:

 

there’s a fourth Jonas brother and apparently he’s a huge loser

 

you know that two truths and a lie game?   I once played it but did two lies.  Confused myself.

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I keep trying to be friendly to the people behind the sushi counter at HEB but you can only say "hola, buenos dias, comos estas?" and get a blank stare in return so many times before you give up

like, what, am I pronouncing ALL of it wrong, I doubt it

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So, I was standing in line at the North Carolina DMV this morning, getting new license plates, and I was in line behind a French woman who was having a hard time picking between her two choices. North Carolina has two state mottos, you see:  "First in freedom" because in 1775, the NC legislature authorized their delegation to the Continental Congress to advocate for independence from Great Britain, making them the first colony to do so, and "First in flight" because of the Wright brothers' escapades at Kitty Hawk.

It took all my self-control after she chose "First in flight" not to point out, "That's a reference to airplanes, not to fleeing the battlefield."

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Anytime I see one of these at I can't pass up the opportunity to throw a weeks worth of pay to try and win a $2 stuffed bear...

seaworldharborbasketball1.gif

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got damn soccer mom cuts me off in the left turn lane and just waits there, so I blast the horn to get her to move.  We end up in the same dry cleaner.  I need some Xan

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On 1/11/2020 at 12:11 AM, closetohumping said:

got damn soccer mom cuts me off in the left turn lane and just waits there, so I blast the horn to get her to move.  We end up in the same dry cleaner.  I need some Xan

Is this one of those Penthouse Forum things?

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Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

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35 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

i see what you did there GIF

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5 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Had an application come across my desk earlier, guy's last name is "Angus". Checked, no prior military service listed. Disappoint, I haz.

Used to deliver packages.  Delivered one to assman 

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48 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Used to deliver packages.  Delivered one to assman 

You delivered it to the wrong address. 

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I used to eat the hell out of pickled veggies. All kinds. Pickled cucumbers, okra, mixed veggies etc.

I don't like them as much anymore. Not sure why.

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1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

I used to eat the hell out of pickled veggies. All kinds. Pickled cucumbers, okra, mixed veggies etc.

I don't like them as much anymore. Not sure why.

Aren't pickled cucumbers... what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, pickles?

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4 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Aren't pickled cucumbers... what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah, pickles?

 

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have any of you knocked up your wife or gf while she had an IUD?  curious about this “99%” effectiveness. 

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Why was a millionaire and his wife on a 3 hour tour on the piece of shit Minnow?  Come on, he would have his own boat, or at least splurged for a private tour.

And Ginger? She's fresh off a night fucking some dude, doing the walk of shame in a sequined dress, and says, hey! maybe I should take a boat tour?

Baffling.

 

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11 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Why was a millionaire and his wife on a 3 hour tour on the piece of shit Minnow?  Come on, he would have his own boat, or at least splurged for a private tour.

And Ginger? She's fresh off a night fucking some dude, doing the walk of shame in a sequined dress, and says, hey! maybe I should take a boat tour?

Baffling.

Or it wasn't a private tour. They were hostages being trafficked by the Skipper. Gilligan is really the mastermind behind SAW. 

 

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33 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Or it wasn't a private tour. They were hostages being trafficked by the Skipper. Gilligan is really the mastermind behind SAW. 

 

It was all a set up for Thurston Howell III to do some Most Dangerous Game shit.

 

 

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On ‎1‎/‎13‎/‎2020 at 9:17 PM, BBQ2Bayou said:

I told my doctor today I can't climax anymore. 

I thought my ex had that same issue. Turns out it was just me.

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58 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

I thought my ex had that same issue. Turns out it was just me.

Are you saying you're a lousy lay?

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On 1/13/2020 at 4:41 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

You delivered it to the wrong address. 

Nope.   
 

 

 

so I see mechanics and the usps are now open on sundays.   Sign of a great economy or peeps needing extra money to pay the bills?

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At what age do old men determine that athletic attire is totally unnecessary for a trip to the gym? Older gentleman yesterday morning at the Y was working out in jeans, a pair of sperrys and and a short sleeve button up shirt over a t-shirt. A lot of the morning regulars seem to prefer cargo shorts and those black leather work shoes as they sit on the recumbent exercise bikes pedaling at 1/2 mph.

Edited by Storm the Field

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