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CooterBrown

I've seen the ants. They have a good time.

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Edited by elfenix
seriously i need a non-enhanced editor, fixing links is damn near impossible with this smart editor

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I had no idea this thread was about DirtBike.  I'm disappointed he didn't try to take the helicopter for a test drive.  Any word on how he got rid of it?

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1 hour ago, CooterBrown said:

"Wu Tan Clang"

"I liked you better before you were in my life."

This could be my personal motto.  

Or an ode to Kevin Eskimo Fellater Morgan.

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3 hours ago, RTF Horn said:

Read the thread from the beginning.  

I couldn't make it through the first post

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I couldn't make it through the first post



Yeah. The original Shaggy post was not started well and had a terrible title. That said, here is the jist:

There is a guy that works for the OP named Jimmy. Jimmy is a goddamned IT savant. He likes to get drunk off Frio beer. He likes to fuck office pussy. But most of important of all - he is the philosopher we all need.

Do a search for “John Goodman” starting from the top.



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I mean. These two quotes are perfect and still crack me up.

"My ex wife once sent me a birthday cake at work. I put it in the break room so anybody could get a piece. Later I remembered she had poisoned me before."
Adam: "Jimmy have you seen people fishing with drones?"
Jimmy: "I seen a lot of things. (long pause) Jesus. I've seen things.”

Then you have those damn right Jimmy moments.

“You know what bugs me about the Walking Dead show? Their shoe laces are always tied. No zombie is gonna bother tying a shoe. If you can't get that right how I can I trust anything you show me about zombies?"
 

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Haven't posted in a while since the Lulz forum is blocked at work for "Adult" content.

I will try and remember to forward the latest entries to myself so I can update from home.

Anyway, I wanted to describe a game Jimmy told us about called El Macho Hide and Seeko.

Jimmy said he grew up playing it with his family and continued the tradition and played it with his boys.

The gist is that in normal hide and seek, the "hider" is scared they are gonna be found.

In El Macho, the seeker is is afraid...because all the hiders have a can of pepper spray waiting to ambush the seeker.  If the seeker touches a hider before getting shot in the eyes, they win. If they get sprayed first, well, wash out those eyes and go again.

 

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This *sounds* like an outdoors-only version of hide and seek, but with Jimmy, who knows? 

Maybe the indoor version could use Tasers? 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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49 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

This *sounds* like an outdoors-only version of hide and seek, but with Jimmy, who knows? 

Maybe the indoor version could use Tasers? 

Tasers, machetes, whatever works to instill fear amongst the seekers.

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I discovered this for the first time yesterday.  I haven't laughed harder in awhile.

 

I think my favorite is the story about how his wife barred him from drinking before noon, and when she went out for groceries one morning he drank a 12 pack in two hours, only to find himself tearing into the 12 pack she brought him back at noon as a reward for not drinking previously, and he's passed out in the garage by 4PM.

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8 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I discovered this for the first time yesterday.  I haven't laughed harder in awhile.

 

I think my favorite is the story about how his wife barred him from drinking before noon, and when she went out for groceries one morning he drank a 12 pack in two hours, only to find himself tearing into the 12 pack she brought him back at noon as a reward for not drinking previously, and he's passed out in the garage by 4PM.

You didnt see this thread on shaggy?  

inception-squint.png

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"what's that guy's name? Zack Dillifinaxle? Zack Gillifinila?"

"There was this movie trailer that says pg-14 for strong violence and historical smoking"

"Tina wants to go to Berlize or Rio Gonerero"

"I cried watching this movie this weekend called....Something Daddy. They all got familified"

Earl (oral) Surgeon

"Rosey Roosey won her debut in the WWB Wrestling or whatever. Not like her boxing matches in the MAW"

"The reason they're called large projects is that usually the projects are really large"

You ever heard of Ned Nugent? I think he's super rich. Nope Warren Buffett, not Ted Nugget.

My welder cousin who lives in some state that's not TX got jumped leaving a convenience store this weekend.

"I must be getting old in my age"

"We're high flutin' now, we got a pool"

"Was is a surprise attack?" - asking about a rainstorm moving in

"The A/C is my Jeep was busted, it only worked on high or off"

"Who was it in that movie? Harris Ford? Nope, it was Waterworld. He had webbed feet"

I engulped a lot of water

You're the high class on the totem pole.

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am currently living in a state not tx, am concerned about getting jumped while leaving a convenience store now

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"...who lives in some state that's not Texas..."

I may adopt this into all my non-TX stories just because it has the perfect amount of pride and disdain.

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Dammit, I really want Dirt Bike to be real, but the family Pepper Spray hide and seek is pushing the limits of what I can fathom.

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4 minutes ago, BearMace said:

Dammit, I really want Dirt Bike to be real, but the family Pepper Spray hide and seek is pushing the limits of what I can fathom.

My cousins and I used to fire live firecrackers at each other.  It's a wonder none of us are literally scarred for life.  

If we'd had pepper spray, we would've done this.

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9 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

"...who lives in some state that's not Texas..."

I may adopt this into all my non-TX stories just because it has the perfect amount of pride and disdain.

AINT-TEXAS-DENIM-FULL_280x@2x.jpg?v=1520

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On 3/30/2018 at 2:24 AM, Gardner Barnes said:

I mean. These two quotes are perfect and still crack me up.

"My ex wife once sent me a birthday cake at work. I put it in the break room so anybody could get a piece. Later I remembered she had poisoned me before."
Adam: "Jimmy have you seen people fishing with drones?"
Jimmy: "I seen a lot of things. (long pause) Jesus. I've seen things.”

Then you have those damn right Jimmy moments.

“You know what bugs me about the Walking Dead show? Their shoe laces are always tied. No zombie is gonna bother tying a shoe. If you can't get that right how I can I trust anything you show me about zombies?"
 

The second one is a perfect example of the brilliance and nuance. 

Your initial reaction is essentially, "What a stupid fucking point.." before you can finish that thought, it strikes you, "Oh shit that is a damn good point, and amazingly astute and funny.". It is some George Carlin level observation comedy in the brilliance. Then the last part hits you that, Dirt Bike was not trying to be funny. Like a brilliant person on spectrum, he's simply making an observation, that is accurate despite sounding stupid initially. While hilarious, he isn't trying to be at all. 

Fucking the zen of Dirt Bike man... 

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Rio Gonerero.  If I died right now I'd be satisfied in the knowledge that I'd heard just about one of the funniest things in my entire life.

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On 6/29/2018 at 9:00 PM, CooterBrown said:

Haven't posted in a while since the Lulz forum is blocked at work for "Adult" content.

I will try and remember to forward the latest entries to myself so I can update from home.

Anyway, I wanted to describe a game Jimmy told us about called El Macho Hide and Seeko.

Jimmy said he grew up playing it with his family and continued the tradition and played it with his boys.

The gist is that in normal hide and seek, the "hider" is scared they are gonna be found.

In El Macho, the seeker is is afraid...because all the hiders have a can of pepper spray waiting to ambush the seeker.  If the seeker touches a hider before getting shot in the eyes, they win. If they get sprayed first, well, wash out those eyes and go again.

 

do-not-seek-the-treasure-o.gif

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2 hours ago, BearMace said:

Dammit, I really want Dirt Bike to be real, but the family Pepper Spray hide and seek is pushing the limits of what I can fathom.

If you work 34 hours today, you only have to do 8 tomorrow and 8 Friday.

I believe there oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve. And I believe in Dirt Bike.

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8 hours ago, Rimbo said:

am currently living in a state not tx, am concerned about getting jumped while leaving a convenience store now

As a welder who is not living in Texas, whose nearest convenience store glass was shattered, well.. You can guess what I'm worried about.

Edited by workswithseed

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No. Because dirt bike is real.


Technically, Chad Briscoe is [REDACTED], and [REDACTED] is real. Dirt Bike is more akin to the physical incarnation of Dr. Briscoestein’s dream.

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1 hour ago, SquishMitten said:

 


 Dirt Bike is more akin to the physical incarnation of Dr. Briscoestein’s dream.

 

Shut yer filthy whore mouth...... friend.

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21 hours ago, BearMace said:

Dammit, I really want Dirt Bike to be real, but the family Pepper Spray hide and seek is pushing the limits of what I can fathom.

I don't even worry about whether or not it's real, because if Dirt Bike's made up, it just means CooterBrown is a fucking genius and these concepts were still brought forth.

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5 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I don't even worry about whether or not it's real, because if Dirt Bike's made up, it just means CooterBrown is a fucking genius and these concepts were still brought forth.

I concur. It actually might be more impressive if Dirt Bike were a creation. 

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Johnathan Mcnab....he's got a kickass smile......no, Newton!

I was watching Drastic World Three this weekend where they have that baby Trynasaurus Rex.

I'm gonna be all alone this weekend so I thought hey I can do all kinds of cool stuff, like wax my truck

The reason I like armadillos is cause they can't see

Sote' Matta Lakko - made up name for a Starbucks drink

We went to a foofy dinner with some people from Italy or Europe of whatever and they invited us over for coffee and it wasn't even instant coffee.

J: I got really drunk on Saturday night. I also got drunk on Saturday morning
S: Twice in one day? How's that possible?
J: My record is 3 times. It's possible kemosabe.

 

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1 hour ago, CooterBrown said:

J: I got really drunk on Saturday night. I also got drunk on Saturday morning
S: Twice in one day? How's that possible?
J: My record is 3 times. It's possible kemosabe.

 

Inspirational quotes by Dirt Bike.  

Tryna-Saur-Ass was how I read the other.  So good. This man is a zen master of quotes.

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There are pleebs like me that drink home ground coffee from some foofy coffee bean roaster, and there are legends. 

 

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The Lulz forum is no longer blocked at work for some reason, so here's a Jimmy update.


This idea I had is finally starting to have fruit.

Jimmy - Hey Bryan is your fishing license expired?
Bryan - no, why?
Jimmy - Ya know, Jimmy is also a girls name you just gotta put an I E at the end

Tina got an upratory infection.

"I took a gander through my bi-nock-lurrs"

Sure is quite in here

"I got a chuckle yesterday, I guess I was watching some football......"

Richard Sherman = Sherman Williams

I like the quarterback for Green Bay cause he has a good smile

Jimmy (to Raul) - what's your name?
Raul - what?!
Jimmy - is it Tim?  
(Raul has sat two cubes over for 1 1/2 years)

"Tina bought the biggest ass brisket"

"I told Tina, if we don't have relations soon you can call me jimmy-aint-come-lately" 

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