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SquishMitten

Gettin Laid: 2019

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I'm exaggerating, but you know, we have a 6 yo and a 3yo so the dry spells happen sometimes.


I have a 5 yo, 3yo, and 13 week old. I’ve never gone more than two weeks, usually 1/week minimum. Not that the wife is always interested, but she knows I have certain needs. You’ve gotta get that shit under control

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1 hour ago, jeevsie said:

Dear Penthouse Forum:

Things like this never happen to me....

the old National Lampoon once had "Children's letters to Penthouse Forum".  

It was awesome.  "I'm no John C. Holmes, but my weiner was a rock-hard 2 and a half inches when I saw her nearly-developed breasts"

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10 hours ago, Droopy said:

Ive been thinking of starting a new thread, but will post this here for now. 

The wife is going through some sort of change, and has become insatiable in bed. It's actually been going on for about 2 years now. We fuck about 3 times a week and do oral outside of that at least 2 days. Its like having my own living sex doll. Shes into just about every suggestion for sex. Weve bought toys, clothes, sex gear, whips, ass plugs, vibrators, etc... any hole, any  location shes into it. In the car, covered back porch, balcony, she's a voyeur . Shes lost weight and is most likely going through a mid life crisis sort of deal, and has never been into sex really. Shes a teacher and has always been shy, but shes broken out of her shell and onto my junk like you wouldn't  believe. Ive got pics but doubt i can put them on here, but may start a thread if i can get access to the new NSAA.

Ps, the plugs and shit are for her ass not mine, although a tongue is  nice from time to time.

Mrs. South Austin has been going through something similar the past two years, thought not at the level you’re describing. Definitely a mid-life thing going on since she hit 40 and the baby/toddler years were behind her. She’s always been into sex and is great in bed, but she’s been a ton more adventurous and expressive, and has instigated sex a lot more than she ever did before.  And as some of you fellow assholes from the old site remember, she got a nice set of bolt-on’s, which certainly helped the cause. I’m just going to ride it out as long as I can.

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1 minute ago, South Austin said:

Awesome. Did you just get married?

Did you ever post pics of your wife’s hooters?

Checking in. I’ve got laid 3 times this year. 

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I fucked my girlfriend on a blanket in the middle of one of the soccer fields at Circle C a few nights ago.  Finished up and had a late night cocktail at The District on the back home.

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54 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

3rd lay of the new year last night. I have to be first in the power rankings

 

 

$5 is $5, no judging here. 

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16 hours ago, Jkwellborn said:

Who else is she fucking?

He said she was a teacher, what more do you really need to know?

3 hours ago, Your Mom said:

I fucked my girlfriend on a blanket in the middle of one of the soccer fields at Circle C a few nights ago.  Finished up and had a late night cocktail at The District on the back home.

username checks out.

Edited by mulletpelini

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Victorious1 is on the scoreboard!  I knocked 2019 out early this year (married 23 years...)

My projected run rate is 4-6 times this year (Winter, Spring, Summer & Fall).  I need to check back in July but I'm sure I'll be disappointed. 

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Used to be, the weekends were for fuckin', as the kids were off to their mother's and my wife and I had the house to ourselves. Now, the kids are working and our routine is all messed up. I still get it a couple times a week but never when I want it. Like hardly ever on a Friday or Saturday night, I gotta strike on Tuesday or something. It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

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We’ve got two young kids, 2 and 5, so opportunities tend to be limited when one or both is us are up by 6 on the weekends...and the rare ‘late’ mornings in January that usually signal go time were wasted as she was recovering from a rough sinus surgery. However after a date night at Uchi last week I got to ring in 2019.

Naturally yesterday she tested positive for the flu and I’m back to sleeping in the guest room + handling all the kid duties + worried I’ll come down with the flu myself...doesn’t matter, had sex.

Illnesses suck.

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if we go a week without, there is something wrong. a typical week is multiple times. she is more into it now than when we first met. there is no doubt i am a lucky man.

Edited by Longhorn94

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On 1/6/2019 at 7:01 AM, ulukinatme said:

The wife and I had an impromptu session last night, first of the year.  I expect my next piece to come sometime in late February if we follow our current pattern.

Late February may be coming early tonight....and so will I.

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On 2/6/2019 at 2:32 PM, Sandman said:

Used to be, the weekends were for fuckin', as the kids were off to their mother's and my wife and I had the house to ourselves. Now, the kids are working and our routine is all messed up. I still get it a couple times a week but never when I want it. Like hardly ever on a Friday or Saturday night, I gotta strike on Tuesday or something. It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

Kids getting their drivers license is great, except that you no longer control when they are home.

I remember that phase of high school and college ages kids.  Felt like a revolving door of people cock-blocking us.  When they can't drive you control when they are and aren't home.  That shit goes out the window fast.

Little Johnny isn't home all week until she starts grabbing at your dick on Saturday night and then he shows up, tired from whatever and just wants to hang at home for a while.  Then, he get's his second wind and goes out to see his friends at 11:00, five minutes after the wife starts snoring.

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On 2/7/2019 at 5:59 AM, After irth said:

This is a sad thread. 

Right?  After reading this thread I don't feel so bad about only getting laid twice a week with a couple of blowjobs a month mixed in.

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On 2/2/2019 at 8:45 AM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

2014

Only 3 times in the past month and you have been married less than 5 years? That is a terrible sign of things to come.

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Only 3 times in the past month and you have been married less than 5 years? That is a terrible sign of things to come.

Probably. 2 of those years involved 2 pregnancies, recoveries, bed rest and flat out not having sex for 9 months to avoid bed rest

 

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Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

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1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Give her something dumb.

Like climbing on top of her for the 10th time in a week after 27 years of marriage?

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8 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Probably. 2 of those years involved 2 pregnancies, recoveries, bed rest and flat out not having sex for 9 months to avoid bed rest

 

Trying to wrap my head around “not having sex to avoid bed rest.”  

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Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.


So...how old are your kids?

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5 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

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3 minutes ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

If 8 of those instances are fapping, then he’s getting in the realm of believability.

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7 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Y'all must not be exercising, eating right, and giving in to every last damned thing she wants. Been married 27 years, and averaging 10 times a week the last few months. It's not rocket science -- she wants something dumb? Give her something dumb.

Buuuuuuulllllshit. 120 times the last 3 months and after 27 years...what. the . fuck. ever. 10 times a week?!?!?! smh Must be 10 times punching the clown a week.

 

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To be fair, it's not sustainable. Feast or famine. But no famines like the celibacy this thread is full of, for damn sure. Either one of us gets cranky as hell after a 3 or 4 day drought.

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11 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

To be fair, it's not sustainable. Feast or famine. But no famines like the celibacy this thread is full of, for damn sure. Either one of us gets cranky as hell after a 3 or 4 day drought.

No, no ,no. You know us. We allow almost anything. But when you cross the line and throw such a number out there. A number that you know will mind fuck the guys who measure frequency by the orbit of Jupiter. Well, we won’t stand for that.

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On 2/6/2019 at 2:32 PM, Sandman said:

It really sucks because I don't work Fridays, so I spend all day on the edge and then she fizzles out at 9:30 "Ugh, I'm exhausted". 

Have I heard it? Yes.  It's not a stop sign though, it's a fucking green light.

"No problem, I'll do all the work and who knows you might just getting a sleeping aid in the process.  No guarantees though."

I'm thinking I might get some tonight.

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22 hours ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

Averaging 10 times a week of what? Fucking? C’mon man....ain’t no one believing that shit.

Dude ought to have his cock bronzed. 

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On 2/7/2019 at 5:59 AM, After irth said:

This is a sad thread. 

No kidding. 

Give her "rights of first refusal" then look into doing business with a third party (side chick).

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