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Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook


Vic Mackey

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Good idea, but there needs to be some sort of failsafe to prevent shithead teens from repeatedly going up and down the rows and pressing every pissbutton in sparsely-attended theaters. 

Old school had this covered. I remember Peperage Farms and intermission5a50e904e65036f24c49d93999de62b0.jpg
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5 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

.f8e11c0c76d06eb83286176dd0d2b160.jpg

Seems like a win win for me. I get 10 million bucks and immortality until I randomly run into this snail assassin. So downside is I die tomorrow and leave 10M extra to the fam, or I live for thousands of years compounding by 10 million annually and while I keep getting older they stay the same age, until finally in an unsuspecting moment the snail gets me. Basically still don't know exactly when I will die, but unlike Groundhog Day, you know it finally ends when the snail randomly gets you.

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On 5/27/2023 at 7:15 AM, Vic Mackey said:

05 Horns. None of the other 3 had VY. fc93bf9972c8df340b477b9165bad83a.jpg

I’d seed them:

1. Texas, 2. Miami, 3. FSU, 4. Gator

I don’t know why Florida gets the nod. They even had a loss that year. If we’re talking BCS teams I’d like to see, I’d list 2010 Auburn, 2002 Ohio State, 1999 Florida State, or even 1999 OU ahead of them. 

2005 Texas vs. 2001 Miami would be a hell of a game. For that matter, a Young-Newton matchup is far more compelling than Teebus. 

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12 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Good idea, but there needs to be some sort of failsafe to prevent shithead teens from repeatedly going up and down the rows and pressing every pissbutton in sparsely-attended theaters. 

Pos rep specifically for "pissbutton."

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.f8e11c0c76d06eb83286176dd0d2b160.jpg

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:

fc22bb44c26fbb57d537cad0f17ad323.jpg

Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.
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The average snail locomotes at 0.03 mph. A nonstop redlining snail covers about 3/4 of a mile per day. As long as you don't get unlucky by accidentally traveling to very close to where he already is, you should be perpetually fine. 

Just spent your time island-hopping all over the world, literally and figuratively. Spend some summers in Iceland, others in Ushuaia. Falls in Tokyo and Amsterdam. Springs in Chicago and Auckland. No more than 2-4 months in the same place. Etc., etc. 

Eventually, your carbon footprint from avoiding the snail will singlehandedly doom the planet. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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41 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:


Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:

fc22bb44c26fbb57d537cad0f17ad323.jpg

Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

did you not read the edit?  snail has $10MM to use and he’ll hire someone to unlock him.  

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13 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Put the fucking snail in a jar with a lid and get to investing that casharino. We’re not fighting chimps here!


Good start, but…

Take jar to arctic/antarctic, fill with water. Place jar inside a non-insulating, signal blocking, bag. Bury in secret somewhere in the frozen tundra where it cannot be found.

Snail gets put in suspended animation, no way out. Can’t call nobody, can’t get out.

 

 

 

25 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:


How? Snails can’t talk. His $10 million will just be sitting in the bank, never used.
Duh.

 

Not like he can sign the withdrawal slip either.

Still a snail. Can’t talk, can’t write, can’t put things like a wallet in his pocket.

So forge the signature and take his $10M too. 

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