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https://theonion.com/arch-manning-running-out-of-polite-ways-to-decline-elis-mentorship/

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Arch Manning Running Out Of Polite Ways To Decline Eli’s Mentorship

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Published:
October 28, 2025

AUSTIN, TX—Noting that he’d already claimed to be sick, at a dentist appointment, and tied up with an unexpected 9 p.m. football practice, University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning confirmed Tuesday that he was quickly running out of polite, semi-plausible excuses to avoid mentorship from his uncle Eli. “He means well, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I really don’t need him FaceTiming me every day and saying stuff like, ‘A Super Bowl winner I sense in you, young padawan,’” said Manning, adding that while he respects his uncle’s experience as a player, he’s not exactly champing at the bit to have a 44-year-old teach him “how to chop it and spin it like Chad Powers.” “It’s just kind of embarrassing, you know? Last time he came to one of my games, he kept fist-bumping my teammates and saying he was there to help me unlock my ‘Manning DNA.’ I had to fake a hamstring injury because he kept trying to run me through footwork drills. I can’t keep doing this.” At press time, Manning was reportedly hiding out in the training room after Eli showed up unannounced with a stack of old Giants playbooks for “a little impromptu QB clinic.”

 

 

Edited by Rimbo
  • Haha 3
Posted
36 minutes ago, LTtxfan said:

Arch Manning FILM BREAKDOWN 🎥 Texas' comeback win over Mississippi State | The Paul Finebaum Show

1 hour ago

But wait...I was told by Surly posters with eleventy billion posts and who exist for the glory of Surly cred that he sucks 

  • Haha 2
Posted
18 minutes ago, perfectchaos007 said:

I can't imagine being advised to operate a motor vehicle while in concussion protocol, but I'm not a doctor. 

There are degrees of being concussed. They are drastically different. 

Posted
9 minutes ago, Jkwellborn said:


I got one a couple of years ago and couldn’t hardly open my eyes with the tv on for a week.

I had maybe 3 in my football career many moons ago. One of them involved a full speed hit from my safety position with another defender coming full speed from the line of scrimmage with a receiver in the middle. I was sick and in pain for a few days. Helmet to helmet to helmet. The other 2 hurt that night and were pretty much done the next day  

I have a friend who is a former all Big XII linebacker who brought the wood every play. He told me he had about 13 concussions and always smelled burning rubber when they occurred. I’m not sure he ever even missed a day of practice. 

  • Like 1
Posted
33 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

I had maybe 3 in my football career many moons ago. One of them involved a full speed hit from my safety position with another defender coming full speed from the line of scrimmage with a receiver in the middle. I was sick and in pain for a few days. Helmet to helmet to helmet. The other 2 hurt that night and were pretty much done the next day  

I have a friend who is a former all Big XII linebacker who brought the wood every play. He told me he had about 13 concussions and always smelled burning rubber when they occurred. I’m not sure he ever even missed a day of practice. 

I had a few in my life, I think. They were never diagnosed, at least not in the 90s. Twice in football as a DE and TE both were helmet to helmet hits, both resulted in a loss of memory. Once as a catcher in baseball where I took a foul tip to the noggin where I saw sparks and did smell something weird afterward and another time in kick boxing where I took a kick to the head that laid me out and had to stay in the dark for a few days because the light hurt my eyes. 

I never went to the doctor, but I guess that's why I am kind of regarded now. 

  • Haha 2
Posted
8 hours ago, F250 said:

I had a few in my life, I think. They were never diagnosed, at least not in the 90s. Twice in football as a DE and TE both were helmet to helmet hits, both resulted in a loss of memory. Once as a catcher in baseball where I took a foul tip to the noggin where I saw sparks and did smell something weird afterward and another time in kick boxing where I took a kick to the head that laid me out and had to stay in the dark for a few days because the light hurt my eyes. 

I never went to the doctor, but I guess that's why I am kind of regarded now. 

Yeah those were all brain injuries 

Missing No Brain GIF by CyberKongz Official

  • Haha 2
Posted
2 minutes ago, Stringer said:


Oh, my friend. It was not done “slowly”

He’s a manning so he’s going to be fine lol. It’s still pretty odd that simms, Vince, colt, sam, Quinn, and now arch have all been labeled “garbage” at some point. 1 national championship in 55 years is pretty indicative I think. Good enough never is though eh. 

Posted
On 10/28/2025 at 9:02 AM, markstanco said:

I have a feeling this argument over targeting wont stop today.  

UT used to be much easier to get into. We may have wise posters, but many started off from a position of being not-so-smart…

..,and not everyone even went to UT.
 

 

On 10/28/2025 at 9:04 AM, South Austin said:

Have faith.  We'll come up with a dumber argument by lunch time.

That’s the positive spirit that we’re looking for at this time of the season!


 

On 10/28/2025 at 9:19 AM, jimmyjazz said:

My mom grew up in a Clayton MO duplex, the other side of which was occupied by the owner (Dizzy Dean).


I was going to ask whether your Missouri born mother ever ate squirrel 🐿️ growing up like my Missouri born-&-raised mother did…

 

22 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

Here is his duplex (now):

8002 Davis Dr, Clayton, MO 63105 - Townhome Rentals in Clayton MO |  Apartments.com

…but then you posted this photo of a fancy duplex and shooting squirrels 🐿️ 🐿️ for dinner likely wasn’t allowed on that block.

Posted
14 minutes ago, Napoleon said:

I was going to ask whether your Missouri born mother ever ate squirrel 🐿️ growing up like my Missouri born-&-raised mother did…

 

Did she ever go huntin' with Jed Clampett?

200.gif

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

My Missouri native granddad shot lots of squirrels with this Remington .22 Short semiautomatic. 
Grandma made a pretty good stew with those critters according to him. 
My brother owns the .22 now.

(And to keep this football related, Grandpa never attended a football game in his life)

IMG_4452.jpeg

Edited by Armybrat
  • Like 1
Posted
29 minutes ago, Napoleon said:

I was going to ask whether your Missouri born mother ever ate squirrel 🐿️ growing up like my Missouri born-&-raised mother did…

 

07b8b7b1-26a7-4acf-8182-0bd0c8e2c053_tex

Posted
16 hours ago, LTtxfan said:

Arch Manning FILM BREAKDOWN 🎥 Texas' comeback win over Mississippi State | The Paul Finebaum Show

1 hour ago

It's nice but we have a backup QB who only throws TDs.

  • Haha 2
Posted

Cj

– I have been told that Texas is doing whatever they can to get QB Arch Manning cleared and on the field for this weekend's game against Vanderbilt.

Manning has been present at practice leading up to Wednesday, but mostly as a spectator. However, on Wednesday, Manning's participation increased.

Posted
1 minute ago, BurntOrange&White said:

Cj

– I have been told that Texas is doing whatever they can to get QB Arch Manning cleared and on the field for this weekend's game against Vanderbilt.

Manning has been present at practice leading up to Wednesday, but mostly as a spectator. However, on Wednesday, Manning's participation increased.

Dumb if true. Let the kid heal through the bye week. Probably needs a break from these beatings anyway

  • Like 1
Posted
12 minutes ago, Tex-19 said:

Dumb if true. Let the kid heal through the bye week. Probably needs a break from these beatings anyway

I don't know. I'm trying to keep my expectations for Caldwell tempered. It seems highly probable that he is a decent but limited QB who has just happened to play well in brief moments. The sample size for his production against quality opponents is just too small. If that's correct - and I honestly hope that it isn't - then we may need Manning to beat Vandy. If Manning can get cleared and he wants to play, then I hope he plays. It would be better for us if Caldwell can give us enough to win on Saturday and we can afford to let Manning rest, but I just doubt that's the case. 

But maybe that's just my battered longhorn syndrome acting up again. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
18 minutes ago, Park Gothic said:

I don't know. I'm trying to keep my expectations for Caldwell tempered. It seems highly probable that he is a decent but limited QB who has just happened to play well in brief moments. The sample size for his production against quality opponents is just too small. If that's correct - and I honestly hope that it isn't - then we may need Manning to beat Vandy. If Manning can get cleared and he wants to play, then I hope he plays. It would be better for us if Caldwell can give us enough to win on Saturday and we can afford to let Manning rest, but I just doubt that's the case. 

But maybe that's just my battered longhorn syndrome acting up again. 

Feel like this played out already, but we will never learn. 

Remember losing 3 OL to the NFL and believing run blocking will improve? 

or 

Stroh needs to be replaced, he is terrible. Brooks, " hold my beer!"

That is not true for every replacement, but it is probable the guy the on the bench is worse. 

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