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Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread


GhostOfTomJoad

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Tomorrow's November 1st, so it's time for the best thread of the year: the annual airing of grievances!

Bring us your insane rants of family pettiness. Your tales of alcohol-fueled antics involving your great aunt Margaret and why she's still pissed at your mother because she threw away the half dozen Folgers cans filled with bacon grease she'd been saving under the kitchen sink since the Carter administration. Let us all come together and find peace and comfort during the fucknuttery that is about to descend upon us.

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39 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Thanksgiving is off to a great start!

 

My brother is in the process of divorcing his wife of 22 years while bringing the side chick in like she's been around all the time. My other brother is a coach, so his family (only one with kids) won't be able to make it which means that it'll be just my aging parents, my wife, me, my brother, and his side chick that he's been cheating on his wife with for a totally not awkward and weird Thanksgiving. I promise to never to complain about leaving early to get to my in-laws' house ever again.

 

 

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Maybe this would be a good time to let brother know side chick is not welcome?  

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Just now, Chewbacca said:

Maybe this would be a good time to let brother know side chick is not welcome?  

Then it would be just me, my wife (Hispanic), and my country club Republican parents? God at least side chick and brother can take some of that Fox News heat away from us for a couple of hours until we bounce. 

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3 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Then it would be just me, my wife (Hispanic), and my country club Republican parents? God at least side chick and brother can take some of that Fox News heat away from us for a couple of hours until we bounce. 

I thought it was at your house.  If it's at the parents' house, I fully agree.  Let the fireworks fly!

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No bitching outside of the usual Fox News bubble parents on both my side and my wife's side. I'm happy to see people but will likely have an eye roll or two in there when I hear Biden's name. Don't get why politics can't just not be mentioned for 24 hours. Believe me, I don't like your side as much as you don't like mine but I can keep it quiet for two days.

Not at all looking forward to having to drive a caravan across the state in order to fit the visits in. Projecting 15 hours of driving over the span of four days. Yuck.

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4 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:

I thought it was at your house.  If it's at the parents' house, I fully agree.  Let the fireworks fly!

Thank God it isn't. My mom trying to be nice asked my wife what she wanted her to cook for Thanksgiving since we're going to a traditional one after their house and when my wife said sopes she was met by immediate silence lol. Only on the way home did I let my wife know that old white people have no idea what sopes are nor how to cook them.

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After reading through some of these posts I'm glad my family doesn't watch Fox News or CNN or any of that bullshit. No politics discussed at lunch or dinner which is the best part of the holiday. 

Thanksgiving will be a dud most of the day as I've got to work in the morning(which is fine, get double time pay and a vacation day in return) and most of my family will be at my dad's new house in Arizona. Annoyed that my step siblings that still live in DFW didn't invite me over, but they'll be at they're grandmother's place and she's very adamant on blood relatives only which is fine. If they wanna be bored and not watch football that's their decision. I'll see them at Xmas. However, a coworker has invited me over for turkey day and her family are all a bunch of crazy Bostonians so get ready for stories. She told me whatever happens at her house stays there but that really means it goes on Surly. 😁

Christmas is still up in the air. Hopefully it'll be entertaining if my uncle Blake's crazy girlfriend(no pics) shows up. Fingers crossed! 

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1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

After reading through some of these posts I'm glad my family doesn't watch Fox News or CNN or any of that bullshit. No politics discussed at lunch or dinner which is the best part of the holiday. 

Thanksgiving will be a dud most of the day as I've got to work in the morning(which is fine, get double time pay and a vacation day in return) and most of my family will be at my dad's new house in Arizona. Annoyed that my step siblings that still live in DFW didn't invite me over, but they'll be at they're grandmother's place and she's very adamant on blood relatives only which is fine. If they wanna be bored and not watch football that's their decision. I'll see them at Xmas. However, a coworker has invited me over for turkey day and her family are all a bunch of crazy Bostonians so get ready for stories. She told me whatever happens at her house stays there but that really means it goes on Surly. 😁

Christmas is still up in the air. Hopefully it'll be entertaining if my uncle Blake's crazy girlfriend(no pics) shows up. Fingers crossed! 

My family and my in-law are all politically on the same side.  Even then we don't really talk politics when we get together.  Really not much to see when we all pretty much agree.  The TV is going to be on sports or movies.  We always get together at our ranch and there is other shit to do.  I'm either hunting, cooking, cleaning up, tending the smoker, or watching football.

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On 11/1/2023 at 12:03 PM, TrashMaster G said:

Because people asked....

------------------------------------

After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week.

My wife told me about this thing at the beginning of December. To be honest I had forgotten all about it until the night before. I did not want to go. Call me a scrooge but riding around looking at electricity captured in colored bulbs is not my idea of entertainment. However, the kids were looking forward to it and apparently at some point I had agreed to do it.

This little tour got us for 6 bucks a head. My wife, her parents, our 4 kids and I all went. Now I wasn’t a math major but that's $48 to ride around in a trolley and look at lights. WTF? (I found this out the day of)

So we drive all the way the hell to downtown Waco and sit and wait for this trolley to take us on the tour. They’ve got a tree, Santa, hot cocoa- All that shit. Finally all the trolleys roll up and Shaquandra our official Christmas lights tour guide hops out and says “Y’all going to look at the lights?....(pause) Okay den let’s get our roll on!”  

My initial gripe is that the bitch is driving at mach speed and you can’t see shit but a blurry-ass Santa and the occasional Wal-Mart $9.99 wire light-up reindeer. My father-in-law asks if she could slow down a bit so that we could take pictures and appreciate the lights a little more..(his words not mine). By this time I’ve already leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear “$48 for this shit?”  She gives me the obligatory elbow and “stop being like that”

We roll along for about 15 minutes looking at every tacky piece of shit overkill light extravaganza in East Waco. Suddenly we get on the highway and start heading to the other side of town. We ride for a good 12-15 minutes without seeing a single damn house decorated. So I lean over to the wife again and say “umm where the hell are we going?”
Elbow “shut up” and all that again. Shaquandra has Mariah Carey’s Christmas cd blasting and we just getting our roll on...and then it happened.

Signs and streets started to look really familiar. My oldest daughter says “hey there’s HEB.” As in the HEB right down the road from our house (approx. 1/2 mile)
I lean over to the wife again “This bitch better not turn right at this light!”
What does the driver do????? That’s right folks, fucking turns right and heads right to our neighborhood. Not only our neighborhood “BUT OUR FUCKING STREET!!

I am just at a loss for words by this point. I cannot believe this is happening. Street after street, house after house for a good 30 minutes. The driver is going on and on about “oooh like over thurr- look at the Santa up on the roof kids.” I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK"

I can’t type this anymore it's just too painful. The point is, we spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood. My wife just hung her head in shame. I’ll be in charge of Christmas spirit next year thank you very much.


This absolutely f'n delivered. Thank you 

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5 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

To my unfortunate dismay, we will not be having the deadbeat brother in law at our holiday activities because my sister in law (wife's sister) has divorced him (finally).  I guess she really did get tired of showering with a garden hose.

Back in late July/early August, she finally moved out and got an apartment about 10/15 miles away from their house (still with no water to this day).  My inlaws and wife helped her move in on a weekday while the BIL was running errands for his dad.  Remember, this guy has never had a job in his life and is 41 or so.  Literally, his resume is BLANK.  Shit hit the fan when he found out she moved out:  Oh I'm a changed man, we'll go to counseling, all that bullshit.  Anywho, she began hanging out with new people, getting her life together, etc.  She's 40 this year by the way.  Well, apparently the BIL got the SIL hooked on something in middle of August as she began to hang out with him again outside of anyone's knowledge and was supplying it for her to keep her with him.  It's a sad story honestly.  In late August, she completely broke contact with her entire family (mom, dad, my wife) and they began to worry about her.  Granted, this is after she had filed for divorce but before it was finalized (60 day waiting period I believe).  We live in Houston and SIL lives in Conroe area so my wife leaves at the drop of a hat one day around 9 AM and my FIL leaves Tyler to meet and go try and find her.  She can only be so many places right?  We obviously live closer so my wife checks her work, apartment, several known locations where she'd been over the previous weekend.  Nothing.  She goes to their house she just moved out of and asks some people working on the next house if they'd seen someone that looks like my wife.  They don't speak English so they go "ooooo yeah...tall...smoke smoke...look real bad...just here!" Wife leaves and goes back to the apartment and she's not there.  She goes and checks other places again, calls her boss who says that she hasn't been into the office in 3 days (this was a Monday, so dating back to the previous week).  She goes BACK to the house where BILs dad is waiting for her.  BILs dad gets up in her face saying that they are no longer together and BIL wouldn't be messaging or hanging out with SIL anymore anyway.  She gets back in her car and checks googlemaps again and sees SIL pop up at her new apartment.  She hightails it back to the apartment and finds her blitzed out of her mind.  An intervention ensues.  SIL realizes she fucked up, goes to Alaska to visit family, stays for a few months, gets clean, and is currently visiting friends on the east coast.  I'm very happy for her honestly.  However, my wife manages the phone accounts for us (us 2, my in laws, and my SIL and exBIL).  ExBIL has texted SIL 2,700 times over the past 9 days.  He's even gone as far as to text my FIL about the people that SIL is hanging out with, saying that he should run background checks on these people.  I believe she will be filing a restraining order on the guy.  She needs to move farther away from him, immediately.  But she hasn't been back to the apartment in over 2 months.

My other SIL (47) and her boytoy (67 now) will be at Christmas.  Thank fuck they won't be there for Thanksgiving.  We're hosting thanksgiving this year with us (3), my parents and aunt, and my FIL/MIL and now single SIL.  My MIL is still very dramatic.  She's been cancer free for 2 years now (officially in remission) but still treats herself like shit (doesn't exercise, eats like shit, very dramatic about everything - think 95 year old woman attempting to walk).  My FIL is great and my parents are good as well.  Christmas will be the shitshow this year and I'm looking forward to more weedeater string and $5 scratchoffs!

rock-clapping.gif

 

yes,  for me that just  like Ghost of LL mainlining that aggy misery....

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6 hours ago, Frank Drebin said:

My family and my in-law are all politically on the same side.  Even then we don't really talk politics when we get together.  Really not much to see when we all pretty much agree.  The TV is going to be on sports or movies.  We always get together at our ranch and there is other shit to do.  I'm either hunting, cooking, cleaning up, tending the smoker, or watching football.

Awesome, but where's the bitching?

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48 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

My co-dependent sister has pretty much gone ghost since the Thanksgiving debacle 2 years ago. That was the episode with her rebound dude she found online after ending a 10+ year relationship. Rebound dude was the loudmouth fuckstain who made an ass of himself at the feast my wife and I hosted (got drunk, offended my wife and my sister's adult kids, ignored his 4 yo "oops" daughter, kept calling me by the wrong name, and broke into rage tears when Dallas lost in OT being the highlights of the day). She finally dumped him 6 months later, apologized profusely for his behavior and admitted she needed to get back into therapy to address her self esteem and co-dependency issues.

Eighteen months later, she's remained pretty much radio silence with me and our older sister. We get the occasional text and when we're able to reach her on the phone it's a brief call where she regurgitates some of her memorized talking points which makes it sound as if she's actually keeping up w/ her therapy. As someone who's logged many couch hours over the last 30 years it's pretty easy to spot the lies (like when she can't remember if she told you her therapist was local or a teledoc in FLA or was it GA?). Most signs are pointing to her therapy really being chewing on CBD gummies and posting "you're special and worth it" memes on social media. 

My older sis (who lives in AR) had a heart to heart with me a few months ago about what my wife and I were doing this year. Since our 2023 was a year of massive upheaval centered around my decades-long job being eliminated during a corporate reorg in May, job hunting through the summer, and starting the next chapter as a public servant in September at a hefty pay cut, I explained our plans were to be simple, quiet and thankful in our own home. Big sis was happy to hear this, but asked pointedly if I was going to truly adhere to that plan. She knows what a softy I am with our sister, and how my policy of there always being room at our table for family has resulted in our sis showing up with little to no notice with her 2 kids and grandson 8 of the last 12 years. I hadn't realized it had been that many, and my wife has never complained once, although it turns out she had texted her concerns to my big sis that we were enabling our sister's actions. Specifically, co-dependent sis needs to learn to start her own family traditions with her kids and her grandson. Her son's 31, the daughter is 29 and the grandson is pushing 4. My sis's ex-husband is a great cook with a big family (locally and outside of Houston) so the kids know what a functional family is like & never miss a meal. But my sis can barely boil water at 56. 

So now that Thanksgiving's less than 2 weeks away my sis will likely fall into her old pattern which will be to text us with a "I sure have missed you...do you have any plans for the holidays?" in search of an invite. This year she's going to hear that our table is full with just the two of us, but if she wants to get together that weekend for my birthday we can meet somewhere. 

tl;dr -- gonna have a quiet turkey day w/ just the two of us. Might even break tradition and just do a ham instead of a turkey since we've got better leftover recipes for a ham & bone. Then we'll spend the weekend putting up our decorations & being thankful for what we've got.

make enchiladas and homemade salsa...

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1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

I hope you let her come over for thanksgiving. 

Not happening this year. And it's not because we don't love her, just as this isn't a permanent ban. She'll be welcome again, but at some point she's got to learn how to do adult things if not for her own benefit, but for her children and grandson. She also needs to understand that family will almost always see through "fibbing," and when it comes to self-help it eventually comes down to put up or shut up time. 

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T-giving has never been a big deal for our family.  This year, daughter is back home with us (yay....fucking boomerang shit, get a job, please).  Dad is an 85 yr old widower.  So, the 4 of us are going to take a nice drive out to Hyatt Lost Pines, hit their buffet, maybe walk the grounds a little bit, come back home, and be done with T-giving.

Limited effort.  Limited crowd.  Limited opportunities for drama.  Winning.

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3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

T-giving has never been a big deal for our family.  This year, daughter is back home with us (yay....fucking boomerang shit, get a job, please).  Dad is an 85 yr old widower.  So, the 4 of us are going to take a nice drive out to Hyatt Lost Pines, hit their buffet, maybe walk the grounds a little bit, come back home, and be done with T-giving.

Limited effort.  Limited crowd.  Limited opportunities for drama.  Winning.

Pics of daughter not showing up 

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3 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

T-giving has never been a big deal for our family.  This year, daughter is back home with us (yay....fucking boomerang shit, get a job, please).  Dad is an 85 yr old widower.  So, the 4 of us are going to take a nice drive out to Hyatt Lost Pines, hit their buffet, maybe walk the grounds a little bit, come back home, and be done with T-giving.

Limited effort.  Limited crowd.  Limited opportunities for drama.  Winning.

So are you gonna wear sweat pants to the feast at HLP? Classed up with a snazzy guayabera and some crocs for comfort?

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