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Nice Guy Eddie

Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

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46 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Actually no, but I should have explained better. 

 

The entire deal started when my buddy's father, a lawyer, was at his office on the morning of thanksgiving.  His best friend too was a lawyer, and was at his office that morning.  One of them saw the others car, and called his office.  He said "I am down here working to get away from my mother in law".  The other agreed that he was at the office for the same reason.  One of them invited the other over to their office for a martini or two so when they got home to eat lunch they could deal with the inlaws. 

And that is how it began.

That's a cool tradition

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Is this where I can bitch about all the Christmas bullshit showing up earlier and earlier?  Seems like the Christmas shit was on display either before or immediately after Halloween.  We're like a week into November, there weeks until Thanksgiving.  Don't even talk to me about Christmas until Friday after Thanksgiving. Even a non commercial entity like our little towns main plaza is decorated already.  

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20 minutes ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Is this where I can bitch about all the Christmas bullshit showing up earlier and earlier?  Seems like the Christmas shit was on display either before or immediately after Halloween.  We're like a week into November, there weeks until Thanksgiving.  Don't even talk to me about Christmas until Friday after Thanksgiving. Even a non commercial entity like our little towns main plaza is decorated already.  

No, that's the MIA fuck Christmas thread.

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5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

God I love my Jewish family's family brisket recipe. Not BBQ but so damned good. My SILs aunt owns a gourmet restaurant in NYC and her own line of cookbooks and is often on cooking shows. Not sure if they keep kosher tho.

Not gonna namedrop, huh?

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15 hours ago, Iceman said:

Son is getting married today. New inlaws are from Joysie.  All Italian, very, very close-knit family. Got to meet cousins and uncles last night at rehearsal, straight out of Goodfellas, “ Hi myname is Paulie...”. All of em.    I think ole Padre doing the ceremony has probably whacked some guys back in the day.

 Son hasn’t fucked up yet,so he’s golden.

I expect some entries on the thread in future years though. Wedding is over at 4, and wife already warned me not to be checking scores on my phone.  Lolz.  Good luck with that..

Is this your new in law?

GettyImages-1024943808-387x570.jpg

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We alternate T-day between my family and the wife's family. We have done it for 8 years now. This week the MIL is realizing it isn't the year we are coming over and she is having a complete meltdown. It is like watching a 10 year old grapple with all the emotions that come with not getting your way. We are still in the lash out phase where she is making all these horrible statements just trying to get under my wife's skin.

So far we have shit talking about my mom. Shit talking about us never doing anything for them (I rebuilt part of their roof and all the fascia on my own time/dime and bought and installed a new stove for them all in the last 4 months). It is actually comical how absurd the things she is saying and how wound up it is getting my wife. She just wont let it go and ignore her crazy ass mom.

I love the holidays. 

Edited by HOOKEM4

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I've just been notified that my wife has invited my elderly, eccentric mom to T Day this year.  I immediately assigned each family member the task of picking up no less than 100 wadded up and randomly discarded paper towels by my mom.  I figure that way we have a fighting chance of not ending up on the show Hoarders by the time she leaves.

Fuck me, I still have PTSD from her last visit.  We had an Island of Misfit Toys Thanksgiving, single people with no local family, people who had to work and couldn't travel.  Everyone had a dish they would work on.  I got the bird, wife got whatever, and my mom?  She got the mashed potatoes.

In the Universe's timeline of Thanksgiving food, mashed potatoes would be the length of time modern man has existed, compared to baking pies (Jurassic period), and the actual turkey itself (the Big Bang).  But did that ever dawn on mom?  Nope.  As soon as the potatoes were ready she placed them on the dining table sat down, and announced "Mashed Potatoes are ready!"

Everyone working their ass off in the kitchen kind of looked at each other with a WTF?  Being her son, I was not surprised.  So we keep cooking, working toward a common goal of feeding everyone at an appropriate time.  Once more: "Did y'all hear, MASHED POTATOES ARE READY!"

ME: Yeah mom, we heard, but we aren't ready with everything else.

Ten minutes go by.

Mom:  Well hell, I'm just going to start with the mashed potatoes then.

Me: (a notch just below yelling) Jesus Christ can't you see we are all working our asses off here!  We'll be there when everything is done!

Well that did it.  She crossed her arms around her chest and sulked until the food came out.  Everyone got to eating, drinking, laughing - except mom.  She decided to get back at me with completey inappropriate passive aggressive comments.  Thing like "Mach 1 used to take his diaper off and twirl it around his head like a lasso.  He always was an exhibitionist, hope you grew out of that!"  and then "Remember that time the cops caught you and your friends drinking Boone's Farm behind the Circle K?  I almost had to send you to military school!"

Goddamn embarrassing.  Yeah, no one else is going to be invited this year, just the immediate family.

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1 minute ago, tbone_ said:

Pics of the Mach 1?

In the Classic Car thread. It's in pieces at the moment, but off to the paint shop within the month.

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On 11/8/2019 at 12:48 PM, Underdog said:

Coat & Tie?  Can still wear my jorts, right? 

camo, it is still East Tx after all.

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We alternate T-day between my family and the wife's family. We have done it for 8 years now. This week the MIL is realizing it isn't the year we are coming over and she is having a complete meltdown. It is like watching a 10 year old grapple with all the emotions that come with not getting your way. We are still in the lash out phase where she is making all these horrible statements just trying to get under my wife's skin.
So far we have shit talking about my mom. Shit talking about us never doing anything for them (I rebuilt part of their roof and all the fascia on my own time/dime and bought and installed a new stove for them all in the last 4 months). It is actually comical how absurd the things she is saying and how wound up it is getting my wife. She just wont let it go and ignore her crazy ass mom.
I love the holidays. 


I feel this one. Big time.

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Just got a text from wife that MIL thinks I should pay them back for all the corn they have taken to our ranch. This year they have taken 20 bags!!11!!1! (I have bought several hundred for reference), I called FIL and asked him if he was upset about me not paying for the corn he bought. He was completely confused why I would ask and told me he is taking more bags up this week because he feels like he hasn't contributed enough to the feeding compared to the deer he has taken there. Of course, like always I told him not to worry about it, we are family.

My contention is that the MIL had a mini stroke the way she is acting.

Edited by HOOKEM4

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1 hour ago, HOOKEM4 said:

We alternate T-day between my family and the wife's family. We have done it for 8 years now. This week the MIL is realizing it isn't the year we are coming over and she is having a complete meltdown. It is like watching a 10 year old grapple with all the emotions that come with not getting your way. We are still in the lash out phase where she is making all these horrible statements just trying to get under my wife's skin.

So far we have shit talking about my mom. Shit talking about us never doing anything for them (I rebuilt part of their roof and all the fascia on my own time/dime and bought and installed a new stove for them all in the last 4 months). It is actually comical how absurd the things she is saying and how wound up it is getting my wife. She just wont let it go and ignore her crazy ass mom.

I love the holidays. 

should fuck with her on T-day 2020 and go back to your folks' house

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In the Classic Car thread. It's in pieces at the moment, but off to the paint shop within the month.

Good answer.

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1 hour ago, Mach 1 said:

I've just been notified that my wife has invited my elderly, eccentric mom to T Day this year.  I immediately assigned each family member the task of picking up no less than 100 wadded up and randomly discarded paper towels by my mom.  I figure that way we have a fighting chance of not ending up on the show Hoarders by the time she leaves.

Fuck me, I still have PTSD from her last visit.  We had an Island of Misfit Toys Thanksgiving, single people with no local family, people who had to work and couldn't travel.  Everyone had a dish they would work on.  I got the bird, wife got whatever, and my mom?  She got the mashed potatoes.

In the Universe's timeline of Thanksgiving food, mashed potatoes would be the length of time modern man has existed, compared to baking pies (Jurassic period), and the actual turkey itself (the Big Bang).  But did that ever dawn on mom?  Nope.  As soon as the potatoes were ready she placed them on the dining table sat down, and announced "Mashed Potatoes are ready!"

Everyone working their ass off in the kitchen kind of looked at each other with a WTF?  Being her son, I was not surprised.  So we keep cooking, working toward a common goal of feeding everyone at an appropriate time.  Once more: "Did y'all hear, MASHED POTATOES ARE READY!"

ME: Yeah mom, we heard, but we aren't ready with everything else.

Ten minutes go by.

Mom:  Well hell, I'm just going to start with the mashed potatoes then.

Me: (a notch just below yelling) Jesus Christ can't you see we are all working our asses off here!  We'll be there when everything is done!

Well that did it.  She crossed her arms around her chest and sulked until the food came out.  Everyone got to eating, drinking, laughing - except mom.  She decided to get back at me with completey inappropriate passive aggressive comments.  Thing like "Mach 1 used to take his diaper off and twirl it around his head like a lasso.  He always was an exhibitionist, hope you grew out of that!"  and then "Remember that time the cops caught you and your friends drinking Boone's Farm behind the Circle K?  I almost had to send you to military school!"

Goddamn embarrassing.  Yeah, no one else is going to be invited this year, just the immediate family.

Yer god damned right it's embarrassing.  Who drinks Boones Farm ?!

Edited by Onboard 2.0

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5 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

While in high school I got drunk on Boons Farm Strawberry Hill many a time with the girls on the softball team that my mom coached

Well, okey dokey then.

Edited by Onboard 2.0

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1 hour ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Just got a text from wife that MIL thinks I should pay them back for all the corn they have taken to our ranch. This year they have taken 20 bags!!11!!1! (I have bought several hundred for reference), I called FIL and asked him if he was upset about me not paying for the corn he bought. He was completely confused why I would ask and told me he is taking more bags up this week because he feels like he hasn't contributed enough to the feeding compared to the deer he has taken there. Of course, like always I told him not to worry about it, we are family.

My contention is that the MIL had a mini stroke the way she is acting.

Wait, they hunt on your land and MIL wants you to reimburse them for a couple hundred bucks in corn?  Sounds like your FIL has some sense at least.

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22 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

While in high school I got drunk on Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill many a time with the girls on the softball team that my mom coached

 

16 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Well, okey dokey then.

Strawberry Hill was instant HS girl panty peeler. Maybe you were home schooled.

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Strawberry Hill was instant HS girl panty peeler. Maybe you were home schooled.


Strawberry Hill and Sangria were both 7% booze, as opposed to the 4.5% on the others. Chicks loved both

Once a semester, the Hy-Vee (Midwestern HEB) in Ames would have a clearance on Boone’s. $.99 per bottle.

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Hookem and Mach bringing strong stuff to this thread.  Pos rep all around.  And...condolences.  

Edited by After irth

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3 hours ago, HOOKEM4 said:

We alternate T-day between my family and the wife's family. We have done it for 8 years now. This week the MIL is realizing it isn't the year we are coming over and she is having a complete meltdown. It is like watching a 10 year old grapple with all the emotions that come with not getting your way. We are still in the lash out phase where she is making all these horrible statements just trying to get under my wife's skin.

So far we have shit talking about my mom. Shit talking about us never doing anything for them (I rebuilt part of their roof and all the fascia on my own time/dime and bought and installed a new stove for them all in the last 4 months). It is actually comical how absurd the things she is saying and how wound up it is getting my wife. She just wont let it go and ignore her crazy ass mom.

I love the holidays. 

I empathize with this so hard, except my mom is the one that pulls that exact same stunt every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Like clockwork. The exact same thing right down to the lashing out, trying to pick fights, etc. My wife and I also did the rotating holidays thing, except between four places, because both of our sets of parents are divorced. So that's fun.

Total nightmare every Christmas and Thanksgiving. 

My wife now purposely takes call on Thanksgiving every year even though, as a manager, she doesn't need to. She gets first pick of all holidays. Where most people would just take Labor Day or Easter or Good Friday given the choice, she purposely picks call during one of the two biggest holidays. Sorry all four families, but we're stuck at home because of her call schedule. Worst case she gets called in and I drink bourbon while smoking a brisket and watching football with the boy. Best decision ever. Now we only have to deal with Christmas. 

Edited by BradInATX

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46 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

 


Strawberry Hill and Sangria were both 7% booze, as opposed to the 4.5% on the others. Chicks loved both

Once a semester, the Hy-Vee (Midwestern HEB) in Ames would have a clearance on Boone’s. $.99 per bottle.

 

You haven't lived until you've watched a 300lb man with a curly blonde afro lying on a beanbag chair projectile vomit Strawberry Hill directly up into the air so that it all came right back onto his face and head. 

Edited by BradInATX

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You haven't lived until you've watched a 300lb man with a curly blonde afro lying on a beanbag chair projectile vomit Strawberry Hill directly up into the air so that it all came right back onto his face and head. That wasn't even in the top 5 stories from my across-the-hall neighbors from Silsbee at my first apartment I ever had.


I have definitely not lived.

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18 minutes ago, BradInATX said:

You haven't lived until you've watched a 300lb man with a curly blonde afro lying on a beanbag chair projectile vomit Strawberry Hill directly up into the air so that it all came right back onto his face and head. 

Ummm... That's some l.i.v.i.n

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1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Not home schooled, but the panty peeler part I can attest to as it worked on second base, short stop, center field, and the backup catcher.

The home school comment wasn't directed at you

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50 minutes ago, BradInATX said:

You haven't lived until you've watched a 300lb man with a curly blonde afro lying on a beanbag chair projectile vomit Strawberry Hill directly up into the air so that it all came right back onto his face and head. 

I didn't know that @Rumblefishstix drank Strawberry Hill.

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13 minutes ago, rage-a-holic said:

The home school comment wasn't directed at you

Our chicks were 151 Bacardi, and a big gulp, and joint chicks.  Home schooling wasn't a thing.

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Am I the only one that hates cooking meat that someone else bought?

My wife just informed me that I'm cooking the turkey at her family's Thanksgiving dinner. That's fine with me since I'll do a better job than anyone else there and it gives me something to do. But she followed it by informing me that her mother would buy the turkey. I am 100% certain that she will be buying the cheapest turkey that she can find. In fact, it's probably been in her freezer since T+1 2018 since they were on sale for $0.19/lb. I also don't want to get a good one since I would have to haul it and keep it cold for 5hrs to get there and "why should I?" since her whole family brings the cheapest food they can find to every family gathering. Several years ago her mother made instant mashed potatoes. The following year I made them with a shitload of butter and heavy cream and got rave reviews, so I've been asked to make them ever since.

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4 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

or fry the btich.

This is the correct answer

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Well,  hopefully i’m either dead, blissfully ignorant or divorced by the time my wife turns into my MIL.

I pretty much hate that bitch.

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3 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Wait, they hunt on your land and MIL wants you to reimburse them for a couple hundred bucks in corn?  Sounds like your FIL has some sense at least.

Yeah like I said...has to be stroke or someshit. The wife and I are the only ones in the family that include them in anything. FIL is always appreciative and does the things he can to help (on a fixed income). It isn't about the nail...err...corn. it is about the cray.

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52 minutes ago, Parliament said:

You guys complaining about your crazy mother in law need to remember that your wife will be the exact same someday.

Divorce thread's thataway....

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3 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Smoke that bitch

 

3 hours ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

or fry the btich.

The turkey or mother in law? 

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21 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Not home schooled, but the panty peeler part I can attest to as it worked on second base, short stop, center field, and the backup catcher.

More about the back up catcher please.

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On 11/11/2019 at 3:28 PM, HOOKEM4 said:

Just got a text from wife that MIL thinks I should pay them back for all the corn they have taken to our ranch. This year they have taken 20 bags!!11!!1! (I have bought several hundred for reference), I called FIL and asked him if he was upset about me not paying for the corn he bought. He was completely confused why I would ask and told me he is taking more bags up this week because he feels like he hasn't contributed enough to the feeding compared to the deer he has taken there. Of course, like always I told him not to worry about it, we are family.

My contention is that the MIL had a mini stroke the way she is acting.

You need corn?

I got a guy.

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17 hours ago, deter said:

More about the back up catcher please.

So anyways, like I was saying about Megan Willis? 

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On 11/11/2019 at 7:51 PM, Armybrat said:

I have the perfect MIL.

 

she died in 1995

Just to clear things up with the “likes”....

My late MIL was really a very kind, honest, and generous woman. We got along very well and she even gave me a subscription to Playboy.

We did trade a few humorous barbs once in a while (she called me her “favorite SIL” - my wife was an only child - and I gave her a 75th birthday card that said on the front, “Remember the Alamo” - the inside sentiment said, “I bet you do”).

No fights ever started. 
She probably would have laughed at my post here.

Plus she gave me her only daughter whom she raised right and has stood by me for 52 years. I really do miss her.

Edited by Armybrat

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