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Official bitch about your family 2020 holidays edition


GhostOfTomJoad

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5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Former Miss Tennessee.

Hold the phone.

5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

She was Miss Waco and Miss Tennessee at the same time. 

Okay well now you're making it too easy to figure out who she is. Out of respect I will not dox her or even look her up on my own time. 

So, congrats on having a hot daughter?

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Not family, but already this morning... texts from people at work, wishing everyone Happy Thanksgiving.  Fuck you motherfuckers.  Not for the well wishes, but rather the timing.

This is one of the highest volume weeks( past 7 days) of the year in my industry.  We shut down for 2 days per year, as in there should be no phone calls from customers or employees.  Thanksgiving is one of these.   6:15 this morning, as I am halfway snoozing and going over my plans  for prep work and cooking...and my fucking phone goes off.

Have a little more awareness...   Oh, and it doesn't just wake me up, as the wife stirs and now the dogs want to go out... but who the fuck cares about all that?  Gotta be fucking first to intrude upon others' down time.

Bourbon shall be poured before 8AM today.   Alcohol won't solve my problems, but neither will milk.

Edited by slorch
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7 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Fuck that noise (literally). Put your phone on silent & ignore anything from work. 

 

agreed, however I keep it on at all times because of my mom.   Otherwise, yep, that bitch would have been off.

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Nivek's got the unicorn in-laws. Bravo.
Speaking of grandparents, my gramps proposed to my gramma eleven times and was politely turn down each time. He proposed a twelfth time shortly before shipping over to Europe in '44. Gramma said she couldn't stand the thought of him dying alone in battle so she said 'yes.' They had 70 good years together. He passed at 94 in '14, she followed 2 years later and also made it to 94.
Oh, and as much as I love my gramma, she made the driest turkey known to man. You could pour a gallon of gravy on it and it would still taste like drywall.

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On 11/23/2020 at 12:57 PM, Kennythetiger said:

I've got one for you.  Mine, her mother, and her grandmother, hit the local (30 miles away) Wal-Mart so much that they have the layout of the store memorized.  To a t.  If one person goes to the store, the others can give grocery lists that work the shopper right-to-left and weaving front-to-back through the store.  It's a little sad, a little impressive, and very efficient, all at the same time.  

*raises hand* I do this for any grocery store I shop at regularly. Might get a little twisted in the middle section.

 

We moved to the Raleigh area last month and are still in a temporary apartment with most of our stuff in storage.  Closed on my house in Austin on Tuesday and closing on the Wake Forest house in two weeks. Wife is pregnant. We usually do Thanksgiving at my uncle's in Austin but they're fairly locked down as they are old and my Aunt is immuno compromised. Sisters and my parents are down in Port A. We probably would have still gone if we were in Texas, but I'm thankful for ample reasons to bow out this year. We'll zoom in for a bit and eat some turkey and pie we picked up from Whole Foods. Thankful that we'll have our shit back and a nice new place for Christmas, will be thankful if everyone is still alive next year and shit is back to normal so maybe we can host up here.

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16 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

B5B13FD2-DDF8-4FE0-887F-FC735ABB7084.thumb.jpeg.d83ed1a121a0eea3b1b1e0b1f034103b.jpeg
This is MILs way of fending off impending poverty through paper towel conservation - in spite of a very large net worth and an annual income of which she only spends about 30%.

When I got here she was ironing used aluminum foil; smoothing it enough to tent the turkey when necessary.

I’m afraid to go see if the toilet paper rolls have also been cut in half. 

 

Did she grow up during the Great Depression?

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Does the same with dryer sheets.  Washes and reuses ziplocks, all foil, and Saran Wrap.    Fridge is full of old, tiny pimento jars with nine kernels of leftover corn in one, a bite of mashed potatoes in another, etc.  My wife thinks her mom was a refugee in a past life.

Last year she did one of the DNA Ancestry kits under the guise of family history but really to determine if she was adopted because my wife (unfortunately) shares zero “savings” genes with her mom. 
 

******Today’s turkey was no doubt bought on sale 364 days ago during the 2019 post T-day grocery clearance sale and kept frozen until last night. If I can find the tag I’d bet my home I’m right. 

Edited by Reagan1k
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5 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Does the same with dryer sheets.  Washes and reuses ziplocks, all foil, and Saran Wrap.    Fridge is full of old, tiny pimento jars with nine kernels of leftover corn in one, a bite of mashed potatoes in another, etc.  My wife thinks her mom was a refugee in a past life.

Last year she did one of the DNA Ancestry kits under the guise of family history but really to determine if she was adopted because my wife (unfortunately) shares zero “savings” genes with her mom. 

Your MIL could definitely be my aunt.  Brother (in law)?

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d0b2491db7c2f722d46234c646b18501.jpg
Baked all day with the son and daughter (8 and 9) while the little one got shipped off to her nana and papas house for two days, with reunion date today for the family.
Wife was decorating our Nieces house (who is hosting for first time and was working yesterday) when she saw the baby take her first step.
Family sleepover tomorrow at my peoples house with 7 cousins under one roof which should be a lot of fun.
I love holidays and like being with almost all my family members so any kind of cut down on that with Covid sucks- but for all you misanthropes on here who hate family time 2020 should be smiling down on you. If
You can’t avoid travel or seeking people you don’t want to see during this time of a pandemic that’s on you.

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20 minutes ago, UTPhil2006 said:

This.  If iPhone you can make it to where only people listed on your "favorites" page can get through the DND

This. on my android I have my phone to go on Do not disturb automatically from 9PM to 7AM. My favorites are my immediate family and 2 coworkers plus the IT company for my store. And it works great!

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3 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:


d0b2491db7c2f722d46234c646b18501.jpg
Baked all day with the son and daughter (8 and 9) while the little one got shipped off to her nana and papas house for two days, with reunion date today for the family.
Wife was decorating our Nieces house (who is hosting for first time and was working yesterday) when she saw the baby take her first step.
Family sleepover tomorrow at my peoples house with 7 cousins under one roof which should be a lot of fun.
I love holidays and like being with almost all my family members so any kind of cut down on that with Covid sucks- but for all you misanthropes on here who hate family time 2020 should be smiling down on you. If
You can’t avoid travel or seeking people you don’t want to see during this time of a pandemic that’s on you.

 

3 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Seriously though- well wishes and stay sages to everyone during this season. 

You suck at this thread. 

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On 11/26/2020 at 9:32 AM, Wulaw Horn said:


d0b2491db7c2f722d46234c646b18501.jpg
Baked all day with the son and daughter (8 and 9) while the little one got shipped off to her nana and papas house for two days, with reunion date today for the family.
Wife was decorating our Nieces house (who is hosting for first time and was working yesterday) when she saw the baby take her first step.
Family sleepover tomorrow at my peoples house with 7 cousins under one roof which should be a lot of fun.
I love holidays and like being with almost all my family members so any kind of cut down on that with Covid sucks- but for all you misanthropes on here who hate family time 2020 should be smiling down on you. If
You can’t avoid travel or seeking people you don’t want to see during this time of a pandemic that’s on you.

Clearly not in an RV somewhere in ‘Merica

Edited by CycleTex87
Can’t spell while drinking.
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8 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:


d0b2491db7c2f722d46234c646b18501.jpg
Baked all day with the son and daughter (8 and 9) while the little one got shipped off to her nana and papas house for two days, with reunion date today for the family.
Wife was decorating our Nieces house (who is hosting for first time and was working yesterday) when she saw the baby take her first step.
Family sleepover tomorrow at my peoples house with 7 cousins under one roof which should be a lot of fun.
I love holidays and like being with almost all my family members so any kind of cut down on that with Covid sucks- but for all you misanthropes on here who hate family time 2020 should be smiling down on you. If
You can’t avoid travel or seeking people you don’t want to see during this time of a pandemic that’s on you.

Same well wishes to your family. Is that a peanut butter pie I see there? I haven't made one of those in ages.

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Ah, thanks. Sweet potato and pumpkin have similar colors often enough, but as the two pies didn't look quite the same I thought maybe it was peanut butter instead. My older brother really misses my mom's raisin pie but he's going to have to wait until the plague is over before we can travel and take one to him.

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Just now, Mrs Whiggins said:

Ah, thanks. Sweet potato and pumpkin have similar colors often enough, but as the two pies didn't look quite the same I thought maybe it was peanut butter instead. My older brother really misses my mom's raisin pie but he's going to have to wait until the plague is over before we can travel and take one to him.

So, I made my own crust, the dough tasted fine- but it was too hard at places and just wasn’t quite right. I’m speculating that it wasn’t a problem with the preparation, rather how I rolled it out uneven w d I’ll spaced. Do you have any tips what to do after the dough is made before it becomes a pie? 
 

also- to keep this topical I have a funny story from my wife’s cousin at thanksgiving. 
her mom showed up with two puppies- for her two grandkids. Cheweenies. She’s like merry early Xmas. 
Husband (who hates dogs) walks into the bedroom and says “wife- could I speak to you please” at which point in time he dresses her down and tells her that’s the final straw and he’s getting a divorce. He goes to the closet and starts packing his suit case. She goes to the computer and prints out a list of divorce attorneys and hands it to him and says- I printed this out because you are so helpless I know you can’t figure it out for yourself- but I didn’t want you to have an excuse to not be able to follow through. 
 

Now there is a man with a proper hatred of puppies. Happy thanksgiving. Glad I didn’t have to see that and only heard about it second hand from the wife’s cousin. 
 

also- before any of you ask for pictures to comfort her in her time of need she’s three bills with no boobs. 
 

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1 hour ago, Wulaw Horn said:

So, I made my own crust, the dough tasted fine- but it was too hard at places and just wasn’t quite right. I’m speculating that it wasn’t a problem with the preparation, rather how I rolled it out uneven w d I’ll spaced. Do you have any tips what to do after the dough is made before it becomes a pie? 
 

also- to keep this topical I have a funny story from my wife’s cousin at thanksgiving. 
her mom showed up with two puppies- for her two grandkids. Cheweenies. She’s like merry early Xmas. 
Husband (who hates dogs) walks into the bedroom and says “wife- could I speak to you please” at which point in time he dresses her down and tells her that’s the final straw and he’s getting a divorce. He goes to the closet and starts packing his suit case. She goes to the computer and prints out a list of divorce attorneys and hands it to him and says- I printed this out because you are so helpless I know you can’t figure it out for yourself- but I didn’t want you to have an excuse to not be able to follow through. 
 

Now there is a man with a proper hatred of puppies. Happy thanksgiving. Glad I didn’t have to see that and only heard about it second hand from the wife’s cousin. 
 

also- before any of you ask for pictures to comfort her in her time of need she’s three bills with no boobs. 
 

Hard to say about the crust. Was it shortening, lard, or butter? I use shortening as that is what my husband likes. I don’t know that I’ve  ever had anything like what you describe. Almost sounds like a gob of flour or something got caught up in the crust or did a little pumpkin leak underneath either when filling or baking?  

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9 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Hard to say about the crust. Was it shortening, lard, or butter? I use shortening as that is what my husband likes. I don’t know that I’ve  ever had anything like what you describe. Almost sounds like a gob of flour or something got caught up in the crust or did a little pumpkin leak underneath either when filling or baking?  

 Butter.  Nothing underneath. I think I suck at rolling but not totally sure if that’s what would cause the issue. 

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7 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

 Butter.  Nothing underneath. I think I suck at rolling but not totally sure if that’s what would cause the issue. 

Next time I make a butter crust I will try and make note if I see anything that could’ve caused it and report back in the Pie thread. My rolling skills wax and wane.

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That is tragic. His in-laws who prefer the shoe leather from the Midwest?  
Not sure. My phone started blowing up around 3 o'clock. He didn't know what to do. I just said to make the 75% he was going to eat perfect, hack off the rest, & drag it down the driveway if that's what they wanted.

He's having knee surgery next week. He's breaking out the good wine. He's trying to hold his tongue. I'd tell the in laws to lick the back of my ball sack if they wanted meat that fucked, but I'm a Sagittarius.

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2 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

So, I made my own crust, the dough tasted fine- but it was too hard at places and just wasn’t quite right. I’m speculating that it wasn’t a problem with the preparation, rather how I rolled it out uneven w d I’ll spaced. Do you have any tips what to do after the dough is made before it becomes a pie? 

If you want to nerd out about crust:

https://www.seriouseats.com/2015/10/how-to-make-pie-dough-step-by-step.html

And linked from there:

https://sweets.seriouseats.com/2011/07/the-food-lab-the-science-of-pie-how-to-make-pie-crust-easy-recipe.html

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I don't know where The Divying falls on the list of things guaranteed to wear a red-blooded American male's patience thin, but it has to be somewhere near the top.

If anyone is unfamiliar with this process use the terms "post-meal" and "leftovers" as helpful context clues. It even turned into non-leftover items.

"How much pie do you want? Which kinds of these three that we have?"

"I really don't care"

"Do you have sandwich bread at home?" 

"Yeah, I do (I definitely don't)"

"Okay well are you sure because this is really good bread..."

"Mom I'm really trying to get out the door"

To be fair, I'm pretty exhausted and especially didn't have patience for this type of thing this year, but good Lord woman! And this was with 2 people involved.

Edited by ztejas
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