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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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38 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

But you touch yourself.  So ironic. 

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


Bro, lighten up get the massage. They’re awesome. Plus, let the wife feel like she did something good. Big fat girls with strong arms are the best. Dudes are a no go though.

george costanza seinfeld GIF

13 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

it's not really about the massage.

Nor the money. It’s about me appreciating her effort. But apparently me forgetting about it is proof that I didn’t appreciate it, which is incorrect. I just fucking forgot. 

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

She's cheating on you. 

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

You're clearly gay. NTTAWWT.

She's cheating on you. 
Yep. How else is she going to know exactly where you are and for how long?
4 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

   Yeah, I don't like massages either. Waste of money if you ask me. I told the wife a long time ago that she can do just about anything for me, but don't buy me a massage. She hasn't, though she revisits it with the same ole line of questioning.

I'm anti-massage as well, can't stand the thought of someone touching me. It's a no-win situation, regardless. Either it'll wind up being a dude giving the massage, which is a definite no, or it'll be a chick and I'll for sure get a hard-on and then I'll be "that guy". Why even put myself in that situation? 

5 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

So no happy ending?

I’m not a stranger to me. 


Try using your left hand.
4 minutes ago, Black Cat said:

You shouldn't have listened to all that church shit about wife&kids. 

Now you're beaten to a pulp by every second of life till dead.

You seem like a charming individual.

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On 4/16/2019 at 11:28 AM, LW Goatman said:

GPS wasn't working on my phone for a particular app. Wife grabs a cable, connects it to her verhicle's usb, and plugs it into my phone. "My car has gps" she says.

 

 

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2 minutes ago, Black Cat said:

STFU you monkey honkey bitch boy.

Just eat pussy or masturbate.

It's all about fucking, you clowns.

Show me on this doll where he touched you. 

16 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

Show me on this doll where he touched you. 

Your avatar probably answers that question.

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m assuming that all you guys who don’t get massages because you're actually real men.

fify

Take the massage and enjoy life for fucking once.

Jesus fucking christ.

Since my neck injury fucked me all up one of the only things that makes life worth living is the massage I get weekly. Refusing a massage is a fool's errand.

I get a massage 2 times a month and had one yesterday. They are fantastic. Been week my massage therapist for 2 years now. 

I honestly was super anit-massage for eons, but I had to start getting sports massage on my legs for recovery during my heavy training blocks for cycling. I have to admit I'm hooked now. Still not huge on upper body stuff, but got damn the leg action is sweet.

After my brother’s VW was rear ended by a pickup @ 50 mph 30 years ago, regular therapeutic massage has greatly reduced his neck’s soreness & pain. Don’t know if he pays extra for Krafty benefits.

Edited by Armybrat

16 hours ago, Sandman said:

I'm anti-massage as well, can't stand the thought of someone touching me. It's a no-win situation, regardless. Either it'll wind up being a dude giving the massage, which is a definite no, or it'll be a chick and I'll for sure get a hard-on and then I'll be "that guy". Why even put myself in that situation? 

 

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14 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

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Men: I don't like random strangers touching me

Also men: Here, you strange whore, dance on me while I throw dollar bills at you

7 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Men: I don't like random strangers touching me

Also men: Here, you strange whore, dance on me while I throw dollar bills at you

world baseball classic homerun GIF by MLB

5 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Men: I don't like random strangers touching me

Also men: Here, you strange whore, dance on me while I throw dollar bills at you

 

Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases.

 

About two years ago, my wife bought me a gift certificate at a happy ending massage place knowing full well it was a happy ending place. I still haven't used it. 

Image result for it's a trap

4 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases. 

 

I've been a massage proponent for years.

And for the "oh noes I might get a man and it would break my fragile masculinity" - pro athletes get massages from men all the time.  A sports massage from a highly trained and qualified man/person is one of the greatest things you can get for all the Surly manly gym bros.  

Two weeks in China changed my mind. For about 5 bucks, you could get a kick ass foot/neck/shoulder massage that would make you feel like you could walk thru walls.

4 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Two weeks in China changed my mind. For about 5 bucks, you could get a kick ass foot/neck/shoulder massage that would make you feel like you could walk thru walls.

Same in Thailand.  About $10 USD with tip.  I didn't know my body stretched like that. 

17 minutes ago, Js1 said:

 

"oh noes I might get a man and it would break my fragile masculinity"

10e405e562d11c4132b3fa4e61da6a4b.jpg

I agree with Francis.

I'm surprised at the number of pilots that partake because we get a discount at the spa at an international layover hotel.

On 4/17/2019 at 6:00 AM, mulletpelini said:

I keep trying to imagine a man saying this but it's just doesn't seem possible.

It is like making sure you drive the wife's car on a beer run every 6 weeks or so to listen to how it is running, scroll thru the maintenance screens, and check for any warning lights.

I also jinxed myself, the heating element shit the bed on our 12 year old dryer this morning.  

3 minutes ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

I also jinxed myself, the heating element shit the bed on our 12 year old dryer this morning.  

That's an easy fix. Plus you can clean out 12 years of lint and it will be running better.

On ‎4‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 1:36 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

She's cheating on you. 

Yep. She's trying to spread the guilt around. She figures if some gal is rubbing you down with oil then her dalliances are no worse so all's well. File first and get the jump on this situation but look on the bright side, you're going to have lots of free time soon.

6 hours ago, Js1 said:

I've been a massage proponent for years.

And for the "oh noes I might get a man and it would break my fragile masculinity" - pro athletes get massages from men all the time.  A sports massage from a highly trained and qualified man/person is one of the greatest things you can get for all the Surly manly gym bros.  

They're afraid they'll catch the gay.

Also, massages kick ass. That's really all I've got.

There are two massage therapists our family uses, and one of them is a gayer than hell male nurse. Doesn't matter to me in the slightest. He's completely professional, really good at what he does, and charges reasonable rates. He shares office space with his sister, and she's every bit as good, though she tends to talk too much.

Tl:dr, massages rock.

I’m riding the MS-150 next weekend, a 2 day bicycle ride from Houston to Austin. I planning to get a massage on Friday before we ride, one on Saturday at the midpoint, and one on Sunday. It won’t suck. 

 
Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases.
 

My wife went through a horrible period with migraines. Tried new eyeglasses, meds, you name it. The Dr had upped her meds to the point where she almost couldn’t function. Her boss sent her to his massage guy. Immediate relief.

We were able to wean her back off all the meds except for her daily dose she had already been on before all of this happened. She goes every couple of months and no migraines.

She sent me. I cussed up a storm for an hour and was sore for two weeks afterward. Hadn’t felt that good in a while.

My wife put in a grocery order for pickup last night. This morning she went to pick it up since she was off. While she’s out, she takes the kids by Chick-Fil-A to pickup breakfast. About 3.5-4 hours after getting back home she remembers the groceries are still in the car. Guess who got to pickup another $60 grocery order on the way home? While I was waiting on it, I texted her and asked if she could wanted me to bring it in when I got it home or leave it in the car. Tone.

Kids wanted to watch wizard of oz. 

pull it up on iTunes after dinner and start rolling.

movie starts in Kansas.  

“Why did you rent the black and white version instead of the technicolor remastered version?”

pours another strong drink.  

I expect questions about midgets before we get too far along here.  

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