Trivial Things That Make You Surly

[WhatTheBuck 28574]

The other day I was stopped at a red light and the guy in the car next to mine had his window rolled down and was talking to someone on his phone in speaker mode. It took all my strength to resist the urge to just lay on the horn. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8780]

Are you a hands free state? Minny became one a few months ago and ive caught myself using the phone less while driving which i like, a lot. Hands free here means it's basically use your speaker phone or bluetooth, keep hands on wheel/ eyes on road. Cant hold phone up to ear.

 

I still catch texters texting at stoplights but whatever

 

 

[Wally Fairway 5465]

I know the Nigerian prince emails bullshit is fake, but this one is from the Federal Reserve.
I'm gonna be rich bitches - $10.5 million to my ATM card; second beers are on me at the next Surly happy hour

longcat spoilered

Quote

FEDERAL RESERVE BANK OF NEW YORK

ADDRESS: 33 LIBERTY STREET,

NEW YORK, N.Y 10038.

 

ATTN: FUND BENEFICIARY,

 

                  Re: ATM Card payment notification.

 

This is to officially inform you that the bank Federal Reserve Board

New York Branch  has concluded in the meeting today over your long

overdue contract payment and agreed that your payment worth

US$10.500,000.00 will be released to you through ATM Master Card which

will be delivered to you directly to your home address.

 

However, you are further advised to know that all arrangement has been

completed long ago for the immediate dispatch to your residency, you

have to reply back to us as soon as possible with the below DATA’ to

enable the Ups shipping department proceed with the immediate dispatch

tomorrow been Friday dated 24th of January 2020 on your behalf.

 

Finally, this is very urgent and important the bank are waiting to

hear from you right away today, Bear in mind that the tracking number

of your parcel will be given to you immediately the Processing charge

and Stamp fee which will not cost you much is received to avoid any

immediate STOP ORDER from the United Nation office.

 

Note That Because Of Impostors, We Hereby Issued You Our Code Of

Conduct, Which Is (ATM-2020) So You Have To Indicate This Code When

replying back to us By Using It As Your Subject. Get back to us with

this information needed,

 

Full Names:

Your Address:

Country:

Direct Number:

Your Age And Occupation:

A scan copy of your ID card or passport:

 

Reply back to us accordingly; The bank Wait For Your Expedite Response.

 

Yours in Service,

Mr. Jerome H. Powell

Chairman Federal Reserve Board New York

[Braff Zacklin 13284]

Jalapeno poppers made with cream cheese instead of the correct cheddar.

Cream cheese has its uses, but when deep fried, it turns into tasteless, superheated foam. Cheddar has enough bite to punch through the strong pepper flavor, and its stretchy, gooey texture complements the exterior crunch.

[Armybrat 40464]

Why did TRS send me a letter notifying me that my monthly teacher retirement annuity is going to increase by 9 cents a month?

Edited January 26, 2020 by Armybrat

[Prepuce of Doom 20856]

1 hour ago, Braff Zacklin said:

Jalapeno poppers made with cream cheese instead of the correct cheddar.

Cream cheese has its uses, but when deep fried, it turns into tasteless, superheated foam. Cheddar has enough bite to punch through the strong pepper flavor, and its stretchy, gooey texture complements the exterior crunch.

Fuck you and everything you hold dear. 

Cordially, of course. 

[Braff Zacklin 13284]

1 minute ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Fuck you and everything you hold dear. 

Cordially, of course. 

Go circumcise yourself.

[Prepuce of Doom 20856]

Already doomed. 

[elfenix 34000]

Kyle Busch's fat face.

 

 

Edit: I want to note that Kyle busch doesn't annoy me, just that his face is fat. And doesn't match the rest of him, so far as I can tell.

 

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

On 1/23/2020 at 8:37 PM, HRSchenker said:

Only if it's local. No Amarillo Sod Poodle hat at the Lakers game.

Nah, it's sports so all teams the local team and The North Dakota Sod Chompers are fair game.

[luke duke 6359]

Fat vegetarians make me surly.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

8 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Fat vegetarians make me surly.

Why do you hate elephants so much.

[ImissWallyPryor 9044]

I like black pepper on just about anything not labeled as a dessert. Most sane people would call it too much pepper. Restaurant shakers usually don’t have holes big enough to let the pepper flow freely, so I have to take the top off like I'm a Neanderthal.

Same goes for crushed red pepper shakers. And yes, I know what all about pepper mills. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by ImissWallyPryor

[WhatTheBuck 28574]

6 minutes ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I like black pepper on just about anything not labeled as a dessert. Most sane people would call it too much pepper. Restaurant shakers usually don’t have holes big enough to let the pepper flow freely, so I have to take the top off like I'm a Neanderthal.

I too love black pepper and apply it generously. What always amazes me about those classic pepper shakers in restaurants, where you can't get any pepper to come out because the holes are so small, is that when you unscrew the top, pepper falls all over the place like it's been filled with way more pepper than it can hold. How do they do that? And why?

Ketchup bottles I get. Keep those filled. But leave a little air in the pepper shaker so you can, you know, actually shake it out. Pack it in too tightly and it renders the delivery vehicle inoperative. 

I love that many/most restaurants have switched to pepper mills. Nothing beats fresh ground black pepper.

[ImissWallyPryor 9044]

3 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I too love black pepper and apply it generously. What always amazes me about those classic pepper shakers in restaurants, where you can't get any pepper to come out because the holes are so small, is that when you unscrew the top, pepper falls all over the place like it's been filled with way more pepper than it can hold. How do they do that? And why?

Ketchup bottles I get. Keep those filled. But leave a little air in the pepper shaker so you can, you know, actually shake it out. Pack it in too tightly and it renders the delivery vehicle inoperative. 

I love that many/most restaurants have switched to pepper mills. Nothing beats fresh ground black pepper.

I was going to add that part, too. It happened to me this morning. I’ve learned to open them over what I want seasoned instead of over my lap. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by ImissWallyPryor

[WhatTheBuck 28574]

4 minutes ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I was going to add that part, too. 

i knew you knew. It's baffling, isn't it?

[WhatTheBuck 28574]

10 minutes ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

I was going to add that part, too. It happened to me this morning. I’ve learned to open them over what I want seasoned instead of over my lap. 

I figure, fuck 'em. I let it spill all over the table. Let them clean it up. 

[Braff Zacklin 13284]

13 hours ago, elfenix said:

Kyle Busch's fat face.

Edit: I want to note that Kyle busch doesn't annoy me, just that his face is fat. And doesn't match the rest of him, so far as I can tell.

You must really hate Todd Park Mohr, you bastard.

[elfenix 34000]

It must be bring your dog to home depot day

[Guest Lobo]

10 minutes ago, elfenix said:

It must be bring your dog to home depot day

That drives me fucking crazy. I can't take my 4-year old there anymore on the weekends because every other shithead in town thinks nobody on Earth has ever seen a Labrador before so this is our chance to be educated.  

[elfenix 34000]

Fucking ridiculous:

[Prepuce of Doom 20856]

What, jamming an old putter up a dog's ass? 

[Underdog 27966]

2 hours ago, elfenix said:

Fucking ridiculous:

You missed. 

[Braff Zacklin 13284]

38 minutes ago, Underdog said:

You missed. 

Sorry. Had a turtle head peepin' out and just couldn't make it that last few feet.

Besides, the sign clearly indicates the receptacle is for pet waste.

[52-80 18962]

12 hours ago, elfenix said:

Fucking ridiculous:

install a face-detecting camera there and implement the social score

[VolenteHawk 495]

18 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Ketchup bottles I get. Keep those filled. But leave a little air in the pepper shaker so you can, you know, actually shake it out. Pack it in too tightly and it renders the delivery vehicle inoperative. 

Their main motivation is to fill the shakers as infrequently as possible, and it shows.

 

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

23 hours ago, luke duke said:

Fat vegetarians make me surly.

Snickers are vegetarian. There's your answer.

[luke duke 6359]

Snickers are vegetarian. There's your answer.

I didn’t realize that I asked a question.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

3 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 

I didn’t realize that I asked a question.

 

What

[HouTex 1838]

What

He’s on second.

[Walden Ponderer 12638]

If you're gonna put unsecured trash in the back of your pickup and drive down my road, I'm gonna start throwing roofing nails out in the middle of it from time to time. Because fuck you and your styrofoam trash all over my lawn. Jesus.

[elfenix 34000]

So that's where all those quarters came from

[Scheiss Meister 8300]

Why would someone glue a quarter to my tire?

[RPM 26073]

You meld them.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

On 1/26/2020 at 9:22 AM, Onboard 2.0 said:

Why do you hate elephants so much.

 

[elfenix 34000]

The noise the HEB cart escalator makes when releasing is exactly the same sound as a large jar falling off the cart and breaking

 

[markstanco 12424]

I like black pepper on just about anything not labeled as a dessert. Most sane people would call it too much pepper. Restaurant shakers usually don’t have holes big enough to let the pepper flow freely, so I have to take the top off like I'm a Neanderthal.
Same goes for crushed red pepper shakers. And yes, I know what all about pepper mills. 

I do this. And for some reason especially on Cesar and wedge salads.

[Iceman 2576]

grinders for salt and pepper in any restaurant at the table.  While I am not remotely a germophobe, grabbing and twisting something with both hands that is virtually guaranteed to be filthy while eating in a public place just makes me want to go wash my hands again afterwords.  At least with traditional shakers, you can use a couple fingers from your left hand and it's done.  With the grinders, you're basically giving the devices a big ole two handed hug and rubbing them vigorously.  No fucking thank you.

Edited January 29, 2020 by Iceman

[nnm 35473]

1 hour ago, Iceman said:

grinders for salt and pepper in any restaurant at the table.  While I am not remotely a germophobe, grabbing and twisting something with both hands that is virtually guaranteed to be filthy while eating in a public place just makes me want to go wash my hands again afterwords.  At least with traditional shakers, you can use a couple fingers from your left hand and it's done.  With the grinders, you're basically giving the devices a big ole two handed hug and rubbing them vigorously.  No fucking thank you.

How do you feel about doorknobs in public places?

[Iceman 2576]

Just now, nnm said:

How do you feel about doorknobs in public places?

The doorknob I have to turn to run my plate/ fork?

Like I said, I'm no germophobe, but the salt/pepper grinders just gross me out. the fact that it is involved with the eating process is a gamechanger.  Out in public, I really don't GAF about door handles and whatnot.  I'm also pretty conscientious about not touching my eyes/ mouth without having washed my hands.

[Armybrat 40464]

3 hours ago, Iceman said:

grinders for salt and pepper in any restaurant at the table.  While I am not remotely a germophobe, grabbing and twisting something with both hands that is virtually guaranteed to be filthy while eating in a public place just makes me want to go wash my hands again afterwords.  At least with traditional shakers, you can use a couple fingers from your left hand and it's done.  With the grinders, you're basically giving the devices a big ole two handed hug and rubbing them vigorously.  No fucking thank you.

That is why we carry Wet Ones wherever we go. Especially after using the gas pump handle to fill the car.

[Armybrat 40464]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

How do you feel about doorknobs in public places?

That is prime south austin mom joke material.

Edited January 29, 2020 by Armybrat

[luke duke 6359]

3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

That is why we carry Wet Ones wherever we go.

I thought those were in case you violated Senior Citizen Rule #1: Never trust a fart.

[Armybrat 40464]

We carry a roll of tp in the car for that.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21765]

Ha ha I have a roll of tp and a package of wet wipes in my glove box.

[nnm 35473]

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Ha ha I have a roll of tp and a package of wet wipes in my glove box.

Username blah blah blah

[PilotsError 2234]

The unbelievably terrible quality of Amazon streaming videos.  Making a copy of a VHS would look better.

[immortal13 4059]

On 1/27/2020 at 12:33 PM, Walden Ponderer said:

If you're gonna put unsecured trash in the back of your pickup and drive down my road, I'm gonna start throwing roofing nails out in the middle of it from time to time. Because fuck you and your styrofoam trash all over my lawn. Jesus.

You're going to throw roofing nails on your own road? That'll show em!

[immortal13 4059]

Surly poster(s) that are constantly starting unnecessary threads. You know who you are you fat fuck

[Underdog 27966]

Vic is fat?