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Oddest thing a woman ever said to you during sexy time

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1 hour ago, Scooter Monzingo said:

That’s $50 extra..

worth it.  pulling out is for the birds.

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Right before the school year started in '05 (junior year at ISU), I was fooling around with a chick who worked for my buddy's family up in the Iowa Great Lakes.  She was going to school in Cedar Rapids, and Ames was on her way to and from school and home.  She would stop in, and we'd have a good time, but I was pretty up front about not wanting a relationship.  This chick was wild as hell, but absolutely would have ended a relationship by setting your car on fire and giving you something.  I hadn't talked to her in a few months, but she dropped a text that she was going to be partying in Ames the Friday of Halloween weekend.  I didn't respond, but was glad knowing I had a piece of ass in the back pocket.

So I go out partying with my buddies that night, and I'm not finding much in the line of new prospects, so I respond.  She's down, and comes and picks me up from the party and we go back to my place, both hammered, and get after it.

The next morning, she's still there so I figure I might as well get some more before I make breakfast and start prepping for a long day of drinking and football.  We start fooling around and convo goes this way:

Her:  Ummm....  Can you do what you did last night again?

Me:  What do you mean?

Her <pointing down>:  Can you do that again? 

Me (getting annoyed):  Do what?

Her (sheepishly):  Lick my butthole again...

I kinda paused for a second.  This was 2005, before eating ass was all the cultural rage.  The previous night's hook up was extremely blurry, and I just kind of remember going down her in a vigorous, almost comical fashion.  Obviously I had landed on the back door for a bit.

So, like a gentleman, I obliged.  She even had the decency that morning to take off before football started.  And in case you're wondering what went down in the world of Iowa State football that day, y'all are in for a treat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6kHPk7q5go

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men can have IUDs now.  a friend of mine works at facebook, in austin no less, and he says they stock tampons and other feminine products in the men’s restroom. 

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9 minutes ago, futureman said:

men can have IUDs now.  a friend of mine works at facebook, in austin no less, and he says they stock tampons and other feminine products in the men’s restroom. 

i dont want to live on this planet anymore GIF

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4 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Right before the school year started in '05 (junior year at ISU), I was fooling around with a chick who worked for my buddy's family up in the Iowa Great Lakes.  She was going to school in Cedar Rapids, and Ames was on her way to and from school and home.  She would stop in, and we'd have a good time, but I was pretty up front about not wanting a relationship.  This chick was wild as hell, but absolutely would have ended a relationship by setting your car on fire and giving you something.  I hadn't talked to her in a few months, but she dropped a text that she was going to be partying in Ames the Friday of Halloween weekend.  I didn't respond, but was glad knowing I had a piece of ass in the back pocket.

So I go out partying with my buddies that night, and I'm not finding much in the line of new prospects, so I respond.  She's down, and comes and picks me up from the party and we go back to my place, both hammered, and get after it.

The next morning, she's still there so I figure I might as well get some more before I make breakfast and start prepping for a long day of drinking and football.  We start fooling around and convo goes this way:

Her:  Ummm....  Can you do what you did last night again?

Me:  What do you mean?

Her <pointing down>:  Can you do that again? 

Me (getting annoyed):  Do what?

Her (sheepishly):  Lick my butthole again...

I kinda paused for a second.  This was 2005, before eating ass was all the cultural rage.  The previous night's hook up was extremely blurry, and I just kind of remember going down her in a vigorous, almost comical fashion.  Obviously I had landed on the back door for a bit.

So, like a gentleman, I obliged.  She even had the decency that morning to take off before football started.  And in case you're wondering what went down in the world of Iowa State football that day, y'all are in for a treat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6kHPk7q5go

A nice story with a beautiful ending.  Would read again.

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7 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

A nice story with a beautiful ending.  Would read again.

The ending is arguably the most erotic part.  I just wish Youtube would let that one embed.

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27 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

A nice story with a beautiful ending.  Would read again.

And he tells it so well.

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On 2/29/2020 at 8:28 AM, Spaulding Smails said:

Last week, Aunt Flo was in town, so my wife offered up a BJ.  

Image result for confused animated gif

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13 hours ago, luke duke said:

BJ is the dog’s name.

 

6 hours ago, General Specific said:


That’s what the peanut butter is for!

image-gif.461298

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“Don’t worry, my grandma never comes back here.” She did help grandma out by swallowing so there was no mess on the sheets.

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I do not do animal acts. I do not do S&M or any variations of that particular bent, no water sports either. I will not shave my pussy, no fistfucking and absolutely no coming in my face. I get $2000 a day and I do not work without a contract.

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2 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

My mom thinks you're hot.....

That may've struck me as odd back in the day.

These days, I'd call it a success. 

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I do not do animal acts. I do not do S&M or any variations of that particular bent, no water sports either. I will not shave my pussy, no fistfucking and absolutely no coming in my face. I get $2000 a day and I do not work without a contract.

We already established the fact you’re a whore, now we’re just negotiating price!

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My mom thinks you're hot.....
Okay arent you like 70? I question your post old man. Yep I said it.

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14 hours ago, davidg said:

I do not do animal acts. I do not do S&M or any variations of that particular bent, no water sports either. I will not shave my pussy, no fistfucking and absolutely no coming in my face. I get $2000 a day and I do not work without a contract.

I knew I recognized that.  I didn't understand half of what she was talking about when I first saw it.  So young and nigheve

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4 hours ago, futureman said:

I bet he had sexy time at least once or twice before he was 70. 

Lulz, this was about 43 years ago.

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:


 

 

8 hours ago, markstanco said:
20 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:
My mom thinks you're hot.....

Okay arent you like 70? I question your post old man. Yep I said it.

 

8 hours ago, futureman said:

I bet he had sexy time at least once or twice before he was 70. 

Full disclosure...

63 in 67 days

Edited by SHOOTER12

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:


So did you go for the mother daughter threesome?

Not that time.  It does however remind me of another mother/ daughter situation (no threesome) that was interesting in it's own way.

I was working as a DJ and playing in a band and generally raising all the hell that life style would imply.  I met a girl that was my wheelhouse, tall, slender with waist length brown hair.  We had a Fwb arrangement for about 4 months until she met some guy and fell in love. Well about a month later I met a woman in the club I dj'd at, and although older, was sexy as hell.  I had never been with an older woman before so I was determined she was going to be my first. We were slamming it about 4-5 times a week and this woman was insatiable.  Turns out she was a widow who had been married to a Methodist (I think) pastor who died from cancer.  His death totally wrecked her and she was determined to do all the things she had never done before she got angry with God and I lost her faith.  Believe me she was doing a good job and was down for anything.

The last time we were together we went to her house and did the deed as always.  I woke up about 9 the next morning and got up to make coffee, tired and hungover as hell.  I was putting water in the coffee pot when I heard "well"...wtf?  "is mom any good or do I need to practice"?  I turned around and standing there in her panties and T-shirt was my fuck buddy from months prior.  

Unfortunately when they both found out I had been sleeping with both of them, they were freaked out and I never got to tap either of them again.

BTW .. daughter needed practice to catch up with her mom.....

 

Edited by SHOOTER12

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Post Oak said:

Fuck me like you fucked my mom.

Fify.  True story.

Edited by Homesickhorn

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1 hour ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Not that time.  It does however remind me of another mother/ daughter situation (no threesome) that was interesting in it's own way.

I was working as a DJ and playing in a band and generally raising all the hell that life style would imply.  I met a girl that was my wheelhouse, tall, slender with waist length brown hair.  We had a Fwb arrangement for about 4 months until she met some guy and fell in love. Well about a month later I met a woman in the club I dj'd at, and although older, was sexy as hell.  I had never been with an older woman before so I was determined she was going to be my first. We were slamming it about 4-5 times a week and this woman was insatiable.  Turns out she was a widow who had been married to a Methodist (I think) pastor who died from cancer.  His death totally wrecked her and she was determined to do all the things she had never done before she got angry with God and I lost her faith.  Believe me she was doing a good job and was down for anything.

The last time we were together we went to her house and did the deed as always.  I woke up about 9 the next morning and got up to make coffee, tired and hungover as hell.  I was putting water in the coffee pot when I heard "well"...wtf?  "is mom any good or do I need to practice"?  I turned around and standing there in her panties and T-shirt was my fuck buddy from months prior.  

Unfortunately when they both found out I had been sleeping with both of them, they were freaked out and I never got to tap either of them again.

BTW .. daughter needed practice to catch up with her mom.....

 

You left off the Dear Penthouse Forum ...

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, davidg said:

You left off the Dear Penthouse Forum ...

It goes without saying....

If I had been able to continue my exploits, or score the mommy/daughter trifecta, then and only then would it have been included.

Edited by SHOOTER12

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

“I want to nine inch nail you!!... oh wow that doesn’t sound right. You know what I meant”

...and that womans name was Peggy, Peggy Bundy....

Edited by SHOOTER12

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1 hour ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

“I want to nine inch nail you!!... oh wow that doesn’t sound right. You know what I meant”

NowThis?

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Not sure if weird or a compliment...

I was FwB with these two chicks who were roommates....they would sneak me in late at night.

“I want to moan louder than (insert roommates name)”

Shortly after they hated each other and one of them moved out.

Another one...

I coached a little league baseball team and one of the kids had a single mom. One of the players (the one with the single mom) has a sister who was 18 (who I didn’t smash) but I knew had a crush on me. I went to the mom’s place while the grandparents had the kids. During sexy time she goes “my daughter would be sooo jealous”. The mom then went into full
on crazy mode and rode me like crazy.

‘‘Twas awesome.

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Here’s a story that was not me:

A buddy of mine got a BJ from his friends sister. Soon as he finished she goes “you lasted longer than (insert her brother’s name)”

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1 minute ago, TTU13 said:

Here’s a story that was not me:

A buddy of mine got a BJ from his friends sister. Soon as he finished she goes “you lasted longer than (insert her brother’s name)”

Wholly crap...it was you wasn't it?   Oh hell man, take the glory, live the dream...this is the Surly.

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Wholly crap...it was you wasn't it?   Oh hell man, take the glory, live the dream...this is the Surly.


Haha no it wasn’t me.

She came to visit her brother and my buddy tried to get me to hook up with her. I had another chick I was going to smash coming over to party. The next day, he confessed why he was so adamant on trying to get me to hook up with her.

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