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  1. closetojumping

    closetojumping

    Burnt Ends


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  2. atomheartbevo

    atomheartbevo

    Certifiably Surly


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  3. MillerEP

    MillerEP

    Certifiably Surly


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  4. Deej

    Deej

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 09/06/22 in all areas

  1. Texas has spent the better part of the last 12 years getting sand kicked in its face and told it isn't good enough, or it isn't back, or its boosters are meanies holding down the program or that Austin is a cesspool. You name the kind of derisive, condescending shit-talking someone in the media, or representative of another fanbase, or even writing as a UT reporter but needing to pay off gambling or IRS debts, could say about the Texas football program, and it has been said. This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. "But closetojumping, Alabama is the #1 team in the country!! They’re a juggernaut!" Yeah, yeah, I get it. Alabama is 10 feet tall and shoots lightning bolts from its arse. They're favored by 20.5 points on the road. Right. It’s true, when you look at what Bama does on the road against non-conference opponents, it’s quite intimidating. I think we all remember the last time they went on the road into unfriendly non-SEC confines in the year … (checks notes) … 2011. That’s right, Bama hasn’t played a legitimate non-conference game on the road since 2011. That means there are like 4 people currently involved with the program who have actually been a part of Bama going into unfamiliar territory with an overwhelmingly hostile crowd and no “gentleman’s agreement” creature comforts. In fact, in Saban’s entire 15 year tenure, Bama has gone on the road OOC exactly twice – against the mighty Duke Blue Devils in 2010 (62-13) and to Happy Valley in 2011 (27-11) while the PSU child molestation scandal was roiling under the surface within the football program. For all of the SEC tough talk about what brutal opponents they are to the outside world, they’re a generally inward-looking and thinking collection of programs and people, and Bama is no different. Hell, the last two times they played Big 12 opponents, they didn’t exactly run them out of the buildings on neutral sites – WVU 2014 (33-23) and OU 2018 (45-34). But, hey, maybe that is all ancient history and Alabama is lately a rolling ball of butcherknives when it comes to real road games, right? Let’s look at how largely the same team playing this weekend did in 2021. They played road games against UF (31-29), ATM (38-41), MSU (49-9), and Auburn (24-22 in quadruple OT). The Miss State game was the week after they shit themselves on the road against ATM. The other 3 games involved a mediocre UF team going for 2 to tie it late, ATM embarrassing them for 60 minutes, and Auburn’s Tank Bigsby going out of bounds like an imbecile to giftwrap a Bama comeback to tie a game that Auburn dominated. Does Texas face the team that lost to ATM the last time they were in Texas, or the team that rolled a hapless MSU the following week? “But CTJ, Texas lacks the talent to keep up with the Bama Machine!!??!” For the first time in a very long time, Texas will be going up against an elite team and will not have a major talent gap at multiple positions by comparison. In fact, Texas has more starting talent than Bama at multiple positions going into this game. 1) Bama’s OL is an untested pile of poo. They are going to gargle our collective balls after being left in a state of rubble by the “greatest OL coaching hire in college history”, Doug Marrone. Anyone who watched them against Utah State witnessed the OL struggling to get push against the USU front seven. Bama’s leading rusher in the game was Bryce Young and that isn’t a result of either Young being an amazing scrambler or Bama taking it easy with their TBs against the G5 program. Texas’ DL will face more complete OLs this season than the one they face on Saturday. 2) Bama’s WRs and TEs should scare no one. This isn’t 2019. Bama hasn’t had this weak a group of TEs in over a decade, and that’s even if Latu plays. The WRs aren’t substantially more formidable. Burton is fine, but he’s not keeping anyone awake at night. Prentice looks good but he’s not Waddle. After that, shit gets dicey. 3) The defensive line for Alabama isn’t up to its usual snuff. The 3 interior DL positions are manned by big bodies, but also guys that haven’t gone pro yet because they weren’t good enough to do so. By Bama standards, that should give every opponent some upside in expectations. Of course their outside guys, Anderson and Turner, are all anyone on this board wants to shit themselves over, but they’re two guys. The interior doesn’t command a double team, so energy can be focused in supporting the outside. 4) Texas has elite talent at TB, WR, and TE. It has potentially elite talent at QB, OT, and OG. Sarkisian is one of the best offensive playcallers in football. He has the talent and depth at key positions which will enable him to create interesting match-ups even for a talented defense like Bama. 5) Bill O’Brien is a meatheaded asshole chugger. BOB is in the process of doing what he does. He’ll continue to degrade his unit on a yearly basis until there is simply nothing left. Saban won’t allow for that, but he’s let him stay on another year after sniffing around in the market and not liking his other options. That serves to our benefit, as we should expect turtled playcalling and a general lack of creativity. For a defense still trying to find reliable footing, O’Brien is the ideal OC at a place like Bama for Texas to face. “closetojumping, these guys are SEC! SEC! SEC! and I am not sure our stadium can handle their ferocity!?!” The last time a “greatest team ever” from the SEC marched into the confines of DKR, Texas was a dropped touchdown pass via a gimpy and weak-willed Keontay Ingram away from ruining their plans. As mentioned earlier, this is a program that is unused to walking into a foreign, angry fanbase 100,000+ strong and hell bent on turning the tide of 12 Years a Knave, bestowed upon us by their dark lord of a head coach in the first place. I don’t expect Bama to cringe or crumple under the pressure, but I do expect them to be at an inherent disadvantage. I also don’t expect to see many Alabama fans in attendance, simply because most of them have to work in the service industry on weekends and these tickets and Austin travel are also quite expensive for a base of largely minimum wage workers. Also, we’re fucking due. Storied programs are forged and burnished by deliverance when the spotlight and sun burn brightest. Our time for ascension is here, goddammit, and it is long overdue time for Nick Saban and his waterheaded following of fucktards to go to hell and give the rest of college football some fucking space to breathe. I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “ Hook’em
    135 points
  2. Tumps campaign manager knowingly gave sensitive polling data to known Russian spies - no consequences Trumps son and son in law knowingly met with Russian agents at Trump tower - no consequences There is a taped phone call of a sitting President extorting another country for political dirt - no consequences There is a taped phone call of a sitting President committing election fraud - no consequences There is video of a sitting President directing a coup - no consequences There were boxes of stolen top secret documents found in Trumps office after he lied they existed multiple times - no consequences I’m starting to sense a pattern
    33 points
  3. It continues to amaze me. The Jan 6th hearings seem like a year ago and now everyone has moved onto the document conspiracy. Guess what.... in another month, there will be a new fucked up Trump controversy to distract the masses, and most will have moved on from giving a shit about what happened in mar-a-lago. Its his MO. Sooner or later the GOP gets back in control, every investigation gets shut down, everyone gets pardoned, and the DOJ will be sitting around with their dicks in their hands worried about whether they dotted all the "i's" and crossed all the "t's" on legal filings that will be flushed down the toilet. The president of the United States was on a recorded phone call leaning on GA election officials to find him enough votes to win the state. He currently just tours around the country working to delegitimize our election process and inciting violence while his congressional allies are suggesting riots should the fat piece of shit get prosecuted. Somebody have some fucking balls and throw that orange piece of shit in jail. Insanity.
    30 points
  4. Bama's run of dominance began by beating a Longhorn Freshman QB from a Texas high school powerhouse who wore #3. You already know how it ends.
    29 points
  5. We lost to Kansas 4 games ago. If we beat Alabama we should rush the field, rape the band, cancel school, and mount a statue of Nick Saban getting butt fucked by Sark in the middle of Littlefield fountain. Maybe replace the Longhorn stickers on the helmets with a burnt orange silhouette of that statue.
    26 points
  6. It's beginning to sound like we might need a Bama versus the greatest armies in history thread, based on some of y'all's pussy ass posts
    22 points
  7. A Taiwanese family that’s still mostly in Taiwan. Some dead, one abroad, but the rest in Taiwan that better stay independent. (my mom is 3rd from the right)
    21 points
  8. @Scipio and I are proud to be the official mortgage provider of Surly, and one of the main things we wanted to do in sponsorship with @immamac is try to do some stuff that makes the site more fun for everyone. So, we decided to do a free giveaway for free money based upon the weekly scores and the best of the game threads. $50.00 per week for the best score prediction $25.00 per week for the closest to the prop bet $25.00 per week for the best post on the game week thread. It could be funny, predictive, self loathing, or just all around best representation of the Surly zeitgeist. The winner of the most money for the season will win an additional $250.00 plus 2 tickets to the TE dinner this winter. All money will be paid out at the end of the year. Anyone not claiming the money or wishing to donate it will get sent to Burnt Endz, the fantastic crowd source deal that @immamacand @RGBIII have worked so hard to set up. As always, if you have any mortgage needs I would love to help you, or to be a second set of eyes and let you know if the deal you currently have working is the best you can do. Please feel free to PM me or call or text at 832-557-1095. Week 1 Recap: $50.00 winner- @pacman who nailed the score of the week at 52-10. @kingkoopa6 also nailed the exact score, but Pacman wins the tie breaker being closer to Bijan's total yards for scrimmage. Good job fellas. $25.00 winner for closest to the prop bet: @Wizlonwho predicted 114 yards of total offense for Bijan- who had 111. He missed out by 3 yards. I think the next closest missed out by 8 or 9 ( @40acredropout I believe). Recap of the gameweek thread: Most wrong post: @Rockethorn1978who said: Ahh the pre season kool aide is flowing! I’ll believe a 56-10 score when I see us actually dominate someone. I’m leaning more in the 49-28 camp because our defense. His punishment is to be water-boarded with Burnt Orange Kool Aid for the rest of the week- after mocking someone's 56-10 post that basically almost nailed the game score and being a doubter. Worst Tangent on the game week thread: @Codaxx setting up the 2 page derail with this one: Not if he is playing the slot, which is my point. I am against MOVING Bijan from RB to the Slot. Best post of the week (not eligible to win b/c the guy owns the site @immamac for this response to someone bitching about JT Sanders being named the starter: Sanders is the best TE and it's not particularly close. Helm is the 2nd best all around TE, but gets edged out by some of the experience and attributes of Billingsly. Juan Davis is the fastest, most dynamic TE and will be used in certain packages and looks. The 4 deep at TE is ridiculous, if not for our absolutely absurd RB room the TE room is one of the best, if not the best in the country. You should be very excited about this news. $25.00 winner for post of the week (this time for capturing the zeitgeist of Surly and scoring scores of likes... while also being correct @Newy25 with this gem after the ULM Cheerleaders were posted: No way we score under 50 to a school that does not even have one cheerleader that you can jerk off to. Texas 55 ULM 17
    20 points
  9. Fucking arrest him. He stole some of the most top secret shit in the world, and refused to give it back, and then lied about giving it back. He's admitted to all of it.
    19 points
  10. Well then take 5 and rest your jaw
    17 points
  11. So it turns out that the Kherson offensive is actually the Kherson / Kharkiv / Luhansk / Donetsk offensive. By announcing the Kherson action in advance, Ukraine got the orcs to transfer tons of personnel and equipment to the region where geography and battlefield shaping created the greatest advantage for the UKA. Then they were able to press the offensive in the other regions due to the skeleton crews left to defend them. Like a wise man one said - “we are very lucky that our enemy is so fucking stupid”.
    15 points
  12. Who the fuck cares? The team hasn’t won in forever. If the students show out and we upset Bama, let them do what they want.
    14 points
  13. What Twice doesn't see is that Cannon is knowingly and happily playing the role of John Eastman here: providing a pretense of a valid legal basis for Trump's continued obfuscations and barely-veiled exhortations for his supporters to commit violence in his name. She's not acting to protect the legitimacy of the judiciary. She's shitting all over that. Twice can't seriously think she'd rule this way for any other criminal defendant in the country. What she's doing is giving his supporters the intellectual justification they need (tiny as it is) to continue believing that Trump is being unfairly persecuted. She's buying him time to whip his supporters up into another frenzy in an attempt to make the DOJ decide it's not worth prosecuting him.
    14 points
  14. I guess Georgia forgot about that time the Horns didn’t have a chance against them and both our team and mascot kicked their ass
    13 points
  15. I am well aware of the fact that the No. 1 alabama crimson tide is making their way to austin this weekend with arguably the greatest coach in college football leading them into DKR. I am well aware of the fact that the reigning heisman trophy winner is on their team and has ample weapons to throw to. I am well aware of the fact that Texas is almost a three td underdog at home for a game that will be nationally televised. If you're using that as evidence that Texas not only won't win but wont compete this saturday and are asking those around you to manage expectations. well Here's why Texas is going to win: -The Bama defensive line is stout, there's no questioning that, but if anything we've learned through recent years of 1) UT fotoball and 2) Kyle Flood that Texas plays phonebooth games decently well. The last time they played a phonebooth game, they won over KSU where all the quarterbacks on the field had hard ceilings. Is KSU bama? no. Are players like Hayden Conner, Kelvin Banks, and Cole Hutson better served by going forward? Yes. Then you add in Bijan Robinson, who's going to spray mustard all over the crimson turds. -Quinn Ewers is going to ball out. If you don't believe this, then I have little else to say. The last time Quinn was in a situation like the one he faces Saturday, he led Southlake Carroll over Duncanville. I know it doesn't translate cleanly, I dont give that much of a fuck, but this is a winner at quarterback. A winner who can pass the fucking football better than anyone we seem to have had in the past decade. Get on board. -This isn't the best Alabama offense. Bryce Young may disagree, and sure, whatever, fine. Compared to previous Bama offenses, they are 1) not as explosive 2) not as dominannt in the trenches and 3) utilizing a good, not great RB room. If anything, this will be a bama offense that tries to move the ball down the field in a process rather than in one play. That means more margin for error for Bill O Buttfuck to buttfuck their offense. Give me DeMarvion on Fatu all day, he's a Fatu fuck. -The Pole Assassin is on our side. If she is with us, who can be against us? Plus her husband is going to help us on special teams, an area that isn't a huge weakness for Bama like it was on Saban teams of years past, but one that is weaker for them because we made ours stronger with Gia Monkey's stepfather. -I dunno about Dallas Turner and Will Anderson. I can only pump so much sunshine. This is an irrational board that does irrational things on an irrationally regular basis. We are beating bama. Join or die. Hook 'Em.
    12 points
  16. Deep down they are all scared shitless they will lose to App State and Miami back to back.
    12 points
  17. Up to date yearly leaderboard of cash winnings after week 1: @pacman- $50.00 @Wizlon- $25.00 @Newy25- $25.00
    12 points
  18. As an outsider that roots y’all on, especially against OU, that’s where I’m at. I think the line is reflective of objective reasoning and the general public’s expectations, but I see a few opportunities…mostly rehashing old shit but I wanted to participate here: DKR will be an absolute madhouse, and yeah the ‘that’s every Saturday in the SEC bro’ folks may disagree but this is a once per generation event here in Austin. I’ve been there when it’s full tilt boogie time, and expect it to be 1.5x that at kick. Sark won’t be intimidated and has inside knowledge. If he doesn’t out-clever himself with a freshman QB and keeps the troops focused, the chess game should be fascinating. Hopefully he’s comfortable with risk taking on 4th/short, potential fake punts, baiting a flea flicker with Bijan, etc. Got nothing to lose and fortune favors the bold. Sanders. Huge advantage to have a flex TE like that with good hands that can play into all kinds of scenarios that offset their DL pressure. You’ve gotta mix him in unexpected places like a PA fake with Bijan or put him in as hybrid FB, and not just on 3rd down. Everyone knows they’re going to key on Bijan but your RB room is such an embarrassment of riches I hope to see some 21 personnel or diamond. Keep complex RPO plays out of your freshman QB but focus on getting the ball to proven players quickly outside of the box. Give the same basic look with a pop pass to Xavier or someone on a slant to put them in space. Defense has to have the ball bounce their way. ULM seemed to insist on running up the gut for 1-2yds a pop for half their plays though so not sure what was learned. Alabama will get theirs, so I guess your D needs to be Johnny on the spot for a lucky TO and otherwise tackle well to keep it manageable. Loved Overshown’s nose for the ball. Who knows about Ewers, my gut says that ‘settle in’ shit won’t work to start with Alabama like it did ULM. Theoretically you’ve got horses to stretch the field in both dimensions with RB, TE and WR…just hoping he can connect on a few bombs early on to make them adjust. Big time players make big time plays in big time games. Overall I’m jealous of the opportunity laid in front of you. Young players tend to let the moment get too big for them…but you’re at home, you’ve worked your whole career for this moment, and it’s time to lay it all on the table. Take it seriously as a measuring stick and maybe you surprise the nation. Rooting for y’all.
    12 points
  19. I suspect that the previous guest may have smoked in the room, but there is no smell Meanwhile, the bar is closed and beers are 7 bucks from the lobby “pantry”. I’m go downstairs to speak to the front desk about the smoke alarm, and as I’m getting on the elevator a guy walks up with an 18 pack of coors light. I’m like “dude, where did you get that”? He says he ubered to 7/11. His company reimburses Ubers, but not bar bills, and there’s no way he’s paying 7 bucks per beer. Nice fucking guy gives me 5 of them; says no way he can drink 18 anyway. I offered cash but the gent wouldn’t accept it. Shout out to the stranger in the elevator!
    11 points
  20. No big deal for a nurse. I bet when your Porsche gets towed you just go buy another one.
    11 points
  21. We're Texas. We heard they were called the Million Dollar Band so naturally assumed they were small and used to cheap seats. We're Billion with a B or bust up in this bitch.
    11 points
  22. I wish I had 1/1000th of the faith that twicehorn has in our judiciary
    11 points
  23. Me: I’m not going to buy into the hype me now:
    10 points
  24. While none of this is wrong, I have zero doubt that OB has lost substantial numbers from its subscriber base. I know IT is booming and that growth is very unlikely to be coming from purely organic subs. A ton of the new subs will inherently be cannibalizing people from other sites. The second thing to consider is that it is in no way believable that a man who can't keep up with his income tax obligations is somehow nonetheless investing wisely and building a large nest egg. Let's think about the financials for a minute. 10,000 subs * $9.95/mo = $1.2M annually. That has to be split 50/50 with Rivals. Assume $25K/mo in advertising = $300k. That can be kept. Payroll is how many folks? Suchomel and Anwar? I haven't been over there in probably 15 years so I don't know who else is on the books. Assume 4 heads at $30k/year each, so $120K. Burden * 1.2 = $144K/yr. Assume other SG&A is another $25K/month (it's probably higher but Rivals offsets some of the expenses), so you're at $300K/yr. So you go $1.2M - $600K + $300K - $144K - $300K = $456K. Ketchum's take-home is probably roughly $450K with key variables moving that number up or down being sub count, payroll, and advertising revenue. Then you have the guy's personal budget: Food: $18K/mo. Mortgage: $3K/mo. Utilities & Services: $750/mo. Legal: $5k retainer/mo. Since the guy is immobile and doesn't have a vehicle that he could fit into, I assume he's $0 on travel and auto. I doubt he's bought clothes in decades. You're looking at almost $27K/mo in personal expenses against a pre-tax salary of $450K/yr. Take home on that is about $32k/mo. So, if he has a really good month and doesn't splurge on suing people or ordering the right side of the menu at Perry's Steakhouse in The Woodlands more than 4 times a week, his total savings is $5k. That's $60k/year. Compound that shit all you want, I wouldn't call the dude set for life unless he goes on a diet or decides to stop suing multiple entities at any given moment in time.
    10 points
  25. Which is why the party plan is to make elections irrelevant. And letting trump suffer no consequences for the insurrection furthers that cause.
    9 points
  26. '84 Vintage 'cept for the showy guard that replaced a Mint. Smooth player with badass Dirty Blonde Lollars.
    9 points
  27. You more than quibbled lol, you spent quite a few words talking about how it could jeopardize the trial because of how UNPRECEDENTED it was. Same shit here. Unprecedented craziness occurring, so therefore we should default to the most conservative and minimal position, and ignore the material facts of what's happening. In this case, the judge was appointed by trump after he lost the election, he shopped the case to get it in her court, and then she gave him more relief than he petitioned for and made arguments he didn't make. AND she's obstructing DOJ from their criminal investigation and attempting to delay things until after the midterms when the republicans could take the house and further delay shit. That is fucking insane and corrupt on it's face. That's some shit we'd see in a 3rd world country and correctly condemn. Open your fucking eyes and use your brain instead of pounding precedent and concern for decorum and procedure. Our enemies use decorum and procedure like a jingling set of keys to disarm smart folks like you
    9 points
  28. It's very strange to see posters expect better from other posters who have made it more than clear their only political idea is cruelty.
    9 points
  29. Also, the fact that they have immediately turned on Haynes King and are pining for the true freshman is also mind-blowing. It's mind-blowing because it is so fucking stereotypical for these clowns and yet here they are, playing right into the stereotype. Lest anyone forget, they glommed on to some stupid 5 star rating by one of the services after he had a strong non-padded performance at a summer camp. His ratings went down throughout his terrible senior season and the aggie crowdsourcing mafia went absolutely ballistic on the various recruiting gurus for having that ol' t-sip bias when moving him down. Then they had to have him over that uppity Mond. Then they would have gone to the playoffs last year if King had stayed healthy so they would not have had to play that good for nothing non-aggie Zac Calzada. Then they were set for the CFP in 2022 with Haynes King at the helm. Then ... they saw his awkward noodle-armed stick figure sweating out drives against the mighty Sam Houston State Bearcats and suddenly he needs to pack his shit asap and head for the transfer portal. ATM expects more from their QBs dammit. It's not enough to look like the composite dork aggie enrollee, you have simply got to be able to throw the ball more than 5 yards in the air without putting a rainbow arc on it. Unless you are Bucky Richardson or John David Crow. Don't you go there and disparage greatness, goddammit!
    9 points
  30. Surly posters watching the game from the tailgate if the game gets out of hand early...
    9 points
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