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We recently replaced all of the cable boxes in our house and they have a voice control.  For about 2 weeks she has watched me say, into the remote, "Outlander ** on Netflix".

Bless her heart...last night, she gave it a try.  "Outlanders on NextFlick".....3 times....then she just chunked the remote at me.  I felt sorry for her.  There are several words she pronounces differently.  I rarely correct her unless it is a word that might be embarrassing to say in front of strangers.   Most of them are due to spelling but some I can't figure out why she pronounces them a certain way.  And to her credit, she apparently, FINALLY looked at the logo on the screen and said, "Oh....NET Flix".

Fascinating = FASC-i-nating (this is a spelling issue)
Waxed = Wax-ed  (no idea)
Farted = Fart-ed-ed (no idea)
But words like Worked, she says correctly.  But Fart-ed-ed cracks me up every time.

OH....also, we dog sit Baboso's dog from time to time.  To get her to go outside, the dog knows "Go be quick".   But my wife miss-heard it, so she says, "Go get a quickie".  Every fucking time...I giggle.  

**  If you haven't watched this titty-fest, so yourself a favor and invest some time.

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I too switched to voice commands for our main TV. Works great when my wife, 6 year old boy, and 1 year old are all talking at the same time. Then they can't understand why dad stood up and said "Can yall shut the fuck up for 15 god damn seconds???"

 

okay, well, the one year old probably doesn't understand. But the other two should know. since we go through it every.single.god.damn night

I can’t imagine what a shit show that would be and how many fights it would cause. The buttons always fucking work. (Unless the batteries are dead)

22 minutes ago, EE2B said:

I can’t imagine what a shit show that would be and how many fights it would cause. The buttons always fucking work. (Unless the batteries are dead)

Yeah, it was a dumb idea. Especially since our living room is open to the kitchen. So using voice commands is pretty much impossible. 

We recently replaced all of the cable boxes in our house and they have a voice control.  For about 2 weeks she has watched me say, into the remote, "Outlander ** on Netflix".
Bless her heart...last night, she gave it a try.  "Outlanders on NextFlick".....3 times....then she just chunked the remote at me.  I felt sorry for her.  There are several words she pronounces differently.  I rarely correct her unless it is a word that might be embarrassing to say in front of strangers.   Most of them are due to spelling but some I can't figure out why she pronounces them a certain way.  And to her credit, she apparently, FINALLY looked at the logo on the screen and said, "Oh....NET Flix".
Fascinating = FASC-i-nating (this is a spelling issue)
Waxed = Wax-ed  (no idea)
Farted = Fart-ed-ed (no idea)
But words like Worked, she says correctly.  But Fart-ed-ed cracks me up every time.
OH....also, we dog sit Baboso's dog from time to time.  To get her to go outside, the dog knows "Go be quick".   But my wife miss-heard it, so she says, "Go get a quickie".  Every fucking time...I giggle.  
**  If you haven't watched this titty-fest, so yourself a favor and invest some time.

She sounds dyslexic. There’s a visual kind that you typically think of but also an auditory kind where you can’t distinguish phonemes.

hulla’s wife is deaf, bro.

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Her: Do you want to get a flagpole to put out by the gate?

Me: I don't know, maybe.

 

Next day:

Her: I got you that flagpole you wanted.

Last night, at around 11:00, my cell phone was ringing.  Yep, it was the wife calling me from upstairs.  Of course she did text me twice first and I didn't hear that.

1 minute ago, thunderlounge said:

At least she wasn’t talking to you from one end of the house to the other?

Yeah, I guess that's what I get for being hard of hearing.

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So the call was coming FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE?!

10 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

At least she wasn’t talking to you from one end of the house to the other?

Wasn’t she though?

Her: Do you want to get a flagpole to put out by the gate?
Me: I don't know, maybe.
 
Next day:
Her: I got you that flagpole you wanted.

Ah the classic do you want passive aggressive intro.
17 hours ago, harpercollins said:


She sounds dyslexic. There’s a visual kind that you typically think of but also an auditory kind where you can’t distinguish phonemes.

She is deaf but a lip reading motherfucker.  It's been a long running topic of fun and frivolity on this and the two previous boards.   She doesn't use ASL.  

Edited by hullabelew

26 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

She is deaf but a lip reading motherfucker.  It's been a long running topic of fun and frivolity on this and the two previous boards.   She doesn't use ASL.  

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what about BullShitSL?  

Edited by Dennis Taylor

18 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

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what about BullShitSL?  

I have enough fucking trouble avoiding mirrors than to worry about that.  

5 hours ago, hullabelew said:

She is deaf but a lip reading motherfucker.  It's been a long running topic of fun and frivolity on this and the two previous boards.   She doesn't use ASL.  

What about ATM?

2 hours ago, lateshow said:

What about ATM?

The question was if she was dyslexic, not him.

7 hours ago, hullabelew said:

I have enough fucking trouble avoiding mirrors than to worry about that.  

Still one of my favorite stories from the boards. Right up there with the Waco Christmas Light Tour.

We were discussing the Crew Dragon docking with the ISS and she didn't understand the significance of the event.  During the conversation.......

Wife:  Where is the International Space Station?

Me: Iowa!!  Its in space above the earth!!!!

39 minutes ago, bobcat1995 said:

We were discussing the Crew Dragon docking with the ISS and she didn't understand the significance of the event.  During the conversation.......

Wife:  Where is the International Space Station?

Me: Iowa!!  Its in space above the earth!!!!

Your wife:  "Is this outer space?"
You:  "No...It's Iowa."

Your wife:  "Hmm, I coulda sworn it was outer space."  

Filed under the "shit they do" portion.

"If I'm gonna grill 'em, you make the hamburger patties."  (because apparently she doesn't like the way I do it / seasonings I use, whatever).

Come in from cutting cedar / burning stuff, get quick shower because I'm covered in cedar dirt:  "OK, where's the stuff?  I don't see them in the fridge."

She put all 5 shaped patties on a plate, then left that on the kitchen counter.

Our adult Doberman apparently snarfed them.  Guess who got to drive to H.E.B. (they were still open) & get some replacement meat?  40 minutes round trip.  I'm certain if I ever bring this up as an example of dumbassery that somehow I'll be the jerk.

Filed under the "shit they do" portion.
"If I'm gonna grill 'em, you make the hamburger patties."  (because apparently she doesn't like the way I do it / seasonings I use, whatever).
Come in from cutting cedar / burning stuff, get quick shower because I'm covered in cedar dirt:  "OK, where's the stuff?  I don't see them in the fridge."

She put all 5 shaped patties on a plate, then left that on the kitchen counter.
Our adult Doberman apparently snarfed them.  Guess who got to drive to H.E.B. (they were still open) & get some replacement meat?  40 minutes round trip.  I'm certain if I ever bring this up as an example of dumbassery that somehow I'll be the jerk.

You live 20 min from the closest grocery store?
On May 29, 2020 at 10:27 AM, hullabelew said:

She is deaf but a lip reading motherfucker.  It's been a long running topic of fun and frivolity on this and the two previous boards.   She doesn't use ASL.  

Wear your mask at all times. 

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


You live 20 min from the closest grocery store?

well he was clearing cedar. not exactly a typical city dweller job.

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Filed under the "shit they do" portion.

"If I'm gonna grill 'em, you make the hamburger patties."  (because apparently she doesn't like the way I do it / seasonings I use, whatever).

Come in from cutting cedar / burning stuff, get quick shower because I'm covered in cedar dirt:  "OK, where's the stuff?  I don't see them in the fridge."

She put all 5 shaped patties on a plate, then left that on the kitchen counter.

Our adult Doberman apparently snarfed them.  Guess who got to drive to H.E.B. (they were still open) & get some replacement meat?  40 minutes round trip.  I'm certain if I ever bring this up as an example of dumbassery that somehow I'll be the jerk.

Ignoring the male/female responsibilities, if you had to be responsible to go to the grocery store again, is she at least responsible for creating and cooking the patties?  
 

Either way, I’m kinda thinking this comment falls under “stupid shit husbands does/say”.  .  

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


You live 20 min from the closest grocery store?

Maybe 16 if I haul ass across every cattle guard & catch air on 2 or 3 spots where the road has some whoop-de-do's.

37 minutes ago, Atxracer said:

Ignoring the male/female responsibilities, if you had to be responsible to go to the grocery store again, is she at least responsible for creating and cooking the patties?  
 

Either way, I’m kinda thinking this comment falls under “stupid shit husbands does/say”.  .  

You really want to trust teh wimmenz with fire & grilling?

39 minutes ago, Atxracer said:

Ignoring the male/female responsibilities, if you had to be responsible to go to the grocery store again, is she at least responsible for creating and cooking the patties?  
 

Either way, I’m kinda thinking this comment falls under “stupid shit husbands does/say”.  .  

Additionally, if she had driven this 20 minute one way would have been 25+ out, 25+ back & 15 in the store.  I can hit every corner like Emerson Fittipaldi where she's always hitting 35mph or less for fear of hitting a deer.

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:


You live 20 min from the closest grocery store?

Drippin’ can be trippin’

On 5/29/2020 at 9:27 AM, hullabelew said:

She is deaf but a lip reading motherfucker.  It's been a long running topic of fun and frivolity on this and the two previous boards.   She doesn't use ASL.  

I bet she enjoys the Seinfeld episode huh

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10 hours ago, mulletpelini said:
I bet she enjoys the Seinfeld episode huh

She had actually lived that scene many times.

Now, for today's adventure.  My wife has slowly turned in to a hoarder.  Not Mitch C. level, but our garage and basement if a fucking hazard area.  She won't throw shit away.....and has even dug out stuff from the trash that I've thrown away...old tshirts, a beat-up old cowboy hat that didn't fit me anymore, old shoes... (we can use it for rags, I'll wear that in the garden, we can take them to Goodwill).  Anyway, we have a TON of cookie sheets, flat pans, broiler pans...WAY too many, but she won't get rid of them.  They are housed in this old table we made into a center island.  The doors have these cool things called locks.   They help keep the doors shut....unless the fucking thing is so full, the doors won't stay shut.  

How do we deal with that?  Throw stuff away?  Move it around?  Fuck that noise.  She has the solution.  

Oh.. "We CAN'T have shoes in the house. You will bring in the virus."  I guess the little virus bastards just stick to my shoes/boots.  
926378fc035fdcb7fbe84b7027555bcd.jpg70bb8fe4ffbed66972f3fceb6b1f24af.jpg

Edited by hullabelew

Wait. Too much shit in the cabinet so just scotch tape it shut?

Judging from all the shit on that island I’m guessing y’all eat out a lot.

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

She had actually lived that scene many times.

Now, for today's adventure.  My wife has slowly turned in to a hoarder.  Not Mitch C. level, but our garage and basement if a fucking hazard area.  She won't throw shit away.....and has even dug out stuff from the trash that I've thrown away...old tshirts, a beat-up old cowboy hat that didn't fit me anymore, old shoes... (we can use it for rags, I'll wear that in the garden, we can take them to Goodwill).  Anyway, we have a TON of cookie sheets, flat pans, broiler pans...WAY too many, but she won't get rid of them.  They are housed in this old table we made into a center island.  The doors have these cool things called locks.   They help keep the doors shut....unless the fucking thing is so full, the doors won't stay shut.  

How do we deal with that?  Throw stuff away?  Move it around?  Fuck that noise.  She has the solution.  

Oh.. "We CAN'T have shoes in the house. You will bring in the virus."  I guess the little virus bastards just stick to my shoes/boots.  
926378fc035fdcb7fbe84b7027555bcd.jpg70bb8fe4ffbed66972f3fceb6b1f24af.jpg

Hey, that’s the same stove we have except ours is white.

22 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Wait. Too much shit in the cabinet so just scotch tape it shut?

#WomanLogic

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Yep @tbone_  Scotch Fucking Tape. 

And DDD.   Nope.  I just throw all of that other shit in the laundry room.  It is all hers anyway.  That container with all of the spatulas and shit in it?  Had to get that because both of those drawers are full of that shit.  I throw stuff away all of the time.  Don't make a fucking dent.  

She has a stack of books in the bedroom.....all the same category.   Subject?  How to declutter.  I shit you not.  

Edited by hullabelew

20 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Jack Straw’s dog slowly nods head in approval. 

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926378fc035fdcb7fbe84b7027555bcd.jpg


I can now see why you like cooking outside so much.
19 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Additionally, if she had driven this 20 minute one way would have been 25+ out, 25+ back & 15 in the store.  I can hit every corner like Emerson Fittipaldi where she's always hitting 35mph or less for fear of hitting a deer.

Don't forget the $150 HEB receipt.  My wife can spend $200 at HEB and not have three items that can be put together to make one meal.

Hey, that’s the same stove we have except ours is white.
#ThatsRacist .jpg .bmp .gif

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47 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Don't forget the $150 HEB receipt.  My wife can spend $200 at HEB and not have three items that can be put together to make one meal.

In a similar vein, I made a comment about Target having a $100 cover charge and got a healthy slice of tone

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There's a place I will stop into on the way to deer lease and pick up some inexpensive jewelry bedazzlements, baubles and beads for my bride if I feel like I need to brighten her day when I get back to Houston.  Call it a bribe or paying my penance. It works. Sometimes.

So, back during deer season, I stop and pick up a necklace I think she might like to add to her bountiful collection.  When I get home, I stride in and proudly present it to her.  She doesn't like it and says "oh, I'd rather have a bracelet."  No good deed goes unpunished.

The next weekend I'm passing through again on way back to the deer lease and stop in to trade the necklace for a bracelet she saw on their web-site.  I get the bracelet, go shoot Bambi, get home and present the bracelet.  It doesn't fit; too big.

I take the bracelet that is too big back to trade it in the very next weekend on the way to shoot more Bambis and they don't have a smaller-sized bracelet because it is a one-size-fits-all proposition.  Store credit only.  No bracelet for baby doll.

End of story you think?  

Oh, no, my friend.

The next weekend I go back to kill even more Bambis and I get a text.  "Can you get the bracelet again? My mom wants one."  So I get the same danged bracelet again but I ship it to MIL in NC per instructions.

Two weeks later the bracelet comes in mail from MIL in NC to Houston....it doesn't fit, too big.

Now CV-19 hits and the little shop where I buy this junk is closed up tight as a tick.  I'm still going back to deer lease just to hang around and kill Jim Beam because deer season is over.  So, I'm stuck with the bracelet until the joint opens back up after Gov. Hotwheels gives the all clear.

Finally, Gov. Hotwheels signs off on the all skate order and the place opens back up so I can take the cotton picking bracelet back.

Just this past Friday I'm on the way to the deer lease to do some shredding, mowing and kill Evan Williams and I stop to return the dang MIL version of the bracelet for store credit.

Done?  

Nope.

I'm sitting in my office this morning and she calls and asks if I'm going back to deer lease again this weekend.  Of course, I am; I've got to kill George Dickel.   Now it seems her younger sister wants that bracelet and can I stop and pick it up for her.

Holy moley. Wow.

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