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Official 2023 bitch about your family @ the Holidays thread


GhostOfTomJoad

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I really don't have much holiday drama. My 70 y/o BIL will get his feelings hurt about some slight he feels we said, but he just gets on his phone and pouts like a 6 year old. It shuts him up so everything is fine. But I have a question from the families that have narcissist members.

I have a friend whose father just passed away. I know deaths can cause drama, but his oldest sister has gone above and beyond anything I have ever heard. No need to go into details but she showed him up, slapped him down and did everything she could to make herself the center of attention at every occasion. She verbally attacked him, his wife, nieces and nephews and then claimed victimhood when they pushed back.

I'm trying to help him through it all because he has trouble standing up to his sister after 60+ years of abuse. I told him to tell her to get screwed but I don't think he can do it. There's a 7 or 8 figure inheritance and trust involved, so he just can't walk away. My question is; why the hell do narcistic people cause such obvious chaos? I know the center of attention angle, but she has gone out of her way to be mean, cruel and very stupid in dealing with situations and family. I'm an only child so none of this makes sense to me. She is going to screw it all up if he doesn't get it fixed and she's not smart enough to handle it herself. Any suggestion would be great. He's a good friend and I hate to see him die because of the stress. 

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On 11/10/2023 at 11:16 AM, Brisketexan said:

T-giving has never been a big deal for our family.  This year, daughter is back home with us (yay....fucking boomerang shit, get a job, please).  Dad is an 85 yr old widower.  So, the 4 of us are going to take a nice drive out to Hyatt Lost Pines, hit their buffet, maybe walk the grounds a little bit, come back home, and be done with T-giving.

Limited effort.  Limited crowd.  Limited opportunities for drama.  Winning.

To be clear. The one day out of the year that celebrates eating is the one you don't celebrate????

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On 11/11/2023 at 6:48 AM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

This reminds me: After 10+ years of trying the passive-aggressive approach with the old man, this is the year when we put our foot down and refuse to send gift cards to him and his wife. What is dumber than having someone send you a GC and you send them one for the same amount? If he wasn't a luddite and paranoid about most things internet I'd explain it would be simpler and just as pointless to Venmo each other a couple hundred bucks. Enough with this shit. 

Us siblings years ago stopped giving each other gifts because it was just that, an exchange of gift cards for the same amount of money.  t was stupid.

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18 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

I really don't have much holiday drama. My 70 y/o BIL will get his feelings hurt about some slight he feels we said, but he just gets on his phone and pouts like a 6 year old. It shuts him up so everything is fine. But I have a question from the families that have narcissist members.

I have a friend whose father just passed away. I know deaths can cause drama, but his oldest sister has gone above and beyond anything I have ever heard. No need to go into details but she showed him up, slapped him down and did everything she could to make herself the center of attention at every occasion. She verbally attacked him, his wife, nieces and nephews and then claimed victimhood when they pushed back.

I'm trying to help him through it all because he has trouble standing up to his sister after 60+ years of abuse. I told him to tell her to get screwed but I don't think he can do it. There's a 7 or 8 figure inheritance and trust involved, so he just can't walk away. My question is; why the hell do narcistic people cause such obvious chaos? I know the center of attention angle, but she has gone out of her way to be mean, cruel and very stupid in dealing with situations and family. I'm an only child so none of this makes sense to me. She is going to screw it all up if he doesn't get it fixed and she's not smart enough to handle it herself. Any suggestion would be great. He's a good friend and I hate to see him die because of the stress. 

As to the why, three words: untreated, mental illness.  I do have past family drama on my wife's side I won't get into on here because I'm pretty sure some members of her side of the family read these forums and I love and respect them enough to want to keep that business private.   But I'll just say that the combination of untreated bi-polar disorder and narcissism in just one person can be a family-destroying combination if left unchecked or even when the resultant behavior is called out.  It's a dirty bomb of toxic rage actively looking for a spark.  And it has quite the half-life.

Edited by dcbc
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1 hour ago, dcbc said:

As to the why, three words: untreated, mental illness.  I do have past family drama on my wife's side I won't get into on here because I'm pretty sure some members of her side of the family read these forums and I love and respect them enough to want to keep that business private.   But I'll just say that the combination of untreated bi-polar disorder and narcissism in just one person can be a family-destroying combination if left unchecked or even when the resultant behavior is called out.  It's a dirty bomb of toxic rage actively looking for a spark.  And it has quite the half-life.

brother?

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4 hours ago, dcbc said:

This is my favorite thread of the year, and it's off to a good start.  Our Thanksgivings have been pretty tame for the last couple of decades ever since my "step-grandmother" with her at-the-table,  racist comments about her WalMart coworkers in Sealy, Texas" was out of the picture.  So my mom is in an assisted living facility about 15 minutes from us and has been since 2020.  Since she moved here, we no longer had to make the trek to Houston for the holidays and my sister and her daughter come to us (occasionally, my wife's dad and step-mother join us along with my Uncle and his new-ish wife.  But this year, it's just my wife and I, our two sons, my mom, my sister, and her daughter.  
 
My sister and I split up cooking duties.  This year, I'm handling the turkey, the dress, the gravy, the rolls, and some bread.  She's got mashed taters, green beans, and apps.  My wife is handling dessert.  Easy.  But there's a hint of of past conflict that I may twist a little for amusement's sake.  It starts with my taking over gravy duty.  My mom always made some baller gravy, the base of which was Heinz gravy in the jar, to which she added milled vegetables from beneath the roasted turkey and drippings.  Along with something to make it darker (probably Brown 'n' Serve).  Last year, my sister brought a jar of gravy and some sauteed veges that were diced up in the blender.   Twas not that great.  So this year, I took over the gravy.  I spoke to her on the phone the other night and told her how I'd worked my ass off on the gravy, explaining the process.  She jokingly said that I'd gravy-shamed her.  All in good fun.  
 
So here's the weirdness.  In 1982, when my grandmother was in her last hospital stay, my sister went to visit her and got her to give her the recipe to what she now calls, "Mamaw Bread."  It's a dense white bread with a very soft crust and has a short shelf life.  It's tasty, but nothing earth shattering.  But when she first made it for our family and we asked her for the recipe, she refused to give it to us, saying she would pass it down to her daughter.  I gave her sufficient hell over this because secret recipes are ridiculous and it's about process and technique, blah-blah-blah.  No dice.  
 
For several years, I, who was not much of a baker tried to crack the code and create a good spite recipe for my grandmother's bread.  I really didn't get close, but I did proceed to get a lot better at making bread, most of which was better anyway.  Well, last years, she shows up for our Christmas gathering with loaves of Mamaw Bread as gifts.  And during the holidays, I took a crack or two at getting a close clone of the leftovers we took home.  I got closest with a modified loaf of Amish White Bread.  And before moving on with life after the holidays, I remember thinking that using all milk instead of half-milk/half-water in the recipe would soften up the crust and get as close as to make no difference.   I started planning the rolls and trying to decipher my wife's grandmother's recipe for that (because of course, the written-down version has no amounts for flour and seems to be written in reverse), when I remember something about using 100% milk in the spite bread recipe, which I took on again because the texture of the rolls was similar. But since it hasn't been a matter of utmost importance to me, I never wrote the recipe tests down with my other recipes.  But thankfully, I'd emailed the recipe to my wife. 
 
So tonight, the bread lab is cranking up.  My mom has been raving about the sourdough bread I've been making for her lately, and I said I'd bring some to Thanksgiving.  I'll also be bringing some of the spite bread to serve alongside the sourdough bread and the rolls.  No point will be made of it.  It simply will be there.  I'll see if it raises any eyebrows or leads to accusations of recipe theft.  
 
Sorry, all I have is self-manufactured drama as the younger brother.

 

edited to add that I now realize that my life is, in part, a lower tier episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  
 

Really looking forward to the spite bread update. This is an awesome level of pettiness. I’m hoping you can markedly IMPROVE the spite bread over MaMaw’s admittedly mediocre bread. That’ll show her. 

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3 minutes ago, nnm said:

Really looking forward to the spite bread update. This is an awesome level of pettiness. I’m hoping you can markedly IMPROVE the spite bread over MaMaw’s admittedly mediocre bread. That’ll show her. 

In true Larry fashion, I'll argue that the pettiness lies in her keeping that recipe a secret in the first place.  Her own mother never knew it.  How are we related?  She's eleven years older than I am.

 

But I'll totally update the thread.  I'm not giving up.  It'll make a good story for next Thanksgiving.

Edited by dcbc
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5 minutes ago, dcbc said:

In true Larry fashion, I'll argue that the pettiness lies in her keeping that recipe a secret in the first place.  Her own mother never knew it.  How are we related?  She's eleven years older than I am.

 

But I'll totally update the thread.  I'm not giving up.  It'll make a good story for next Thanksgiving.

Agreed. The primary pettiness is in the secrecy. And I applaud your attempt to show it for what it is. 

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54 minutes ago, blacklab said:

Not family but neighbors so kinda fits thread.

About midnight last night I hear a screaching of tires followed by a crash. Go outside and there is a car in the ditch between my driveway and neighbors driveway. It's pretty dark and a teenage girl is screaming at the driver. "you always do this. Your such a fucking alcoholic. How many fucking cars are you going to wreck." Doesn't look like anyone is hurt so I go inside since:

Tea Gossip GIF

I assumed it was my neighbors daughter screaming at my neighbor. I text the husband and tell him I'm not sure exactly what is going on outside but if he needs help getting the car out of the ditch or anything please let me know.

This morning he tells me his wife had a book club meeting and one of the ladies got super drunk so his wife drove her home. Turns out the lady forgot her phone and convinced her daughter to drive her to go get it. Daughter drives up steep driveway, knocks on door, gets phone, turns around and drunk mom decided to back car down driveway and into ditch. Neighbor manages to get car out of ditch, car parts everywhere.

Teen girl does not want to ride home with mom, so neighbor drives her home in wrecked car, stopping to pick up parts as they fall off, his wife drives drunky home in other car. Wrecked car won't start without blowing into breathalyzer. Neighbor doesn't have the lung capacity to get device to pass, teenage girl does it with out issue. About 1am drunky realizes she left phone at accident site when getting out. Neighbor and drunky's daughter meet at gas station at 1:30 am to hand off phone.

Person that was supposed to pick up drunky after book club is her "side piece". Turns out side piece is friends with neighbor and currently in divorce proceedings with a woman he was using to cheat with on previous wife.

Told him they just needed some snow and a former high school crush and they'd have themselves a hallmark christmas movie.

 

Neighborhood book clubs have a lot more drama than I thought

 

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4 hours ago, blacklab said:

Not family but neighbors so kinda fits thread.

About midnight last night I hear a screaching of tires followed by a crash. Go outside and there is a car in the ditch between my driveway and neighbors driveway. It's pretty dark and a teenage girl is screaming at the driver. "you always do this. Your such a fucking alcoholic. How many fucking cars are you going to wreck." Doesn't look like anyone is hurt so I go inside since:

Tea Gossip GIF

I assumed it was my neighbors daughter screaming at my neighbor. I text the husband and tell him I'm not sure exactly what is going on outside but if he needs help getting the car out of the ditch or anything please let me know.

This morning he tells me his wife had a book club meeting and one of the ladies got super drunk so his wife drove her home. Turns out the lady forgot her phone and convinced her daughter to drive her to go get it. Daughter drives up steep driveway, knocks on door, gets phone, turns around and drunk mom decided to back car down driveway and into ditch. Neighbor manages to get car out of ditch, car parts everywhere.

Teen girl does not want to ride home with mom, so neighbor drives her home in wrecked car, stopping to pick up parts as they fall off, his wife drives drunky home in other car. Wrecked car won't start without blowing into breathalyzer. Neighbor doesn't have the lung capacity to get device to pass, teenage girl does it with out issue. About 1am drunky realizes she left phone at accident site when getting out. Neighbor and drunky's daughter meet at gas station at 1:30 am to hand off phone.

Person that was supposed to pick up drunky after book club is her "side piece". Turns out side piece is friends with neighbor and currently in divorce proceedings with a woman he was using to cheat with on previous wife.

Told him they just needed some snow and a former high school crush and they'd have themselves a hallmark christmas movie.

 

Holy shit!  What a soap opera.  I don't have the patience to break this up into separate quotes to which I offer my witty rejoinder.  So . . .

 

The Surly lawyer contingent all involuntarily salivated when You quoted the teenage girl, "You always do this," etc.

 

Your offer to help pull the car, which you assume is his responsibility, out of the ditch makes you a solid neighbor in my book.  That sort of ask-no-questions type of response is rare in 2023 and super appropriate to the situation.

 

The rest of the story with the side-piece is total WTF.  I feel like Bill Murray in Stripes.  "That story about you and the cow and how your friend wanted to make it with the cow?  I want to party with you."

Edited by dcbc
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In what has turned out to be quite the shocker, MIL has declared she is going to prepare turkey for Thanksgiving in a group text including my wife and her older brother. They both replied w/ versions of "but...you hate turkey" and "do you even know how to roast a bird", but she's undeterred. My wife asked me if I could call her mom & give her some tips, share my brine recipe w/ her, etc. since she's afraid we might be experiencing a Clark Griswold turkey carving moment. I texted the MIL and she said she found a great recipe on Food Network (which is pretty much all she watches these day)she wants to try. We've got a 50/50 chance of an edible bird. Mrs GOTJ has cranberry and pumpkin pie detail and both will be spot on. BIL texted me last night saying that his mom just finished having a new limestone patio installed in the lower yard that includes a gas line for a fire pit that he and I are to assemble on Thanksgiving day. He's opted to bring bourbon rather than scotch this year but all in all, things are shaping up nicely.

And I just got my text from HEB saying most of our curbside items are ready. Which means we're going to have to actually venture inside a store at some point this weekend. After that, I'm putting up the decorations and watching football all day. Good luck, you surly assholes. We're all counting on your safe return and humorous recounting of your families' insanity. 

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38 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

In what has turned out to be quite the shocker, MIL has declared she is going to prepare turkey for Thanksgiving in a group text including my wife and her older brother. They both replied w/ versions of "but...you hate turkey" and "do you even know how to roast a bird", but she's undeterred. My wife asked me if I could call her mom & give her some tips, share my brine recipe w/ her, etc. since she's afraid we might be experiencing a Clark Griswold turkey carving moment. I texted the MIL and she said she found a great recipe on Food Network (which is pretty much all she watches these day)she wants to try. We've got a 50/50 chance of an edible bird. Mrs GOTJ has cranberry and pumpkin pie detail and both will be spot on. BIL texted me last night saying that his mom just finished having a new limestone patio installed in the lower yard that includes a gas line for a fire pit that he and I are to assemble on Thanksgiving day. He's opted to bring bourbon rather than scotch this year but all in all, things are shaping up nicely.

And I just got my text from HEB saying most of our curbside items are ready. Which means we're going to have to actually venture inside a store at some point this weekend. After that, I'm putting up the decorations and watching football all day. Good luck, you surly assholes. We're all counting on your safe return and humorous recounting of your families' insanity. 

christmasvacation-nationallampoons.gif

200w.gif?cid=6c09b952cx33efezm8jxxguk01g

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SIL, wife, son, and my in laws are out camping this weekend through next Tuesday and I have the house to myself. Prior to my wife and son leaving, she checked the Verizon account to see if there had been any communication between SIL and exBIL in the last week since she got back from visiting friends on the east coast. Yes, yes there has been. Part of me hopes that fucker shows up here just for the sheer entertainment factor. Police would be called to my house by my MIL. 
 

So we MAY have something brewing for thanksgiving after all!

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We did our meal with my side of the family last night. My sister didn't want to cook, so my dad chose Saltgrass. Neither of my sister's kids came, which was fine with me. Her son is ok, just a huge loser. Her daughter is a bipolar shithead that I haven't seen for years and I'm in no hurry to change that. The only drama now is my son-in-law and my future son-in-law don't really get on that well. I don't really care, they both need to just grow up IMO.

My NY strip was good, my 7 month old grandson sat with me for a bit. No complaints.

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12 hours ago, Sandman said:

We did our meal with my side of the family last night. My sister didn't want to cook, so my dad chose Saltgrass. Neither of my sister's kids came, which was fine with me. Her son is ok, just a huge loser. Her daughter is a bipolar shithead that I haven't seen for years and I'm in no hurry to change that. The only drama now is my son-in-law and my future son-in-law don't really get on that well. I don't really care, they both need to just grow up IMO.

My NY strip was good, my 7 month old grandson sat with me for a bit. No complaints.

Define huge loser. Like big nerd? Can't hold down a job? Can't get laid?

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Not sure if I'll have the usual updates or not.  Nothing has really changed with the in-laws.  BIL is now 32 and living at home, getting stoned every day, and claiming he can't afford to go rent his own place even though he has a stupid BMW sedan with a racing stripe that he could sell for enough to make a down payment on a house.  He's made some occasional threats of self harm but refuses to do anything other than smoke weed to address his mental health issues.  FIL still has a tendency to get irrationally angry about politics and interject it out of nowhere thanks to his buddies sending him YouTube conspiracy theorist videos.  Of course, knowing full well that my wife and I are on the other side of the fence.  MIL still nags him before he's actually behaving in a problematic fashion, which has a tendency to instigate the problematic behaviors.  Years ago I pretty much always took his side, but as time has worn on I've come to the conclusion that his anger is getting worse, my MIL's frustrations are more justified, and he should probably do something about it. 

The wild card in hopefully reducing the drama is our new daughter.  She was born in August, and they're all absolutely enamored with her and thus far seem to try and always be on their best behavior in her presence.  I don't know if that's a sustainable solution to their issues, but it's definitely not hurting anything.

If they want to scream at each other and threaten various forms of self harm when we aren't around, then I guess that's their prerogative.  We're getting together there on Saturday, and I just hope I can convince my wife to head home before Farmageddon kicks (7PM).  We both have to drive, so the booze will be very minimal, and I'd have to imagine that will have a tangible effect on things too.

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51 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

Define huge loser. Like big nerd? Can't hold down a job? Can't get laid?

Are you a psychic? Because this is him to a tee. He's in his early 30s, lives with my dad (his grandpa) and hasn't worked in a few years. Also, morbidly obese. I don't know if he's ever touched a boob. 

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1 minute ago, gernblansten said:

When reading these I like to imagine the day when a Surly member happily reading along and laughing about this thread and then getting 3/4 way through one of the posts and realizing it sounds......awfully.....familiar...and wait, this is my jerkoff, uppity, smartass brother in law (or son in law) bitching about me on my favorite fucking website! 

spacer.png

Oh man, I have this fear often.

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2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

My ex-wife dumped her 89 yr old mom in a nursing home in Spring and never visits. I think the only visitor she ever sees is ex wife’s husband.

Neither of my kids have spoken to their mom in over 18 months and for me it's been over 2 years.

I just ordered a big Thanksgiving flower arrangement from me, current wife, son, DIL, and daughter to be sent to the nursing home. Probably because I feel so damned sorry for a decent lady whose offspring turned out mentally ill and/or felonious.

Wife, daughter and I are flying to Raleigh in the morning to spend the week with son and DIL at Ft. Liberty. Son deploying in a few weeks.

your kids don't visit their own grandma? that's fucked up

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1 hour ago, Royalfan5 said:

I feel good that the only complaint I can make going into Thanksgiving is that I am going to have freeze my ass off in Hays, KS Saturday to watch my nephew play for the 1A state title. 

Hays has a very solid brewery, IIRC.  Some of the regulars at Toppling Goliath back when my wife worked there had family out that way and would always bring some back when they visited.

So I guess you could warm up with that after the game.

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1 hour ago, Royalfan5 said:

I feel good that the only complaint I can make going into Thanksgiving is that I am going to have freeze my ass off in Hays, KS Saturday to watch my nephew play for the 1A state title. 

That doesn't sound too bad actually.  Take a little spirit of your choice to the game.

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1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Hays has a very solid brewery, IIRC.  Some of the regulars at Toppling Goliath back when my wife worked there had family out that way and would always bring some back when they visited.

So I guess you could warm up with that after the game.

I’m sure some of us will hang around and might try that, and the other chunk will be trying to make kickoff in Manhattan 

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