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CFB Coaches 2024 - The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly


closetojumping

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2 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Biff Poggi - This man is tired of your shit and also sleeves. He's a disgusting fatbody who probably reeks of mung beans on the sidelines.

Excuse me, but I assure you that if he were truly a frequent enjoyer of mung beans he would not be so morbidly obese.

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39 minutes ago, MuellerHorn said:

I'm really surprised Neon Deion didn't appear in this post: namely, "The Bad" or "The Ugly."

 

37 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Solid. Any reasoning Prime didn't make rhe Bad or Ugly?

He has his own thread here, so I figure he gets discussed plenty. 

21 minutes ago, Mr. Drummond said:

Brian Kelly has killed a guy, and has a fake southern accent.

Good addition. I thought about putting him in the “bad” section and I’d forgotten his negligence with the student cameraman. 

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2 hours ago, closetojumping said:

CFB had some weird and significant turnover this cycle and some key guys that I really enjoy rooting against have moved on to other things. Harbaugh is off to the NFL. Jimbo Fisher is bootlegging moonshine in the Appalachians somewhere. Nick Saban retired in order to commit himself full time to finding the true killers of open competition in the sport. Shit like that. 

In any event, I enjoy the pettiness of being a fan for a sport I love and it's the offseason, so I figured I'd throw some thoughts around as to who I think the good, bad and ugly guys that are coaching CFB these days. I am excluding Twelve Win Theven because ... no shit he's one of the nice guys. Absurdly, he'd have been on the "Ugly" list a decade ago. 

The Good - Coaches I begrudgingly respect who seem to have their shit together and run a strong program. 

Kalen Deboer - sure, he's now at Bama and there are going to be some adjustments, but he's won everywhere he's been and seems like a nice enough guy compared to the landscape. I've made fun of his transition to Bama and no one knows if this dude can recruit worth a shit, but I am betting he'll win at Bama, albeit in more normal ways. 

Lane Kiffin - He gets weird reactions from people, but by all accounts, he's an entertaining guy. Kind of an asshole, but he's a coach. The dude wins, he is willing to troll anyone, he seems to have learned from his mistakes, and there's never a dull moment with him. I think he'll be fun to go up against in the SEC.

Chris Klieman - Great fit at KSU. One of the only non-whiny bitches left in the legacy Big 12. He wins. Hard not to respect their approach. 

Mike Norvell - I know there was a lot of whining from Norvell and all of FSU. I can also understand it. Get past that and this guy is known as a nice guy and a great developer. FSU getting their share in the SE is good for Texas as it weakens the other threats in that direction. 

Kirby Smart - Obvious respect for the titles with the best team money could buy at the time. He's a cheating hypocrite, but the guy has won two titles and has Georgia near the top every year.

Mike Gundy - Yeah, he's a whiner, but he's usually entertaining and he's been winning due to coaching for longer than anyone else out there. He had no business having the 2023 team in the Big 12 title game. 

The Bad - Outright villains, imbeciles, or just other guys I don't like for some reason.

Mario Cristobal - This guy is both a sorry, cheating fucking hypocrite and a terrible coach. Him pulling a Kevin Steele last season in the Georgia Tech game was a personal highlight of mine. I hope for nothing but failure for both this guy and Miami overall.

Lincoln Riley - I think Riley is an offensive genius. I also think he runs a soft program and wears out his welcome. He'll be flirting with the NFL again this year. 

Ryan Day - Never mind the mounting evidence of his rampant pederasty, this gasbag can't beat his program's long time rival and he almost cried on national tv because Lou Holtz made him feel funny.

James Franklin - The biggest charlatan in all of CFB. He's helped cover up rape controversies, he can't win games without simply outtalenting the opponent, and fuck Penn State.

Marcus Freeman - I've seen him make too many boneheaded moves to view him as anything other than a chaser who will never get it done in South Bend. The fuck-ups last season against OSU were pathetic.

Dave Aranda - This guy is pile-driving the Baylor program into the ground. It's glorious.

Matt Campbell - He's one of these guys that can put a winning team together when he shouldn't be able to, but then shits himself every time he has to deal with expectations. Couple that with his penchant for whining at press conferences, trying to fight his team's fans, and being a smug douchebag when he's been able to get anything done and he's easy to despise. 

Dabo Swinney - It's not that he's a hypocrite, it's that he's also a pure dumbass. He won two titles in a different era and keeps expecting everything to shift back to the way it was so he can win some more. I'm enjoying watching him and his program wander off back into the wilderness. 

The Ugly - Coaches who might actually just be ugly, or who run ugly programs, or have something else weird going on.

Sam Pittman - Bigger bitch tits than Meatloaf. Hired Bobby Petrino out of desperation.

Matt Rhule - Rumors of chronic halitosis and drunkenly calling players and opposing coaches in the middle of the night to harangue them might be his undoing. His mouthbreathing with that stupid look on his face every time the camera pans to him is moderately disturbing.

Biff Poggi - This man is tired of your shit and also sleeves. He's a disgusting fatbody who probably reeks of mung beans on the sidelines.

Bret Bielema - In 2023, he escalated his race with the rest of CFB to be the fattest HC on the sidelines since Mark Mangino by taking his overall weight to what has to be beyond 5 bills.

Brent Venables - He looks like Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin without trying. His QB play is even uglier. 

Mack Brown - I expect Kuato to distend from Brown's torso on the sidelines this fall after North Carolina loses yet another heartbreaker to some shitty ACC also-ran. 

Hugh Freeze - The worst part about this hypocrite isn't his use of religious piety to weasel his way into a recruit's mother's heart, it's that he wins. I hope he catches syphilis from the random hookers/coeds he's undoubtedly banging at Auburn.

Mike Elko - The Elk weighs a metric ton and has the alcoholic's nose to which Matt Rhule could only aspire. If you told me that he ate a baby and plays a mean bagpipe, I'd be inclined to believe you.

 

Anyone else have a thought or a list? 

 

 

Solid list but I gotta respectfully disagree about Deboer, Norvell and Gundy but what the fuck do I know

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Based on your previous disdain whenever his name was mentioned during our coaching searches, surprised to not see Sonny Dikes make the list. Ditto for Kirk Ferentz even though he didn't get any mention for UT.

On the flip side, do you think it's too early to judge for Leipold or however it's spelled? He seems to get a lot of love from the national media. I'm of the opinion if his trajectory holds another season or 2, he very much should be on the "good" side of things. 

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More of The Ugly

Mel Tucker - If your nickname is Mel Tugger something has gone horribly wrong.  You did manage to hoodwink a university out of $99M so at least you're not Mike Price.

Jeremy Chadwell - you're a good coach but what in the world is coming up in your background check that the only schools that will touch you are Coastal Carolina and the school that hired Hugh Freeze and you.

Kirk Ferenz - again, you've done about as well as anyone can do at Iowa, but you had to be publicly humiliated and have university rules bent because you insisted on hiring a complete zero of an OC who also happens to be your son and is NOT Greg Davis.  Wow

 

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Deion Sanders - ugly.

The first thing I liked most about him was that he was focused on graduating and “making men” out of his players. I just don’t think his style will work.

One of his pitches when he came to Colorado was that he had “the best social media in the country.” Thats cool for fake internet points but I’m not sure how that translates to Xs and Os. He just lost a great CB that pointed out he wants to be developed as a player rather than all of the social media nonsense.

Nepotism? Not quite sure here. Many people have accused him of this regarding Shiloh and Shedeur. I think they’re good enough to play but I’m not sure if there were people better than them that didn’t play.

I think last season went to his head big time. The amount of people jumping into the portal has been a disaster. I think he’ll have a worse season than he did last year.

I think he’s a good guy that means well but I don’t think his style will work. Too much flash, too much talk. We’ll see what happens after his sons graduate. That should be when his time comes to an end.

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More of The Bad

Tim Beck - Woe unto whatever AD looked at your track record and thought, yeah, this is the guy we need to keep what Chadwell had rolling!

Tony Elliot - no, sorry, but P5 coaching isn't really about building young men and other platitudes.  You also have to score points, which requires a QB and Oline.

Billy Napier - We're tempting fate here by putting him on this list, but let's face it.  We've thought he was a bad coach ever since we saw his steel trap like football mind first hand at ULL.  He's manufacturing rope by the yard and we're not going to bet against this being the year his employer uses it.

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15 minutes ago, Fondren & Main said:

I just want to hear more about Biff Poggi 😂.

Screenshot_20240422-195615_kindlephoto-7221321.thumb.png.822e9c8a64555e8eb8111317fd044974.png

 

Quote

Charlotte football coach makes impression before he even speaks

ByKevin Ellis         08/11/2023

Charlotte football coach Francis “Biff” Poggi made an impression Tuesday as guest speaker for the Rotary Club of Charlotte before even saying a word.

Dressed in gold Nike athletic shorts and a white “Charlotte football” T-shirt – customized with missing sleeves and a slash in the neckline – the 64-year-old hedge fund manager-turned-college coach garnered comments such as “real deal” from Rotarians more accustomed to sport jackets and buttoned-down shirts.

“Excuse me for my dress,” Poggi says as he took the podium to speak, “but I just got off the field, and I dress like this all the time.”

Several of the 200 Rotarians gathered at Noble Smoke barbecue would cheer as Poggi referenced the club’s tradition of starting meetings with the Pledge of Allegiance and the singing of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” and him noting what to expect at the start of 49er football games.

“I can guarantee you that we will play the national anthem. The team will not be in the locker room. There will be nobody kneeling or anything like that,” says Poggi, who seemed to get off to a good start with a majority of his audience before even talking football.

Poggi came to Charlotte as a first-time head college football coach by way of an assistant coaching job at the University of Michigan under Jim Harbaugh and building his resume in Baltimore as a head high school football coach at two private schools he helped turn into athletic powerhouses. Before then, he raked in millions managing a hedge fund, which he still chairs.

In Charlotte, he takes over a team that has had only one winning season since re-starting its football program in 2013. The 49ers have lost more than twice as often as they have won, resulting in limited fan support. Poggi brought in 52 new players this year and promises they’ll play an old-school, run-first style on offense with a physically tough defense that will keep scores low. He expects the team to start winning now.

“I didn’t leave Michigan to come here and not go to the CFP (College Football Playoffs), because that’s where we were the last two years, and I liked it,” says Poggi.

Retired public relations professional Ellison Clary, left, speaks with Charlotte football coach Biff Poggi at Rotary Club of Charlotte meeting held Tuesday, Aug. 8, 2023, at Noble Smoke barbecue.

Charlotte begins its season Sept. 2 against South Carolina State at the 15,300-seat Richardson Stadium on the Charlotte campus. The same night at Bank of America Stadium, the Carolina Panthers play on Sundays, the UNC Tar Heels and University of South Carolina Gamecocks play one another in a game that has attracted ESPN’s iconic “GameDay” show.

During a question-and-answer period, several Rotarians started their comments by stating their allegiance to other college teams. If it irked Poggi, he didn’t show it, but he did address it.

“We’re Charlotte guys. We now live in Charlotte, make our careers and lives in Charlotte and it makes sense to support the home team,” says Poggi. “The city of Charlotte needs the University of Charlotte to be successful. Charlotte needs football to be successful and we can’t do it without help.”

Several months ago, Poggi created waves when he called out Charlotte businesses and leaders for not supporting the local team financially. When asked about that, he says support is coming, and added he needs to watch his words more carefully.

Poggi says he shares both prayers and Scripture with his players, saying the team motto isn’t sport cliches like “Determination” or “Hard Work,” but rather “Building Men for Others.” He says most of his players will not play professionally, but they will become fathers and husbands, members of a community.

“We never coach with today in mind,” Poggi says. “We coach with a 25-year look. What’s it going to look like for this team in 25 years, and what (do) I want to see when they come back? We want to develop men of empathy and faith, who are good husbands and fathers and members of the community.” He says he loves his team, his first as a college head coach. 

“If you do come by, you have to meet our kids because they’re really unbelievable,” he adds.

Poggi took questions from the audience. Here are some of his responses.

Graduation rates: He gets an academic report on each player at 1:30 p.m. each Thursday. He then color codes the report: Green is good, yellow and red not so much. Players with yellow and red in their reports don’t practice, Poggi says, and players who don’t practice don’t play.

He admitted some players wanted to challenge his system. He says he held firm. “All of a sudden, in the spring, we’re coaching 120 Albert Einsteins. Grades have skyrocketed, so I expect our graduation rate to be 100%.”

North Carolina high school talent: Before taking the Charlotte job, Poggi asked a graduate assistant at Michigan to look at the Power 5 football players in the big football conferences – ACC, SEC, Big Ten, Big 12, and the Pac-12 – over the past five years and how many of them lived within 90 minutes of Charlotte. The number: More than 200. “Some of the best in the nation,” says Poggi.

How many of those players are on Charlotte’s roster: Zero. Poggi says he aims to change that with getting Charlotte’s best players to stay home to play. 

What do you tell your players when adversity comes? Poggi referenced a parable Jesus told his disciples as recorded in the book of Matthew. “We’re trying to build a program not on sand, but on rock,” says Poggi. “We know waves are going to come, torrential downpours and all that stuff, and if you’re built on sand, you’re going to get wiped out. If you’re built on rock, you’re going to be able to withstand that.

“What we tell players all the time is this is life. Life is hard, and it’s a marathon, not a sprint. So a temporary setback is not as important as how you respond to that setback and what you do going forward.”

That final question, by the way, came from former UNC wide receiver Hakeem Nicks, a former Charlotte Independence player who won a Super Bowl ring with the New York Giants, which made him a first round draft choice in 2009. Nicks told Poggi he had done his research on him and considers himself a “big fan.”

 

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1 hour ago, ClubWhatever said:

More of The Ugly

Mel Tucker - If your nickname is Mel Tugger something has gone horribly wrong.  You did manage to hoodwink a university out of $99M so at least you're not Mike Price.

Jeremy Chadwell - you're a good coach but what in the world is coming up in your background check that the only schools that will touch you are Coastal Carolina and the school that hired Hugh Freeze and you.

Kirk Ferenz - again, you've done about as well as anyone can do at Iowa, but you had to be publicly humiliated and have university rules bent because you insisted on hiring a complete zero of an OC who also happens to be your son and is NOT Greg Davis.  Wow

 

Jamey Chadwell. 
 

Going from mullett loving Coastal dude with a fun team to taking the Liberty job. What a downfall. 

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I am a big fan of James Franklin at Penn State.

Of course that is because I dislike Penn State.  Great that they have a curse of a coach who's win totals look respectable until one digs into the record against top or ranked opponents.  My sincere hope is that they can continue to rack up enough wins to retain him while also winning nothing of note.

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18 minutes ago, El Hornarino said:

I am a big fan of James Franklin at Penn State.

Of course that is because I dislike Penn State.  Great that they have a curse of a coach who's win totals look respectable until one digs into the record against top or ranked opponents.  My sincere hope is that they can continue to rack up enough wins to retain him while also winning nothing of note.

It’s just a matter of time before they are laid low by another sexual assault scandal or something of that sort. Franklin is a humongous piece of shit. A perfect fit for one of cfb’s biggest cesspools/shitholes. 

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On 4/22/2024 at 1:24 PM, closetojumping said:

 

Dabo Swinney - It's not that he's a hypocrite, it's that he's also a pure dumbass. He won two titles in a different era and keeps expecting everything to shift back to the way it was so he can win some more. I'm enjoying watching him and his program wander off back into the wilderness. 

 

 

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Here's a couple maybe it's too early to read classify yet:

I'm thinking Josh Heupel is moving towards the Good category considering the Vols seem cleaner now and he's definitely got his offense moving in the right direction.   He also uses respect for other teams without selling his out.

Joey McGuire might be Good if he learns Tech's place and quits shit talking other schools.   But I'm leaning more towards Bad for him, because I doubt he'll change.  Watching him and Dykes will be interesting.  That should be a natural rivalry there.  Private rich school vs 2nd level state school.  Both with 'aw shucks' kinda coaches.  

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On 4/23/2024 at 2:12 AM, Shut up Lou Holtz said:

I googled how fat is Mike Elko and it led me to a surly thread. Was not disappointed 

elko-cookie.thumb.jpg.0d2f10bfb7d2ce1d3d9d8f2d9a4be2bf.jpg

2 hours ago, pyrohornIII said:

Watching him and Dykes will be interesting.  That should be a natural rivalry there.  Private rich school vs 2nd level state school.  Both with 'aw shucks' kinda coaches.  

SonnyDykesCockroach.thumb.jpg.61709e8807464dc83b3192c78e7c2836.jpg

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