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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

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5 hours ago, Llogg said:

Please stop saying plug when you mean outlet.

Please stop saying "outlet" when you mean "receptacle".

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Because electricity flows out of it?
Because current flows backwards since it’s the electrons that are moving
Technically it moves both ways (out and in) thru the object being powered - from the "hot" side to the ground side.

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With my rotator cuff surgury I caught a break on the quarterly garage reorganization. It never gets bad, but we have a 2+1 and on the one side a few atvs for the boys, bikes, etc.

Her turn to do it.

We keep out Blackstone griddle in the garage and she thought it would be better placed on the double side where all the yard tools are.

faf1bc4150b9068f1588d24cd7f9d099.jpg

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1 minute ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Please stop saying receptacle when you mean slut

Please stop saying "slut" when you mean "[Mike's Mom / South Austin's Mom]".

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Please stop saying plug when you mean outlet.
Whatever. I'm not an electrician, i just need to fix the shit.

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2 hours ago, Chewbacca said:
7 hours ago, Llogg said:
Please stop saying plug when you mean outlet.

Whatever. I'm not an electrician, i just need to fix the shit.

210, 220, whatever it takes.

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Wife got a new laptop and wanted to use my USB drive to transfer her work stuff. I gave it to her and went about doing whatever the fuck I was doing at the time. Yesterday, she wanted it again and asked me for it. I told her she never gave it back, she vehemently denied that. I started looking for it and found nothing. She finds a 64gb drive and asked if that was the one. I was sure mine was 128gb so I said that wasn't the one. Again, I accused her of not puting it back, she said "I gave it RIGHT BACK to you when I was done!". I got on Amazon to order a new one and I decided to check and see when I bought the last one, because I was pretty sure it wasn't that long ago. Turns out, that 64gb one was mine after all. Hmm.

Me: Hey, I was wrong. That drive is mine, I guess I just forgot it was 64gb.

Her: THANK you. I told you I was pretty sure this was it!

Me: So where did you find it, again? 

Her: In my end table...

Me: So you didn't give it back, like you said. You kept it. THANK you.

Her: Tone

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14 hours ago, Sandman said:

Wife got a new laptop and wanted to use my USB drive to transfer her work stuff. I gave it to her and went about doing whatever the fuck I was doing at the time. Yesterday, she wanted it again and asked me for it. I told her she never gave it back, she vehemently denied that. I started looking for it and found nothing. She finds a 64gb drive and asked if that was the one. I was sure mine was 128gb so I said that wasn't the one. Again, I accused her of not puting it back, she said "I gave it RIGHT BACK to you when I was done!". I got on Amazon to order a new one and I decided to check and see when I bought the last one, because I was pretty sure it wasn't that long ago. Turns out, that 64gb one was mine after all. Hmm.

Me: Hey, I was wrong. That drive is mine, I guess I just forgot it was 64gb.

Her: THANK you. I told you I was pretty sure this was it!

Me: So where did you find it, again? 

Her: In my end table...

Me: So you didn't give it back, like you said. You kept it. THANK you.

Her: Tone

tenor.gif?itemid=5124246

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On 3/16/2020 at 12:37 PM, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife goes to HEB twice in 6 days, spends $470 total. 3 of us in the house full time. UT son may come home for a couple days 

Also wife: " can you pick up whataburger for lunch?" 

your wife sounds very very very fat

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7 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

“It smells like B.O. in here I’m going to light an incest candle”.

This has made my day.  Sounds like there is another Trixie speaking wife in here.

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11 minutes ago, TKthunder2 said:

“It smells like B.O. in here I’m going to light an incest candle”.

Sounds like kind of a chicken and egg situation. 

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On 6/25/2020 at 11:53 AM, BHMCruiser said:

your wife sounds very very very fat

Go fuck yourself 

39 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


And the problem with his significant other wanting whataburger is...?

Not a problem,  except dropping that much coin at HEB brings an expectation of some kitchen activity 

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3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


And the problem with his significant other wanting whataburger is...?

Your wife sounds fat too

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39 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

In my experience some wives are fat, some are skinny,and some are in between, but they all sound irritating

In your experience, it’s perfectly acceptable to propose to a stripper. Or was at one time. So how valuable is your experience?

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51 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

In your experience, it’s perfectly acceptable to propose to a stripper. Or was at one time. So how valuable is your experience?

We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success.

Samuel Smiles

I’m pretty sure that means I’m one of the wisest men on the planet

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4 hours ago, Longhornstampede said:

Wife: There are lots of planes flying today. Look at all the entrails in the sky.

Me: (don't laugh...don't laugh)

<tangent> - I enjoy looking at the sky and making chemtrail comments when near total strangers. Sometimes gets a good reaction.

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1 minute ago, Cheeseweasel said:

What makes wives think it is acceptable to put a large box/cup into a tiny waste paper basket?

We have a recycle bin mainly for bottles and cans but every time she goes to the mail box she puts all the ads/free papers in a stack on top of bin.  Doesn’t curl it to fit into the bin or smash it down.  Bugs the shit out of me.

At least she’s not throwing half full cans away anymore.

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8 hours ago, Longhornstampede said:

Wife: There are lots of planes flying today. Look at all the entrails in the sky.

Me: (don't laugh...don't laugh)

Go ahead and laugh. Show some guts. 

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37 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

What makes wives think it is acceptable to put a large box/cup into a tiny waste paper basket?

As opposed to on the counter nearest the trashcan like 90% of the other wives in this thread?

 

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1 minute ago, Grade of D as in David said:

As opposed to on the counter nearest the trashcan like 90% of the other wives in this thread?

Good point. 

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So whose wife in Allen can't even touch fajitas without shredded cheese? 

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Hate said:

Is she wrong?

Yes because queso is superior.

But it's become the funniest meme of the weekend by far. 

Edited by Js1

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19 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

What DOES Pornhub smell like?

Step outside.  Close the door behind you.  Take a walk or something, stay outside in the fresh air for at least 15 minutes.  Go back in.  Take a deep breath. That's what Pornhub smells like.

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1 hour ago, Js1 said:

Yes because queso is superior.

But it's become the funniest meme of the weekend by far. 

wife shredded cheese fajitas -  helen

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9 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

As opposed to on the counter nearest the trashcan like 90% of the other wives in this thread?

 

As opposed to bringing all the junk mail into the house to never get sorted or thrown away vs. stopping RIGHT THERE in the driveway to throw that shit out so it never actually gets into the house.

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jesus fucking christ Gil

 

the laughing hurts too much.... and the damn video stopped too soon... there had to be at least another 45 seconds

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You can tell the wife commentator isn’t 100% sure how to solve the equation either. 

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23 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Go fuck yourself 

Not a problem,  except dropping that much coin at HEB brings an expectation of some kitchen activity 

But, but... the shopping wore her fat ass out?

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1 hour ago, Gil Bang said:

 

Oh hell, I can't catch my breath from laughing....jesus that is so bad.

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