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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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22 hours ago, Horn_Spanker said:

Strangers parking their cars on the street in front of my house!  (i'm in the suburbs)

A few years ago this happened, I hosed down the car, mowed my lawn with the side chute removed, and left a nice dried crust for them.

like parked it for a week, or from 6PM to 11pm for some beers and dominoes?

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37 minutes ago, deadshank said:

To bolster your point, in Spain or Old Mexico it would be Calle de Comadreja de Queso.  
 

I like that better. 

Excuse me Flo?  Hmmm, what's the "Queso del Dia?" 

that sounds good, I'll have that.  

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Eating bananas these days is annoying because you can't easily pull off the top of the banana peel without squishing the banana top inside.  Now I always have to perform a cross cut with a knife to free the banana uninjured.  This is presumably due to modern farming practices. Basterdz.

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2 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

Eating bananas these days is annoying because you can't easily pull off the top of the banana peel without squishing the banana top inside.  Now I always have to perform a cross cut with a knife to free the banana uninjured.  This is presumably due to modern farming practices. Basterdz.

You do it wrong. Pinch the bottom until it splits then peel back toward the stem. Learn from your primate cousins.

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8 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

Eating bananas these days is annoying because you can't easily pull off the top of the banana peel without squishing the banana top inside.  Now I always have to perform a cross cut with a knife to free the banana uninjured.  This is presumably due to modern farming practices. Basterdz.

I'm sure your husband can help you out there (obligatory of course).  I find it's more a matter of banana ripeness that makes peeling it easy or difficult.

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28 minutes ago, Llogg said:

You do it wrong. Pinch the bottom until it splits then peel back toward the stem. Learn from your primate cousins.

Tried that too. Still a little messy. I'm far too lazy and high maintenace to not need a utopia solution to my problem.

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2 hours ago, Dbeasy said:

Eating bananas these days is annoying because you can't easily pull off the top of the banana peel without squishing the banana top inside.  Now I always have to perform a cross cut with a knife to free the banana uninjured.  This is presumably due to modern farming practices. Basterdz.

Do yourself a favor and listen to Kyle Kinane's standup bit about his dad eating a banana.  Doesn't sound like much, but it's the funniest special released during Covid-19 and the funniest shit you're gonna hear on tree-based fruits this year.  

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36 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

No love for the "sewing needle and thread pre-sliced inside the peel magic trick" method? 

Is that the sex move that South Austin's Mom loves?  

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Fuck Windows computers.  Just fuck them.  At some point, they refuse to Sleep/Suspend, and basically drain battery as if they're fully powered on.

 

This isn't isolated to 1 machine.  It's basically happened to every windows laptop i've had, of every brand, of all OS from W7 to W10, personal machine or work machine, i've done all sorts of shit from tweaking the BIOS, scanned with powercfg battery report, manually shut off lots of unecessary spyware and snooping shit, etc.... still the same

 

 

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fuck external USB hard drives, unless they're SSD

How many times would you expect one of these drives to fail on you? I've buried three of them in the last ten years and a fourth is nothing but a redundant backup after it seemed to catastrophically die a few months back (click of death, but it's back online now)

now I just collect 1 TB SSD drives and stripe them together

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On 8/9/2020 at 11:05 AM, Dbeasy said:

Eating bananas these days is annoying because you can't easily pull off the top of the banana peel without squishing the banana top inside.  Now I always have to perform a cross cut with a knife to free the banana uninjured.  This is presumably due to modern farming practices. Basterdz.

The fuck?  Are you also one of those millennials that cuts themselves when cutting open an avocado?

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3 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

fuck external USB hard drives, unless they're SSD

How many times would you expect one of these drives to fail on you? I've buried three of them in the last ten years and a fourth is nothing but a redundant backup after it seemed to catastrophically die a few months back (click of death, but it's back online now)

now I just collect 1 TB SSD drives and stripe them together

very subtle brag

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1 hour ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

I really hate that I want to get a 5 pack of underpants and there's always at least one stupid-ass color like purple, red or teal.   Can I buy just a plain 5 pack of black or gray boxer briefs?    

Try the men's dept.

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When im at a hotel breakfast buffet, and other guests flag down the staff to fetch them something obviously self-serveable, like coffee or a glass of orange juice.

 

Like, bro, the fucking drink station is 20 steps away.  This isn't the fucking Waldorf Astoria, it's the Marriott.  Walk yo ass over there and do it yourself.

 

I dont even know if im entitled to be mad about this, but I dont think theyre entitled to demand that level of service

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Assholes who knock on the door wanting to tell me about Jesus Christ.  Has this ever worked?

This latest fucker had his kid with him, both of em no masks.  WTF?

And of course there was a roofer right behind him wanting to know if I would like to shell out a fuck ton of $ on a new roof....

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2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

When im at a hotel breakfast buffet, and other guests flag down the staff to fetch them something obviously self-serveable, like coffee or a glass of orange juice.

 

Like, bro, the fucking drink station is 20 steps away.  This isn't the fucking Waldorf Astoria, it's the Marriott.  Walk yo ass over there and do it yourself.

 

I dont even know if im entitled to be mad about this, but I dont think theyre entitled to demand that level of service

Just hush and do your job, Marriott pays you enough so quit yer bitchin'. 

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17 hours ago, freyguy said:

Assholes who knock on the door wanting to tell me about Jesus Christ.  Has this ever worked?

This latest fucker had his kid with him, both of em no masks.  WTF?

And of course there was a roofer right behind him wanting to know if I would like to shell out a fuck ton of $ on a new roof....

I will say a prayer for you right now.

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Assholes who knock on the door wanting to tell me about Jesus Christ.  Has this ever worked?
This latest fucker had his kid with him, both of em no masks.  WTF?
And of course there was a roofer right behind him wanting to know if I would like to shell out a fuck ton of $ on a new roof....

Maybe the Jesus he wanted to tell you about was the roofer
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On 8/11/2020 at 1:22 PM, freyguy said:

Assholes who knock on the door wanting to tell me about Jesus Christ.  Has this ever worked?

I got a handwritten letter from fucking Hawaii the other day at my apartment in Dallas. It was a Jehova's witness trying to spread the word. 

You can't make it up sometimes.

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14 hours ago, Ignatius said:

Has probably been mentioned a dozen times on this thread, but the phrase “Good morning!”....

Fuck you is generally frowned upon, but some people have it coming...

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