Jump to content

OH HELL NAW...Giant spiders expected to drop from sky across the East Coast this spring


Beau Vine

Recommended Posts

Quote

An invasive species of spider the size of a child's hand is expected to “colonize” the entire East Coast this spring by parachuting down from the sky, researchers at the University of Georgia announced last week.

Why it matters: Large Joro spiders — millions of them — are expected to begin “ballooning” up and down the East Coast as early as May. Researchers have determined that the spiders can tolerate cold weather, but are harmless to humans as their fangs are too small to break human skin.

  • The Joro spider is native to Japan but began infiltrating the U.S. in 2013, concentrating in the southeast and specifically Georgia, according to NPR. They fanned out across the state using their webs as tiny, terrifying parachutes to travel with the wind.

Threat level: Andy Davis, author of the study and a researcher at Georgia's Odum School of Ecology, tells Axios that it isn't certain how far north the spiders will travel, but they may make it as far north as D.C. or even Delaware.

  • “It looks like the Joro could probably survive throughout most of the Eastern Seaboard here, which is pretty sobering,” says Davis.
A creepy, large yellow and black spider with a bulbous body being held by a human hand. It's nearly the same size as the hand. A Joro spider in Georgia. Image courtesy of the University of Georgia.

Other terrifying things to know about the Joro spider:

  • They are bright yellow, black, blue, and red and can grow up to 3 inches.
  • They likely traveled across the globe on shipping containers, similar to the Bubonic plague.
  • Their life cycle begins in early spring, but they get big in June and are often seen in July and August.
  • They're named for Jorōgumo, a creature of Japanese folklore that can shapeshift into a woman or spider before killing its prey.

Our thought bubble: Researchers say there's nothing we can do. They're coming and they're harmless. I say let's pool our resources now and build a dome around Georgia and keep them there.

https://www.axios.com/local/washington-dc/2022/03/09/giant-joro-spiders-east-coast-may

Link to comment
Share on other sites

True story bro.  I honestly have paratrooper spiders on my 2022 bingo card.   I am going to fucking win this bitch.  
 

so then Jimmy Fallon says to the spiders , “ you guys are gonna be surrounded.”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

https://www.axios.com/local/washington-dc/2022/03/09/giant-joro-spiders-east-coast-may

An invasive species of spider the size of a child's hand is expected to “colonize” the entire East Coast this spring by parachuting down from the sky, researchers at the University of Georgia announced last week.

Why it matters: 

Why it matters is because F-ing spiders are falling from the F-ing sky!. 

This ain't Australia; we can't handle that kind of crap.

 

Edited by 0xdeadbeef
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is this gonna be like a fire ant thing where they colonizer they’re not supposed to.  I don’t really kill anybody or destroy the environment but they become incredibly annoying and cumbersome for decades and even centuries?   Because I would just as soon shoot them out of the sky with artilleryBecause I would just as soon shoot them out of the sky with artillery

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Biff Tannen said:

This is one of the most horrifying gifs in internet history.

When he's pausing at the beginning before he fucks up the approach, I can feel his anxiety. When he inevitably fucks it up, I feel his terror. 110% certainty thats exactly how it would go down for me if I found myself in that situation.

Correction.....that fucker would land right on my face, and I would proceed to fracture both orbital sockets trying to rid myself of that evil bastard. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...