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Official 2019 bitch about family/holiday drama thread


Nice Guy Eddie

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Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

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3 hours ago, BradInATX said:

I'll be there at that same one at some point today. FIL loves that effing place. Wife already pulled the flask out for me at least. She knows. The only question is whether I start drinking now or once we hit Belton. Don't know about you but I'm psyched to eat frozen Tyson chicken strips on Christmas Eve amongst the good humble citizens of Waco and surrounding areas.

I guess it's in the spirit of the season, as the Waco Cracker Barrel denizens always remind me of the story of Jesus and the lepers.

Y’all should at least try the Heitmiller’s Steakhouse on the north side of Waco for a decent chicken fried steak.

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Grandmother has recently been moved to assisted living. It’s a condo. Full kitchen and laundry room. She knows she needs the help, but still is resisting the move and is being rather cranky.

I drove an hour and a half to pick her up this morning for Christmas Eve lunch. Greeted her with “Merry Christmas Nan!”. Got a “This isn’t Christmas. Christmas is only a happy holiday.”. Good start. 

Started lunch and she gets snippy and asked to be returned to her cell. LOL. So now I’m driving her back to her condo and she is refusing to listen to any Christmas music. 

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22 minutes ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

I know this is just a thread to vent, you're not really looking for judgement or even input.  But I gotta tell you at your age, you need my pro tip.  I never, ever fail to either lookup online or call directly to the church in any of the myriad towns my wife's immediate and extended family live in/invite us to.  I can tell you the mass times on regular Sundays and on major holidays at a dozen Catholic churches between Austin and Nebraska. 

I had been sand-bagged too many times just killing time in a Church parking lot talking to third cousins with speech problems for hours on end with no alcohol, because somebody's sister just assumed all Catholic masses happened at the exact same time as her home parish (I think she even thought they took place simultaneously all around the world on Easter and Christmas because of news footage in Saint Peter's Square).  God,  I miss the Pagans.

Edited by Lobo
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2 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'll have to recommend it to my in-laws.  They love eating in chains wherever they go.  I can never get them to try anything good or adventuresome in Austin.  It's Pizza Hut, Subway, or iHOP every damn time.  I got them to at least try a Saltgrass years and years ago.  And they really like their food bland as hell.  Everything, especially the meat, always overcooked.  But they salt the shit out of everything.  They salt everything from eggs to vegetables before they cook them.  Then they add salt after the food has been plated and served.  And ketchup on everything, which I'm told contains salt.  Wife and I no longer give a shit about it, we just let them do the cooking when they visit, which is actually kinda nice though the meals are insanely redundant.  

This is my fucking in laws too.  They'll talk all day about taking us out somewhere nice and then pick Le Madeline.

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1 hour ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

You need to stall stall stall at discount so that there’s no way you can get where you are going in time for mass. If MIL is a bitch anyway, it shouldn’t change her disposition much. 

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The wife and her sister had a stupid falling out over a comment about Sis in-law's kids being ungrateful. Now we are not going to her Xmas that she's hosting on Saturday - which is an all-day ordeal. I get to watch the college playoff in peace. Christmas miracles can happen people, you have to believe! 

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Yeah, this Cliff's place in Iowa looks fucking awesome compared to the places I get sent out to.  There's nowhere in my in-laws town except a pizza place and the owner reports back to everyone in town how many beers each patron had, so that's a non-starter for me.  There is a small general store that sells alcohol, but also the same dilemma with the loud-mouth, judgmental Catholic owner. And there are no other retail businesses in a 20-mile radius.  So no sneaking away for a drink or anything like that.  So dammit, live it up at Cliff's Place for the rest of us Al!    

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Apparently all these posts came through late. We were at the bar around 11. This may shock you, but there’s not shit for reception in Horton, Iowa. We just got back to the house, which reeks of weed because my BIL finally woke up.

FIL and I just got excused from having to go to church, but we have to make sure dinner is ready and not fucked up when the women return. The next step is digging a new fire pit closer to the house because it’s 50 degrees on Christmas Eve in Iowa, and everyone wants to hang out outside.

No one is bitching at us at all. My wife must have read MIL the riot act, because she’s being totally reasonable. I didn’t expect this at all, and apologize that I have nothing of note to contribute, despite a solid set up.

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Just threw down shepherds pie and a double Jame-O at BD Rileys.. 

Going out to the sisters and idoit BILs to place tomorrow for a couple hours.

My mother is insisting I ride out there with them becuase she knows I am leaving as soon as pops gets drunk and abusive towards everyone.

Fuck that shit.

Showing up, eating, then GTFO.

Edited by MissingInAction
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1 minute ago, MissingInAction said:

Just threw down shepherds pie and a double Jame-O at BD Rileys.. 

 

Hadn't thought about that place in a long time.  Probably my best Christmas between college and having my own family was in 2002.  My (at the time), fiance traveled back to her hometown with her sister; and I couldn't get off work enough time to go up and back by car (they have to drive because flying is a luxury that does not exist in Western Kansas).  Like this year, Christmas was on a Wed. and I had to be back at work on Thursday as a young guy down the corporate ladder.  So I stayed in Austin solo and I don't know how, ended up at B.D. Riley's on Christmas Eve.  And there was this family there, all of them Irish (some just by ancestry, others actually fresh off the plane from the Emerald Isle).  I was working a barstool in the way back and they were at that long table in the NW corner of the space.  Probably 10-12 of 'em and all around the same age.  I'm getting ready to head home and they invite me over for a drink so I oblige.  They explain their tradition to me, each year all the able bodied adults between 18-80 draw straws on Christmas Eve.  The two short straws have to stay back and watch all the kids.  The other adults all go out to a pub and get shitfaced and feast.  Then the whole lot go home and pass out and watch the kids the next morning open gifts.  I ended up drinking with them for another couple hours. 

The memory is getting foggier obviously but I don't remember them saying anything negative the whole time I was with him (good Irish folk keep it all bottled up inside).  I remember thinking what a bizarre family that they genuinely enjoyed being in one another's company.  But I think their ritual helped a lot, plus people tend (not always) to act nicer in public than in someone's home where they are constantly pointing out flaws.  Anyway, thanks for rekindling that memory.  Christmas is magical now with two wonderful little girls, but the family bullshit can pack up and go fuck itself.  +rep for the memory.

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Yeah, this Cliff's place in Iowa looks fucking awesome compared to the places I get sent out to.  There's nowhere in my in-laws town except a pizza place and the owner reports back to everyone in town how many beers each patron had, so that's a non-starter for me.  There is a small general store that sells alcohol, but also the same dilemma with the loud-mouth, judgmental Catholic owner. And there are no other retail businesses in a 20-mile radius.  So no sneaking away for a drink or anything like that.  So dammit, live it up at Cliff's Place for the rest of us Al!    


I mean, the Bible Belt is warmer, but fuck this makes me thankful.
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3 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'll have to recommend it to my in-laws.  They love eating in chains wherever they go.  I can never get them to try anything good or adventuresome in Austin.  It's Pizza Hut, Subway, or iHOP every damn time.  I got them to at least try a Saltgrass years and years ago.  And they really like their food bland as hell.  Everything, especially the meat, always overcooked.  But they salt the shit out of everything.  They salt everything from eggs to vegetables before they cook them.  Then they add salt after the food has been plated and served.  And ketchup on everything, which I'm told contains salt.  Wife and I no longer give a shit about it, we just let them do the cooking when they visit, which is actually kinda nice though the meals are insanely redundant.  

If they’re from Nebraska, they slather Dorothy Lynch on it and call it gourmet. 

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56 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

The wife and her sister had a stupid falling out over a comment about Sis in-law's kids being ungrateful. Now we are not going to her Xmas that she's hosting on Saturday - which is an all-day ordeal. I get to watch the college playoff in peace. Christmas miracles can happen people, you have to believe! 

This is fools gold.  They will patch things up in time to ruin your Saturday football viewing.  
 

Moose our front should’a told ya.

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Staying in the northeast this Christmas instead of the annual trek to either Longview, Houston or Austin. I am so excited for story time with Surly. 

Here, my wife has lost her voice as of yesterday and I have a case of Dogfish Head 90 minute IPA and a fresh bottle of Hendricks in the freezer ready to go. 

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I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.

Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.

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17 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

 


Her exact words: “How will anyone be able to see all the way out there at night? If someone trips and sprains their ankle don’t blame me!”

Didn’t on plan on it.

Tell her G650 is definitely going to blame her.

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I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.
Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.
I usually volunteer for those runs just so I can get out of the house. Might as well swing by the booze store while you're out.
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3 hours ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Well, we have an earlier than expected update. I went to load up the car and one tire is dead flat. Tried putting air in it but it was too punctured to be safe....on goes the spare. Now I’m sitting at discount for the next hour plus. No big deal, it’s still early and we are going to be at the in-laws for days.

Wrong. Church starts at 4:00 today. This, of course, means nothing to me. However, it is insanely important to controlling MIL who has lied about the start time in the past to have us there almost two hours early so that she can have her favorite seat.

Wife will expect me to drive home, change into church clothes, and drive like a bat out of hell to make it to church on time in another city. Does she care about church? Hell no. But go back to my first post. It’s all about appeasing MIL at all costs. If we somehow don’t make it we will get passive aggressive comments and attitude for days. Will at least make for better material on here.

The thing to do is this,

Larry T:  MIL, we're late, sorry.  If this is gonna be a big thing for the next few days, we'll be leaving immediately.  Merry Christmas.

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Just now, Okie State said:
13 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:
I was just sent on an emergency run to Sprouts for butter & flour so Mrs. Ghost can continue her baking. First challenge was getting out of the neighborhood due to the constant flow of traffic heading down the street to Six Flags over Jesus. There are six services today. FML.
Sprouts was a madhouse. I got stuck in a line with a lady trying to pay for $38 worth of stuff with Sprouts gift cards. She had to use 3 different cards to cover the total. Over a half hour to make a 2-mile roundtrip for 2 items.

I usually volunteer for those runs just so I can get out of the house. Might as well swing by the booze store while you're out.

Oh I absolutely volunteered even though it's just the two of us, a sleeping dog & 2 lazy cats in our house. If she had to go it would have taken her 2X as long which would of course be my fault for some reason.

I thought about grabbing a pint at the pub on the way home, but we're heading to the Drafthouse in a half our to go see It's a Wonderful Life. Definitely going to have some good beer there while watching the film. 

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1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Existing fire pit is close enough to the house. We aren’t building a new one. MIL is now whining about no one respecting her opinion.

3118bf06f74a3c7ebe2f899db58f5ab3.jpg

Fuck it.

That’s a fire pit?  Looks like a pile of burning whatever burns.  Love the half-assedness.

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Existing fire pit is close enough to the house. We aren’t building a new one. MIL is now whining about no one respecting her opinion.

3118bf06f74a3c7ebe2f899db58f5ab3.jpg

Fuck it.


Please post up a video when the drunkest fool tries to restart the fire with that can of gasoline in the background.

ER’s are fun places during the holidays.
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Circle of rocks fire pit.... almost as genius as using a spiral staircase to thwart coyote attacks.

 

Those yellow eyed bastard come right through the screen door when they’re horny.

 

Besides, a fire pit that consists of anything more than a hastily assembled rock pile is putting on airs.

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Fuck. I knew it was a trap. Fuck.

FIL and I went out to check deer stands. Wife calls. She’s heading to church (where she will meet her aunt, uncle, and grandpa who are all coming here later) solo. MIL has bailed on church to “make sure everything gets done”.

Here comes the Hail Mary cooking effort. Wish us luck

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