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2021 Texas Offseason: Sark Attacks Austin


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3 minutes ago, Lhorn said:

 


Surly ballers, which I assume is err’body, what am I looking at here? I’m guessing that’s not “ the big Kia.”

Not sure what car it is. Could be a Kia. I would bet it’s a dealer car from one of the dealerships that sponsors Texas Football. In other words: FREE. 

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8 minutes ago, Lhorn said:

 


Surly ballers, which I assume is err’body, what am I looking at here? I’m guessing that’s not “ the big Kia.”

 

Looks like a Bentley if I am seeing the logo on the wheels correctly. Around $200K, but I hear Banks talked them down to $25K

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10 minutes ago, Lhorn said:

 


Surly ballers, which I assume is err’body, what am I looking at here? I’m guessing that’s not “ the big Kia.”

 

At first glance I thought the logo on the hood was a Bentley, and I was about to seriously question whether Banks was dependent on the bag for recruiting.  But upon closer inspection it appears like it might be a Hyundai Genesis, in which case I would think he’s a genius.  

Edited by longhornmatt
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At first glance I thought the logo on the hood was a Bentley, and I was about to seriously question whether Banks was dependent on the bag for recruiting.  But upon closer inspection it appears like it might be a Hyundai Genesis, in which case I would think he’s a genius.  

I think you are right about the Genesis. I have a lot of respect for that (vs Bentley). Probably a very nice car and no reason to piss away money like it’s growing on trees.

Let’s be real, a young guy in his exact situation who makes rain as a recruiter might have things in his closet that could affect his employment in the future. Kudos to him for living sensibly. I realize we are talking about a high worth individual who married a stripper with a pet monkey.
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2 hours ago, Both Tacos said:

Sark getting paid........

Texas football: Steve Sarkisian's unprecedented contract features some incredible perks (msn.com)

The Texas Longhorns fired Tom Herman and ushered in a new era after hiring former Alabama Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as their new head coach. A season and national championship run with the Tide was all it took to rehabilitate Sarkisian's image after his stints with the Atlanta Falcons and USC Trojans didn't go so well.

 

The Longhorns got their man in Sarkisian but at what cost? Details of Sarkisian's unprecedented contract are emerging and there doesn't seem to be a shortage of commas.

Details regarding Texas head coach Steve Sarkisian's contract

According to the Texas Tribune, Sarkisian's guaranteed compensation will be approved by the UT Board of Regents later this week and it's unlike anything the program has ever seen. Sarkisian's contract is reportedly worth at least $5 million more than Herman's contract and $10 more than Charlie Strong.

The six-year contract worth almost at least almost $35 million. Sarkisian will make $5.2 million in his first season and is guaranteed a $200,000 raise each year. His contract also includes two dealership cars, 20 hours of private airplane use per year and a $250,000 relocation and temporary housing allowance.

If that wasn't enough, he'll also be the recipient of a one-time payment of $1.2 million if he is still head coach on Dec. 31, 2024. All funds will come from Texas Athletics, whose budget includes revenue from multiple sources including licensing, broadcasting rights, ticket sales, and donors.

Talk about a payday.

Hopefully, the funds and perks provided to Sarkisian will result in wins for the Texas football program in the near future. They certainly have a ton of questions to answer heading into the spring and as details of this contract emerge, the expectations are sure to be grand.

I realize there is a national narrative that we overspend for shit and still suck but acting like Sark's contract is "unprecedented" is just bad faith bullshit. Any other blue blood can (and will) pay their next big coaching hire the same benefits.

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2 hours ago, BurntOrange&White said:

In sarvanaash latest update, he's likely to have to amputate the leg from the knee down.

Actually they are going to go ahead and take both legs, just to be thorough

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35 minutes ago, RGBIII said:

Actually they are going to go ahead and take both legs, just to be thorough

Doctor to Kerstetter after surgery:

Doc: Well young man, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want first?

Kerstetter: Better give me the bad news first.

Doc: Well, we amputated your left leg off below the knee but had a bit of a mix-up as it was your right leg that is injured.

Kerstetter: Damn! Oh my god! What news could possibly be good after that?

Doc: After further evaluation we have determined that the injuries to your right leg are not as severe as first diagnosed and it’s going to be just fine.

(Old joke, I’ll see myself out now.)

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52 minutes ago, Wishbone said:

Doc: Well, we amputated your left leg off below the knee but had a bit of a mix-up as it was your right leg that is injured.  Kerstetter: Damn! Oh my god! What news could possibly be good after that?  Doc: After further evaluation we have determined that the injuries to your right leg are not as severe as first diagnosed and it’s going to be just fine.   (Old joke, I’ll see myself out now.)

 

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On 2/22/2021 at 10:11 PM, Huckleberry said:

That right there is a man who was born too soon. Offenses in his day didn't know how to use his kind of electric athleticism.

Metcalf was a better version of Reggie Bush. Played on shitty teams his whole career, for the most part. And yeah, ahead of his time. 

 

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3 hours ago, closetojumping said:

I’m pretty good with this shit normally, but I honestly have no idea what in the fuck this is saying. 

Making a name/brand for himself. Trademarking that shit

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9 hours ago, closetojumping said:

I’m pretty good with this shit normally, but I honestly have no idea what in the fuck this is saying. 

I'll give it a shot. Marcus is posing a question: Do you think I'm going to quit after I've worked so hard already?

The copyright sign is weird, but I'm going to interpret it as "cap," youthspeak for false. 

A pro-Texas message can be inferred by the fact that the attached pictures are of him in Texas gear, participating in offseason workouts. 

So, the whole translated tweet is, "Do you think I'm going to quit after I've worked so hard already? No way, Jose. All gas, no brakes motherfucker."

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