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Lame joke thread


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Sometimes my grandma doesn't recognize me, but she remembers this joke:

 

"Excuse me, can you tell me the correct pronunciation: is it Hawaii, or Havaii?"

"Havaii."

"OK, thanks."

"You're velcome."

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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks “If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?”

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says “It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer.” The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.

Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man “You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell me where you got this.” The man says “In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them.” Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.

A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man “I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the hundreds of thousands.” The man chuckles and says “Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

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Tribute bands for Conspiracy Theorists

 

Flat Earth, Wind & Fire

IllumiNaughtyByNature

Fluoride and the Machine

False Black Flag

My Chemical-trails Romance

The Mamas and the Papas Who Don’t Vaccinate Their Kids

Guided By Voices On Fox News

Pizzagato Five

CruëAnon

Run D.N.C. Server

Steely Dossier

Jefferson Airplane Fuel Cannot Melt Steel Beams

The Jonas Birthers

A Tribe Called Question Obama’s Birthplace

Ladysmith Black Helicopters

The Dead Kennedys Assassination Was Done By the CIA

Gang of 4Chan

Unmarked Van Morrison

Simple Minds Control

Deep Purple State

And You Will Know The Clintons By the Trail of Dead

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Epstein Was Definitely Murdered

Soft Cell Security

BenFugazi

Opus Dei and the Knights

Jimmy Hoffa Eats World

Huey Lewis And The Fake News

Men At Work Controlling The Media

They Might Be Giant 400 Lb Guys Sitting On A Bed, Okay?

Bush Did 9/11

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3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Took me a minute, but I chuckled. 

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On 12/12/2020 at 7:00 PM, BearSchlong said:

@ernest_t_bass thanks.

When I was a kid at Camp Olympia my cabin mate brought totally tasteless jokes versions 1-5.

I never understood the polack jokes, though. Must be a regional/generational thing.

Are we to assume that you're Polish then? 

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This thread goes through dry spells, but this page has delivered.  My kid still gets a lame dad joke in his lunch every day.  Several from this page will make the cut.

I'll keep them in my dad-a-base.

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